A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Female Sociopath Love

The following was written by JJK, someone who reached out to me via email. Over the course of the last couple of months I have had the privilege of seeing the changes in him. This man {like countless other’s}, has suffered such mental, emotional and financial abuse from a Female Sociopath. As you read his story, you will be moved at the lengths he went to, to ‘hide’ from his friends and family the abuse he was going through, and the amount of self-sacrificing to try and keep this woman in his life. Although he is now completely away from the Female Sociopath, he sufferer’s from classic PTSD. I have a strong faith and belief in him, that one day he will no longer suffer from the PTSD, and be able to enjoy ‘fried chicken’ while watching ‘football’ {this part was for you JJK 😀 }

Sociopath what is love? 

I speak of my relationship with a Female Sociopath, The approximate probability in meeting a female beast variety being 1 in 100, or 1 in 25 for the male .  The perfect analogy for love with a Female Sociopath is like boiling a frog! Why? Because when you first get into the relationship it is perfect, as the water temperature is perfect for the frog. But slowly the water temperature increases undiscernibly, the frog never thinking to get out before it’s too late.-Here is my battle to beat the boil.

 I met this beast online with what was to be a halfhearted effort to meet someone while I was going through a divorce.  I wasn’t interested in her reply, it was only a whim that made me respond  back.

Her writing was exceptionally colourful, warm, almost loving. The water was perfect; I did not want to get out. From past experience, meeting a normal person for the first time it would be uncomfortable at first, the water is cold and it should be. It is normal to be a little anxious meeting someone of the opposite sex for the first time, if not it may be one of a number of red flags to watch out for.

We spoke on the phone 5 or 6 times before we met. Conversations were always charged emotionally, and very nurturing, she would say all the things I would want to hear. The day before we met she quoted poetry that was an excerpt of a romance between two people that had only met via sending letters over the years via mail. 

The implication of the quote, was, how could you love someone without out ever meeting them?  She was setting the stage. The water was perfect-I will admit that I am very romantic and enjoy all the fairytale theatre.. We met at lunch and went out for a picnic  in the middle of nowhere, after which  I got a call to go out of town to meet a customer. As she was with me I asked her if she would come, her big brown eyes were larger than saucers, and she agreed -I have to say she is drop dead gorgeous, with an extra glow because Female Sociopaths have that about them. It was that night she told me “I love you dearly, is it too soon?” I was shocked, but I felt something strong too and reciprocated in kind. The water at this time for the froggy was positively Caribbean..fucking turtles, exotic fish,coral reef, I am never getting out.

 In the morning when it was time to leave from the hotel after a great breakfast, she dropped her mask for a split second:  she just got into her car, sans embrace, and was about to leave. You don’t just leave like that if you ‘love” someone I thought to myself?!?!

Water got warmer, but I did not notice…four times a day she would tell me she was ‘so in love with me’, I was her ‘soul mate’.  She wanted to marry me after a month as she described in our trip to California as we walked down Laguna beach…

 The water started to get warmer when I witnessed a Sociopathic rage over my poor attempt at humour, For someone she alleged to have loved, that anger was so spontaneous and aggressive, with no response to reason either. The storm settled in hours.  Over the next few months I noticed she would text her ex a lot, and right in front of me. I felt that was inappropriate and was a degradation of me and disrespectful-but she was ‘so in love with me’.

I began to notice inconsistencies in what she was telling me, she was not a registered nurse, she was not  married to her ex husband, they lived together, nor did she own her home-she rented. When I confronted her  she explained that she loved me so much and thought I would not take her seriously as I had such a great career, and she did not. I was very much hurt by the lies, and insulted by the thought of her thinking I judge people like that.

 As time passed she would come on road trips with me all over Texas.  One thing I will say, 7 hours in the car was never boring, she was intelligent, and could extrapolate my arguments and turn them right back at me, my head would ache as these discussions became so complex, stimulating and exciting-she was brilliant.  I started to notice when I was stressed more and more she would be indifferent and un-supportive- she became more selfish and distant. She would say she loved me, but her face and body language did not match the words, she would have her back to me instead of her arms around me, she would gaze into space-and ignore me-I felt I needed to work harder to get her attention.

