A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

I am Fine

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Can you relate to all these adjectives and verbs? Has your Sociopath made you feel never good enough? Empty, Defeated and so on? How do they do it?

As with most everything we do in life, it is all because of hard work and dedication. You work hard for good grades in school. You work hard and show dedication in your career and you are promoted, or get that raise. You work hard to buy your home, or new car. You work hard raising and providing for your family. With a sociopath you are constantly working hard at the relationship, with very little pay-off. While your pouring your heart and soul into the relationship, they are sucking the life out of you. While you are opening yourself up to their love and affection, they are completely emotionally detached. Some are living dual lives, other’s just have an agenda which includes having as many affairs as possible, revealing as little as possible about themselves. Most do not realize they have an Anti-Social Personality Disorder which means they cannot share a mutually loving, respectful, compassionate relationship.

Being involved with a Narcissistic Sociopath is like pouring something into a bucket. Imagine all the feelings of your love, the physical attractiveness, the happy moments, and equate those to sand. You continually pour those feelings into the relationship {the bucket}, and it slowly leaks out. There is a hole there where a heart & soul should be. No matter how much effort, no matter the amount of love, the amount of forgiveness, or even the number of excuses you make for them, your hard work will never pay off. You long for their touch, or just to hear their voice. You ask yourself ‘do they think about me’. You spend countless hours and days asking yourself ‘how can I make this better’. You can’t! So instead,  ask yourself… “How Are You”?

“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect.”  margaret mitchell 

©SociopathLife.com

20 Responses to “I am Fine”

  1. ellie

    today i am all of the above with a bit od parnoia threw in good god has he really conditioned me this bad where im strong one min then a crumbled mess?
    i know hes won i dont care anymore if he knows or not prefer not if im starving his supply i may get my life back …

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  2. MKM

    Hello,
    I am in the process of trying to cope with the smear campaign…although I hate even saying that because people probably think I’m crazy if I did… but… the last time I spoke to him and everything clicked.. of what he was, I told him I’d never see him again and that it was truly over for good. I asked him questions and he sat there, answering like a little kid…. Previous to this he would try to end things with me and my gut told me that things were still way off…. blaming everything on me but I would always go back, and try to fix things because I fell in “love” with him… and now he is spreading rumors and posting things on media to make me look like I am the bad person, and that he is the one who is hurt… this time is so hard and I am trying my best to cope… but I have so many questions still. People say that psychopaths etc always come back, but will he even know that I know the truth about him? I’ve seen his true face and he knows that? He said i know him better than he knows himself… he said he’s always been like this, that he hears things, and when i asked him to describe love, he for the first time stuttered and could only answer with other emotions and words of my own. He is afraid I will expose him.. so is he truly done with me until his smear campaign is over? I don’t know…

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    • Tela

      MKM, I suggest you block him on your social media, please, do not read his delusional posts are about. YOU, KNOW he is a sick, screwed up man. And you do ‘know him better than he knows himself’……….reason being? Is because you saw through the thin veneer of his Sociopath mask he wears. Don’t sit and wonder ‘will he come back’. Instead, sit and THANK YOURSELF for figuring out the mental illness of the person you were with. Life would have been pure HELL had you stayed with him. Be very mindful of what you post on your social media, as everything can be misinterpreted, and/or he could have his flying monkey’s watching what your doing {social media}.

      Liked by 1 person

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      • MKM

        Thank you for replying.. you are very right and I know it, it is just hard to accept everything during this time…I wish the healing part would speed up 100x…. I appreciate your advice and will follow it and keep trying.

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  3. AlohaLover

    I want to share the following with you because I wasn’t fine for a long, long, time. I never thought I would be fine again and someone reading this right now may say, feel and believe the same thing. Today, 9.28.2015, I am here to let you in on a secret….YOU WILL BE FINE…actually better than fine. This is an e-mail I sent to a friend of mine just a few minutes ago. This is a HUGE breakthrough because I, like you, was in love with a sociopath that stripped me of everything, he lied, cheated, smeared, and broke me.
    Here’s the e-mail:

    So, I’m cleaning out my guest room since moving is in the future and my contract position ended…time on my hands.
    What do I open, a box of cards and memories from trips etc. I was a bit afraid to look inside because I just knew I would I would burst into tears of ……of what? Missing him? Tears of all the good times….in between all the whores he
    picked up online? Tears of wanting it to work…..while waiting for the next lie to come dripping out of his mouth?
    I picked up each one, took the card out and read each one and wondered if he bought the card before or after he cheated.
    The cards from the flowers….did he order them before or after he fucked a whore, Cindy or even Maureen.
    When I was done, I stuffed them back in the box they were in, not even putting them back in the envelopes and took them to the trash where I had, an hour before, put a nice big baggie of dog poop.

