A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

The Disappearing Act

How many times has the Sociopath in your life disappeared? Do they read this book?

how-to-disappear-book-cover

No, they do not. Remember, a Narcissistic Sociopath has terminal adolescence. They should never have to explain what they do, how they do it, or with whom. So when they disappear, only to re-appear do not expect an explanation. And if you do get one, most assuredly it will be a lie , lame excuse.

A Narcissistic Sociopath can disappear for a few hours, to a few days, even a few months with no warning at all. Why do they do this? They will most likely tell you it was because of you! Either something you said, something you didn’t do, or maybe you didn’t feed the goldfish the right way. But the real reason they disappear is they are always moving forward, looking for something to validate them. Be it another person, drugs/alcohol, living a dual life, suffer from panic attacks just to name a few. They get this validation by being able to be completely disconnected from whatever it is they are doing, and elevating themselves above it and/or them {a person}. With you, there is a constant need for reciprocated feelings of love, compassion, truthfullness  and so on. Because the Sociopath cannot {or does not} reciprocate your feelings, you are draining them. And we know that is not how a relationship with a Narcissist Sociopath works.

Sociopaths are hypercritical, and also very needy at the same time. They are hypercritical about  your whole being, your family, your friends, even your career, but at the same time they need you to make them feel good. When they are not getting the ‘feel good’ from you, poof! They disappear. If they feel you are being critical of them, poof, they are gone! If you confront them about any number of things ie: lies, infidelity, commitments not kept, once again, they disappear. A Sociopath does not feel they need to be accountable {remember the terminal adolescence}, therefore, when they re-appear the last thing they want is to have a give a truthful reason why they disappeared. But again, most likely you will just hear more lies, and their delusional justification.

You will not and cannot change the Narcissistic Sociopath. You also cannot stop the disappearing acts. By allowing them back into your life when they do this, is telling them their behaviour is acceptable to you.

“Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.”

suzanne finnamore

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16 Responses to “The Disappearing Act”

  1. Debbie

    32 years I put up with the disappearing acts..when the last child left the nest so did I.

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  2. Skid

    This explains why my (50 year old) sociopath ex was always talking about her “independence” and not wanting to be “under anyone’s thumb”.
    – a 50 year old teenager.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Skid for you comment. Yes, that is such a classic textbook response from a Sociopath “I don’t want to be under anyone’s thumb”, which actually equates to, ‘I don’t want you knowing the TRUTH about me, maybe affairs, and of course all the lies told’.

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  3. JO90

    My sociopath used to say 123 then back in the door pathetic. He got the shock of his life when he tried to get back in the and the door was slammed firmly shut. Uuurgh just horrible human beings…

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  4. Amanda

    Omg I experience this all the time and I just accepted his excuse and let him back all in the name of love but afterwards I feel like an idiot because I feel like I was fooled because he’ll get mad and do it all over again. He got mad at me and called and said he is tired of going on an emotional roller-coaster ride with me,said goodbye and I haven’t heard a word in 2 months, who does that? It’s strange.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Amanda for your comment. It is very ‘normal’ to accept their excuses, lame attempts at a sincere apology etc. The reason he called and said he is tired of the emotioanl roller-coaster ride with you, is because that is exactly what their life is all about, a roller coaster of destruction. Read THIS article, hopefully it will help you understand your question of “who does that”?

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      • Amanda

        Thank you Tela this makes a lot of things more clearly for me. I will stay away from all the crazy drama he brings me.

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