A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Signs Of A Sociopath, Psychopath And/Or Narcissist

So you have met him or her! The perfect person to spend the rest of your life with! Hold On!!! Not so fast!! Ask yourself these following questions, they may bring some clarity to who/what you are actually dealing with.

  1. Charming~does he/she say all the right things? Is he/she over-the-top with compliments? Never ending stream of hearts & flower words, text and emails to you? Has this abundance of charm set him/her apart from anyone else you have met? Is he/she to good to be true?
  2. Egocentric & Grandiose~has he/she told you how successful their career is? If they are a parent, have they told you what a hand’s on parent they have been? Has everything in their life been pretty much ‘perfect’? {except for the ex-relationships}. Do they tell you how demanding their career is? Or other personal obligations?
  3. Disconnection of Their Past~does he/she have any relationship with his family? Do they talk about a dysfunctional childhood? Do they tell you how horrid their ex was? Have you met any of their life-long {or long term friends}? Probably not as they are non-existent. Are they superficial when talking of their past? {yet delve deep into yours with questions?}
  4. The Victim~of all the bad things that have happened in their past, was it because of someone else? Did they miss out on a promotion because someone else knew how to screw the system? Did they get a divorce because the ex is bi-polar {or whatever label they give the ex}.  Do they not have shared custody of children because the ex lied in court? Is there a pattern of what I call the blame game?
  5. Abundance of Your Time~ does he/she want to spend ALL of your time with them? Does he/she plan things and basically doesn’t give you the option of saying ‘no’? Do they blow up your cell phone with text messages daily, hourly?
  6. Moving Fast~has the relationship progressed quickly? Is he/she telling you they have met their soul mate and are in  love you? Are they already planning a forever future with you and your still at square one?
  7. Intimacy~ have they bragged about how wonderful they are in bed? Many Sociopath men have excessive testosterone, and because of their lack of connection, they do have an ability to please you for extended periods of time in the bed. They have set in place an invisible connection that makes you feel like you are the best match ever for him/her in the intimacy department. This also gives you a false sense of what will become a doomed relationship.
  8. Liar~Liar~i wrote a post about the pathological lying, the manipulation of words. Does he/she tell you a lie, that you know in fact is a lie, yet deflect the conversation if you try and discuss it with them? Do you feel they are deceiving you and not being transparent, yet demanding expecting you to be?
  9. Prey’s on your emotions~does he/she tell you something to obtain sympathy from you? Do they need you for financial reasons? Are you finding inconsistencies with their stories of success?
  10. The Art of Coning~ has he/she told you all of their accomplishments in life {sometimes in a short time span}. are they telling you of the goals they have for you and he/she? Are they feeding you false promises of a life spent in bliss?
  11. Impulse Control~or lack of actually? Does he/she do things without regard to consequences? Do they talk to certain people one way, and then someone else completely different? Do they disappear for any length of time, and have a lame lie excuse to their whereabouts?
  12. Lack of Motivation~ does he/she change jobs frequently? Are they unwilling to fit in with mainstream society in their professional lives? Do they feel rules are not in place for them?
  13. Isolation~ do you feel isolated from your close friends and family? Have you broken plans with someone because the Sociopath, Psychopath has made you feel guilty for not including them? Do you feel your world is shrinking with only them occupying it?
  14. Body Language~does he/she invade your personal space? Do they have that blank stare about them? Do you find yourself questioning their maturity?
  15. Social Disconnection~do you find he/she can be the life of the party and be centre of attention? Do they put the charm on for your friends so he/she is accepted? Do you realize that they are socially disconnected from themselves?

If you have answered yes to some of these questions, get out of the relationship! If at all possible, leave while your sanity is still intact. You cannot, and will not change this person. You may even still be questioning yourself if in fact the person you are with actually is a Sociopath, Psychopath, and/or Narcissist. If you are searching the web for answers, then the odd’s are, you have now become a victim of one.

©sociopathlife.com  ©sociopathworld.wordpress.com

58 Responses to “Signs Of A Sociopath, Psychopath And/Or Narcissist”

  1. Bobby fuller

    Hi, ok so I’ve read this and most of them are me, I know what I am and what I’m doing even what I’ve done, thing is I want to stop but can’t, how can I get help, it’s fine it saying you can’t change this person get out fast but there must be something? I’ve 3 kids and a partner what do I do?

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  2. Janet

    It’s true, your life can be waylayed, by these types, by either a platonic friendship, or a romantic and sexual relationship. Ive experienced both types of emotional abuse and sabatooge, when I was in crisis, years ago. They look for people who are NICE, that they can play and control. Kindness equals weakness to them. I get kinda annoyed when some people insult your intelligence, by acting like you are describing a typical jerk, or a competitive frenemy who hurt you. No no it goes to a whole other level, and it’s not fair to minimize the experience like that. But if you survive it, and regain control of your life, you’re not the same innocent you once were, and that’s a good thing. You’ve glimpsed a dark side of humanity, and you’re enlightened now, to the fact that, things are not allways as they appear, and that you don’t allways know people like you think you know people, no matter how long you’ve known them. There’s a social persona and a private true persona, behind closed doors. That even if you consider yourself to be a intuitive person, you can be conned. Don’t think your immune. So be careful and selective, with the company you keep, and keep your deepest feelings close to the vest. Play it smart. And be happy you’re not like them. As much as it hurts to be sensitive, it’s still better than the evil, dark, dysfunctional, hole they live in. There are good people in the world, and surround yourself with them. And once you realize these sociopathic people are more common than you think, it gets easier to spot the red flags.

