A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Sharing Page

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us”

Nobody enter’s into a relationship with the thought process of planning the end of it.  Sadly, however, with a Narcissistic Sociopath that is exactly what happens from moment one with them. While we are opening ourselves up, they are  blindly sucking the life out of us and planning their exit . Taking with them our hearts/souls and sanity .

I created this page, so that you, my follower, survivor, my friend, can share your story. Or if there is something you experienced that helped you in the healing process you can post it here so that other’s may benefit. This site is not gender specific, so please share your experiences, what if anything has helped in healing, if children are involved how has that worked {or not worked out}.

I met the Ex Narcissistic Sociopath in the spring of 2013. We had our first date, and then after, spent countless hours on the phone, multiple text during the day etc. The rare moments he was not occupying all of my time, i thought ‘wow, this is such a great guy’.  Never could i have ever imagined the hell that i was about to be placed in. How could one person so blindly mentally manipulate me, and emotionally destroy me? My only saving grace so to speak is, I am very fortunate to be financially stable, I own my own home and the big bonus, i live 500 miles away from him. However……to this day {18 months later} he still continues his onslaught of verbal warfare via emails. And also has his prostitutes, yes! Prostitutes contact me, you can read about that here.  And continues to ‘threaten me’ with whatever delusion is in his head that particular day.  The pain is real and the scars are deep. But like the first line say’s, we have to let go so we can live the life that is waiting for us.

24 Responses to “Sharing Page”

  1. Brent

    I am starting to believe that I was married to a sociopath for the past 21 years.

    I met her in college. She was beautiful and vivacious and made me feel like a million dollars. I opened up to her and told her everything, let her know me. I thought she had done the same. We had a whirlwind romance and married after 3 mos of dating. 2 months after we married she was pregnant with our first child.

    Around this time she woke me in the middle of the night one night to tell me that everything she had ever told me about herself was a lie. She tired to tell me the truth. I was scared, disillusioned and hurt. I asked her if there was anything else she needed to tell me because I needed to get some sleep. I did not yell or scream. She said “No.” So I rolled over to think and try to sleep. Her response was to bite me in the back as hard as she could.

    She continued to lie compulsively and constantly to me, she would hide finances and spend money we did not have with no discussion with me. She behaved in confusing and socially inappropriate ways in public. She would make statements that horrified hearers and seemed unaware that she made people uncomfortable. As this cycle continued I started to grow more and more frustrated and I started get really angry with the lies and hiding.

    Then she started having the “relationships” with people among our friends or in the graduate courses she was taking. She would become distant and isolated and then I would find out that she was hiding these relationships. She insisted they were not sexual but I had reasons to doubt her claims.

    Our son got cancer and she started going out on the weekends and having illicit sex while I was in the hospital taking care of our son. she would pick up strangers and sometimes multiple strangers and have dangerous and unprotected sex with these men. I had to leave my job to be the full time caregiver for our son and I had not option to leave. Over the next few years she would just randomly have these times were she would go out and do such things. She finally told me that she did not believe in monogamy and wanted to have girlfriends and boyfriends on the side. I had not choice. I agreed because I had no option. She would sometimes call and ask my permission and I would always tell her I did not want to and she would rage and pressure me and I was either forced to acquiesce or she would do it anyway.

    She would then tell other people that I had wanted her to do those things and then change my mind after it was already to late.

    2 years ago I started an online relationship with a woman (because she had said I could). I did not hide my chats form her because she ahd told me she did not believe in monogamy. When she read my chats she lost her mind and accused me of being a cheater and of having an affair. I never even touched the woman.

    She is now going around telling everyone that I broke her heart and cheated on her, and recently packed up all her stuff and left. She told our kids that the separation was to work on building a new relationship between us but she is out dating and having sex with men and women 5 days after she moved out. She has not shed a single tear, She never apologizes. One days she will be sweet and kind and say she wants me and the next she will tell me she is going out on a date with one of her students dad’s. She has driven me crazy, she says I am abusive and unsupportive of her and her dreams. She never apologizes and nothing I ever do is good enough. I live in a state of constant anxiety trying to understand her and protect myself.

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  2. Estrella

    I believe I was in a realtionship with a Sociopath but none of my friends wants to hear me out and I dont know who to turn to.

    I met him when I was 14 , our families are from the same town back in our country so every summer we would run into each other and he told me how much he liked me , we kissed and never saw each other again until I was 28 at our mutual family/friends gathering. Immediately he told me he never forgot me and all these years has been in love with me and asked me to be his girlfreind, his family warned me that he goes from women to woman but he seemed so in love with me.

    4 months later he came to my house and spoke to my parents and told them how much he loved me and wanted a serious relationship with me. his words were so touching he made my mother cry (she never cries!). His parents and my parents are freinds so this seemed perfect.

    I started catching him in many lies, i found out he has a 10 yr old daughter that he has zero relationship with. but while we were together he never talked down to me , he was so sweet to me, he carried my bags got me endless gifts , gave me so much support, was there for me at the drop of a dime. This is why its so confusing! He was never cruel except when he drank, he drank alot and when he did he treated me poorly.

    I started to notice that he lacked emotion when a mutual family member that was very close to him died, he didnt cry and was making jokes on the way to the funeral. its like he didnt know she was there.

    He had a hard time paying me back , we fought alot because I caught him in many lies and when ever I would pay for something i would have to force him to pay me back.

    This summer we took a trip back to our country for my birthday. before we left he got locked up for unpaid childsupport and he called me crying but i felt like it was a fake cry just to manipulate me into bailing him out , I bailed him out bc he said he had the money .. when he got out he gave me only $700 out of the $6000 he owed me and promised to pay me back the moment we arrived back home.. while on vacation he lied to everyone about surprises he had for me althougth he did buy me lavish gifts , well he never came back , its been 4 months and he is still over there and does not care about the money he owes me , then when I decided to just stop talking ot him and stop suffereing a week later he had another girlfriend and is parading her around our town where EVERYONE knows we were JUST together there as a couple. The most humiliating feeling ever.. everyone knows us and our families and hes acting like i never existed , he went as far as moving her into his parents home over there and he is sitll over there , not working just living it up with his new woman , no remorse or embarrassment for me or my family.

