A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Killing With Kindness


I wrote a post about Confusion & Chaos  and how Sociopath, Narcissist and/or Pyscopath’s create such chaos in our lives. In this post, I am going to help explain the confusion put in place by kindess. 

In the beginning of your relationship, it was all hearts & flowers. Emotional compatibility. Sexual compatibility. Shared goals, similar lifestyle. The list is endless!! And then you blink your eyes, and bam! A total emotionally disconnected person is before you. Yes, he still looks the same, but his entire being is not the person you fell in love with.  Introducing your Sociopath, Narcissist and/or Psychopath!!

Now that you know what type of of person you are now involved with, you will find yourself being Killed With Kindness. Once he has you where he originally set out to put you, on his agenda of destruction, confusion of kindness will be one more thing you deal with.  When they are needing more ammunition (to be used against you), or more fuel (to keep up with their fake persona), or any type of financial gain, they will turn back into the kindest, caring, compassionate man. He may take you on the most romantic perfect date. Or you might come home to dinner, bath by candle lite. Or he may even offer to visit your family with you!! He could even encourage you to go out with your friends. There may even be gifts involved. You will have endless conversations again (without all the ugly/hateful comments). His text messages will be filled with love, and longing to be with you. Emails will be sent in joking (instead of attacking). Or you may receive text messages/emails with sexual undertones that you were so attracted to.

You find yourself thinking “YES! He is finally back to his old self“, but don’t be confused. This is who they are, in a perpetual state of chaos. There is a constant  mental and emotional pushing and pulling done by Sociopath’s, Narcissist and Psychopath’s. This pushing and pulling is done to keep you off-balance to what is actually happening in your life. Because Sociopath, Narcissist and/or Psychopath’s have difficulty with any long term commitment, they bascially have two modes of operation about themselves. Kindness and Hatefulness. You now understand how their mind is constantly in ‘spin cycle’, no forward, no backward, just crazy spin. So they draw you in with the Kindness and push you away with the hatefulness. It is very hard not to fall back into believing your Sociopath, Narcissist when they are being kind. We want so much to believe them during these calm moments. And we tend to hang onto these moments because this is the person we fell in love with (we thought). The words of kindness, and actions of kindness are what we crave! Because Sociopath’s and Narcissist are so over the top with their kind words and actions, we want this to be the norm. Instead, they are in all reality Killing Us With Kindness. 

The Devil Is The Author Of Confusion. benjamin disraeli


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7 Responses to “Killing With Kindness”

  1. brokenlady

    Is it possible for a narcissist/ sociopath to be very kind, very helpful even if sometimes it’s superficial! To not be violent or be verbally abusive. Mine seems so lovely but he does confuse me at times. He was a womaniser and said he wouldn’t cheat on me or look at other women. He does look and says he might of done her in the day but not now because of me. Is that supposed to be a compliment?? He tells me of all his old conquests which make me feel sick 😦 I love him so much but he causes me stress and emotional abuse. I have a knot in my tummy right now thinking of his stories of all the women who fancy him and his female friends he gets on so well with. He tends to do what everyone else says but when I tried finishing it he starts being mean about the female friends, even discarded her and starts doing everything to please me. I am in emotional turmoil. I love and adore him for some reason. He’s got a sweet, funny and cute side but the mean side is mean. He doesn’t seem to know he’s doing it and I’m desperate to help him and us. I want to stay with him. Please help x


    • Tela

      BrokenLady, reading your comment, my first thought was ‘she is in such denial’. I want you to read THIS

      And THIS

      Yes, a Sociopath can be kind, helpful etc. I doubt that he is doing things without some benefit to him. And the bragging and gloating about previous lover’s etc is so abusive and degrading to you. Can you not see that? Why do you want to be hurt listening to that rhetoric coming out of his mouth? And what happened with all these past women? Did he discard them like trash? Or does he truly think he is that grandiose and a ‘womanizer’, when the reality could be, it is all bullshit?


      • brokenlady

        Thank you Tela for your reply. I really need some support through this pain I’m feeling. Yes, it’s horrible and degrading when he talks like that. I think as far as I am aware he has discarded some but most women leave him. His ex put up with it for five years and left her for me (he said they weren’t an item, she agreed although they slept together a month before) he still wanted to stay friends with her which puzzles me. He has another ex who still takes his dog out for him. He laughs about his charm and knows he gets people to do things for him. He claimed he felt mean because one girlfriend cooked him a three course meal and an ex baked him a birthday cake so he had to pop in to see both of them on his birthday. He claimed her kids wanted to see him which could be true. I know a lot of women who do fancy him. He has slept with lots from his clubs he goes to. They tend to leave when catch him out on lies or his general odd behaviour. He is 56 and promises he’s changed for me. We do laugh loads everyday and I do feel a connection. Apart from the women I am happy. Well, apart from a few more hugs might be nice! I am in a state of confusion 😦 thank you for any helpful comments x


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