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  3. Tammy

    A narcissists will drive you crazy, they’re very toxic all they talk about is themselves, they have huge egos, get away as fast as you can if you come into contact with one they’re emotional vampires.

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  4. Mary

    If analysis of their conversation patterns indicates is around 80/90% self directed-e.g. stories, occurrences, how good they are at doing things (knowing much better than others including professionals) or always bring the conversation back to self this too is an indicator. Also really important is not being able to say ‘sorry’ or if it is apparent that there is not a genuine understanding of the need to say sorry. It can be quite obvious that the ‘sorry’ is said because the occasion demands a sorry but without the understanding of what the apology is for.

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  5. Mel

    Hi I was with a narcissist but bitterly regret ever getting involved with him. At first he was the most lovely person you could ever wish to meet. Very quickly the lovely turned into sarcasm, not answering e mail’s, almost as if he didn’t want to know me anymore. And that is exactly what it was I am bored with you need to go and find me more NS. Even sex with him was like being with a robot even that stopped as he prefered to masturbate. How sick is that to have the woman you supposedly love in bed next to you but prefer to masturbate. I initiated NC but am constantly contacted by e-mail or text I cannot change either as they are linked to my work but I have blocked his e-mail address and blocked his mobile although he still gets my attention by using different addresses and numbers. He can tell me he loves me till the end of time but I will never get back with him and his sad life I am too vibrant for that kind of life and he is not my reality and never will be. Peace to all Mel xoxo

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  6. Julie

    So sorry to hear you became a victim to a sociopath. It is very painful and ever life changing. Just know that it happens so easily and when you don’t know people like that exist until you’ve met one , how would you ever have known? That was how it happened to me and the pain of it all still haunts me. To me he is nothing but the devil and I can’t have any contact with him because he is nothing but selfish materialistic and self-righteous. A man I never would have fallen in love with had I seen it sooner or verified his stories which were all twisted to be half true and half distorted so I wouldn’t see the real him. He knew the kind of man I was looking for and became that verbally but in all reality couldn’t live up to it and had no intentions of changing. Just thought I would stay in a one sided relationship because how could I leave such a wonderful man?? Lol. He still thinks he is a great catch because of the material things he can offer !! lol. I guess to try to make up for his inability to have long lasting relationships. Underneath all of that he is antisocial and cold hearted. Plays on women for their attention to fulfill his ego. I fear how to trust a man again, but I have faith in God that if there is someone right for me, God will put the right man back in my life when He thinks I am ready. Hang in there and I would love to know what apps you used, so I can keep them on hand, just in case I may need them. Hopefully not though!

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  7. rCynefin

    Exactly the kind of guy i was with a month ago. Just didnt know i was with one until read this.
    It used to puzzle me how someone could be so perfect and complimenting and that too during the initial days itself.
    A flower everyday, and the toe curling romance was like a dream come true. he always had that air of mystery around him. His dark and sad past gained my sympathy and drew me more towards him. He used to live a totally isolated life, and preferred staying alone almost all of the time. He was awesome with words and i found myself drifting away from my family and friends who were totally against him since starting. I thus kept him secret and resultantly became emotionally and physically distanced from my family and other close friends.
    being overly analytical, i always found him a bit different, like in a dark way, and thus maintained a certain distance. Only to find him engulfing me more towards him, by words and deeds.

    Only when i was completely into it, and we were finally on the verge of taking relationship to a concrete level, things changed. He started contradicting his statements by his actions. It started with little white totally unnecessary lies.
    I discovered the friends that very few friends he had were closer than i used to think they were. Found him more towards being ’emotionally sick’ than just ’emotional’. The closest female friend of his, did not even know about me, that was the weirdest of all things. His life started making me sick. But it was too late to end everything. I did try breaking up many times, only to be normal in a day or two, falling again and again to false promises and words. It was as if hes born with this charm and magic.
    I always thought that he lives a dual life and has dual personalities. Just a little tracking through some cell phone apps gave a clearer picture that he was always on call with someone else. Read some of his chats with her and found that atleast she thought that they are in a relationship. Fought with him over this only to find that she loves him and not he (his version).
    Worried about things between her and him, there came another female entry in his life, which happened to be a distant relative of his, and much younger to him. Soon found him occupied day and night in talks with her. It got annoyed to a point that it started affecting us. He kept saying that he loved only me, and that i must trust him, until he was able to woo her and finally simply chucked our love as if it was nothing. All the promises, love, as if never existed. It was shocking to hear his blunt replies to my desperate questions. As if i was a complete stranger. This transition from me to her happened in a span of one month. And the transition from actually being ‘i love only you’ to being blunt with me happened in some 5 days. How could some one ready to leave everything for me suddenly fall for someone in just a few days? I still have my hows and whys unanswered.

    It was so intense that i dont think i will ever fall in love again, as ill search for a greater intensity everytime. He had become a food for my soul. It has been a month, no communication, but still feel like somehwhere the mistake was mine and that i should mend ita gain given a chance.
    I wish i get out of it sooner.

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    • Janet

      Love is such a confusing emotion, maybe the most confusing emotion of all emotions. I know just how you feel, and I’ve been where you’ve been before. So so painful. The toughest addiction to kick, is an addiction to a person and the parts of you they have tapped in to, and the way they made you feel in the moment. But, I think its not healthy to need that much romance and Intensity and intrigue in a relationship. It just can’t sustain itself, because it can’t remain realistically at that level forever, and its allways fueled by insecurity and fear of abandoment. Its not the same feeling you get with someone safe, that you know you can really count on, and actually have a life with. Sometimes I think we just have to ignore the unhealthy parts of us when they speak to us, and go with what makes sense. What makes sense is choosing a partner that is reliable and really comes through for us. Not someone fickle and damaged inside, and is someone who delights in giving a woman the emotional sucker punch. It makes more sense to go with someone that brings out the best in us, and wouldnt enjoy hurting a woman period, to create addiction and obsession. I would hate for that man to cause you to give up on love, because you’re now only going to view love on those terms.