    There are SO many other things that happened through out our relationship but this is what stands out and I think he’s a sociopath.

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  3. Tracy Aisbett

    I recently dated a sociopath for 7 weeks and they totally wreaked havoc in such a short period of time. I’m still in shock but determined to heal and move forward and regain my positive lifestyle. We met online and we got along super easy and wrote to one another without any mind games or flirting. We met up after a week of talking online and we had a fantastic night. Nothing intimate happened until the second time we caught up and I was so happy and bursting with joy. We were fantastic together. Things were magical between us and I thought I had met my life partner. In the beginning they were so awesome, perfect, lovely, kind, sweet, thoughtful, paid their way financially and acted simply like a nice normal human being.

    Unbeknown to me this person was telling me lie after lie after lie. They didn’t work in the job they said, they were in fact unemployed, they didn’t have the money they said they had, they lived off their mum’s credit card, they weren’t out here staying in Australia they were here only on a 2 month holiday and heading back to the Uk. They came on very strong and fell deeply in love with me quickly. Telling me I was the best person they had ever met, left love notes around my house, handmade gifts and wrote cards professing their love for me and that I was their one true love and forever love. They made up fantastical statements of things they were going to do for us as a couple. I began to question some of these and started to feel something wasn’t quite right but I never expected it to be as crazy as it turned out. They said they had put a deposit down on a campervan, put the pickup date in my mobile phone as a surprise and then got angry at me for finding it in my own phone when I was looking to book dates to something. They left an envelope to open on the 20th of August saying, “you have the key to my heart now hear is the key to our next adventure together’. There was no campervan deposit paid and soon they wouldn’t even be in Australia. There was a total of 6 envelopes left to open at times when they wouldn’t even be here. The name of their game is to psychologically torture you. They loved this. They wanted you to adore them and they loved to confuse you with manipulative conversation and fantastical promises.
    During this time they were also using my credit card details to buy things online. They racked up thousands of dollars on my card and still to this day empathically deny this.
    They pretended to have paid a musician $430 to play for me at some markets, but we never got to these markets because she created a fight from absolutely nothing. This was again a lie I found out by calling the musician who said they had never heard of her. She then said there must have been something go wrong at the booking stage. I asked to see emails etc but they said it was booked through their facebook page. She always had a very quick lie to come back with or an explanation. When pushed for evidence she created a fake bank statement which showed the musician had been paid. I didn’t believe it but don’t think like a sociopath and haven’t ever met one before so felt maybe it was possible that she had paid and there had been a mix up. There was no mix up, she was just a compulsive pathological liar.

    They made up emails in her sister’s partners name who she claimed was anonymously sending her emails under a fake pseudonym declaring his love for her. All total lies. She then sent me threatening emails but pretending it came from her sister’s partner. She still sticks to this story despite it all the time being her emailing herself and me. I received roses, chocolates and a teddy bear with a card saying, “I love you”. Even though she was my partner she did not send these to me and for days I was racking my brain who would do this and I couldn’t figure it out, that’s because I in fact later learned it was her sending them but anonymously. She acted very understanding to the situation and believed me when I said I hadn’t been cheating. She put them on my credit card and put them under the name of my ex-partner whom I broke up with 7 years earlier.
    We were to spend 2 weeks holiday together and after a trip to Sydney that was peculiar and amazing she said her Aunt and Uncle were breaking up and she had to help her Aunt move. Her Aunt and Uncle in fact broke up 8 years ago. In this time she used my credit card again.
    My dog was sick and even during this stressful day she used my credit card 3 times. While there was a distraction on she would cease the moment and use my credit card. I caught her out on lies but she just kept lying with such conviction and because we were so magical in the beginning I thought maybe there was a misunderstanding somehow. But I had a niggling feeling that never went away and eventually I discovered the truth. Never from her though, she denies and lies about absolutely everything.
    I made contact with the family in the Uk and her sister informed me that she knew her sister lied and stole from past partners but wasn’t aware she was this messed up. She lives in a world where she paints herself as someone who has overcome hard ships and she is a superhero for her being an amazing person after difficult events (which I question are even true) and she paints herself always as the victim. I provided the mother with an enormous amount of evidence but her sociopath daughter had brain washed the mum about me being a criminal, that I was psycho and painted a picture of what she in fact was to me. I could prove all she said was lies from emails, screen shots of messages and photos of many things. I think the shock is setting in for the mum.
    I have never experienced anything more bizarre in my life and don’t have these types of encounters with people. It is maddening to think someone would come out to Australia for 2 months and pretend to be madly in love with you and then set up fake emails and fake flower deliveries and spend all this time acting like a great awesome person but all the while they were lying about absolutely everything and stealing from you. She had no guilt, no remorse, and zero acceptance that she did all this lying and stealing. It was pure insanity to witness and I am glad I didn’t allow her to manipulate me to think that I was crazy or I had trust issues as she tried many times to say.
    The police couldn’t charge her due to a lack of evidence and she got away with the fraud but karma will come knocking one day. I am slowly healing through the shock of it all and recovering from feeling fooled but I will now discern people with much greater awareness and not fall for all the words and feel into the person much more. She will continue to hunt down her next victim and has probably already started her next game, as that is all it is to her. The more she hurts you and tortures your mind the happier she is.
    She claims to love her mum deeply and acts so caring to her Grandparents but she doesn’t care about anyone or anything, if she acts like she loves you it’s to get something from you that serves her. It’s all a game to her and she doesn’t care about anyone getting hurt. Even when there was so much evidence presented in black and white to the family she kept lying and denying everything and saying I created things and edited things even though it was blatantly clear those things couldn’t be faked or edited.

