A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Manipulation, Twist and Turn

Just the title of this post can make your head spin. And this is exactly what a Sociopath does with their words. They are master’s at taking your words and twisting and turning them back on you as if you are the crazy one.

Have you noticed that when you confronted your narcissist, Sociopath about a lie, they have an innate ability to make you question yourself if in fact they did lie? This is called deflection and manipulation. Why do they do this? A Sociopath is never, ever, ever wrong? Correct? Well, in their convoluted minds anyway. We know in fact when they lie, cheat, steal, emotionally, physically & financially abuse. Will they ever admit to that? Absolutely not! So the way they take that accountability off of them is by deflecting your accusations and manipulating your words, and twisting and turning the truth back onto you!

You have ‘evidence’ of that your Narcissist, Sociopath has been unfaithful. Or you see text messages, emails from other’s. Or maybe money is missing. Are they lying to family & friends about you? You decide to confront the Sociopath, and rather admit to the truth, staring straight at the evidence, they will deflect your words. This takes the accusation off of them, and throws it right back onto you. If you continue to push for the truth, they then manipulate, twist & turn your words, talk in circles that you almost believe their lies words of denial. Narcissist & Sociopaths use multi-layers of lies. Because it goes against every grain in their body to admit to a fault, to a lie, to a defeat, they will just lie on top of lie on top of lie.

So how do you get the answers? How do you get to the truth? First and foremost, you need to believe in whatever ‘evidence’ or ‘lie’ you are confronting your Sociopath about. If you in fact know it to be the truth, do not delude yourself into believing the Sociopath, unless that admit to your evidence. Yes, it is much easier to drop it, and just let your Sociopath mentally masturbate your further. But all that does is allow them to continue the cycle you are in. You are enabling your Sociopath to continue the lies, abuse, neglect, manipulation and deflection. Basically you are telling them, with and  without words, their actions are completely acceptable. They need to be held accountable for their words & actions.

And the best way to do this, is by confronting them, evidence in hand, talk to them clearly and concisely. Do not allow the deflection or manipulation to happen, keep going back to the one issue at hand. Yes, they will probably bring up their goldfish dying at age 7 that was your fault, or any other situation that always seems to be your fault. Don’t get caught up in that, stay in the moment with the one issue. If your patient enough, and your Sociopath has not put you in the insane asylum, eventually, hopefully, they will get to a semi-cognizant state of mind and you can once again confront them. But be mindful, it is doubtful, at best, that you will ever get them to admit to anything. So take your facts, evidence, and anything else you have and make yourself believe, once again, you are not dealing with a ‘normal’, truthful, emotionally available individual. And most likely will never get an admission, confession, or truth. But, what you do get, is that the Sociopath is aware that you are onto them. Not always a good thing, as they will just go further into the control factor, try harder with the manipulation and deflection, and have you dancing to more of the twist and turning of words.

“I’m sorry if you don’t like my honesty, but to be fair I don’t like your lie’s”    unknown

©SociopathLife.com

22 Responses to “Manipulation, Twist and Turn”

  1. Grant snellin

    Wow , having read so many people’s words I now see my wife’s behaviour, so sad reading this all , I’ve been to counselling myself with my own issues, that as worked for me , my agrees with that, but sadly my wife now twists all conversations around , from myself and our adult children , taking a couple of words ,not a whole sentence , so frustrating , driving you crazy, questioning your own sanerty , good luck to you all

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  2. Tonia

    I don’t know if this is sociopath or not but my husband will do this thing where he will for example say we need to find an answer to a problem but won’t tell me what the problem is then keep saying “I need an answer, give me an answer” but won’t stop talking and interupting long enough for me to give him an answer and when he does it’s not a good enough answer, I’ll ask him what the problem is that he’s talking about and he’ll be like “don’t you remember what we talked about 2 years ago? what I say must not be important to you” by this time I am so twisted around and frustrated I am raising my voice, he of course is talking calmly and will be like “do you hear yourself? I’m not even raising my voice to you and your raising your voice to me” like he’s Mr.Innocent.