I started to notice lots of drama in her life, her car would breakdown, I would fix it, she was always thrilled how I could figure out what was wrong with her car, and even fix her mother’s car too, I felt appreciated, but in the back of my mind I knew I was being used.  I remember it was the birthday of my two girls and I got a flood of romantic text from her “ love you, want to marry you etc”, she was setting me up…then 45 minutes later she would text, “my sister needs to be driven to the airport in Houston, and needs help paying for her excess baggage fee”…I was being manipulated and used. Any normal person would have noticed the water was too bloody hot and get out, this froggy stayed in..and rationalized all the inconsistencies.

One day she became very distant with me, so much so it was distressing me so much that I could not contain myself, I challenged her,” what is the problem, what could it be? I have never raised my voice, hand or been derogatory to you in anyway whatso ever!!” The truth was calling her any four letter word would have been wholly appropriate because she is them all simultaneously, she responded by demanding I tell my soon to be ex wife that we would marry despite my objection as this would complicate things and cause more upset. Shortly after this she wanted a commit date for our marriage, I gave her 6 months. She was angry- this is when the water was starting to boil-she told me I did not deserve her-she was pulling away.How could I stop this and get her back?

I met her in a jewelry store, where she was paying for small trinkets for her girls. I had a rose ready for her, she was by the checkout, her words to me we not ‘hi’, or  “hello”, as I presented her with a rose, my eyes lit up (with stupidity), her response was: “are you paying“?

 I remember buying her a necklace, spontaneously, for no reason, when I gave it to her she was tepidly grateful. A few days later I received a phone call from her she told me how I bought cheap jewelry as the chain left marks on her neck-I know I am naive and have no clue what is good quality stuff but I thought $40 was a song, she was angry-I became anxious and felt trapped-the woman I left  was much better than her.  If somebody really loves you it would not matter what quality the jewelry was-it’s the thought.

 Shortly after this, she would proclaim I did nothing for her. I was not divorced yet and I did not want to move in with her, despite me still being technically married.  She started to outright ask me for money. I am lucky that she only had received, maximum about a grand out of me..Giving someone money like this is something I do not like to do, I have worked and saved to hard.  At this point it became constant arguments “you don’t understand me” she would be distant, and I would fight to “get her back”. I could not comprehend what I could have done to deserve this..and then the bomb came..

 She told me she had met someone, she could not wait any longer for me, she needed health insurance as she had cancer, and her kids needed a father.  I was surprised how advanced the relationship was already as she was telling me for the first time—I could swear she was juggling us both not to be at the house at the same time…I was devastated and humiliated. Her clever plot for me to tell my ex backed me into a corner  whereas I could not easily back down. How could I explain to all: the woman I was to marry is marring someone else for health insurance…The only thing I knew was to preserve my integrity, and try to fight and get her back or face humiliation…the water is at 200f almost scolding. At his point she was so abusive to me, the mask was off, she was degrading and insulting. The circumstance was so sick, I could not even bring myself to tell anyone….She wanted to marry this poor target for health insurance and live with me, She also wanted to  show up at corporate events with him so his employer would not expect marriage fraud…

This is where silly froggy gets out the water..If I had stayed the abuse would have killed me, it was horrible, I was drained every day. I did not sleep, I took anti-anxiety medication, and sleeping pills…I emailed her to fuck off and never contact me again..From then on every three months I would get emails and a text telling me how much she loved me.  I also knew her new husband was beating her, and distressing her children with violence same as her last husband and previous boyfriend in her life.  I kept responding to her request to meet me. Incredible, after three months of marriage she wanted a divorce, I wanted closure to the pain she had caused me-I could not understand why the pain was so much!!! I had broken up with women before, this was pure agony-Every time I met her it was the same abuse…”pay for my divorce”. On my birthday last year, she told me to fuck off with such hatred in her voice, because I could not hear her properly over the phone, such a nice thing to say. This birthday was worse, no card no effort, nothing from her-but this was a different birthday, a rebirth of a different sort.  Before I met her I did all my homework on what a Sociopath is, what they do, what they say and how they act:

