A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Female Sociopath

Statistically there are more male sociopath’s than female. Because there is not a database as such for ‘documented’ Sociopaths this statistic is made up from  Martha Stout Ph.D and her book ‘The Sociopath Next Door’.  The National Mental Health Institute says it’s 1 in 100 and that it’s more likely to find Antisocial Personality Disorder (the DSM-IV term) in men.

I believe it is harder to identify Antisocial Personality Disorder, specifically Narcissistic Sociopath in women as often times they have been labeled the ‘vindictive ex-wife’, or the ‘crazy ex-girlfriend’. These women can also portray the helpless victim mask, therefore gaining more sympathy and more {false} credibility. Society as a whole, tends to overlook female Sociopaths simply because when a relationship with a female Sociopath falls apart they are usually labeled the crazy ex-whatever. Sociopath women lie so easily and without conscience, that when the relationship with their partner falls apart {after they methodically and systematically destroy it} they can make their partner out to be a worthless, horrible human, (when in all reality, she probably sucked the life out of him). When a man has been a victim of a Female Sociopath, usually one of the above labels is given, {crazy ex-girlfriend, vindictive ex-wife ect} instead of a Sociopath and/or Narcissistic Sociopath.

Female Sociopaths are mentally and emotionally destructive liar’s, cheaters & deceivers, etc. They are extremely self-centered, and she is always right! Some female sociopaths may be unable to care for their children, providing the unconditional love and nurturing. Her children are just another ‘object’ to be used against the father. The children are often used as a supply source for her. Or in some cases divorced sociopath women with children will use them to gain sympathy from a new partner. These children can grow up feeling like an inconvenience to their mother’s, as they are also emotionally and mentally manipulated. They are also, in some cases made to feel inadequate, and never living up to their mother’s standards. Some female sociopaths are emotionally disconnected from their children, causing the ‘whiplash’ scenario, leaving the children with a deep craving for admiration. Could this be the beginning of some Narcissist?

Many of these women ‘appear’ normal in the public setting, but are verbally and emotionally abusive in the private setting. The Female Sociopath needs to be dominate, and she does this by being verbally intimidating and emotionally manipulative. She will systematically attack your personality, your objections, your displays of emotion, and your questions. She does this to obtain her supply source, {boost to her ego/dominating factor} They want do this with  little or no regards to your needs and wants. To a Female Sociopath the end justify’s the mean’s.

Female Sociopath have a high sex drive, and in case studies, sex is not just good, it is over-the-top good. They are also very sexually promiscuous.  As with this sex drive, they use this as one of the many manipulation tools to attract her next victim, she  will use sex to her advantage, unbeknownst to the male.  She will appear sympathetic, caring, concerned and display all the empathy/sympahty emotions, when in all reality she is pulling you in closer to keep the control for personal gain.  This could be for material possessions, financial reasons, or reassurance that she is ‘the one’ (when she in fact may have several ‘one’s on the side). If a Female Sociopath feels she is being exposed,  she may turn up the passion, and give you the false sense of  security that you have nothing to fear. Or you will begin to see the Narcissistic Rage(s) if you haven’t already. She may be setting you up to leave, so she will keep you emotionally and physically close. Female Sociopaths can show fake their emotions if they are caught, and blame perhaps a one incident {yet you know the incidents are repeated behaviour}, on someone or something else, never taking accountability. Some men are so drawn to the physical aspect with a female Sociopath that when they catch their partner, girlfriend/wife cheating and lying, they tend to believe the lies more easily because the female Sociopath can turn on the sex factor, play the ‘pity card’, or cry rivers of tears while expressing how “sorry” she is etc.  Therefore this puts the man back into the spin cycle of crazy and the false sense of security.