    There is so much more to this story and so many more lies to tell, but you guys get the jist of what I’m saying.
    My advice to anyone experiencing this is to establish a solid foundation in your own trust and intuition and don’t let these people manipulate you even though they are masters at it. Trust your inner feelings and don’t try and rationalise their behaviour, it can’t be worked out from a sane mind and you will drain your life and body trying to figure it out. I’ve shed lots of tears and been dumb founded but I know tomorrow I will wake up and enjoy my day working in a full time job and appreciate the life I lead and the person I am while they are holed up currently living with their mum and living off her credit card, unemployed and living a sick and twisted life of deranged delusions and theft. It will take some time to be open to dating again and but I don’t want the evil and sociopathic ways of one person to break my trust with all I meet. I will just have to be more aware and discerning in the future. Feel free to message me if anyone needs support going through a similar experience. Stay strong and stay positive and don’t let them eat away your happiness, because they would love to know they’ve hurt you. Peace!

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    • Tela

      Tracy, thank you so much for sharing your painful experience. Reading what you wrote, I could ‘feel’ the moments of that joy you spoke about. And then….when the reality set in, I could ‘feel’ the anger, disappointment, and so much more.
      Sadly, this person caused not only financial abuse, but emotional and mental abuse as well. It takes a long time to heal. Even though the relationship was brief, YOUR emotions and feelings were real.

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  4. damiancamp

    I was with a female sociopath for 5 months. In the beginning she was breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 months – she was a Czech air hostess and she had moved to New Zealand to be with him. They had just got their partnership visa together but she decided he really wasn’t for her-he’d wet the bed, he couldn’t spell, he’d lied about his job, his family were ‘simple’ and boring, he’d changed since they had come to New Zealand, he lied to her and owed her money and she was very unhappy. I guess these were all red flags and she should have come across as irrational and a bit heartless, but I am a dairy farmer and I live and work alone out in the country, have done for years and years.
    She was all honey and compliments for me – “I’d never meet a guy like you in Prague!” “I love your muscles, not fake like the guys back home!” “You are so tall, I love big hairy men” “I love your job” “You are so smart!, I love intelligent men”. We slept together on the second date. She left Prague because everyone cheated, she wanted a stable relationship and wanted nothing more than to be faithful to one man. She broke it off with the other guy, she was still living with him though and waiting on her shipment of furniture and clothes from Prague. She went on and on about how upset he was and how he had cried. She did this with a little smile on her face. She would go on about her exes, telling me elaborate stories and comparing me to them and saying I was much better in this way and that way and so on. She was so in love with me, I was the love of her life. We had so much sex – she was amazing in bed, like nothing I’ve ever experienced or will again. When we were apart and would meet up again she’d say “need a fix?” (She said this often and I began using this expression too) She would stare into my eyes and tell me she’d never had a connection like this before, and then giggle afterwards. I don’t know how I didn’t wise up. It was like a drug. Something about her. She was intoxicating. She got her ex to move her shipment in to an apartment in town. She was going to pay the huge rent on her credit card? SHe was always spending time with him and getting him to do stuff for her, but always letting me know about it. She had a friend back home that wanted to see if her husband was on tinder, so she was going to go on tinder to look for her friend? I bought it. She had all these little repetitive personality traits and things she did that I loved. She would find my eyelashes and say “make a wish, love” give great massages and head rubs.
    She began to get unhappy with new zealand. This was the worst apartment she had ever lived in. Back home she owned an apartment. SHe had a law degree. I compensated by trying to keep her happy. I used up all of my accrued time off taking her travelling all over the country, all my favourite beaches. We’d have sex on the beach, she was shameless. We had many great adventures – i almost drowned with her swimming in a dangerous current at her insistence. She just giggled away the whole time like it was a joke. We went on many walks, many dinner dates – i paid, went dancing, I ran many errands for her. She began changing her tune – she told me I was the best lover she had ever had, but my kissing let me down. She liked that I wasn’t like some pretty asian that spent all day on his hair and make-up, but then she would get angry at me and abuse me for not clipping my toenails perfectly. I was working 70 hour weeks. She wanted me to help find her a job, buy her household appliances, get her internet sorted, fix her car and take it for a warrant. She wasn’t working. I told her I’d get her the internet. Two days later it wasn’t connected yet – “I hate when people say they will do things and don’t do them!!! What is wrong with you!!!” Then she withheld sex and very nasty for hours. She wanted a washing machine. “I met a cool guy at the laundromat, maybe nz will be a good place to live after all” I’d had enough by this point, I blurted “we have to break up”. I immediately regretted it. She went nuts. Yelling at me abusing me, saying i have no friends, that im smelly, im an idiot. Get out. I missed her terribly, we reconciled after 2 days. She was very happy. “Just like old times”. “remember this time…” “remember the time we fucked over there…” For easter I got excess chocolate from my mum, so I gave her some. She accused me of lying, saying she knew I didnt buy it. I told her I got it from my mum. SHe told me I should never lie – she was always very suspicious of me and my honesty was a huge talking point for her. She felt she had caught me out in a lie and wrote it down on her calendar. She told me she would always be faithful to me and never disrespect me. I was the love of her life. She would say it in Czech. She even taught me Czech, I can say I love you, and cute little bug, some other sweet little nothings. We kissed under blossoming cherry trees as is the custom in Czech and I made and decorated this whip thing, as she forced me to, to whip her on easter. It left brutal marks – she was very happy about it. She said she was regularily hiring a man for professional massage, so if i saw him at her apartment i shouldn’t be alarmed.She kept meeting people off some meet ups site – other foreigners she told me so she could have friends. She’d show me photos of many guys she had met since arriving in NZ. She went on a road trip to Napier to vist an old friend, a boxer, she showed me photos of him. She kept spending time with her weird old man neighbour – just looked like a 50 year old fat homeless guy with nothing going for him. But he did have a crappy old BMW….She would text me about how he actually had big muscles, and how they talked about how he slept with prostitutes. She would show me texts from him – he would includes xxx’s and get very over the top. SHh would show me texts from her partnership visa ex, hurt heartbroken texts ‘the other night i misunderstood what u meant about baby steps, i thought we were back together’ and she’d be giggling at me, telling me “what is he on about?”. I confronted her about my red flags she beat around the issue – “i love you milacku, I miss you like crazy, I need you, come to bed” I pressed on. So she broke up with me. Told me “just a little break up” ” we can still be friends? “SO I could be added to the countless list of her international exes running errands for her? I was so upset. I missed her. Couldn’t believe it was over. I needed a fix. I did something stupid. I sought revenge. I contacted the partnership visa ex. Revealed to him what was going on. She had been leading him on, telling him she was just so unsure about new zealand, needed space. Was still using him like an ATM. Had told him he was the love of her life, they had just started trying for a baby when they broke up. He was confused, shocked. She owed him money, not the other way around. His ‘simple’ annoying family had spent much time and money and effort on her trying to make her happy here. He still defended her. She had told him I was crazy and dangerous. SHe contacted the police, they came round to my house and gave me a restraining order. She would still ring me and tell me how much she hated me, she had never hated anyone but she hated me. I kept texting her. I text her 200 times a day without a reply. I’d lost my mind. Heartbroken, crazy texts. Some abusive, most just sad. Some crazy and romantic. Insane. I took up chain-smoking. Would pace around in circles thinking about her. I nearly lost my job. She even had the police contact my employer. I couldn’t sleep, stopped eating, just felt miserable. I lost 15kg of muscle and stopped attending the gym. Then she met me for a drink. I thought it was the most important meeting of my life. It was all my fault. I was crazy, i text so much. I’d contacted her ex, I was so sorry. She slept with me again then discarded me again. Kept stringing me along. “my mother is worried sick” “i’m going back to Prague” We got back together after a month of this. It was euphoric. Just being in her company, staring into her eyes, I could just let everything wash away. It wasn’t real, she would never do anything to hurt me. I am the love of her life. She wanted my baby. Her old pervert neighbour had got her a job in a bar up the road. She would come home and boot me out after work at 3am because she needed time alone. Id visit her at work and get odd looks. She came home from work and told me i wasn’t very outgoing, people at the bar didn’t think we were a couple – i seemed like some angry guy bothering her. She said we had to break up. She was going back to Prague. I said I’d go with her. She said we couldn’t be together in Prague. She doesn’t care who touches her. She is still in NZ 6 months later. Had 2 or 3 boyfriends since – it is a small place. I found out she had slept with her ex and the old neighbour guy and god knows who else and lied to me about it.
    I almost think she knows she is a sociopath and slowly let on to me. Like it was a game. Like she doesn’t care.

