A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

SocioInka

Below is written from a man, who has been horribly victimized/discarded by a Sociopath. Please take the time to read this, and if you are able to leave a comment with some suggestions, perspective, he will sincerely appreciate it. The saddest thing is, we can all relate to this type of mental/emotional and physical abuse. And how difficult it is trying to break free of that invisible chain of HELL around our heart and soul.

Red = the ex

(italics) = comments/thoughts

Blue = Tela’s assessments

I need desperately to get off this hamster wheel that I am on. As each day goes by memories of things she said, did etc. keep coming back. The deluded lies are what drive me insane. It was the denial, the perpetual twisting of truths, the blame, the victim, the blatant abuse and so much more. This is an excerpt from my memory I wrote this exactly how it played out….in fact it probably is missing a few details…

 

Fact and wishful thinking: For example, usually on Friday’s I was tired from work, not exhausted, but wanted to perhaps have an easy night at home, the two of us, surprise me by sending me a SMS with something simple like ‘can’t wait for you to get home’, that would trigger my mind in a good way, she misses me, she wants to be close, or whatever thoughts.

Nope, I get home and she has the music on loud, she is drinking a glass of wine and is trying on different outfits informing me that she and the girls (her enablers) are going to some function (?),

EX: I won’t be late, I love you so much, can you make me an omelet since am running late? Oh you look tired…are you angry, what is wrong? (note am still wishing for an SMS, a hug, maybe some attention, something, anything, naturally you can imagine what I am thinking…).

ME: When did you decide this, what about us, what about a heads up, anything…(nope, all about her){exactly, because why should she have to give you that heads up? or let you know when she decided this?whomever/whenever, (so I make the omelet to be nice,{wrong move} In her mind, she can do what she wants/with}  she looks at me and asks are you not hungry…no lost my appetite.

EX: Ahhhh, there you go again, now you are mad at me, I did not know anything about this until a few minutes ago, so now you are set to ruin my night (tears), you always do this, I hate you, you are so selfish, controlling, you are a freak, you have ruined my night etc etc{blame shifting at it’s finest with this statement}…then I interrupt and say, sorry am just tired, I should not have said I lost my appetite{exactly what she wanted, the apology that you are in the wrong}. She then gets up and goes and puts on her ‘war paint’, (she looks much better natural, but OK whatever)…comes out and says

EX: how do I look honey, I look up, great. That is all, just great?{she needed your approval so that she knew you acknowledged that she was dressed up and you were not going~ an in your face moment} No, you look very good.

EX: Oh Tom, I forgot to get cash from the shop (note her shop is downstairs) and am running late, do you have some cash, will pay you back, and can you call a taxi….then she is gone.{this was another wrong move. instead you should have said ‘considering I just found out you had plans for the evening i did not stop to take cash out, you will have to collect some from your shop} Everything is left all over the place so I tidy up, have 2-8 glasses of wine thinking WTF am I doing. Decided to do something constructive, pick up her underwear and dirty clothes, clean the bathrooms, organize her 8000 bottles of who knows what spray, perfume etc{i’m just as guilty for having the 8000 bottles! LOL i actually laughed at this scene}, turn on the washing machine, light some candles and sit there unwinding. Go to bed, watch the news and fall asleep….

0430-0500 the door slams, she is drunk, throws her clothes off, goes to the bathroom, makes something to eat (am lying there half-awake listening), then she comes to bed, snuggles up close stinking of old booze and bar…

0630 I get up quietly, close the door. Hmmmm, today is Saturday, what shall I do? Better do what I want to do before she wakes {this was so sad to read….’better do what i do before she wakes up’ she already had you so manipulated}…so I go out, shop for groceries, go to the market, read the paper etc.

1430….an sms comes in “honey where are you am lonely.) I do not respond immediately, why because this means she has a hangover and needs attention and food. Silence, then she calls

EX: Why the fuck do you not answer my sms? sorry did not hear it. Yeah right, you are angry{another blame shifting…yes you were angry, but in her mind you really had no reason to be}….and the afternoon starts….I come home, she wants her feet massaged, and something to eat…easy for me and I oblige to avoid any confrontation.{read this sentence again….can you see how you were molded? You do what she wants to “avoid confrontation”, which equates to ‘your issues with me (Inka) are not important} Then she yaps with her friends about the evening (note they are speaking Finnish so I only understand bits and pieces, but they also use slang and codes) giggling away. I then suggest, why don’t we go for a pizza tonight….