    I feel nothing…..he was someone I used to know or thought I did. I didn’t cry at all… and now, I have tears but not of sadness or loss but of …..I don’t know……letting it go? Don’t get me wrong, I still want Karma to come around but I feel nothing for him. He looks like an old, old man…..a lost soul. Not my problem….not my circus ( I have always hated the circus ).
    End

    You will be fine….hang in there and visit this site often. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t find this site.
    xox

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  4. Samantha

    I thought experiences like these were only something you’d see in a movie. Well all I can say is I’ll never understand it. A huge case of paranoia at its best….

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    • A man who has been stung

      Hi, I did too, and I am a man who is suffering from being taken. Never in my entire life would I have thought that I would ignore my values, ignore the blatent red flags, ignore the lies, mental abuse and shortly thereafter physical abuse. Destruction of property, more lies and simply the me me me factor. After 15 months of this total bullshit, and manipulations, childlike behavior I ended it. All was about her looks, how she felt, what she wanted, needed etc. Putting me down, telling me what to do, wear, come here, go there, shut up, sit down, stand up…you get the routine. Followed by back aches, nausea, tired etc…and then am a pervert when I try to get close based on the 4-5 week honeymoon phase.

      Anyway, I ended it almost 7 months ago, threw her out (not the first time) and and have had zero contact for 5 months. Difficulty is she has her little hairdresser shop downstairs and I hear her hiss when I walk by. Meanwhile she is together with a new guy…within 1-2 months after I threw her out. Am sure she was grooming him before. But I just walk by and say nothing.

      My question to all. please tell me, one day I know she will jump up in my face, how do I react…please do not tell me to simply be indifferent, remember these Cluster B predators/socios/psychos know every look you have. How do I make her ashamed, feel insiginificant, bothered? I know she has no empathy or much more of anything else, but I still foolishly gave my heart thinking I could be different, I could make her see the light, but no, crumbs of love for her own fill followed by abuse.

      Help!

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  5. karenthom2014

    Hi, I’ve have now done one year plus away from the sociopath, I threatened him with the police and hey presto his has vanished also I told him he was a sociopath to his face, it was like his face lost all it’s fat in one go he was deflated, and then vanished. I’m thinking I have won right now, yes it is known that they can re appear, hopfully when I have moved on! Well, I have been working around the house and I have found many botched up jobs, surprise ! He did not have a clue about painting he just slapped it all on, a don’t care painter makes mess on all the surfaces! I have discovered I can paint and decorate wow it’s amazing what you can do when left in peace and your own devices. Yes good luck to bad rubbish, but I still will take a memory lane trip ever so often, they should die down soon., hopefully.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Karen for your comment. Amazing once your turned the tables on the Sociopath he disappeared. Sometimes when that happens, it does not always work out like it did for you. ‘Memory Lane’ trips are okay, as long as they are just that, memories. Good luck to you on the continued painting and redecorating! 🙂

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      • karenthom2014

        Thank you, but don’t forget I’m up and down, it’s not all entirely good, I’m interested to see if I will feel like this after two years, what a drag, I wish I read this 8 Yeats ago, at least I would have had a chance to enjoy life better. Oh well what ifs, thanks again, I will keep up to date as normal.

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    • summertime52

      Hi Karen,
      I did the same thing after 4 years in and out of a relationship and the last one living together every day being in a lease and sharing a home. The last month before the lease was about to end he told me he wanted to end the relationship and for us to go our separate ways. I was elated and saw this coming. What I didn’t expect was him telling me he wanted to remain in our home and I had to leave.

      The only way I got rid of him was by getting the utilities disconnected. They were all in my name. He has no credit because he owes everyone. I had to stay in a hotel for 2 nights until I got the utilities reconnected but it was worth it. He never thought I would do it and when I did he went into a Narcissist rage. After he packed his bags and left to go stay with his mother I waited a while, called and told him if he ever came near me again I would call the police that he would NEVER scream, curse and threaten me EVER again. Of course he denied it. I told him the neighbors heard everything and I had witnesses

      The landlord agreed to renew the lease in my name only. She even reduced my rent. He has until the end of the month to get his stuff out. Then I can change the locks. I told him he has to give me notice before he enters the premises. I don’t worry about once I’m inside because I can lock a deadbolt that he doesn’t have a key to. It is a little frightening when I first walk in because I don’t know if he’s inside hiding or if he’s been here and taken anything. I threatened to prosecute him if he did or contact his employer. He’s all about “image”. He used to do security work as a wanna be cop. Never could make it into the military or on a police force because he’s a high school dropout, horrible credit history, never paid his child support, couldn’t get any good references, etc. He tells people he used to do “Law Enforcement”, another lie. I also told him he was a sociopath, I knew his former wife was threatening to take out a protective order against him in the past and if I had to do the same I would.