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  8. Carole Cox

    I came out of a narcistic relationship in March.
    In my experience,these people suck the life out of you.
    They put you on a pedistool in the short term….telling you that you are the love of their lives.
    As time goes on….at any given opportunity putting you down.
    Have never met anyone who would stoop so low in my life.
    These people have no empathy of others but extremely self absorbed.
    I have messaged my ex today,after having no communication(from my side) since March of this year.
    I have kept quiet…..since the breakup ,though he has bombarded me with texts,fb messages,emails,cards and letter put through my door and posted and fb statuses about me.He even got into my fb account …removed my friends list….put engaged as our relationship status.
    This is just what has happened since the split.
    Anyway I text him today to tell him exactly what he is.
    As you can imagine texts have been coming back to me…..the same rubbish as always.
    Differences is I DONT believe any of it anymore.
    I find it so empowering to finally let him have it.lol.
    If iam on my own for the rest of my life….so be it.
    Far better than being with someone that is totally warped in the head.
    I want a man………not a person that is insecure and weak,and live taking the soul of others to survive.
    I wish everyone in and who have been in this kind of relationship….all the very best in life. 🙂

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    • Tela

      Carole, thank you for your comment. Why did you send him a text after months of no contact? Did you really think that by ‘telling him exactly what he is” would make him stop and think, and then say “you know what Carole, you are exactly right”. NO! You can text him that, email him, speak with him, put a billboard up ‘telling him exactly what he is’ and that will have ZERO bearing on him. NONE.
      All that does, when you break the No Contact, is put you back at square one. The questions, the emotions i.e. anger, confusion, sadness, mad as hell. Wanting to warn every person you can about this man.
      To be empowering means, you have to have the control. No more text!!! Block him. On every means of communication.

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      • Andrew

        You are so right Tela. I tried dealing with an ex girlfriend after our break-up since we lived very close to each other. Every time I was in contact she would say how much she missed me, how great I was and that she wanted to be with me (even as she dated through a string of boyfriends since cheating never bothered her). Always it came back to seduction as manipulation. Always it returned to her trying to coax me back into doing what SHE wanted, when SHE wanted. It finally contacting her current boyfriend about her attempts to cheat before she realized her actions would come back on herself. Since then it’s been 2 blissful years!

        Best of luck everyone. Do NOT give up and do NOT listen to them no matter what they say. Just get away from them.

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  9. Marie

    I am finally back to myself after leaving in January 2016. All of these traits were displayed in my relationship with a very persistent man whom I dated once before 20 years ago. I became isolated, antisocial, ostracized, imprisoned, and dependent on him for financial and my daughter starting Kindergarten. Unbeknownst to him, I befriended his son’s mother, the so-called disaster, and we would compare notes while waiting for the school bus. After she became comfortable enough to trust, she described several encounters with him where he started to inflict physical abuse upon her, threatened her and drove her to the point of suicide. A simple post on Facebook about Narcissist made me curious. After several Google searches it all became very clear. I shared my information with his son’s mom and she agreed. I was living with a sociopath narcissist. It took several months of planning an escape. I have a storage unit that I would take our belongings to, little by little, and nothing that he would notice was missing.
    Meanwhile I started to get my strength back and would stand up to him, put him in his place in front of others and ask him to borrow his “victim chalk”. He was threatened by my actions and tried to degrade me. “Why are you being so difficult?” “Stop being so bitchy!” When it didn’t affect anything, he became even more clingy and tried to buy a vehicle for “Our family”.

    One day in late January, after he left for work, I contacted his son’s mother to make arrangements for her to pick him up and let her know that I was leaving. I began packing what I had left in the house. Two trips to my storage unit later I was out. However, when he called me the same time he did every day at lunch to do nothing but gloat and talk about himself, I just acted like nothing was going on. By the time he came home, expecting dinner, as usual, all he had was an empty house, a note and the house key. I changed my number and blocked him on social media immediately after he hung up from our lunch conversation. I have never looked back and I am glad to have found enough information that convinced me that I was not the one with a problem, he was.

    My advice to anyone in this type of relationship, GET OUT!! Yes, it may take some careful planning and longer than you want but the end result is worth it. After you are out of the relationship, please don’t remain disconnected from the world, they will win. Get out, be social, reconnect with friends and family and talk about it. Don’t hide it or be ashamed. It wasn’t your fault. You’ll feel free and empowered. But please get out, regardless of what they say, you deserve better!!!!