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    • damiancamp

      I left out how towards the end she would say “it is your fault – you keep coming back” “You have the crazy eyes again!” “You are crazy. I am crazy for being with you, I should get crazy tattooed on my arm” – she did have a tattoo on her arm ‘we are Gemini’ she is a Gemini. “I am going to destroy your career! You hateful, hateful person!” “You are the worst drug”
      It seems to me all these insults would have been more appropriate if they were flung at her. Maybe she was just dishing out verbal abuse she had heard thrown at her. I don’t know.
      She invited me over for dinner one night, I bought all the ingredients and she was going to cook. She got a ph call and booted me out, but she let me take the ingredients with me. She even got me to make her a list as to why she should stay in NZ.
      She got back with me the final time over the week of her birthday. She was very angry with me on the day of her birthday, telling me she knew I’d stuff it up and I better have something good planned. We hadn’t been seeing each other in a month and I had 2 days notice to get her an expensive gift and plan a great day.
      During our time together we watched her movies. The whole Rocky series, basic instinct, ps I love you, the notebook, and this crazy Czech film with loads of nudity – it was basically porn- the main characters wife was cheating on him with his gross old dying father who was incredibly perverted and seeing all these prostitutes in hospital. Maybe they are all sociopaths over there? She seemed to think her behaviour was completely acceptable. Reading on here, I think she was more ‘in your face’ than most sociopaths, but I just kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. She did tell me in the beginning she thinks everyone should sleep together on the first date to see if they are compatible, after great sex she would say “see that, that is love” and just so many tales of so many sexual partners she had had. Married men, tourists etc. Maybe she was a prostitute at one stage? I just chose to believe her when she said I was special to her and she would be faithful. I feel she collects couple photos of her and her ‘partners’ in her ph to show people. I hate that I am in that bitches ph.
      She told me she was clean but she has given me multiple life-long stds.
      I still miss her.

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      • onward

        I understand the part about you missing her. That is the kicker! I miss him and he stole from me. I would have preferred to be burglarized when I wasn’t home by a stranger.