 Red Flag list: She was 1 hour late (first red flag: Sociopaths are late and unreliable) , no card, no gift, (Red Flag:  you make all the effort in a sociopath relationship), She was angry with me for questioning her being empty handed, and tried to blame me. (Red Flag Sociopath deflection, Red flag sociopath irritability), She made a facile attempt to pay the bill at the restaurant. She told me she loved me with an emotionless face,( Red Flag Sociopath hyperbolizes emotions)  was detached and indifferent to it being my birthday, without any clue how selfish she was.

The truth is, this froggy had Tela’s Sociopath check list with him,  and when we met on my birthday this year there was more red flags than a fucking West Ham Millwall game, I was happy, fucking yes, this froggy did not get boiled to death in the water but instead got out….

 When you meet a woman romantically, initially it should be a little awkward, cold water, never perfect. It should be a red flag, if that water is warm. You could boil to death not noticing the small incremental changes until your heart and soul are gone and you have to stay immersed to foolishly fight for what you can never get back or ever had. Causing you to die in the process. If the water is warm, swim like fuck use the ladder and get out the water-she is probably a sociopath.

 When you are with someone you love, it’s about you, its about her, reciprocation, supporting each other, punctuated by momnets of occasional selfishness, the occasional bump in the road.  You are happy, this girl makes you happy-once in a blue moon you are ticked off-but thats normal.

 As apposed to going to bed at night with a warm feeling inside, your mind is swimming; you are anxious, uncertain insecure, drained by an emotional vacuum. You have speant all day trying to understand them-yet she tells you you’re  clueless. You are unrewarded for hours of patience only to be rebuked, the other half of the day is speant explaining boundaries, conducts in behavior that an adolescent should understand-yet she is an adult in her 30’s-This is what love is from a Female Sociopath -so complicated!!!! Yet if it’s fellow empath love is simple-your happy with the occational “oh bollocks I left my dishes out”.

 If you are reading this and it helps, I am happy-My story although bleak has a good ending, to the extent that my recovery has been very fast at 8 weeks-I still have lingering sleep problems, but I no longer see the world as a  sterile black and white, but In colour,You will heal-it’s a guarantee your found this website-therefore you’re on the right track-keep going!!

 p.s ask me any question that’s on your mind and I will do my best to answer. JJK

 ©SociopathLife.com

 

12 Responses to “Female Sociopath Love”

  1. ShiningStar

    Well it has been 7 months since our two an a half year “relationship” ended and I am still picking up the pieces.

    I never ever could have imagined the rabbit hole I’d fallen into.

    The things I now know have shocked an altered me to the core of my very being. It has been like unraveling the giant web of a black widow one silky strand at a time.

    When I met her I thought I had found love at first sight. The connection seemed electric, she was in my estimation perfect. My patchwork princess.

    We were engaged within six months and three months before we broke up we actually took a marriage covenant together. Well I took the covenant, she used it to gain more dominance and control over my life. The variety of her liaisons only increased as well as there number and depth of perversity.

    If you are going through this at present. Know that you are not alone. The sky is the limit, welcome to the wild blue yonder.

    I did share some of this on a comment about cheating but I really think that because of the extent of the infidelity and abuse my story deserves being chronicled as an article, if only to let other’s know in extreme circumstances of infidelity and serial cheating that they are indeed not alone. When it comes to Psychopaths, if you can imagine it (or hopefully not image it) a predator can bring it to life.

    My case is one of the worst I have heard of in terms of infidelity, blatant disrespect and outright malice. As I have read through many many victim stories, I have never quite heard the extreme nature of cheating my female sociopath exhibited. I believe that my experience is worth sharing for other’s out there who many been struggling through deep grief and countless hours of pain and suffering.

