Have you ever had a ‘moment’ during the day that something….. ‘IT‘ hit you? You cannot put a finger on exactly why you are having a blah “IT” moment, but it’s as if a freight train has hit you, and you are almost paralyzed in your thought of ‘it’.
The ‘IT’ I’m referring to is those moments of blah after a Sociopath. Yes, you can be blah one week, one month or one year after your relationship. That’s normal! However, the “IT” moments, that you just can’t understand what put you in the blah state of mind is the hardest to accept. Why do these suddenly happen? And I’m not talking about something triggering these “IT” moments, such as a song, or place you & the Sociopath ate at, or a memory of a happy time.
It sucks when you realize that most dating site’s are filled with assholism or douche-bag syndrome people. It is frustrating to hear your friends and family telling you ‘move on’. It is stressful being a co-parent with a Sociopath. Maybe your boss is the biggest jerk on the planet, but you have to deal with them. These situations and more can cause the “IT” moments to occur. But what exactly is the “IT”?? We can be going about our day, and then BAM~ the “IT” moment occurs. You either get sad, angry, frustrated, confused, and yet, it is not because you have had any contact with the Sociopath, it is because of the damage that remains long after the relationship.
The following was written by a reader of my site, who lives on a different continent than I do. I have been fortunate to counsel him along his journey of healing, and now blessed to call him friend. I had one of the ‘IT’ moment’s last week, and we spoke on the phone. Here is his interpretation of the ‘IT’ moments.
The Double Edged Sword after a Sociopath
You can call them what you want….Sociopath, Psychopath, Cluster B, Narcissist etc . But let me remind you, there is a specific pattern, a specific and significant similarity, male or female Sociopath, yep they all operate from an almost identical script. Now the problem i,s we are poisoned, our psyche is turned upside down, we grovel to try to encounter the absolute fabulous honeymoon phase. We blame ourselves!. To no avail. Finally we wake up and realize, maybe by reaching to a site like SociopathLife.com, maybe a friend or whatever, we suddenly have an ‘aha’ moment. We have been violated, abused and discarded as trash, yet we hang on. Then we accept that the person has lied, cheated and abused us…we let go, the smear campaign and flying monkeys suddenly escalates.
So now we have a problem! Actually it is not such a problem since we are lucky we ‘woke up’. But then we seek support from family, friends again, and they all listen intently, support us…then say” move on, get over it”, “thank God you got out, forget the past, look forward” and so on. But they do not understand, the scars are deep, the abuse was grave, the betrayal runs deep, and we have our doubts, seeking reinforcement. Yet family and friends, after a while of our conditioned thinking, our empathy, compassion, our ‘what if’, they look upon us as …wow you got problems, get help, how boring this same story, you might have serious PTSD etc. And thus we clam up. We cannot burden those who have not experienced a Sociopath. They do not get it! Thus the double edged sword. So we live with the torment of perhaps, maybe, what if, could be, why not etc….and we spin like a washing machine.
With the Sociopath, should they have this info, they would turn the spin cycle to turbo mode. Why? Control, entertainment, revenge and add whatever you want. Thus never let them know you are suffering. Become and actor/actress, no contact and look awesome. We who have suffered and still suffer know how you feel.
Then we move on. We decide fuck it, what a waste of time, they really screwed us mentally, physically and maybe financially. All goes silent. We have successfully blocked them, ignored them and totally ignored the smear campaign and their flying monkeys. Yet there is something, again the double edged sword shows its face. They certainly have a new source of supply….and we hear nothing, the silence, the not knowing…and again we are back to our insecure mode, our curious mode, our what if….perhaps now….we hear nothing. We tell our friends and colleagues, nope it is over no problem, we have sex, we engage in new relationships yet something is still there. Something nobody understands. We want, yet it is bad. We desire, yet it will be the same shit, what is wrong with us?
There is nothing ‘wrong with us’. What is wrong is that you, innocent people have been mentally and emotionally abused, traumatized, degraded and had your own self worth questioned, your self-esteem completely obliterated. Your entire core being and morals were stripped from you by a Narcissistic Sociopath, who quite simply did not give a shit what they were doing to you, or the long lasting damage that was done. I recommend you reach out to someone who has first person experience with what you have encountered. There are thousands of victims of Sociopaths. Sadly, most remain silent out of shame, guilt or fear. It is okay to have the “IT” moments. We just have to be very mindful not to succumb to them, and know that what we are feeling during those times is normal, understandable and completely acceptable. You do not owe anyone an explanation why you are having a craptastic day! Unless a person has experienced pure Hell on Earth with a Sociopath, their responses to your “IT” moments are usually void.
“I guess they’re called moments because they don’t last very long.”