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  5. fawn

    Sociopath Lover Unmasked

    I shall speak of him in past tense, although I am absolutely sure in my heart and soul, that he still exists now as described. And I pray that my brief existence on his radar screen has miraculously succeeded in planting a positive karmic seed, one that will actually evolve and grow to influence humanity in a healing way.
    A seed will grow roots and bear fruit in a human soul, whose energy source is sustained by it’s connection to Divinity; residing and thriving within it’s own wholeness. But a human shelled robot must recharge or die from sources outside itself.
    I am convinced that the positives which I bring away from my experiences with a sociopath lover, are those in which only myself will choose to manifest.
    At the time I knew him, he resided in a beautiful historic Victorian home with the name Conn engraved on a plaque near his door. This ironic word is a family name which belonged to the original builders and owners of his home more than one hundred years ago.
    There came a time during our daily encounters, that every time I passed the Conn plaque and entered his front door a metaphorical red flag would wave at me in a desperate attempt to grab my attention and break through that helpless foggy illusion I resided in.
    It was a lovely illusion with stained glass windows and antique furniture. Photos of family adorned his dining room walls, of his children in pictures and daddy moments, friends getting married and babies smiling. His library was full of books, and various collections of art.
    He was a “foodie”, loving fine wine and gourmet treats. His kitchen was full of healthy green exotic plants he spent time with, wooden cupboards hung from floor to high ceilings, loaded with homegrown canned vegetables and fruits, home recipe sauces and creative concoctions. He made his own yogurt, breads, and cheeses, and he conducted sausage making workshops upon occasion.
    In his backyard stood a collection of solar panels and a friendly well-used fire pit. There existed a hot tub and deck furniture, waiting to be enjoyed. And at least one of his many VW vans in the collection, ran on vegetable oil. Much of his daily activities revolved entirely around a gentle, ecologically minded lifestyle.
    Highly educated, intelligent, world traveled, and residing in a richly nurturing all organic environment, this man even wrote a guide book of coastal trails he’d traveled, built his own sail boat, built a life sized model airplane, and held an armature airline pilot’s license.
    He loved gadgets of all kinds, and kept collections of them everywhere. Radios and phones, little electronic devices peaked out at me from nearly every corner of his home. There were little fake cameras and actual recording cameras everywhere, they graced his porches, doorways and certain rooms of his home. A little robot cleaned his floors, he had two dishwashers, two stoves, several phones including a wrist phone, several computers, and many ham radio devices.
    His basement was eerily alive with wires and computers and radios. There was a room completely filled with multicolored lights, beeps and hums of electronic equipment. It startled me the first time I entered because I was surrounded by animated robotic corded parts and parcels, flashing and vibrating, always ON. They took on a life of their own.
    This room remained creepily alive beneath us in the basement, as we humans vessels breathed our air, and ate our food, toileted, bathed and interacted on the floors above. I sometimes heard the mechanisms stirring below, especially in the wee hours of the morning when I couldn’t sleep and sat on a couch near the foyer where the closed basement door was. I imagined the gadgets and computers all turned on and humming away, patiently waiting for my lover, their robot king, to come downstairs and play with them again.
    His personal vehicle was not without a special gadget that turned street lights green from red, and it had an annoying clicking sound when he turned it on that made me feel nauseous. He used this every time he drove anywhere as he despised waiting for anything.
    He was intelligent and a master of words, cunning and bold. His higher education included expertise in communication, electronics and engineering. He held a stable job surrounded by more electronic gadgets to fix and play with, that also allowed him ample free time to travel and explore, socialize with people, and be outside in natural settings.
    My dog still loves, misses and mourns his loss to this day. He took her to work with him, built her a ramp so she could walk her old legs up into his high truck, and he filled her with treats, praises and abundant attention that all canines crave and appreciate.
    His plants and garden grew abundantly beautiful under his care, and my own body still longs and aches for the warmth of his expert hands, his “monster cuddles”and sleepy time embraces, sensual kissing, neck nuzzles, playful tickles and the frequent experience of his pure obvious raw sexual desire for me.
    Love making with him was off the charts wonderful, and his awareness of female human anatomy, and his skill at pleasure, astounded and pleased me. Sometimes he lasted for more than twenty minutes, then would take a quick break, and do it all over again.
    As an avid mushroom hunter, his sense of smell was so incredibly astute I swear he could smell truffles below the dirt without the use of any trained truffle dog. Smell was such an enormous source of enjoyment for him that he remarked about it often. And my scent attracted him to me, much as an animal is drawn to their food. It was primal and endearing, I found his love of my scent extremely sexy.
    As a couple, we hiked and camped for five days together on the Pacific Coastal Trail, canoed and camped along rivers together, spent many days and nights around camp fires or in the backwoods mushroom hunting and sight seeing. We played together in hot springs, on ocean beaches, picnicked in garden settings, cooked creative meals together, hosted holiday parties, explored incredibly tasty restaurants together, and wine tasted at lovely vineyards. We even read books in bed together, frequented unique little movie theaters where we’d snuggled and whisper jokes to each other in the dark, and planned fantasy vacations.
    He knew just what to say at all the right times to draw me to him like a moth to a flame. He knew exactly what to do for me and to me, in order feed my needy insecure emotional monsters when they were needy. He was giving and nice, bringing flowers and gifts and sharing assistance on numerous occasions. There were days when he was so kind, loving and generous that I allowed myself to forgot about the other side of him I’d witnessed.
    For seven months we spent nearly every night in the same bed, and you would think that during this amount and quality of time spent, that our bond would have developed into a healthy attachment. But it didn’t. And this is because I have left out the most important part of my experience with him. It’s the part about how I discovered he was wearing a mask and hiding a terrifying secret, that he was actually a sociopath, a classic by the book deceiver.
    What I have written so far has set the stage for my maniacal roller coaster ride of a love story, and provided clues and subtle inferences more easily recognized by those of you who have actually been through, or studied, sociopath relationships.
    The deeply disturbing confusion and drama one goes through while navigating through cycles of narcissist love is universal in it’s symptoms, and follows a cyclic rhythm of ups and downs. So it’s common when sharing these experiences together with those who have been through it, to feel we have all somehow dated the same person.
    What we have actually dated is the same demon robot. The same emotional addiction to someone who harbors a possession of sociopath insanity. I am convinced that this confusing, diseased, madness of narcissist malignant self love, resides in plain sight within shells of various human bodies, and it presents itself the same way, just as if it is a program in a machine.
    This robotic program, or diseased mind, however one chooses to interpret it, carries out a specific and predictably cyclic predatory mission- to locate sources of energetic (narcissist) supply and to consume it for survival. Without a human energy supply, a sociopath experiences himself as “non existent”, invisible and void of realness. Inner life is virtually absent, and there is no “True North” for faith and guidance. He can’t be alone, because without others defining him as he lives through them, he experiences himself as not “real”. Sociopaths are like a chameleon parasites, opportunistic tricksters who attract their prey, consume for survival, and then rinse and repeat if possible.
    To a sociopath, obtaining a supply of human energy is a matter of “life or death”. Love to a sociopath is the deep need he feels for his narcissistic supply of energy. He simultaneously hates and loves his dependence on this target of need, thus creating a viscous cycle of pain in any relationship he begins. And the target of attention, the one he consumes much like an energy sucking vampire, soon becomes just as addicted to the sociopath as he is addicted to her. It’s much like an evolutionary chemical reaction gone awry.
    These shells of people creep women and men on online dating sites, in churches and in bars. They are everywhere people are. They have spent their lives practicing to be “human”, showing outward wholeness, intelligence and accomplishment. They show themselves as positive and playful, charming and witty, with faces that smile and hands that give.
    As time goes by the mask comes off and what’s revealed beneath is much like a horror movie reaching climax. The carefully woven web is is a facade hiding reckless and damaging, dangerously fear based activity beneath its surface.
    If your intuition is intact, you will see the signs before the mask comes off and be on guard for what your are getting into. If you were like me, you went ahead and rode the roller coaster anyway. If I had known then what I know now, I would have skipped town first sign!
    Sociopaths are pathological liars, master manipulators, incredibly skillful lovers and amazing pretenders. They are wired so emotionally different than most people, you would shudder in repulsion if you glimpsed the reality of their lack of empathy, guilt, remorse and good conscious.
    These pretenders “fake it till they make it!”, and they exist primarily to con and to consume energy through sexual or cognitive/mental attention from other people. Their existence depends on it, with a deeply passionate craving that drives out all other needs.
    Sociopath narcissist malignant self love is the worst form of addiction I have ever encountered, because it is secretive, life sucking, and with no feelings of right or wrong, sadness or remorse, why would one want to even heal and change? This is why so many never seek therapy for help.
    To reveal a sociopath to himself or to others is dangerous because theirs is a primal predator existence in it’s most powerful state of being- the human being. These pretenders reside in the shell of human bodies, aware they are different, adapting and surviving just as any other living creature. They are intelligent robots, mingling in social circles within every facet of society, and are willingly revengeful if sensing a threat.
    For those of us with natural empathy for all Beings, we are a sociopath’s favorite meal, and in a narcissist relationship dance of madness with one of them, we will experience all three stages, or cycles, of a the sociopath’s addictive process of conditioning us which are idealization, devaluing, and discard. Some people stay with a sociopath for years, experiencing the phases of I, d & d over and over before escaping back to a real life again. There are other common terms, such as gas lighting and hoovering that you read about often when learning about the phases of this insane form of relationship. I’ll no doubt use them in describing my own story.
    In my experience with him, I am grateful to have unmasked this sociopath before the discard phase sunk it’s teeth into my soul, because I witnessed his discard of others first hand, and to his surprised dismay because I saw him unmasked before he was ready to show me the truth of who and what he really was.
    Meanwhile, he was attempting to maintain me in his life as his primary ‘source’ of narcissist supply, continuing to delay the a replacement of me as I was the “front” for his family and social circles, someone by his side who he could look normal with. During this period of time he was still in idealization and devaluation rotation with me, and the discard cycle was yet unused, it had been placed temporarily on the back burner for a future grand finale only a sociopath narcissist lover can possibly take pleasure in.
    But, like a hurricane on it’s way I saw it coming and prepared my escape before that predictable pain was to occur. I would not become a “past friend” like those I had discovered existed in his life, and in fact, I would not be anything at all to him, which was in essence the truth; so I created a way out, made him a “no contact” forever and always, as is the only way to rid oneself of a sociopath, and with great relief reclaimed myself and old life.
    I have learned that I have always been attracted to narcissist relationships, probably because as child I went through periods of time being near sociopath behavior in my immediate family. So now, with eyes wide open, this last experience has been a tremendous gift to my life, and I claim the lesson as one of immense spiritual insight and self healing.
    I am very awake now, and sincerely happy and grateful for what just happened, because I have finally been vaccinated against this type of predator, once and for all. I can define and describe and understand what it’s about now. I can help others who are still down the rabbit hole seeking meaning in that madness.
    If there’s one concept I want everyone who reads this to realize it’s this: There is no closure to be found with a sociopath.
    None.
    The expectation of finding closure through communication, explanation or any contact with the sociopath must be released and let go of.
    Closure is in closing the door to him (or her), locking it solidly, and throwing away the key. Closure is in forgiving everyone and everything involved, especially ourselves for being duped, and in choosing happiness over pain.
    Closure is in the victory of letting go and moving on for good, in being able to go back to feeling balanced and at peace again. Because we can leave and feel peace again, while a sociopath does not leave and he stays. For a sociopath there is no peace, ever, ever, ever.
    So pray for his miracle from a safe distance, but don’t stick around another second.