    My Psychopath had a P.H.D in cheating. Over the two and a half years we were together she ha multiple affairs, gang-bangs, threesome’s, bisexuality, tinder. I even found 5 porn videos she had made with other’s while we were in a “committed relationship” Truthfully I never even thought about her being with other woman, couple’s, multiple partners etc. as she had mirrored my sexuality back to me an told me she was strictly heterosexual and monogamous.

    She seduced everyone around me behind my back in an attempt at not only gaining control over my life but for the duper’s delight in making me look like a fool.

    Through the”relationship” I remained faithful and love stricken. Refusing at her request to not even hug other women. This would have enraged her. I was to strictly throw out all numbers, avoid talking to women on Facebook and keep my eyes on the prize (her) at all times.

    Truthfully I knew for almost a year she was cheating on me but I couldn’t bring myself to face it. She did everything to cause cognitive dissonance. Even going so far as texting me during and after encounters. Mocking me and showing me pictures she was painting for one of her more serious lovers. The writing was all over the wall an I refused to look at reality. She constantly talked about the people she was sleeping with, even going so far as to start to emulate there particular style of dress.

    She had so many new interests which I now realize she was learning as she was fashioning her latest mask for her newest source of supply.Now it seems so overtly obvious, the fog has lifted and I am no longer dazed and confused.

    I was in love and was duped into believing if I could only get healthier and be more, everything would work out. The truth is the toxicity was keeping me physically and mentally sick and she knew it. Not only did she know it, she was orchestrating it. The abuse was literally killing me.

    When I’d question her about cheating she was brilliant. She was so vigilant about defending her own morality. Also the abuse that would follow a confrontation worked to shut me down every time.

    My P told me the saddest story the first night we met about a serious horrific violation in her life in which she took an almost unprecedented moral high ground. This also helped as every time I was positive she was cheating I’d mentally reference the outstanding and true character that she sold me on. Truthfully I had yet to witness it. Now that I’ve studied psychopathology to some degree I realize this is a very common technique they use. They often feed the prospective victim a horrific sob story to test there empathy level. She was sizing me up.

    She even got her kids involved early, who she used as pawns to show how serious she was about her intent. I thought hey her intentions must be pretty pure if she’s bringing her kids into the picture. I thought I met my dream girl.

    She love bombed me good. I kept waiting for this horrible monster that eventually surfaced to go away and for the gracious, cosmic queen I had once met to resurface. All I got was Miss Beast. Now I see when she was kind and generous she was only setting me up for the fall, the inevitable devaluation. She duped me from the start, I now know she was after many things including my most precious jewel. ( I can’t explain this but it is indeed metaphoric)

    Everything was a lie from the start I was nothing more than entertainment. The relationship was a hoax.

    And for those of you that don’t realize this, some not all have a methodical plan in place right down to the discard from the very start. Some actually do this for sport. It is social, spiritual and sexual sadism at it’s very darkest.

    Once they have what they want there gone or they’ll make it so impossible for you to love them that you end up leaving. Broken and disillusioned.

    My P would even take her phone to the bathroom. Lots of weird calls. Pesky Aunt From Out West! ALWAYS, ALWAYS calling. And that crazy sister calling in the middle of the night about exercise and proper nutrition lmao

    Through hard work, and a little help from The Holy Spirit I got an inside look into her universe. She was cheating from the beginning. I even found out she was sleeping with her x husband the whole time.

    They often will pretend to hate the person there cheating with or arrange for you to meet them in a casual setting. Pretending of course that they themselves are complete strangers. This is called Duper’s Delight and it gives them a great deal of fulfillment. The greater the humiliation the deeper sense of satisfaction they feel. If they have a particular jem there cultivating they may just keep that deeply hidden. Although the burning desire to mock you may just override reason-ability and they may start to hint or leave you clues. They love intrigue. As everything to a true psychopath is a game. I got to host a special Christmas Party last year for her kids and 2 of her lovers. Isn’t that special 🙂 As there was other family present I was completely duped. They had the funnest evening of there lives!!! In fact I’m pretty sure she even gave the one guy my intended Christmas Present as an additional perk!