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  10. Melissa

    I’m reading all of these articles, my heart shattering with each one. I don’t K is that I would have listened while being immersed in the situation and I was In with hi., but the aftermath J may have been able to be a bit more prepared for. My child… Nine now, seven at the time…. Is so emotionally damaged. I waited to long and chose so carefully for 6years and I still Fucked it up. Although I had the freedom to go as I please , and speak to as I please I quickly stopped after being with him… I dropped most of my friend’s….. Thinking it was my idea. When in reality anytime I did something he disapproved of , he never got upset with that particular situation… But would get upset with something else, non related… Then some how compare me to his awful girl friends in the past and so I would stoop what ever I did that may make him feel uncomfortable. He would accuse me of taking too long going somewhere and accused me of doing drugs… It being so close to my family… To take the pain away, I developed a heroine addiction… I was shooting up in my fucking arms. He saw marks one day took my car and my debit card away… “Got me the help I needed” which was just him and him face booking my closest friends and family… And all the while trying to get clean… Him screaming at me and telling me I’m a junkie bitch, a n awful mother. And I already felt that way… He demanded my attention so much and that I cook for him or I was a lazy bitch, that my child didn’t get as much as attention as I was giving him. But like he said… “Ofcourse he’s not getting as much attention, momma had a new boyfriend and he’s never had to deal with that'” but he didn’t even want to spend time together as a family , often forcing my attention. On top of that , there is the yelling… He 6’4 300 lbs… Who is yelling at me… My child’s mother. A mother that my child knows to be the strongest women he knows and I’m submitting to this man and my kid knows there’s nothing he can do …. So he cries. Ofcourse I felt like a bad mother. We would go to the store and spend shit ton of my money…. I was always very frugal, but to not be such a “money tight Jew” I spent my money. We inky spend my money. We split rent and electric… Everything else was in me…. Ofcourse I saw something was wrong, but I didn’t have a name for it… I couldn’t call it amusing, so I took it as mis communication….. So I fought… I have always been strong… I grew up in a drug house , molested by my moms junkie dude friends and sometimes women, dropped off at a trap house because my mom’s new bf didn’t like kids, put in foster care at ten, and adopted at 12. That mom only adopted us for the money that two of us were getting from social security and the check the government gives for sibling groups in Texas. All while being scrutinized, compared to her bio kids, watching my brother get beaten, kicked in the nuts, sent off to mental hospitals. …. Yea… I have learned to be strong. I’m a beautiful woman girl, there is no reason to deprive my self of my beauty, my intelligence, because of a few roads travled alot more than ol frost thought. But I had been defeated. The last few months of my relationship, it got worse. He started getting g pissed off for no reason. He started to physically abuse me… Now in public… No one helped. He slammed my head against the concrete wall if a friggen Walmart , in broad day light, and no one even flinched. I finally did leave though. He was so I sister on moving closer to his work when my lease was up. It would have been over an hour away. I was scared shitless. I knew I couldn’t do this. But anytime I said anything of my concerns … He would flip shit. So I was just going to do it. I was gig to have to uproot my child, who is traumatized, and lacks confidence in his learning because he s dyslexic ( he just doesn’t learn like the majority does. He sees things more backwards than understanding start to finish… He has to know the mechanics of the entire thing for him to get it)
    My person of whom I am speaking g that has made my life miserable for the past two years, who was supposed to be my perfect someone… Who made me go against my nature and fall in love, move in and want to marry,….. Got pissed off and flipped my coffee table with our food, gallon of tea, unopen beer, sloppy Joe, and other items because he hated that my son and I wouldn’t eat all of our food. This is not the smallest reason for an outburst, one time he got so pissed off because I wouldn’t take a drink of his shake… For like two days he yelled at me.
    …..

    Once we broke up I saw there was another girl on his facebook, (the day of) and shortly after they were together. I couldn’t understand how he could do that. He accused me of cheating, he went through my phone constantly and got pissed off, and there was never anything there. I had no dudes in my phone. He would literally over analyze convos with my girls. …
    This is the first year of I was ever suicidle . I got back on heroine. I lost my job. My kids dad is actually staying here paying bills until he is in school again…
    I’m grateful that I am OK… Somewhat…. We have been broken up since not… And I still die in side…. Knowing that I wasn’t crazy, that he really did have a problem….. Makes me feel alot more free…

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  11. Patricia Rogerson

    I have been with my husband for 15 years and im learing just now that he is a phycopathic narcissist. Im devistated and beyond belief. Im scared and im lost. Ive been right all along but ive been told that im nieve and ignorant. Help me through this time and give me advice.

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    • Tela

      Patricia, thank you for the comment and reaching out. I need to know a little more about what you are going through to try and help. It’s okay to be scared, confused, lost, angry etc. I just need to know more about the relationship and you to help give you advice!

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  12. CHERYL

    All these comments are about relationships of a romantic nature. We, however, had a friend who was extremely manipulative who lived on our property for a few months. She used a series of my friends in the same manner and used our religion of love to control us. If we didn’t do what she thought we should do to take care of her she would quote the bible at us that Jesus would say of us, “I never knew you.” She would turn arguments against us and attack us in sneaky and evil ways. It was horrible horrible horrible. She would not leave when we asked her to. We offered her different situations to move on to and she would not lift a finger to help herself. We got her on disability and tried to help her get medical care that she needed. When we learned that the vision loss she was experiencing was due to uncontrolled diabetes and that she was unwilling to change her lifestyle to eat right and control her blood sugar, she became very hostile. It was a learning experience and one that I am so glad that we are through. I hope that others can read this and learn to set boundaries and pray for them and forgive them but not let the sick one hurt them anymore. Blessings and Love and Light…………

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  13. Julie

    May you find comfort in knowing I too was in your shoes at one time, even to the point of one foot in the grave. The nightmare still haunts me, if I let it. If I can pull my life back together, so can you. The best way to get back at him is to move on. If you don’t HE wins. Don’t let that happen. You truly will be glad you did!! Whenever I would answer his calls or texts, the nightmares would come back. As We all have learned…no contact!! You will lose any ground you have made by doing so, trust me. I don’t know why me, or why you, that this happened too, but it did, we find a lesson in it and move on and don’t look back. Bury Him. Not you. I buried mine many times until about a year ago and that was for good. I’m still healing but MUCH happier, even without another man in my life. It means more in life to have sincere friends and family than to have nothing but a Sociopath!! My head still spins when I think about the mind games. They are truly sick. He will do it again to someone else so be glad you are off the crazy train to hell and back to reality. Soul mates? Lol. Not possible. They have no soul. That’s how they lure you in and then suck your soul right out of you! Get it back and move on. You have a new soul that will not let it happen again!! Hang in there! You can win!!