    The following (coming soon) is my own more detailed story:

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  6. Dennis Brassaw

    At the age of 60 I’ve become all to aware of the sociopaths among us. A younger brother who is the classic corporate climber who became as successful as a sociopath can be using the lack of conscience to climb over whoever he needed to in order to get to the top.

    A local pastor who channeled the dead child of a wealthy couple in order to divide and conquer their wealth, quite successfully I might add.

    And as a chronic pain patient, two failed back surgeries, I was treated by a doctor with no empathy. After putting false information into my medical records in an attempt to sway the decision makers in my SSDI hearing and controlling my next doctor and successfully putting me into a state of insanity inducing sleep deprivation by having the next doctor take away my sleep med, the light bulb finally went off over my head. I’m in the middle of trying to get this doctor disciplined at the least, and removed from the medical field at best.

    Yes, we all need to be aware of the sociopaths among us and be tuned into the clues such as never being wrong….ever, even when the truth is handed to them. They will use deflection and denial and NEVER admit they were wrong, that’s the big one that will be the first clue you need to be aware of.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Dennis for your comment, and for sharing what you are going thru. I had to read twice your comment about what the doctor did to you. I simply cannot understand why he is still practicing!! I hope you are successful in getting him, like you said, disciplined in the least…but hopefully more! He is a serious danger to society. Reading about your brother and the pastor just reiterates what us professionals have said all along, ‘there is zero conscience in them. NONE And sadly, people like you, who are now suffering a serious medical, debilitating issue caused by the Sociopath doctor is just heartbreaking!! Thank you again for sharing with us!