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  3. Lydia

    Well where do i start? My mom is identical to so many of the stories ive read on here! I live with my mother since my dad left her (i see why now!!) And shes had a stroke. Until after my dad left i did not realize how bad she was. But dad leaving was my and my sisters fault, then it turns to the reason she had the stroke was our fault as well. EVERYTHING no matter what even if we arent even around when whatever happens its always someone else’s fault. She never takes responsibly for anything. Even when it comes to her not being able to pay the household bills because of her drug addiction, still anyone elses fault but her own. Reading these posts makes me feel like im not alone and im not goin crazy. Trying to do all i can to hold on to my sanity. The only reason i have stuck around this past 5 years of pure hell is the fact she has had a stroke and who knows how much time she has left and we also live next door to my grandparents (moms parents) one has dementia the other altzheimers so i am obligated to stay close by.
    The hell she has put me through has also made its way to my daughter she manipulates her and about a year ago my mom started to pysically attack me over not making regular spaghetti noodles for spaghetti. I let her push me backwards into a chair and punch and slap me in the face i just went weak and didnt fight back even when she started burning me with her cigarette. Only time i did touch her was when i went to get up from the chair and she wouldnt let me up so i shouldered my way past her. She then calls 911 stating i drug her around the house by her hair broke her glasses shoved her to the ground ect. As she was on with the dispatch i grabbed my purse and started walking up my driveway to distance myself from her and wait for the police. As i am a good 30 yards away she starts screaming like a banshee, i turn around she has thrown herself down and is screaming she is attacking me please help please hurry shes hurting me yelling stop kicking me and going on and on with it. All i can do is stand there with my mouth wide open in shock as to what she was doing. Moments later the police pull in and see im not anywhere near her, i am the one with a swollen face bleeding from my ear canal 2 ripped out earrings burns down my arm scratches all over. They asked if i wanted medical attention i denied and just went in later once i knew my daughter was with my dad and safe. All in all i ended up staying with my dad for a couple months my mom called texted and emailed me multiple times a day. I even blocked her and she then got a text and calling app and started calling and texting from different numbers. Saying that if i dont talk to her she will call the prosecutor and have me put in jail my daughter taken because she begged them not to issue a warrant for me. Im sorry but i know of the laws and if they were going to issue a warrant for my arrest the begging of mother dearest would not stop that and i told her that which further aggravated her. The harassment only got worse she was threatening to burn my and my daughters things. This being as long as it is, is only a small percentage of the turmoil. She has done the same to my sister within the last month. This time she was charged with domestic violence against my sister. Maybe she will be ordered to get help im not sure what step is next. But hopefully we can get her on medication to help control these days when she completely flies off the handle. Because as chaotic as shes making our lives i can only imagine the tornado that is going on in her head. And i feel bad its not her fault she has an illness she did not ask for it nor deserve it. If anyone has any ideas on how to handle this better besides telling me to leave i have to be here for my grandparents and her because she can have another stroke at any time and if it werent for me being here during the last one and being fast to act she wouldnt be able to walk talk nor feed herself. I feel stuck and unsure what to do further. I will check back and hopefully can gather information on ways to handle this situation. Thank you for reading my rant and i appreciate the time you took to do so.

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  4. Cheryl

    My mother has announced that she was diagnosed as narcissistic. She says it as if it’s something to be proud of.

    As her 50 year old daughter, I sit feeling as broken as ever but might finally understand why.

    I always felt responsible for her happiness, I was her only friend and honestly, I love her but I can’t stand being around her. Nothing I do is good enough, NOTHING. She sucks the life out of me. She denies any wrong doing but she speaks about the past, my teenage years, as if it were yesterday. She tries to keep everyone in the past and I don’t get it. People now tend to stay away from her. I never turn to her for comfort because I’m fairly sure that she doesn’t care and any conversation gets turned to be about her.

    She makes me feel crazy. She once had my daughter drive 2 hours, with no license and they switched places once close to home. As they pulled into the driveway she said, see, I drove us home. She’s kind of scary, I’ve never met someone so dishonest who gets offended by their own truth.

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  5. Mark

    Wow I cannot believe how this has added some missing pieces for me. I’m 34 in a 18 year high school sweetheart 3kids later stressed out builder who can now put things into prospective thank you.
    Kindest rehards

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  6. Jeannie Fitzgerald

    What if this person is your close relative that you have to see, and there is a child involved like a pawn in her game ?

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  7. Erica

    My brother in law’s wife is so manipulative that she tells my sister in law anything I said she turns it into something so negative, and makes it look like I was bashing my husband’s sister and her family. My sister in law only calls me to gossip but she remains this sociopaths friend. Choosing her friendship over mineand choosing to believe her over me. I understand she is being manipulated and lied too but I feel so much better now that I have cut them out of my life. I will no longer talk to them. My husband agrees that this girl is narcissistic and mentally ill poising everyone in contact if her. It’s been a week…..and I feel better no longer questioning my sanity.

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  8. damo

    I thought i never kbwe hell untill i let a couple of grade a sociopaths into my life …..turmoil and destruction they have caused and the thing is my instincts told me to stay clear ……but i was at a low ebb and vulnerable and as we all know …..vulnerable people are deeply attractive to sociopaths …they are now both out of my life ….but…im still feeling the ramifications all thease years later my instincts were spot on i hope i never ever meet people who are so ,twisted,vile,deviouse and cruel again in my life….but there has been a silver lineing …..sociopaths no1 told lies to and messed with all the wronge peoples and has become the local pariah figure ,sociopaths no2 has been rejected by my friends and i……its nothing to celebrate though its actualy very sad….despite all there destructive fucked up behaviour they both did have a side that people were very fond of….i was very,very fond of both thease people and the sąd thing is both of thease people will live rootless chaotic lonely lives allways on the run,the thing is you cant have them in your life its to dangerous……..ultimately they will allways lose

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    • Tela

      Sociopaths prey on vulnerable people. They have that cruel

        instinct

      to know when a person may have low self esteem. And other’s prey on the innocent because……they are so innocent to a Sociopath. You cannot allow yourself to feel sorry for the 2 people who caused such trauma in your life. A Sociopath cannot even comprehend the word trauma.