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  14. Jess

    Tina I totally agree! I got the last laugh afterwards. People who watched the whole thing unfold still can’t believe I got away the way the way I did. It seemed like I was never going free. But he was getting more and more physical with me being 3x’s my size it finally clicked in my head I had to kill him because he was never going to stop. That’s when I thought okay this is not you at all. While I was trying to figure out what I was going to do (I was stuck on we lived 3 blocks from the police station but I could not for the life of me go inside and show them my face I walked around it 7 times and then went home) trying to process what happen a week later again he attacks me (the worse it ever got I still can’t talk about it) after the iccident I had to play it cool and make it seem like I was going to work but really I was getting the children to a safe place and then I called the police and got the ball rolling and got him arested. Got the divorce started kept my job and got me and the children a apt. He didn’t see it coming he thought he still had some leverage or his “magical” words still had power (any type of feelings I had disappeared litterally got sucked away that night because he tried to kill me I just turned 24 and was nope can’t can’t happen and I started to realize his bragging but realized there was nothing without me he done nothing for the family we had but make things worse) he got out 6 months later and that’s when the test really came I didn’t take him back I didn’t want him to know where I lived and that’s when he got the solid picture it was over for good. He kept testing me and that’s probably where I messed up at not knowing the importance of no contact and not knowing that left open the door for more crazy making. I didn’t know that DV could give a person ptsd (c-ptsd) I did not know I had 2 more big T truamas in my life (I mentally blocked them out from childhood) I was free finally able to follow my dreams …until I felt completely safe (happy I was able to GIVE myself that) but once I felt safe a flood gate of 20 years of unprocessed experiences abuses came flooding back (almost 2 years out) I’m now 4 years out and completely stuck just watching life pass by and completely terried to live it. I was getting better for alil while but mental health has burned me out, I’m having trouble keeping employed I’m scared to go back to therapy I’ve never had abonment issues but mental has now given them to I’m shorty to be out of medication and the panic is pushing its way strong, I been fighting the depression tooth and nail but il losing my fight there as well I get up for my children alone I no longer care what happens to me…I don’t know where I’m headed next kind of don’t care but I reach out as use my story to influence those around don’t stay to long dysfunction because you never know what else you’ve had to hide from yourself….now let me go pray that my endless (last couple of years) cycle of self destruction (can’t seem to help these situations) doesn’t get me on the streets

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  15. nancie

    Been there done that. This information would have been interesting but wouldnt have made any difference because i was so xaught up in the web that i couldnt get out! Fortunately one day id had enough!

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  16. Valerie

    There ought to be a registry for these people, (men and women), like there is for sex offenders. This from someone who was in a relationship with one for 8 years starting at 19 years old. 7 years later I still have nightmares every once in a while that I am trapped with or living with that man again.

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    • Cam

      I couldn’t agree with you more!! Might save someone’s life if we had something like that!!

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  17. Jess

    He told me if he ‘wasnt married he would be with me in a shot’ – all fabrication. He told me what I wanted to hear. When I had him arrested for hitting me for the 2nd time, it was only when the police women asked if it was difficult dealing with mutual friends? It sunk in….we didnt have ANY. I had never met any of his, in 4 years. He talked about ‘them’ but we never went out with them….he did, and I was his taxi, but not once did I meet, see or talk to any of them. He kept ‘our’ life toally seperate from his ‘other’…..
    I now have the joy of trying to piece my life back together, without my ‘soulmate’. I am a shell of my former self. I have no emotion…im cold, and without motivation. Have trued to commit suicide and cant see much of a future. How can one narcisstic person reduce me to this?

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  18. CJ

    After being with a narcissist for 16 years I am finally free…to be honest it wasn’t until I caught him having an affair that everything came to light, I think I had just gotten used to the constant judgement and disrespect that I actually thought I was in a good marriage. Sad I know. Once I was separated and able to look at things more clearly and with the help of a therapist it became perfectly clear exactly the type of person I was dealing with. Once I filed for divorce and after many times of him begging me to give him another chance, when he realized I wasn’t going to take him back he made my life a living hell, narcissists don’t like to lose! My biggest concern is my children, he has already made comments about our daughters weight (she is not overweight) he is extremely superficial. He has a hard time dealing with our son because he’s ADHD and not you typical jock. He is all about image and wants everyone in his life to fit into the image he has created. How do you protect children from a narcissistic parent?

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  19. Lucy

    I just left a man a month ago that I had been with for 5 years. I am 23. I met him when I was 18 and he seemed so perfect. Everybody liked him, he was very charming, and extraordinarily brilliant, probably the smartest person I’ve ever met. I really thought he was my soul mate. I couldn’t help but think he was perfect, and not just perfect, but perfect for me! He stayed that way for nearly 2 years, nice, gentle and loving. Then out of nowhere he said I couldn’t work anymore, couldn’t have a job. Then he smashed my laptop and said I couldn’t use the internet. I suddenly wasn’t aloud to leave the house without him, then hardly at all. Then he took away my phone. I lost all contact with my family and friends. I wasn’t even aloud to talk casually with the neighbors. If I tried to leave he beat the crap out of me. He said I ruined his life and that’s why he couldn’t get a job. He said I took up all of his time, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. Literally, the only time I was aloud to be away from him was when I had to go to the bathroom, and a few times he wouldn’t even let me shut the door. He made me talk to him constantly about my past. He hit me if I didn’t. He’d lie and say I hit him, and that no one was going to believe me.

