A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

On and Off Crazy Train

I received the below email from a reader, whom I’ve been counseling over the last several months. He titled his email to me “Back on The Wagon”. I refer to that as crazy train. You can read that article HERE

In this man’s email, he writes about the addiction to a Female Sociopath, and why he cannot seem to break it. I wrote about Sociopath Addiction HERE. No matter how hard we try to stick with NO CONTACTfor whatever each person’s individual reason is, the BACK-SLIDE happens. And each and every time you go back to the Sociopath, the discard is worse than the time before. Then you find yourself utterly and completely broken. I will tell you from a Professional stand point, there is not one single person whom I’ve counseled that has returned to the ex-Sociopath and are living a life a bliss. Not one! A Sociopath/Narcissist/Psychopath is truly a walking/talking/breathing evil human. And you may think you can ‘fix’ them, or ‘love them right’. However, the lies will continue, the manipulation will continue, the  cheating will continue, the absolute break down of your self-esteem, LIFE will continue. You cannot ‘love a Sociopath to normal’.

Once you read this man’s email, if you can offer suggestions from your own personal journey in and out of Hell, please share.

Sent: Tuesday, December 08, 2015 at 11:22 AM
From: “s <s.com>
To: “Taela Hill” <taelahill@mail.com>
Subject: Back on the wagon
Hey T,
So I’m going to donate $50 to your site every time I break No Contact with my ex. It’s gotta hurt me in other areas other than just my heart. Obviously, I love making it my ex’s fucking punching bag.
Im 24hrs back on the wagon of NO CONTACT. I have few words to tell the latest story of my this 3 week binge with the ex, other than she is the real deal, living, breathing, Succubus demon. I have never met any one more seductive, confusing, capricious, wicked, or vile in all my life. She is pure evil. At the end of the binge we were at church and she got me to sext her in church, sexting in church for crying out loud. As you know I’m kind of religious, more spiritual really, but sexting in church has got to be one of the worst things I think I’ve ever done in my life, and then later that evening she blames me for her “guilt.” Do socio’s even feel guilty? Then the next day the wheels came flying off the binge. She went cold and then attacked me over all my emotional hang ups with her and my poor financial choices through the years, and then out of the blue she confesses that she’s been banging some Navy pilot from Italy, who’s so hot and perfect and it’s all my fault that she met him because I keep going thru “cycles” of cutting her out of my life. The whole damn binger started with her coming clean about her cheating on me all those years back, and then ended on that wonderful note! AHHHHHH!!!!
The game she plays makes me want to go ballistic. I almost didn’t get out of there without blowing up with all my pent up anger and fueling her fucked up sick demon game of emotional thrones…  
Thank God I came to my senses AGAIN and now all avenues of communication are blocked AGAIN!!
Im so vexed by this addiction to such and an evil human being. Seriously, after a certain point its no longer about all the shit these evil people do, it’s about us, the victims making the choice to either keep handing them our hearts to be played with or STOP this fucked up game. She will never stop, she’s more or less said that. “I’m always here for you Shane. You keep running away and coming back. But I’m the one who never really leaves. I’m here if you need me.”
I hope I’m done allowing the abuse. The choice really lies wholly on me. I have no excuses left for allowing any of her crazy manipulations to pull me back into her game.
Time will tell eh,
PS… Thank you again T. You’re site opened my eyes and at least I know what I’ve been warring against these past 3 years. When this war ends I’m going to blame you and your site and the awesome folks who are brave enough to tell their stories on there too. It will end. It has too! I want and need peace.
From:”Taela Hill” <taelahill@mail.com>
Date:Tue, Dec 8, 2015 at 12:15 PM
Subject:Re: Back on the wagon

Hello S~
I read your email twice. I have to say about the donation and every time you break no contact you do it………”because it has to hurt in other area’s.” I imagine you have and are financially strapped because of that crazy Sociopath! And if this is what you need to do, make it HURT, I am going to put YOUR donation aside, and you are going to give me a ‘goal date’….meaning, YOU decide when you think, THINK you have finally once and for all have stopped the addicition. Then I am going to donate your money back to you. So really, what you are doing is making a very serious, financial obligation to not only yourself, but to me as well. I’m walking this path with you! I KNOW the addiction, I KNOW the backslides, I KNOW the head-fucking games done. S, I have been exactly where you are!!!! I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the next hour, let alone 24 hours!!! But I did………..hard as fuck, but I did! I, with all my education, knowledge etc am still afterall a female who was looking for ‘love’. HA~ I found pure evil.
Okay, no onto you. I understand about being more spiritual vs religious. Why, would you go to that depth of……..filth? in church? What was YOUR gain by doing so? To please her? And no Shane, she absolutlely feels ZERO GUILT. NONE! That is like asking you, ‘do you know what it ‘feels’ like to have a limb missing?’. No, you don’t know that ‘feeling’, and guilt is a feeling that she lacks, along with every other NORMAL feelings NORMAL humans have. 
You are just an easy ‘fix’ for her………whether she is bored, whether she is between men, whether she knows she can suck you back into crazy because you are weak in her mind. 
She throws in her latest victim for a reason, to hurt you. Period. And who else is she going to blame? Herself? Come on Shane….your much smarter now to understand her sick/twisted mind! She will attack you from the clothes you wear, to the shampoo, to financial choices to maybe a gold fish dying when you were a small boy. Again~ that is what she does, find a ‘weakness’ and pounce on it, chew it up and spit it in your face! No regrets, no ‘guilt’, no nothing!
I know it’s making you crazy in the head because you can’t understand why you just cannot stick to the No Contact. You want to believe her, her want to think ‘maybe she changed’, you are trying to comprehend a person who truly does not exist other than walking/talking. There is NOTHING in her heart, nothing in her soul~ those are void area’s within her. So to sustain herself, she sucks the good out of other people {because she lacks any love/compassion/care etc}…..once she get’s herself ‘full’………BAM! She throws you to the trash!
Please, please, please, I beg of you, when/IF she contacts you or tries to contact you, YOU contact ME! Immediately! I will star your email address so it will alert my phone. You can do this, I promise, and just think of the saving’s you will be getting in return {your donations}, that means you saved yourself from evil!!!!!
Kind regards,
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