      So far he has had no contact and for this I am grateful. I am looking forward to when his stuff is finally gone. I have to get new living room furniture and then I want to redecorate the house. I am not looking forward to having to see and deal with him again but I have to keep remembering that will be the last time he ever has to be in my residence. I am reclaiming what is mine. I refuse to allow him to control me anymore.

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      • karenthom2014

        Thanks, I have been seeing him in my families town, yuk, it was so horrible I had late night, he stopped the traffic and gave me a nasty black look, I laughed it off and drove off. I have also been educating myself to protect myself, the mind games and so called friends (cult members ) lol well I’m not joining or belonging to no nasty sociopathic group of people, it’s amazing how my mobile is completely dead I mean dead, it’s like he was the leader so he gave permission for them to use my phone to talk to him, weird. I also looked into mind control and the affected from it, having to unfreeze memories and so on. I tend to read to gain knowledge, but I have not seen him at my front door, as the police will be called. It’s bad in a way that as soon as him arrived call the police,nobody wAnts any trouble, but it’s working at the moment, yes I love it!!!!

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  6. beautifulpain33

    I have just came across your blog and I am glad I did I have spent the last few hours reading it and it has helped me so much .I have just recently left my narcissistic socipath who I have let control every part of my life for the last 4 years well not no more enough is finally enough ! Good riddance I now pity his next victim .

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    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment. It is difficult at best starting the healing process once you are away from the Sociopath. You will have a roller coaster of emotions each and every single day. There is no easy way to make sense of what you went through the last 4 years. I will tell you this, the only way to get yourself & life back is

        not contact!
        You may miss him terribly, wonder what your going to do the rest of your life etc. You can do this!! Start turning thoughts about him towards yourself….again, very difficult to do, but you can. If there is something that I haven’t covered more specific to you and your relationship, please send me an email @ telahill1@gmail.com

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      • beautifulpain33

        Thank you so much you have been very kind offering your support it just shows me there is some genuinely nice people left in the world ..I have had a few set backs and I will hopefully get past this reading blogs like your own is really helping me stay focused 🙂 I know what I need to do to protect my own sanity it is just doing it and sticking to it thats the hard part 🙂

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  7. Belle

    I found you by accident two nights ago! You are the first person who has adequately explained to me what type of person I have been dealing with for four years! I have felt SO confused. I just have never met or dealt with ANYTHING like this & I am not a child. I was 61 years old when I first encountered him. Just like your articles said, I was flattered, told he waited his entire life to find a woman like me, convinced to divorce my husband, told he would provide me with all the security and love I would ever need. Told me we would marry two months after my divorce. Convinced me to leave, he would provide a condo for me and pay for it all until we were married. This all happened in a three month time frame!! I have endured four years of torture. Of course, we never married. After a year he left me and I was left with no job, ( I found out after I moved into the condo that I was expected to work for him, before that, he told me he was retiring and we were going to travel. I had told him EVERYTHING about me; my past, my dreams, & I had said I wanted to travel), I was left with no place to live, he acted like this was all my fault! I moved in with a girlfriend and four days later he called saying how sorry he was and he loved me and I needed to come back! I DID, sort of. I bought back the house I had gotten in my divorce, which at the time he had told me to sell, because WE were never going back to my hometown. We did get engaged, only for two months, and when I went to his shop to return the ring, one week after our breakup, there was his old girlfriend in his store with him! I found out later he had tried to have an affaire, or maybe did, with another married woman who worked for him one day a week WHEN we lived together. Plus, I learned later, he never really broke things off completely with this long term affaire. I also learned he had other year long relationships before me,while he was with this woman and she always took him back. When we met he told me he was married once for only a year and a half and that this woman was just a friend whom he ate dinner with nightly. She was like his sister he said! I was SO in love I believed it all. You, of course, can understand all the flattery he heaped upon me. How I was just positive I had found the man of my dreams!! After giving the ring back and finding his old girlfriend/ just friend/ in the store, I left in shock! Of course he called me! Pleaded for me to come back to the store and talk. I DID! We began to date AGAIN, now he was buying the condo, he has another huge home,that he told me in the beginning we were going to live in! Lies!! He is also a hoarder and that beautiful home was unlivable but he assured me,in the beginning, it would only take a few months to get it right. Four years later and it is still not clean. Anyway, I helped him redo the condo that he was buying because I thought we were getting back together and we would be living there! I asked him,when it was time to close, if it was to be in both names? He was furious! Said no, it was his. Okay. I got my own home back and we dated for another year. We live in different towns, 45 mins. apart. I found out from lots people, that he was dating when I was not there. We went out on New Years Eve had a great time, I was back working two days a week for him, and then, out of the blue, he called and said he couldn’t see me that week because his sister was coming! I was shocked. That was the end. I found out then that he was back seeing the old girlfriend who always takes him back, and that he had been seeing her even while we were engaged, and of course, during this time period,afterwards. I guess when he got her back, he was ready to leave me again. Which he did. However, he pretended she was just helping him clean out his huge house and he needed her help. He always said he did not love her and if he had, he would have married her 20 years before. I see now, from your articles,,that he doesn’t love anyone and never will. It is all about him and his needs. Once again, for the past two years, I have allowed him to call, text, come down here, have sex with him, basically be ” the other woman” because he just lies and convinces me that he does not love her and that he just has to get that big house sold & she is helping him clean it out, and he tells me all these financial woes and on and on. I am the one who is financially strapped, who gave up everything for him. He is a millionaire, his “friend is also very well off, he bought another place, the condo, while I was with him. All he talks about is money. Now, I have learned, for the last three years he has told EVERYONE who will listen, all these horrible lies about me. He talked so disrespectfully about my Mother, my friends, he even told people all the personal things I told him about my marriage. Of course, he twisted things around to make me seem like a crazy person. I did become best friends with one of the MANY women who have worked for him, and she worked there while we were supposedly dating, after the engagement was off. She told me he was dating everyone,how he told loher all these personal things about me,,which she related to me now, AND painted me out to be a money hungry, mentally deranged woman. I have never been treated so badly and yet I still thought I loved him. He, up until two weeks ago, saw me, had sex with me,texted me daily. His girlfriend was gone for two weeks and we went out three times, texted me all the time. When she returned,he texted me that we should not see each other for awhile and just see if we can get over each other!!,meanwhile, he took her for a week to a Pottery show out of state. He goes every year. I went twice and she has gone the last two years. He swears they only “sleep” together, nothing else. His co- worker, who knows him well, and is my friend,says that is the truth. He thinks she does whatever my ” friend” wants her to do, she works at night with him in his big house, packing his antiques, she works at that show for him,but that he doesn’t have any physical relationship with her.

