A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Trauma Bonding

Trauma Bonding occurs in various forms with a Narcissists Sociopath. And each of these forms are so detrimental to your mental and emotional well-being. This article is specifically for adults in a relationship. Child Trauma Bonding will be another post.

  • Cognitive Dissonance~ this happens when you have 2 different thoughts about the same thing, ‘this relationship is abusive i need to get out…….i need to stay and make this relationship work. In order to rectify this cognitive dissonance you make excuses or justify the abuser ‘i know they love me, why can’t they show me. They were such a great person in the beginning, if i just stick with it maybe things will change.
  • Whiplash Effect ~ you are depending heavily on the treatment from the abuser. If your ‘nice’ maybe they will be ‘nice’ The narcissistic Sociopath’ becomes the deliverer of good or bad treatment, and when good treatment comes, there is so much hope and relief that the pain is going to end that the victim focuses on the good times, and ‘conveniently’ numbs out the bad times – even dismissing them.’ – therefore creating this Whiplash Effect.
  • Repetitive Compulsion Disorder~ this creates an anxiety addiction. When the Sociopath apologizes for their words or behaviour, you think to yourself ‘finally, they have seen what they are doing and will change’. But then the same repetition begins again, your back in the war-zone, and when they refuse to admit to their lies/behaviour you are needing that ‘fix’ again…which is for them to one more time apologize, make promises  of change, which puts you back into ‘i love this person i can’t live without them’.
  • Infantile Regressions ~ when the person you love becomes the one who abuses you, you regress back into your instinctual learned behaviour to survive. Like a child who turns to the parent for comfort/support. In this state of mind, you become helpless to the ability to defend the lies, defend the physical attacks, correct their delusions and verbal attacks on your character, you accept all blame because you literally feel like you are dying.
  • Obsession ~ if you have been able to leave {or break-up with} the Narcissistic Sociopath, you go into the obsessive state of mind. “What if’s” start to take over. Or maybe if I contact them one last time to explain things. Why did they just walk away so easily and hook up with someone else so quickly. These obsessive thoughts and more can only stop if you can have one more conversation, or be given a REAL, TRUTHFUL reason why you were treated so horribly.  But this thought process all ties into the Trauma Bonding. You want the answer’s, you want that contact because you need that ‘fix’. But in reality….you really don’t.

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion.   javan


15 Responses to “Trauma Bonding”

  1. Hitting bottom

    This is exactly where I am. I feel crazy! I feel like I’m not going to make it through the day with contact with him. The what-ifs are going to kill me. What if he really will change, what if someone else gets the changed man, what if it is me, what if he finds someone else, what if that person was lying to me when they said he was cheating with prostitutes? I feel like I’m so anxious and I sit and my head is racing until I can talk to him again! I do want to go to sleep and never wake up! And all this time he is living his life like nothing is wrong. With his denials, lies and the way he manipulates everyone and everything in his favor

    Liked by 1 person

  2. relieveditsover

    Thanks for referring me back to this post .. It’s so true that anxious addicted feeling is like nothing I’ve experienced before … I don’t know this person who is fretting calling him a million times .. I wish I could just chill out and accept it for what it is

    Liked by 2 people

    • Tela

      RelieveditsOver, I know you don’t know who you are right now. I’m going to write an article Sociopath Addiction. I hope it will give you better clarity & understanding what has happened to YOU and where you went. Hang in there my friend~ I know it’s terribly, terribly difficult right now! ~HUGS~ ❤



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