Women sociopaths are PTA mom’s, soccer mom’s, the ‘girl next door’. They are brutality emotionally and financially destructive. Female Sociopaths have a better time manipulating the court system (as they prey on the sympathy) of lawyer’s, judges etc, and can fake show their tears much easier than men. These women easily manipulate the court system in their favour with financial judgments, all done by made up lies about the man, false documentation, and coerced  ‘statement’s’, thus leaving the men financially ruined. Male victims of a female Sociopath not only have to grasp what they just went through, and accept the hard blow to the ego, but they may also have to fight the ex in the court system for custody, and/or shared custody. And this usually is a very tough battle, as Female Sociopaths have many labels they can hide behind. {ie: these false labels can be physical abuse, financial destitution etc.} And society as a general rule of thumb grants custody to the female parent in most cases. Once again, when dealing with a Sociopath, the same amount of emotional and mental devastation, financial loss, friendships destroyed etc. are not gender specific. Female Sociopaths are just as viscous and vindictive as the male Sociopath. They can make you feel inadequate, violated, and a need to control each and every situation.

Here are a couple of traits of female sociopaths. I believe Narcissistic Sociopath is not gender related, these people just have different names and faces.

  • no real values
  • secret lives: hiding money, friends, affairs
  • slow to forgive: holds onto resentement
  • high blaming behaviour: projects faults onto other’s {even her children}
  • repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations
  • constantly seeking admiration
  • she breaks her man’s spirits to keep them dependent: she has a viscous way of cutting you down
  • undermines your ability to make choices
  • she has to be right~she has to win: whatever the situation may be. You will find yourself just ‘giving in’ to keep the peace
  • lacks ability to see how she comes across to others: be it verbally, or her actions
  • she announces, not discusses ~she tells, not asks
  • she does not listen because she does not really care: your opinions and/or complaints are an annoyance.
  • she exudes very little empathy and/or sympathy
  • You feel miserable with this person as she is draining the life out of you.

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830 Responses to “Female Sociopath”

  1. Richard

    Hi, I totally understand where your coming from…. I took 6 months, gathering the facts, writing them down and gathering proof…. Eventually, I manged to get the confidence to give her leaving orders… We have a child together which she hasn’t seen for 6months missing his first birthday and Christmas… Shows how they are totally heartless!… Now been to court, and this is the best part… She now wants our child, she’s pregnant again… She took an audience to court.. I still remain to look after our son… Although.. Now she’s made a load of allegations on me… Disgusting ones designed to turn people against me… I’m glad I gathered evidence or my and my son, and the new child’s life would be OVER… Beware… GATHER EVIDENCE WHILE ACTING THE SAME, GO ON FACTS, KEEP CALM AND DON’T THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING SAID TO YOU… I WOULD DEFINITELY GO TO GET AS MUCH HELP AS POSSIBLE, AS THE MORE DOCUMENTED, THE BETTER CHANCE YOU HAVE TO ESCAPE YOUR SITUATION… THEY DON’T GIVE UP UNTILL BEEN COURT OUT, THEN THEY ON TO THE NEXT… FAILING THAT… RUN RUN RUN… THESE PEOPLE DESTROY OTHERS.. MAN OR WOMAN

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  2. Rob

    I am living with this type of person. I already have PTSD, self worth and self esteem issues from my screwed up life as a teen and what i lived through in my 20s. I’m turning 33 soon and i feel stuck. I’m catching her in lies constantly. Almost daily. I didn’t even know about her taking out loans. She is constantly blaming me being pissed about the lies as to why she does it. She’s given me a disease i will never get rid of and we have a daughter that is 2 1/2 that she does nothing but yell at. I don’t have the resources to leave because of the debt i didn’t know about. Over five years of lies I’m starting to wake up to and feel like a complete dumbass. We made this life plan crap that she would advance her career while i stay home with our daughter because in our area she makes more with shorter days than i ever could in construction and she is offered benefits where as i am not. Now i see that this has been her way of keeping me deaf blind and dumb. She just lost her job yesterday for attendance issues but according to her the stars aligned and it just happened. I feel stuck. I’ve read that my mental problems will only get worse the longer i stay. She has isolated me from friends and tries having me believe I’m crazy and now make up things or hallucinate things she says and does. I’m not crazy, i don’t think. I found a receipt from a bar with the last four of our debit card on it and she claimed someone stole it used it then returned the card and the receipt to her purse. Mind you the time was five minutes after she got off work and it takes her 1 hr to get home yet she was almost 4 hrs late getting home and drunk when she came in and there were clothes she had stuffed under the seat in the car. Yet her family last thanksgiving when seeing my daughters bruised forehead from running through the kitchen and catching the oven door handle with her head accused me of beating her and my daughter. So i feel she has tried to convince everyone I’m that type of person. She probably is setting it up for if i prove I’m not delusional she can just run to them claiming whatever and get their pitty. I guess i just needed to type that for self realisation purposes. To “hear” myself speak the truth about this person i love. This has described her behavior exactly.