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  7. summertime52

    I am just getting out of a relationship with a sociopath after more than 4 years and even though a great amount of damage has been done along the way, I have also made a great deal of progress. I reached the point in my life where I’ve hit that rock bottom where I finally realized how insane my life has become as a result of him being in my life. He was my high school sweetheart, his wife had just left him, my husband and I had just got separated & one night he sent me a message on Facebook. All of a sudden we were “reunited” after all these years. Within 2 weeks he was expressing his undying love for me, how he never forgot me after all this time and how he knew I was his soul mate. We were going to live happily ever after. By the third week I began noticing very strange behaviors already and every time I said questioned him he said his wife just left their 17 year relationship. I started trying to get out then but he kept coming back with all of his charm and I fell for it, really hard. 4 months into the relationship it was still very strange but I just thought it was because of his separation. I had also only been with one person for 17 years. I was new to “the dating scene”.

    4 years later I can’t even count how many times we have been back and forth. He was like an addiction to me and I now have to view this process like a recovery and own the part I play in it as well. I have isolated myself because everyone has already heard me say countless times how bad my life has been with him but yet I kept going back so now all those who are close to me and don’t know the profile of a sociopath have no understanding therefore they are not going to be supportive to me at this stage. Sites such as this are where I need to be and I am grateful for this because I can read other’s stories and share as well.
    It is embarrassing and humiliating because I not only have to face everyone else looking at me and saying, “Why did you stay and put up with everything you did?” I now have to begin taking a long hard look at myself and asking the same questions and begin working on those issues.

    The best thing is he’s gone and I can begin doing this now. I don’t have to lose any more of myself. The worst part is over. Whatever answers I uncover cannot be worse than what I have already endured. I am obviously broken so now it’s time to mend and heal which is a good thing. There is hope in sight. There will be relief. Brighter days. A better way. The worst is behind me and for this I am grateful.

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    • Tela

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I truly understand why you kept going back. He could say the sweetest of things, or profess how much he has ‘changed’ and misses you. Or the endless empty promises he made, and you believed him. And that is because you did and still do have faith in people. You just need to get that faith back in yourself. Yes, you are now on a very very long road. And you have kicked your ‘addiction’ cold turkey. And that is exactly what a Sociopath becomes to us, an addiction. If you have not read this post about the addiction that is created, please do. It will give you more understanding of what was happening to you.
      You have already made the first very difficult step, which was removing him from your life. I wish you continued peace in your healing. And if there is something I have not addressed, please feel free to email me: telahill1@gmail.com

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  8. worriedaboutmydaughter

    Tela, I need help. I had a friendship with someone I now believe is a sociopath. I will call her Geri. I adored this friend’s wit, brilliance and unconventional style, but it soon got out of control. This friend “came to my rescue” when my marriage was in trouble. I was eternally grateful for her support at a critical time and loved her. But then things changed, she started inserting herself into our life in ways that made me uncomfortable, at times she was even deceitful and controlling (a couple examples of many: she rearranged my house without my permission , told my husband false stories about me to ruin our relationship, besides mine, she attempted to read her boss’s emails while he was in the men’s room ). Needless to say I was done with her, but the problem is my daughter. She forged a relationship with my daughter and that is why I am writing. My daughter lives in the same city as Geri, who controls every aspect of my 25 year old daughter’s life, she even gets thoroughly involved in her relationships, changing my daughter’s phone number because she didn’t like the boy she was dating – my daughter is a grown woman! This girl is completely under her influence, because she has given her things we could not and it is fair to say alienated her from us. I saw that this woman had no boundaries early on, but because she had an abusive childhood we kept giving her excuses. She has a powerful need to aggrandize herself (in fact when I met her many years ago she told so many different stories about her past that it was clear to me she had a lying disorder). Apparently she tells anyone who will listen that she raised my daughter. When anyone confronts her she either literally walks away or becomes hysterical (with screaming and tears). She starts out sincere and well-meaning, but soon she finds a weakness and exploits it. People either love her wit and flamboyance or they hate her attention grabbing overbearing personality. It always starts well but ends bad. My daughter loves her and sees her as an Auntie Mame (if that were the extent of it, I would be happy). But she is using my daughter to make up for a need to prove something to her own Mother, whom she has never forgiven. It has gone on for so many years and neither listen to me. At this point, it is up to my daughter to stop this and get out. She will not come home and has now become a mini-Geri herself.
    Is there anything that my daughter (and Geri) can do to get help?
    Thank you for a great and inspiring blog.

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  9. njncguy

    Sometimes the “last word” sticks as being what many see as the truth of a situation. For me, I became the “bad guy” in my divorce (because I was guilty of wanting out). This despite years of affairs and endless lies by my wife.

    I (and others) were like putty in my ex’s hands. She had the “talent” to make the truth seem to be whatever she wanted it to be. As a top Wall Streeter my ex just innately knew how to so believably manipulate and, if need be, look you dead in the eyes and give a seemingly heartfelt statement that was in fact just a total bullshit lie. And given her total lack of caring if she hurt others (there were many, including homes she blew up when took the husbands to bed) she had the traits of a psychopath. … I have a blog on this.

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    • Tela

      Thank you @njncguy for your comment. What an interesting word to describe what your ex did….”talent”. I believe all Sociopaths have that ability to look us dead in the eye and give ‘heartfelt’ statements or lies that are believable. I will check out your blog today!!