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  9. Rescued

    Wow! I just recently split and made the no contact. We would break up and he would tell me you know what you did and I never knew and I would start to cry and apologizing for something I had no idea. Last month he broke up with me because he said I was flirting and I just want to be center of attention, I begged and cried, why are you doing this, I love you talk to me! Make me understand why you feel this way? It was because I made him so angry and I know exactly what I am doing, and of course like always three days later he tells me he loves me and he will change and he will go to therapy. This time I said no (I was broken, lost confused) I still saw him twice and he told me he met a beautiful woman and either I get back together with him or he will start dating her. I SAID No! I never new what a sociopath was (always thought they were serial killers or murderers) until an anounamas person who had experienced a relationship with him reached out to me and told me to read about a socoipath (I call her my angel). Things are starting to makes and now understand. PLUS SO THANKFUL FOR THIS BLOG.

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    • Rescued

      Absolutely no contact is the only way to move on. I blocked him from email, cell phone, social media! And it wasn’t easy I cried everyday, I felt like I buried someone, but let me tell you, I am starting to feel myself again because I lost my spark and I am slowly gaing it back, and to me. I TOOK CONTROL OF MY LIFE 🙂

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    • Tela

      Thank you Rescued for your comment. When I read how you would ‘apologize for something you had no idea of”…..what was happening was, the Sociopath was projecting onto you what HE was doing, therefore, saying you were ‘flirting or wanting to be center of attention’ blah blah blah is EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING!! But remember, they take zero responsibility or accountability and throw the blame card down. Do NOT pick it up again!!!! You will find yourself on an emotional roller coaster right now. You will find yourself starting to miss him~ please, please do not break the no contact!!! Read this site, educate yourself on what happens if you go back into his world of crazy!!!

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      • rescued2015

        Everytime i have that moment, i read this website. It’s been a month now, i have days where most of the time i am feeling better, but when i catch myself missing the illision, i start to read this website. And i am sorry that everyone who has written their story or replied on a comment has gone through this hell, but so thankful i am not alone. As much as family and friends try to understand, thay cant because thankfully they have never been in a relationahip. I still catch myself crying and i let myself cry. SO THANKFUL FOR THIS WEBSITE

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      • Tela

        Thank you Rescued for commenting!!! I’m so proud of you for making it a month!!! That is TERRIFIC!!! and I know, very, very difficult making through each day. But here you are, offering your own personal experience and advice to someone who is going through what you did!!! Everyday is a day further away from HELL! Everyday is a blessing that you are able to see clearly, no more emotional pain thrown at you! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    • reHem

      you are so right. but i can never deal with such. I am always left shocked to things they say! am i the only one?

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  10. relieveditsover

    The most recent discard comes because I don’t trust him.. Everything he does that looks like past behavior ..I react .. and he has told me that this time he has tried to fix the past and did everything he possibly could to be the nice honest faithful person I wanted but my lack of Trust and accusations are too much to bear and just like that the switch has flicked he hates me again well ? I’m
    Not sure if it’s hate ? But it’s indifference he has gone from gushing to absolutely nothing ? His tone of voice has even changed ? He calls me by my full name which he never does unless he’s showing me how little He cares .. he just sent me a msg saying “u need to find a way to move forward.. Like me, I was only wasting your time anyway I was never going to give you the things you wanted” then WHY ??? Why come back and say I love you and want to be with you forever only to decide I’m unbearable and walk away – again

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    • Tela

      RelievedItsOver, please send me an email: TaelaHill@mail.com and of course you don’t trust him, and for him to even suggest that you do should show you how fucked up he is. Trust is not just simply given…it is earned over time! In his case, his repeated pushing and pulling of you, his repeated other sexual partners gives you no grounds to trust him. Send me an email & I will go into further detail if you wish. ❤

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  11. Jewel

    Seeing with my own eyes, the cheating with the person he’s with now. Still, denies that it ever happen. He courted her right in front of me, while on vacation and at their home with her husband there. And then say he was just being a gentleman. I’m still in healing mode and it’s going on 4 years. Will it ever end?

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    • Tela

      Thank you Jewel for your comment. Why do you still see the ex? Yes, it will end, when you are no longer exposed to his toxic activity and lies/deceit etc.

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