    He is very very cheap and he told me after we broke up one time, that she pays her own way, that he never bought her anything in 20 years. Of course, he would buy me little things, gave me some nice things, jewelry,that he had in his warehouse, and would then say how I was the only person he had ever given a gift to! Later, he told me and everyone else, how I never appreciated anything! This is all just so convoluted. He has called me horrible names, which I must say, I was so furious about, that I reciprocated. I know I should not have done that, but he would upset me so much with all the lies. He has accused ME of cheating when it was, and is, him who cheated. Anyway, I have not talked to him for a week, but he has been gone, & I am positive he will be texting me again! have tried to end things before, gone on other dates,which he saw me on. He would become enraged, call me up and call
    me horrible names. All this done while he is seeing the old “friend” every night while she cooks dinner for him.

    I would try to stop seeing him but he would pull me right back into this sordid mess. I just could NOT understand him or understand how he could make me feel like it was all my fault. He said over and over that I was the reason we broke up and I was the reason he had to go back,immediately, to her. Yet, he would NOT let me go. He has made me feel cheap, used and crazy!!! THANK GOD I FOUND YOUR SITE! You have saved my sanity. I am NEVER having any contact with him again!! I finally understand who he is! This has just been a rambling letter but I feel better.

    I have no family, no children, I am a retired dental hygienist and I was made to feel like I needed him. I was told that I was lazy, cheated, unstable, jealous, my clothes were wrong, I wanted his money, my politics were wrong, my friends and family we not good enough! On and on. I have been left an emotional wreck, but after reading all your information I honestly know I am not crazy and I do not deserve what he has done to me.

    Thank you for everything! I want to continue to read your blog everyday. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!

    Love,
    Belle ( not my real name. I am afraid he will see this!)

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    • Tela

      Thank you Belle for you comment. I am so very sorry you were a victim of this man. Please keep in mind, you are not crazy, and the breakdown of the relationship was NOT your fault. That is the hardest thing to accept as during years with him, he ‘programmed’ your brain to think YOU actually had the problem, all the gaslighting was done for a purpose, to make you think just the way you are. The best and only thing for you to do at this point is NO CONTACT. You know his pattern, and you know he will try and suck you back in. But that was an empty relationship. If you need to contact me, my email is: telahill1@gmail.com

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  8. Elaine

    Thank you for this site! You have no idea how this has been helping me with healing. Reading your blog has been a true therapy for me. I feel that I am not alone, am not crazy, and have strength and a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in a long time. Thank you! and God bless!

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