EX: No, can’t you go and get it and bring it home, you know am tired from work all week…(nothing about last night).{here again is where you should have turned it back on her ‘i’m tired from working all week as well. and considering you had enough energy to go out with your friends last night, don’t you think you could spend an hour with me going out to eat?”}

2000 hrs, pizza is on the table, she eats it and focuses on Millionaire Housewives and reading instagram, FB or whatever,{this is my own personal view on eating and cell phones. They are not to be at the table either at home/restaurant etc.} takes a shower, asks me to join, I do, and I get physically aroused…she freaks

EX: You see you treat me like a whore,{ahhhhh yes!  all you want is sex, you want a blow job, you want one you asshole is that what you want you pervert {classic NPD/BPD right here. because she knew by asking you to join her in the shower it would have a physical affect on you….but in her sick mind, this was another way to control and manipulate you}….no, no, no honey, sorry I cannot control it…she grabs my genitals and hard and yanks brutally on my penis, naturally I get turned off, then she says see you don’t even desire me.{more blame shifting~ she knew by hurting you it would have that affect, yet just another way to knock you down, wear down your defenses, ego, self worth} I get out offended yet quiet…then she begins to cry. I ignore it and get dressed.{perfect!!!} Then she drops something in the bathroom and has a fit and starts yelling and screaming….rushes out calling me names and how I made her feel cheap and that she wanted to have a shower with me and how nice she was to include me. Again, am silent WTF…she goes to bed, turns the TV on…after an hour

EX: Honey come to bed, at this point am fed up.{and rightfully so}

I put on my coat and quickly say, am going out for a walk….I hear her jump up and rush towards the door, I know now she is going to physically attack me, hurt me, scratch, kick and spit in my face (happened many times before, oh so many times),{she did this because when you exercised control of yourself (removing yourself from the home)..she had to do something/anything to keep you from walking out that door~this is all about control.} but I am out the door before this happens, she yells you fucking asshole, you destroyed the weekend as usual.{more blame shifting as she will not take any accountability for her words and actions~ none} Am locking you out (note it is my apartment)…I go for a walk and sit down and have a glass of wine…thinking, what am I doing wrong, is she correct, am I demanding, am angry at myself for getting turned on in the shower,  what can I do or say, she twists everything, what is she thinking, I do not trust her etc.{this is their ability to make us question what is wrong with us? all of their faults and short comings have been verbalized to us, as if we actually are the fucked up one. Because you loved her so much, you wanted to continue to be that man she fell in love with, but now you know, she never did. So to keep her happy you question everything about yourself (which you never had to do before in your life} I finally go home, she is sleeping, I climb into bed and that is Saturday night.

Sunday...I’m sorry honey, you know how demanding my work is, you know how tired I am from working all week (1130-1800 and that is not non-stop) and you know that I might have a yeast infection or my period is starting and you know my hormones{look how many times in this sentence she say’s “YOU” as if all of these issues she is bitching about are truly YOUR fault. again, she is taking no responsibility here}. , plus am worried about all the bills I have unpaid {trying to elicit sympathy…she chooses to ignore you have bills as well}(but you can buy clothes for 200 euro/wk, party with my cash plus whatever others buy you){to her she would justify the clothes and partying} and am feeling exhausted. Let’s go on vacation, last minute vacation, look we can go to Dubai for a week, get some sun, it leaves tomorrow, it only costs 400 euro/ea with last minute, let’s go, honey please….I respond, that would be nice, but I have work and meeting next week, plus you just said you have no money, and sure 800 euro gets us there plus hotel, shall we eat sand and drink saltwater….FUCK YOU, anytime I have a good idea you kill it,{you are being realistic and she is pissed because logically it makes sense, but that is not what she wanted to hear} you are boring, my friends do this all the time, their boyfriends pay, you are such a cheap fuck,{here is the triangulation~ } I hate you, you are miserable, you will not get sex for a month.{another control tactic, see here is all she can use against you…..sex. and she knows that.} Am thinking, yep, what else is new….so Sunday spirals downhill, evening she tries one more time for a trip, I say sorry honey, but why don’t you go with your friends. You see you do not love me, always pushing me away, always saying no, fuck you am going to bed.

Weekend aftermath:

Monday...sms “you are mad at me or are you sulking, am not putting up with this anymore, I had a shit weekend with you because of your behavior Tom, shame on you, you are so selfish, so jealous, so Italian, so stupid am tired of our fights, you cause all of them, you just do not get it…so you better be nice when you come home or else….Now I am thinking, OK, all my fault starting Friday until Sunday. I want to avoid confrontation, I wish I could discuss this, but to deaf ears or being attacked…

I get home in the evening, she is sitting with two unknown friends drinking wine…Hi honey, this x and this y, was telling them about the wonderful food you make, can you make a pasta with pesto for us, x loves Italian food and y has a boyfriend who is a chef. Oh yes honey, noted that this is the last bottle of wine and it is finished, you have to remember to buy some more….around 2100 hours, x and y have left. Honey, Tom, answer me, look at this…I want one, Kim Kardishan has one see, look at the picture….Sure it is Botega Veneta, about 4000 euros a bag….I want one honey, can you buy it, please, I really want it…answer me!