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    • rob

      buddy i can not even imagine how hard sit must be being married to one of these things and having a child…..I truly feel for you……I understand the PTSD, Hypervigilance, cognitive dissonance, the mental fog that never seems to lift and the pending depression….I been there!!!!

      NOW

      as long as you are around it and have one of these things in your life – it will continue and things will get worse

      when i finally completely understood what it was i was married to (even though i still loved it) i made a plan to get out. I played the game with her and let her feel any way she needed to and refuse to show any emotion of any type whatsoever —and i documented everything……document document document ———- it has been said over and over and when dealing with these types it can not be said enough……again……DOCUMENT

      the other thing you will hear is run like hell from them – i will also add here…… the sooner the better 🙂

      regardless of what you do with them you must refuse under any and all circumstances to show any type of emotion near them (negative or positive emotion) as they feed of it and without it they leave ———THEY HAVE TO HAVE IT —— Emotional responses of any type from normal people is pure heroin to these things so REFUSE to show it —– even when it is hard.

      I wish you peace my brother …….find a way out of it and love your child – make that your goal and God will see you through this

      Rob

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    • Dan

      I’ve been with a sociopathic woman on off for six years All I can say is get away a sociopath will ruin your life, and not care about feelings as they in my opinion have none.

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  3. Tom

    In response to Rachael comment to David Gordon

    Bad advice. Don’t ever give a sociopath chance to play games with any person. To tell David to test her is insane. If David couldn’t spot that she was a sociopath before he married the sociopath,then he shouldn’t try to play a test game with her.
    Never allow a sociopath to play a game with you. They are crazy and they love playing life games. Its the only thing they have in life to do. Playing lying games. And all this bullsh!t about you(David),not being able to give the famale sociopath what she wants is exactly what the female sociopath will alway say to a man to try to make you feel bad and to make you give her more things.
    There are only two type of people who would give that kind of horrible advice. (1) A person who dont know anything about sociopaths. OF. (2) A true female sociopath.
    Avoid giving her another chance by playing a test game with the devil.

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    • alohalover

      @Rachael – I totally agree with Tom and Tela. Playing a game with a sociopath is like coating your hands in grease and sticking them in a fire…..you’re playing with fire if you play games with a sociopath…..they WILL WIN every time. You will never beat them. X the sociopath that was in my life, continues to play games with me…..I know he’s doing it or his whore is doing it but if I engage, I am the crazy ex that won’t leave him alone. So I just go about my business and one day Karma will kill him…..I hope.

      The best part….a sociopath can NEVER EVER BE CURED.

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  4. David Gordon

    Just found out my wife had second affair in 14 years of being together. First she says was emotional. I got through it with counseling. Just found out about 5 month physical affair that she lied about on a daily basis. I left for a week. She begged me back saying she could not live another second without me. I came back after 8 days. I’ve been back a week and now all the things she promised she’s either wavering on now or slightly backing off of. She is also losing patience with me in the healing process. And I’m not convinced she’s really remorseful or going to change. Im trying my hardest and do want things to work out but my trust is damaged. Need advice. Thanks.

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    • rob

      Three years removed from the worst experience of my life (yes even greater than the loss of my child)

      More than happy to help in any way i can. But please understand this completely —- Ultimately it is you and you alone that will heal yourself.

      The greatest single question you should be asking yourself today is, “Am i willing to let someone else treat me this way”? If you are, then by all means continue on in the relationship as there is little you, me, or anyone can do to assist you.

      On the other hand, if you are willing to refuse to allow another human being to treat you poorly and willing to say enough of the shit………then yes there are many things that can be done.