    Honestly, I’m afraid to type this at all and it’s weird to do so. It sounds crazy and unreal, but this is all I’ve had for the last 3 and half years.
    How I got out: he got so angry at me last month (he said that I was angry and just didn’t know it and needed to talk about it). I refused to accept that I was angry when I wasn’t, and was so near my breaking point that I didn’t care if he beat me to death for it. I almost wanted him to. I’d attempted suicide numerous times, but he made sure that even that was hard to get done.
    Instead of hitting me, he said, “Get the f— out of my house!!!” So I left. I slept at a church and begged people for food. 3 days later he found me and begged me to come back, asking me to marry him, saying he wouldn’t get angry again, and that I wouldn’t make it on my own anyway.
    I have a job now, a place to live, food, money….FREEDOM.
    But I feel really empty. And afraid. I’m alone. And I think I’m a bit shocked. I still can’t believe he let me leave. I think he was thinking I’d be too afraid to be homeless and beg him to let me come back, but the truth is, when your lover is the devil, tweakers and drunks and sleeping outside aren’t terribly frightening.

    Thanks for listening 🙂 or, reading, I suppose.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • shaynnac

      You dear, I am soo soo elated that you got away from this maniac and that you had the strength to!! This man was clearly a psychopath!! You are on the right track, everything he did to you is inhuman and I hope you have reported him. Slowly you’ll start to feel fully yourself and not feel so empty inside. It takes a little while to, after you have faced such betrayal and outright control and abuse to get yourself exactly where you want to be. I’m rooting for you and my heart is with you.

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    • Nicole

      yepp! told me that i ruined his life, he wld tell me that I dont do anything but I stopped bc whatever i did he corrected…even talking he wld “correct” my pronunciation…he cld flirt sexually, kiss, and let girls put their hands through his hair but if I had a decent conversation w a fella he wld get violent….double standards….he kept contradiciting himself…..told me to “get the fuck out of his house” too, and I calmly told him that I wld after I put in my contacts…..

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  20. Sherrie

    Thx and my ex husband has this personality disorder. Its terrifying how many there are in this world. I’ve already come cross red flags after my divorce with other men I have dated. I’m not sure I’ll ever have another man in my life. They are sicker than their own family realizes. I feel sick every time I see him and have forgiven, but choose to disengage for my own health and sanity. Panic atacks are getting leads and less. Setting boundaries and using strictly via email contact for the children is the only way. He and his new family are not welcome to our home due to the fact of his drama yelling at me in front of them. The more space you give them the more they will take. They want ALL attention whether it be good or bad. Worse than a drug addict looking for his next hit. I had an easier time getting over my first husbands drug addiction abuse than this mental abuse from my second husband.
    I advise ALL women to stay clear of men with this disorder. I might seem all fine and dandy now, but your future is in huge danger and you won’t realize how much you’ve been damaged til you gone from them. Stay strong and pray to God for your new life.
    Good luck and God bless to all!

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  21. Nancy Littlefield

    I became involved with a man who openly admitted he had no soul, he had no conscience, and he became bored with every woman he ever met. He had a marriage in which he and his wife were involved in group sex and he had no problem with her being with someone else right in front of him and visa versa.Now, common sense would tell most people that this guy was a loose cannon, however since my interest was on a friendship level I didn’t judge. him on. His private life. Well, I got suckedinto the charm, the compliments, the attention and found myself so caught up in him that I could not think of anything else.It felt like an addiction. I had reservations about this kind of disconnect he had with emotion so part of me kept a focus on what was happening and I began to read and research personality disorders.sure enough, he ranked high on the scale. There is nothing he can tell me now that I would take seriously, my interest in him romantically is non existant. Because he doesn’t care how his behavior hurts others, I can’t see wasting my time or energy being angry or confronting g him. He is a damaged man, accept it and move on. He will always be this way, no fixing this. Withdraw your heart and be glad you woke up.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Nancy for your comment and sharing. It is so very easy to get sucked into the black world of a Sociopath. Having knowledge and then the power to leave the blackness, is difficult. I’m glad you have disconnected yourself from him. Why do you still stay in contact with him?

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  22. Lisa

    Thank you. I feel I am in such a fog. I’m trying to focus all my energy on educating myself and taking care of my little girl. I must say realizing how nieve I must be is scary. I find I want to read, read,and read some more because I never want to be put in this situation again. Hoping for wisdom and healing. God bless.