    I now know that right after I proposed she took off with some guy on a sex weekend. This particular affair continued for awhile but fizzled out all the while she had been grooming someone very close to me, I never would have expected. I only discovered that after we broke up.

    Actually if I had found ANY of this out during the relationship I would have been gone in a heart beat. She was a master player. And I guess relationship isn’t the right word because what we had was pure fiction.

    I also must say she even pretended to be much less successful than she was. Also feigned a lesser intellect. She is brilliant and a world class player. The depths and intricacies of her cunning are in my estimation unheard of. To her if the candles are worth the game, she’s all in.

    I believe each “relationship” to her is a new game of dominance. A new con, challenge or project. Whatever the case may be. She has those she wishes to cage long term and those she chooses to destroy. It is psychopathic omnipotence at it’s finest. She indeed becomes the disease and the cure. What an ego maniacal Machiavellian wonderland she has crafted.

    In the past she’s got away with a lot of stuff because she used her children as cover. She lived an hour and a half away and pretended to have a lot more custody than she obviously did. She spent a lot of nights she was supposedly with her youngest engaging in affairs, flings and sexual escapades. Lots of hidden partying and drugs as well. She just pretended to smoke a little weed. This was a gross misrepresentation of what she was really up too.

    She lived a complete double life right down to the utterly unspeakable. Cheating on those she was cheating on me with. Promising her affairs quite often that they were her true love.

    Also of course promising each and every one of her “trophies” that they were the only one’s. At least the only one’s that “mattered”.

    They tell you exactly what you want to hear. They become exactly who you want them to be. They will mirror your intellect, morality and even your personal taste. At least in the first few predatory stages.

    Expect the unexpected, it’s usually far worse than you would have even imagined. If you absolutely must know the truth, brace yourself. It will be a bumpy ride.

    I’ve yet to hear of another situation as bad as mine though. She actually intentionally abused me, hoping above all hopes that in the end I’d simply die (suicide) whatever. Failing that I strongly believe she was trying to do me physical harm.

    As far as trying to push me over the edge to self harm, she tried to accomplish this through nothing shy of mental rape. Cognitive Dissonance, Gaslighting, Word Salads, Projection, Compulsive Lying And Serial Cheating. Talk about a final discard. That’s got to be the kicker lol

    There is so much more I could say but I will not reveal all I know publicly. I have protected myself and confided in some very well established, credible men in my community in case I “fall off that crazy train” when the security camera’s don’t happen to be on. Her flying monkeys were close, too close for comfort.

    I wouldn’t recommend digging as deep as I did for your own sanity. In my case it was imperative to ensure my own personal safety. My own “insurance policy” sort of speak. I even have some brilliant illustrations to go along with the plot. Given over to a very reliable source. But I have no intention of waging a personal war against a female psychopath. Just trying to pick up the pieces and stay alive. Like I said, I have my insurance policy in place. And for the record she wins! You will never win against a psychopath. Don’t even engage them in the game.

    Oh and smear campaigns. Skies the limit with what these people are capable of. There are venomous and malicious to the core. Prepare for the worst.

    If you can, please leave as soon as you possibly can . No contact, for your personal well being is a must. Protect yourself at all costs.

    Expect stalking. Expect your phone and computer may be hacked. In my case she even hacked another family member’s phone as to keep tabs on our coming and going’s. communications etc.

    Also the smarter the P is the harder it will be to prove. Surround yourself with credible people who know your character. It will come out. And do NOT, I repeat do NOT fight back or engage them in any way. I have kept this impersonal and not revealed locations, names etc. in an effort to protect myself against my P as I know she reads many of these forums and even posts as victims from time to time for duper’s delight.

    Psychopaths love to pose as healers and victims. Be careful who you connect with on these sites as everyone may not be who they appear too.