I avoid, go take a shower, go to bed and she lays there sms’ing ???? or watching some stupid program…morning of Tuesday, up shave, dress and start to sneak out to drive to work…Honey, am really really horny.…well you should have thought of that earlier, I have to drive one hour and have a meeting starting at 0930…can it wait until after work. Fuck you Tom, you are so rigid, strict and inflexible. I open my heart and say I am horny and that is all you do. You will never have sex with me….have a good day Tom….And the week has begun. 

And this fellow survivors was just one weekend out of many!

©TB

©SociopathLife.com

21 Responses to “SocioInka”

    • Santaland

      Karl, that was just the appetizer…but that is also the past. Sorry for you if she sounds like your wife, suggest to GFO, to put it bluntly.

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    • Santaland

      Sociopath/Psychopath are nice terms when describing these types of demon. They actually are snakes (sorry to all the snake lovers) who will, no matter how much you nurture them, they will one day bite, for no reason…and you will never understand why. Then the biting becomes more often coupled with venom….so yes snakes.

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      Reply
  1. AlohaLover

    @SocioInka…..Saying ” I’m sorry “, or leaving you with ” Stay strong” means nothing….it doesn’t make you feel better. One very ( bold and underlined ) smart woman named Tela told me ” I promise you, it will get better “….she was right. It did….it took 2 years and a tummy full of hate but I did make it to the other side.
    How are you today… 8.24.2016?

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    Reply
    • Santaland

      Thank you for asking AlohaLover, actually was the same for me, took about 2 years. Today am doing fine, although am very suspect of anyone who comes on too strong…fell for that once, never again. So the scars, education and growing is all there in this aftermath. No, I have zero feelings for her, and would and will continue my absolute No Contact and No Recognition and No Response, then, now and in the future. Why should I even give this person a moment of my time…a thought or a glance, although I am weary and alert since they are vicious when they do not achieve what they want…

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    • Santaland

      Indeed, but poor them, they can never blame themselves, so their misery is passed from victim to victim. The worst part is the psychological blame versus the physical…it lasts longer, makes one wonder, are they or were they correct…nope, they simply are adults with brains of a 4 year old…do not get me wrong, I have met 4 year olds who at least have some compassion, but for the most part it is all about them and their needs, rightfully so at that age.

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  2. grambini

    I have really enjoyed this Read!!! Maybe i can help; all who have ever come in contact with this EVIL!!! Because what we have experianced is exactly that “EVIL”. Psycologist like to put a name on things, but the Bible calls it the Jezebel Spirit as in “Demons” plural.

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    • Santaland

      Grambini, thanks for your input and glad you enjoyed my story…that was only a chapter, a short one…..but in fact I probably left out lots…e.g. when she stabbed me with a fork in a restaurant, blood everywhere….then a few months later, same restaurant says to my son…yep, last time I was here I stabbed your father with a fork in his hand…I almost fell off my chair….and naturally blasted her that night.

      For others re your comment: Perhaps the best way to define the Jezebel spirit is to say it characterizes anyone who acts in the same manner as Jezebel did, engaging in immorality, idolatry, false teaching and unrepentant sin. To go beyond that is to engage in conjecture and can possibly lead to false accusations and divisiveness within the body of Christ.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. george lincoln

    i can totally relate to this mate ,especially the blame shifting she is very good at that and i like you were question myself .
    thanks for taking the time to type this

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. rob

    understand – its good to read about and see the uniqueness in behavior among these people. not all of them are exactly the same in the way they handle situations………but the underlying fact that they do not have a conscience is a common thread which they all have.

    I noticed many similarities in the way I was treated, especially near the end when her mask had come off. However, mine was more into the duping delight head games, and gas lighting. She absolutely loved to psychological warfare on me and breaking me down that way in any shape or form you can imagine was her specialty.

    with her everything was done in a manner which was almost undetectable and left her looking so innocent. she was an expert at mind fuckery. As Martha Stout describes in her book “the sociopath next door” – it was her pity parties that made her condition most evident.

    glad to hear that you are out -shine on!

    Rob

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • A male victim in santaland

      Thanks rob…yes I endured what you described too. Uncanny how they are all very similar.

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    • Tela

      I like how you say her ‘Pity Parties’ made you aware of how she had something seriously wrong!! And your right Rob~ SHINE ON!! 😎

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. sunkist123

    I only found this blog today, and don’t see when this was posted, but my opinion is “Tom” is being used, abused, twisted into pieces- and deserves better. My viewpoint is he should either throw her out or walk out himself. Nobody deserves that kind of crappy treatment.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Tela

      Sunkist123, he did eventually kick her out & has been on the path to healing emotionally & mentally. I agree, nobody deserves what he went through. However, he experienced what EVERYONE who has been involved with a Sociopath experiences. Thank you for your comment.

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