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  23. Lisa

    I have been in a relationship(well was) for 10 months. I started feeling suspicious of his behavior, but when I would try and openly ask questions he would immediately change the subject or tell me I was doing all the things that I was in fact suspecting about him. I was so heartbroken at first. This wonderful man of my dreams, it seemed had totally changed it seemed. Almost like a light switch flipping on and off. He convinced me to believe him and he would apologize. It wouldn’t be long hr would get angry over benign things that normal ppl wouldn’t think nothing of. I was in such a state of confusion and still am. I kept praying and trying, after all I’m not young and didn’t want to start over again. I was and still am questioning whether or not my conclusions of his personality are accurate. There are many strange things and behaviors I’ve witnessed. I made plans for a weekend get away. On the way I went around a traffic circle twice because I didn’t hear him clearly about which exit to take, and this ended up with him raising his fist at me. I was scared to death, but 300 miles from home, or any family or friends. So I decided to just do whatever I thought would keep him calm the rest of the trip but in my mind was thinking this isn’t how I want to live. I can’t talk to anyone because, well I trust very few and don’t know how I will ever trust again. I am still questioning my own decision to break up. I wish I had someone with experience to talk to. I don’t like hurting anyone and only want to do the right thing. He is still texting me but has slacked off. Thankfully he lives an hour from me but I have 1 thing that belongs to him at my house and kind of scared to take it to him. I’m not sure if I should be afraid or if I’m really just emotionally messages up and confused. Advice greatly appreciated. 😦

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    • Tela

      Thank you Lisa for your comment and sharing. It is so easy to question whether he is or is not a Sociopath. Reading your comment, I’m fairly certain he is. This is why the state of confusion you have. One minute he is prince charming and in the next moment he is the most vile man on the planet. As far as the ‘one thing that belongs to him”, I will tell you this: You have got to make up your mind and KNOW he will never, ever, EVER change. Period. No matter how much praying, begging, pleading, silent treatment etc that is done. So with that being said, you make up your mind, end the relationship. Take the one item to him and then block him on your phone!!!! You have to go No Contact, otherwise you will just keep repeating this same behaviour you have experienced over and over.

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  24. Ludmila

    Thank you. I had such a bad luck. If those creatures are only 1% of the population. I did not de serve that! Demons on earth. I hate him and I need vengence.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Ludmilla for your comment. First off, the percentage is more than “1%”. And I understand the feeling of hate you have. That is totally normal. But the thoughts of wanting/needing vengeance are actually counter productive in healing from the abuse. I wrote an article about Revenge, you can read that HERE. Turn your thoughts from ‘vengeance’ as I’m telling you NOTHING you say or do to him will change 1. the outcome of what you endured, 2. change him, period, 3. cause even more mental and emotional abuse for you. Please understand, this was NOT your fault!!!

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  25. Maggie

    I have been married to this sick bastard for 16 years. Wasn’t aware untilled the last two years. Much research and reading sites like this. I believe this man thinks he can will me to die out of sheer hate. And if I didn’t know any better I think he could.
    The girl before me commited suicide. He told me she was in a bad car accident. I know he drove her to that. I have literally felt my life slipping away from me. I developed high blood pressure and suffered a heart attack.
    I am in my mid forties. The doctors found no blockage but asked numerous times if I was under an unusual amount of stress.
    I am convinced he has caused these health issues in me. I felt like I was dying. I mean really dying. I am planning my exit and in the mean time holding on to my sanity. Educating myself and my faith in god is saving my life. Evil is a flimsy word to describe this man. I am grateful to have a place to share this nightmare of an existence. I am hopeful and looking forward to peace in my life.
    When you don’t NEED to be loved but want to be the other persons intentions become clear. Love yourself. And like my dad always told me “don’t make any fast moves”. Best wishes to all of you

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    • Tela

      Thank you Maggie for sharing. Yes, a Sociopath literally can kill a person by virtue of mental and emotional abuse, which also causes PTSD. And yes ‘evil’ is definitely a flimsy word when describing a Sociopath. I hope your doctor has given you something for the stress/anxiety. And I hope you have been able to escape this horrific relationship. Yes! Love yourself first and foremost. ❤

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    • newanxiety

      7 years….multiple proposals, no ceremony. Subtle red flags led to all out rages after an injury/course of steroids…..easy to blame the meds, and disturbing to think 6 yrs was a lie. NC court ordered, no children…but he lurks……and its not over, I can feel it, and I hate that he is still effecting my life.

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      • Tela

        It is a sucky feeling to know that even removed from the relationship he still affects your day to day life. However, YOU and YOU ALONE are the only one who can allow how much of your thoughts you let him consume. You and you alone can continue to fear him, fear that he is lurking, succumbed to all the lies and bullshit Poison fed to you, or you can move on. You will forever have scars, deep deep scars from this man. But you can take each new days as it comes and be thankful it is another day of Freedom from the Sociopath Hell.

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  26. ashley

    After 11 years of the most horrific abuse imaginable, I finally was able to leave him forever! After many failed attempts, i was more determined to be free from him, his abuse. he had gotten so bad, with his behavior, he would just decide on a dime, that we were going to pick up and move…all because he was entitled, to do…say whatever. We moved over 6 times, in one year. I couldn’t take him any longer. The entire time, demanding, to be appreciated, seen as someone he wasn’t…a god like image. I ended up, using his own behavior, to rid myself of him, for good. he had made his decision..I had made mine, to leave him with no contact. During one of his “need to move” adventures…all of a sudden adventures, i put my plan into action. I actually used him that time. it was no going back, no nothing. I had never felt so relieved in all of my life, finally free! i still remember that very moment, i realized…it was all over. i had been a prisoner of his, his evil mind and body. I had cut that poison, out of my life. i became determined, to find out how, why..all of that happened. So, i could never let it happen again. the main thing though, was i didn’t allow him to get to me. Discovering, he was a sexual molester..of girl family members of his, was not surprising at all. His family always enabled his behavior, let him do as he may. It was no fault or guilt of his, when it came to his immediate family, not even the father of one of his victims! They had allowed him to molest, there own children…while praising him as some godly precious uncle, son, brother. i had never known anyone like him in my life, nor do i ever expect to. BTW, i never knew of him having not one single friend, ever! Anyone, who didn’t comply or submit, to his behavior…was his enemy. The same thing, if you exposed his behavior. That’s when they become the victim, when exposed..or they fear it’s about to happen. A man, do the things he done…didn’t care who heard him, who seen him…he was so entitled, still would always deny everything!! Leave, get away…as fast as you can, if in this type of situation. They blame, all the time. Nothing is ever their fault, it’s always you. They lie, about everything, even who they are. You don’t have to stay with them, leave!!