    I know I may seem paranoid and absurd but what I am saying has been my living reality. If you ever deal with a psychopath of this magnitude you will soon understand.

    If you are a person with faith pray for them and get other’s to do them same.

    You are beautiful, you are worth it. Your life is worth something. Things can always change. Time does heal. Don’t give up. And lastly be kind to you.

    I have lost 100 pounds in the last seven months since our break up. I had no hope and gave up on caring for myself in the last few years. I literally became a caged animal. The fat lad exists no more.

    I am now exercising, reading, involved in church and starting to pursue a new life. When I met my psychopath I was in a downward spiral which made me very easy prey. I have been on a disability for the last few years and am starting to work and pursue living once again. One minute, one hour and one day at a time. We will overcome and have the empathy and understanding to make a better world, with EYES WIDE OPEN!

    And lastly to my most precious Jewel, despite everything. I love you unconditionally.

    Thank you for your forum and the opportunity to share.

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  2. Texan62

    I am to in this hell wagon! I’m on VK.com which is like Eastern Europe’s Facebook and on Dec. 27th out of now where this girl that followed there finally said “hi”. (Following means toy requested friendship and they never replied, but you can still se there page) We talked and I was lonely and she made me feel like she was this Angel from heaven. I’m 54 and she’s 22! (red flag) and I knew it at the time, but she is so good she convinced me age didn’t matter and why. 2nd red flag- She was raised in an Orphan from St. Petersburg, and now lives in Tbilisi going to school on a scholarship. Things were great for about 2 weeks straight. We talked 5-9 hours a day (chat on-line) sending love emoticons, etc.. Until we started discussing her coming over to the U.S. for marriage. Of course I’m thrilled and she told me of her dreams with me, kids, never leaving me, etc…
    She kept sending me selfie’s a few times a week and she said they were just taken and I could tell they were not. She said one was from her school and I analysed it and it had a jewelry box on a little shelf, and it looked like a marble kitchen in the background. hmm…what kind of University has jewelry boxes where the students hang out? Where is everyone else? bottom line this looked like a hotel suite. then she sent me another pic the same day where her hair is curled this time, black and white pic, and looked like it was taken a in the dark. She said this is me now. I’m at home. This was our first fight! Of course she threw a fit, threatened to leave, etc… Even thought I new she was full of crap I dropped it. Later that week she sent me a pic of “her” from Last Sept. It looked sort of like her, but another red flag came up. By the way it’s her profile pic on VK. Well a couple of day later (from an act of god) I see this face on the internet and I said I know this face so I googled her name and found her modeling page and guess what? That same profile pic was on her page. It was one of her pics! I copied that pic and her name and sent it on chat and said ” WOW! Look what I found!” and put the link in.
    She showed an emotion sticker of her crying and said she was sorry and there is a reason for the lie and she would tell me later. I knew right now I was probably being scammed or something happened to her face. After a week of back and forth (she telling me she would tell me later and I would understand)she finally she got into a car accident and her face is really bad. She sent me the pics of her with her car before the wreck and so I believed that part after we talked for a while. (These people are masters at sucking you back in) Well that night I started thinking again. A 22 orphan on a scholarship with her own apt. and an Audi tt? Where is all this money coming from. She said she gets $420 a month from scholarship and her car payment was $240. ok!
    apartment 350.00
    car 240
    car ins ?
    Food ?
    Clothes ?
    Apartment and clothes alone is $590.
    I’m pissed and I still have not brought this up because it will lead to another lie and fight.
    I put two and two together and googled Tbilisi strippers, and Escorts. I found a pic done professionally so it changes some, but I compared it to a lot of her other pics and I’m convinced it’s her. There is a secondary pic of her at a pool far away posing and she has a classic signature of cocky her head to the side and this girl was doing the same thing and the kicker is the escort had the same style sun glasses as her in her pic with the Audi. Long story short she denies it and in all her fights she says “You just don’t understand me”! When I saw that here I almost died!
    I finally said we need to talk on the phone and enough of this teenager chatting. She deflects it and says not now I’m not in the mood or something else. I told her I needed a voice something real. We need to hear each others laughs, cry’s, etc… Her response is I know what you sound like and you know what I sound like. (from imessage 10 sec “I miss you)
    That was the final straw ; ) I left I was hurt and I deleted my vk page and thought I moved on. A few hours later she sent me a SMS that she does not want to live anymore, and she will never hurt me again. This morning she sent me a movie link “We got Mail” internet love movie link.
    She want to talk after school when she gets home.
    I’m going to tell her no money, and no U.S., but I will be your friend. I want to see how long she stays around without getting anything from me but friendship support.