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  10. Karen

    I met my sociopath in the fall of 2013. We dated for 5 months, and I would possibly still be with him now if he wasn’t found out by his fiance’ of three years.. that, of course, I had no idea existed. We met, and yes, mutual attraction, dates, beach walks, dinners out, great sex, many conversations of shared stories (his probably being all lies), laughter, fun, and excitement. Texts, phone calls… all the traits that I NOW KNOW exist in the life of a sociopath. When I got the text from his now Ex-Fiance, (one month ago) my world crashed, as did his..his fiance’s and all the other lies he was living with. He was a sex addict as well… and it was uncovered that he had many sexual fetishes, and was living these fetishes out while dating me and having a fiance’. He was on an online fetish site, which was revealed from a woman he met on the site, who flew thousands of miles to spend the weekend with him for love, companionship, and shared sexual fetishes. This happened only two weeks before he was found out. The woman who flew here also fell for him.. online, that’s how good he is. She also set up a sexual encounter for him with a man on the site, (that he asked for) which took place the night before she arrived. I recall the night, he told me he had to work late and we would see each other by the weekend. I wonder what he told his fiance that night as he crawled into bed with her when he arrived home. This woman, who flew to see him has helped ME in so many ways.. we never met, but she is an intelligent woman who had fallen for a sociopath before and understood my betrayal, and that I had a real relationship with this man. I may not have been the fiance, but I was his “girlfriend” for five months.. spending a lot of time with him. She understood because she was duped by the same guy. When she arrived for the weekend, he spent one evening with her, and never came back to the hotel again, making up lies that he was sick all weekend. During our five months together I tried to pull away twice, feeling something was not right..but he wouldn’t let me go. Our times together were magical, but our days apart were hard.. distant, and I have been “kicking myself” for not listening to my gut instincts. Sites like this are helpful, thank you… knowing that we are all intelligent woman, and they are just predators. He started with the “I love you’s”.. then more and more frequently he would say things like, “I always wanted a woman like you, and was so happy that we met, and I was his girl.” He would whisper “sweet nothings” in my ear…he was so skilled. I complimented him on how smart he was… he always smiled when I would say this to him, and now I know why!! I fell in love with him.. I truly did. He took me house hunting with him, and use to say he couldn’t wait until he had his own house so we could cook together and I could stay over. He was renting a house during our time together, LIVING with his fiance’!!! He told me he had a roommate with a young daughter who visited often… I believed him, and we had my place anyway to hang at. The houses he took me to see, were the same houses he was actually looking at with his fiance!! Just very sick and demented. So… he had a fiance, I was his girlfriend, and then he had a bunch of sexual partners from the fetish site.. both women and a few men!! I don’t know how he did it, but he did. His fiance, thank goodness, finally decided to trust her instincts, and got in his phone while he was sleeping, and it all ended the next morning.. or should I say it all started! She was devastated, we bonded as women, along with the woman who flew here to meet him who is now back in her home state. Our sociopath received texts, voicemails, from us and probably many more. He went home for lunch, knowing he was found out, and became physical with his fiance. She called the cops, and he was arrested and spent the night in jail. This gave the fiance enough time to pack her things, and her father came and brought her back to her home state. The fiance and the sociopath only had moved to “my state” exactly one year ago. It was all a crazy-whirlwind of events.. leaving so much betrayal behind. I have since heard he may have been fired from his job, and he too left the state. He did write me two days after he was found out.. saying he did and does love me, and what we had was genuine. He took me to see the houses because he was torn between me and the fiance. He went on to say that when we “made love’ it was real, and when he looked into my eyes.. all just crazy sick lies!! I wrote him back telling him NOT to tell me he loved me, he is incapable of loving anyone, and what he did to his fiance, first, was just horrible, and then to me, and all the other men and women. I came to find out that he and his fiance had lost a baby a year ago, and I was in even more shock due to the fact that he wanted me to have his baby!! I was never going to have his baby, but he always talked about it, and when I had a pregnancy scare the month before he wanted me pregnant. This was a huge sign, and one of the times I tried to pull away.. but his lies drew me back. He “only wanted me”, he would say, even if I didn’t want to have any more children. I also found out from the woman on the site, that one of his fetishes … ( this is REAL)… was “milking and breeding women”. He is a member on the site of this group! If you are like me.. you may be reading this with your mouth wide open, thinking, what the heck is “milking and breeding women?” I never knew anything like this existed!! Oh, it’s been a huge eye opener for me.. every bit of it!!! I have done a lot of soul searching, read many articles, spoken with trusted friends, the fiance, and the women who flew to see him. It’s been a month now, time is my best friend, and telling my story on your bog page has been helpful in a big way!! Thank you. I hope that everyone who needs healing from a relationship with a sociopath takes the time they need, and are gentle with themselves. We are all smart, beautiful people inside and out, and never let anyone take that power of away from you!!

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    • Tela

      Karen thank you for sharing your story. I have never heard of ‘milking and breeding women’, and yes, my mouth was wide open reading all of this. I wish you many blessings on your road to healing.

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  11. Rya

    All the above was my ex. I would tell her something painful , she would sit back with her arms behind her head and slowly curl her hair.

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  12. eoftheu2014

    Sounds like my story. I only once had a ‘peep’ into the rage as it was nothing major — just a lot of screaming and yelling. The ridiculous lies, the constant barrage of women was more than a notion. My narcissist literally changed on me overnight. Between a great evening together, my leaving at midnight and 6:00 the next morning, he flipped the script. Things were never the same between us again. I tried for months to get back what I had even watching him and the other women. Finally, I sought counseling. I knew something was wrong that I even wanted this man. I had to find out what it was. The counselor was telling me he was a narcissist but I never really got a grasp on what she meant. It was not until I decided to end the charade, walk away and was guided to a website that mirrored my own story. So glad to be free. So glad that I had the where-with-all to walk away. His life is insane and he was taking me there. I grieved for him. But the love and counsel of friends and a great counselor saved me. I am grateful. I had asked God on New Year’s Day to remove the emotion from me and that is when I found the blogs on narcissism. I thank all of my sister friends for telling their stories! It freed me! I promise to write my own blog to free others as well.

    Great blog!

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    • Tela

      Thank you @eoftheu2014.wordpress.com for sharing your story. I have read your blog, and I have to say, you are much stronger than I am watching the parade of women in and out of his door like a hotel! Narcissistic people have a way of drawing us in, hooking us up with their charm, and then cutting us off, like oxygen! Welcome to my blog….and I love reading your positive attitude!! We can all heal from that. ~cheers~

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