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    • Tela

      Thank you Ashley for your comment. How did you get to the decision of ‘never going back’…that is what most all of my reader’s struggle with. Getting to and then sticking with that decision. He sounds so very classic Sociopath and I am so happy that you were able to free yourself of his EVIL

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  27. Tina

    After 7 long excruciating years dealing with one of these kind, I moved on and left him with his heart gaping wide open as he tried yet another attempt to win me back..I said to him I dedicate a song to you from me…Christina Peri- Jar of Hearts. I laughed at him and walked away with my dignity. He will never attempt to get me back again knowing I had the last laugh. I am very happy to finally release the darkest times of my life..that door closed forever and another one opened that is everything I have been looking for my whole life- my true love.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Tina for your comment. I know the song well, and I think she wrote it specifically for Sociopaths! LOL. High Five for moving on and leaving him with a heart gaping wide open. Let him collect other ‘hearts for his jar’ ❤

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  28. Sandra

    I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist sociopath. i had no idea he was that. but living with him for a year. the manipulation, the lies and maybe cheating too. everything got me sick. it felt wrong to be treated that way. he physically abused me too. would break stuff to intimidate me. divorced him with my familys support. still not gettting over the guilt and the good memories, especially the sex. today he got married again.4 months after divorce. im miserable. but he is enjoying i guess. another man wants to marry me. says all the sweet things. soemtimes he tends to get controlling too. but he is not a liar, he creates drama and is overly emotional. im soo scared he might turn out just like the ex.

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    • Tela

      Sandra, I understand where your at about not getting over the guilt & good memories etc. Please keep in mind, YOU should have ZERO GUILT as you fell in love with a person who truly did not exist. Yes, he is walking/talking/breathing, but every single thing about him (Sociopaths) is an illusion they create for us to fall in love. Then ultimately to be manipulated and finally DISCARDED.And I have to say, him re-marrying 4 months after the divorce is no big surprise.
      As far you having someone who wants to marry you, I don’t know how long you have been away from the Sociopath, and with the divorce final only 4 months ago, I personally, do not think you are healed. That is strictly my thought. Read THIS as you may think twice before committing yourself to someone so soon after the divorce.

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  29. Sara

    How can a person be sure this is what is happening? I feel so confused. And scared.

    I’ve been involved with this person for about 4 months and my life is now in tatters. I blame myself for getting into this mess. And I don’t know how to leave.

    It’s crazy. Last week I was calling a women’s shelter for advice. They said that from what I said there is a good chance my boyfriend is a sociopath. That week had been so difficult. He was so controlling and I felt threatened. This week I’m wondering if I was just overreacting….

    He entered my life and it’s like he has permiated every facet of it with his control and manipulation. It happened so fast and it’s sufficating. How does a person get free of this? I feel so ashamed….

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    • Tela

      Sara, if you are reaching out to a shelter, If you are visiting my website, I think you are already getting your answers. The next step is to ACCEPT who and what your boyfriend is. Keep reading, keep educating yourself, however DO NOT take the blame on. Unless you continue to let him keep your life in tatters, then you have to take some blame. Best thing is to get out! Now! No contact, no wondering if your ‘over reacting” because like I said, if you are searching the internet because there is obviously something not quite right, you now know. And please, please, do not feel ashamed!!! This is what a Sociopath does to us! If you would like to email me, please do so at telahill1@gmail.com

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    • Maggie

      Its your life. Given to you. Take it back before you don’t recognize it anymore. If its only been months get away from this person. He is a predator, a parasite. You said a key word “suffocate”. If someone comes into your life only to tell you how to run it that is a huge red flag. He will distort your version of reality and infuse his into you.
      If your already questioning yourself then you know what you need to do. Be safe. Be strong.

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  30. Lisa Nelle

    Hoping one can read, digest, be objective and honest in acknowledging that you may be a victim… But that you can also become empowered

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    • Julie

      It’s painful coming to the realization that it was all a sham for their own gain. And what’s even harder to accept is the fact they have no remorse and can’t feel your pain. But We can heal and learn from what they have done to us. If you don’t see it in writing or see in action what they say they have done then don’t believe it. It made it easier for me when I gave up wanting revenge and focusing on healing and completely cutting myself off from him. My family too wanted this to end as he was causing turmoil among my family with his manipulation and non commitment. So having their support helped so much. I heard a song the other day called Amnesia. I wish I could forget what he has done to me and my family and especially forget the humiliation. Just wake up and all the memories good and mostly bad be gone. But God won’t allow that to happen for we must go through the grieving stages and bury the devil for good. Thus never to follow that path again.

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      • Tela

        What a great comment Julie. Once a person can get to the realization of the type of person they were dealing with, and then accept, they were/are not the problem is when the healing can begin. It’s a difficult path no doubt. It would be nice if all of us could have the ability to just forget all the pain caused, but we can’t. We must learn to trust in ourselves, and no, that once we are in control of our own thoughts and emotions {no longer manipulated}, we can therefore start the healing process. ❤

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    • Tela

      Thank you Julie for your comment. Please reach out for support as it is extremely difficult when getting out of a relationship with these types of people.

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