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    • Texan62

      Wish I could have edited. Sorry for the spelling errors and I meant to say car and not clothes.

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  3. Pete Donati

    I stumbled across your blog / site desperately looking for answers. The pain left in the wake of this female has been tremendous and reading your posts are both helpful and painful to read because every single one of the behavioral traits you describe, I lived first hand. I’ll share some of my experience here, so that others may take something away for their own rebuilding.
    I met this little darling online which started a 6 month odyssey that is still ongoing. I am 40 years old and she is 22. That should have been my first red flag. What does a “child” this age want with a man of my vintage? Before I could really ponder the what for’s and why’s, I was overwhelmed with the compliments, demands on my time, the stories of an abusive childhood and sex like I’d never had in my life. Unknown to me at the time, her target was money. As the days and weeks progressed her stories got to be so many and so obscure, I had to start writing them into my iPhone notes just to keep track, because when I would challenge her on the validity of her comments she would respond with another story or a flat out denial that she ever spoke those words. If she felt I was onto something, she went over the top with affection. BTW, I’ve come to realize in my 40 years, that we men are an incredibly gullible breed that can easily be manipulated by this type of person.
    In short, it turned out that after some persistence on my part to corroborate the need for money I uncovered the truth. I was told that her family did not have money for college and she was in her last semester of undergrad. When in reality, she was an out of control heroin addict. How this story has ended for the time being is that her family and I put her into rehab for her addiction that I funded. She was so thankful that I saved her life during the first week. This past Saturday I was greeted with a phone call from rehab stating that her addiction was my fault and that I’m making this all about me. Some real venom coming from her mouth. I surmised this was coming from the pain and anxiety of detox. After reading your posts, it is clear she feels her use for me is over and this is her way of making herself feel the victim, yet again. When she is realeased, she will move onto her next victim.
    The pain and feelings that are happening with me are just as you describe. I hope that time will heal these wounds and leave the scars as reminders. I have to put my life back together from the destruction left by this person.
    Your insight posted here has been more helpful than you may realize.
    Thank you !
    Pete

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    • Tela

      Thank you Peter for sharing your horrific story. I’m sorry to say, but even detoxing is not making her take responsibility for her actions. But that is normal. Please understand, this will just be another ‘pity card’ she throws down when meeting her next victim. Ultimately {if she tells the next victim about her heroin addiction}, she will blame that on YOU, therefore, she is a ‘victim’ once again because and solely of HER ACTIONS.
      It will take an extremely long time to heal. And yes you will have deep scars that forever remain. I will suggest to you that please, do not accept anymore phone calls from her. Your not to blame for one single thing that has happened in her very young life~ you can only imagine how much further she will spiral out of control and how many innocent men will be victimized by her. Let that last scathing phone conversation be the last. You cannot fix her, you cannot help her. Now, you MUST focus on your own healing~ one very small step each day.

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  4. emdee

    Three months before my sociopathic wife left me, the sex had just stopped…all of a sudden…as did the intimacy. I lie in bed staring at the ceiling every night while my wife climbed into bed, and with about three feet between us, went on to her side and faced the fall…nothing said usually…sometimes a goodnight…sometimes an “I love you” as she stared at the wall…but no cuddling, no kissing…no talking about my day or her day…nothing. This continued nightly. I refused to snuggle her because I told myself that it’s her turn to come to me for once…but it didn’t happen. Throughout the day there were signs too…leaving the room when I sat down…silence in the car…no response when I spoke to her as she texted, which in itself became more and more rampant.

    One night I finally said, “What’s going on here…you don’t kiss me, you don’t touch me, you don’t cuddle me…what’s wrong with me?”

    Sure there was pressure from some stress with the kids, and I WAS miserable like she said, in a bad mood often…but then I thought it was something like work or a somewhat messy house…now I realize it was her ignoring me that making me miserable.

    Her response that night was, “I’m tired” or “I’ve been stressed lately”. If I wanted to talk about any issues, I’d always get, “Stop…you’re stressing me out before bed…and that was it.

    Her coldness was constant…and then it grew…and then she left me citing it was stressful with me and the kids, and that she wasn’t happy, and just didn’t want to be married anymore…

    Left alone…blindsided…after 9 years, masking this through sex and generosity and kind words until it was finally done.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Emdee for your comment and sharing. Was there any point that the 2 of you discussed going to counselling? And did she start acting that way just 3 months prior to her leaving? Did you think back and see any RED FLAGS prior to her different behaviour?

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  5. Marigold Bridglall

    I would like the guy who wrote about the charming socoipath answer my question why don’t I learn my mistake I have been used by male and female socoipath too many times I trust people to far when they speak nice to me I think I am looking for love in the wrong place I know and see all the red flags in the persons but I allow them to harm me I think I trust people too easily or I am very stupid I was born on stupid day. My name is Marigold I am 32 and live in Guyana South America 592-6921795

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    • Tela

      Marigold, I sent you an email with the person’s contact information. He approved and gave me permission to. You are not stupid. And there is nothing wrong with having trust in people. Perhaps maybe you need to have boundaries in place? Read through my site, there is also a post specifically about boundaries here that may help you in the future.

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  6. A NEW MAN

    hey guys its hard but it gets a little better everyday REMEMBER GOD SEE.S EVERYTHING ..you like i and many other male victims will live on and meet someone who is just as emotionally charged and receptive as we are and live happily ever after …thats Gods gift to us ….i still have some trust issues..but its concerning how i approach the next situation..ofcourse i will be asking about HER FAMILY LIFE GROWING UP THATS 1 ST but you’ll know …dont feel sorry for them if they,ve been abandoned or fostered ITS THE PARENTS FAULT..NOT EVEN THE SOCIO.S..but recently at my last meeting with my socio she said to me…IM SORRY I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY..and i said why…SHE SAID CAUSE I.VE BEEN MEAN TO YOU…WOW THIS LET ME KNOW FINALLY THAT HER VINDICTIVE RAGES WERE NOT ONLY UNJUSTIFIED AND UNWARRENTED BUT PREMEDITATED…NOW I KNEW WHAT I WAS FEELING ALL ALONG WAS ACCURATE…SADLY I LOVE HER ..BUT DONT WORRY im at a place now where i dont NEED HER …and its ok ….GUYS JUST BE LEARY OF SOMEONE WHO DOESN.T HAVE MANY FRIENDS..and cant talk about simple anger issues ..and i have nothing bad to say she.s an amazing woman I WISH TO A DEGREE THAT I COULD CONDITION MY MIND TO NOT MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON EMPATHY OR EMOTION WHAT AN ADVANTAGE IN CERTAIN INSTANCES…

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  7. An abused male who has been stung

    JJK, here is another frog who got out…but I got out when it was boiling…and now am picking up my frog legs, nurturing them back so I can walk again…but it takes time. I too purchased an expensive 2000k piece of jewlery in the Bahamas from my ex…why, am romantic, result, she was happy for a few days, social media’ed it to all her friends in northern europe…somehow after that, she started telling people she chose it (bullshit, she knows nothing about valuable jewlery) and then heard she bought it herself (another lie, her finances are crap). These types are an insult…but being us, well I feel the worst betrayal was we put up with it…i.e. all the way to the boiling point, and have heard some just boil to death…

    Great article JJK

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