      It begins with a bold step. The journey towards loving yourself enough that you would never even consider having a relationship with a person of this nature and learning to love yourself is not an easy one but I assure you from personal experience its a journey i highly recommend 🙂

      If i can help in any way send me an email aprilandjune@outlook.com

      Rob

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    • Rachael

      You poor thing 😦 I’ve not been married and my longest relationship was 5 years. My advice to you is if you don’t think she will change then test it. Not saying divorce, just separate for longer than a week. A month or two maybe. Let her feel like she lost you let her feel that hurt. Don’t say the word divorce though, that’s a finality you need to think about before even mentioning it. If that hurt isn’t enough to put her back where she needs to be with you than you have some thinking to do. Avoid contact as much as possible through out the separation. Chances are she will try to guilt you into going back like she did previously. Take the time to heal yourself mainly, start a hobby or activity. Go to a courtroom and watch other people struggle with their problems, may aid you in the future.

      Recently my significant other broke up with me, they left me for someone else. I was with them just days shy of a year. It’s been almost 2 months and I still break down every night. The healing has to come at your own pace, you can’t just be ok on her terms. It takes time to regain trust. In the seconds it took to break it it takes much longer to gain it back.

      One more tip. She may just be bored or you may not be giving her what she needs. I’ve personally (not done it) considered other people while in a very serious relationship because they couldn’t give me the attention I desperately needed from them. I’m not saying her decision was ever because of you, cheating is so wrong! I’m just saying maybe she wants to be happy with you but isn’t getting what she needs. Try doing little things to repeek those old interests. A flower a day, a random note on the refrigerator, ya get the idea.

      I really hope it works out for you. I’m a believer in the “love conquers all” thing. Best of luck.

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      • rob

        I too believe the “love conquers all” thing 🙂

        BUT

        …..only as it applies to REAL human beings with a conscience and capable of love

        As hard as this may be to accept and believe to many (self was included in this group until being married for 8 years to a person without a conscience otherwise known as a female sociopath) whom have never been involved in a relationship with one of these things, the cold harsh reality is that these people do not have the ability to love and they never will – its impossible!!!

        There is nothing you, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Jerry Jones, or Yaweh can do to fix that – NOTHING!!

        To understand this fact you have to understand the condition thoroughly and you have to have experienced it on a very deep personal level – when you do 🙂 – then you will KNOW the difference between a real human being and an “it”

        Love conquers all 🙂 as it relates to humans with a conscience – this does not apply to sociopaths/psychopaths or as I like to call them “its”

        Rob

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tela

        Rachel, at first I was not going to approve this comment as it is EXTREMELY counter-productive to leaving a Female Sociopath.
        To suggest to David {or anyone} that the person they loved “may be bored” is a horrible, over broad statement to make. Then to go on further and tell David et. all that ‘maybe she isn’t getting what she needs’…..is just downright self-serving; which comments I do not approve.

        However, I did approve your comment so that ALL men {or women} who read this article can read what horrible ‘advise’ is given to them, and that the MAN is actually being blamed for the breakdown in the relationship…according to your comment, followed up with ‘Ya get the idea’. NO Rachel, they do NOT ‘get the idea’. The idea is for anyone reading this article must understand it is NOT what they have or have not done. What they should or could do; and to suggest to play ‘a game with her’….. I am speechless actually.

        I beseech you to do more research about ASPD, Female Sociopaths if you are going to comment on my site again.
        Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Stephanie Casey

    I have a daughter now 32 that has been a liar since childhood, being a mother I didn’t really see or want to see who she was. When she was 5, I had another child and she hated it. She expressed wanting to smother him with a pillow because of her jealousy. She has been with many men, and just recently her husband passed away. She was already talking to other men prior and is on to her next victim. With no regard to how this makes her two boys feel. She has lied about me and manipulated people many times. I am having such a hard time with feeling I will never have a true closeness with her,and always worry for my grandchildren. She can never be confronted either because she blows up and turns things around and will fake cry. #Heartbrokenmother

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  6. Ness

    I can read this list and believe that parts of myself could be labeled as being a sociopath,but that is BC I lived with one for 6 years. I had no idea what was happening to me until a family member of his told me he was diagnosed at a young age. He is bipolar & a sociopath. I admit I have my flaws & yes, I got verbally abusive after he kept lying & cheating on me. We used to get along great! Once I found out of multiple affairs, all his lies( pathological liar), spending money for dating sites, male enhancement, etc. I got very mean. Does it make it right? Of course not, but I wanted him to feel my pain. He even went as far at the end to sign a brand new home & abandon my girls & I a week later. I learned he was raging when he found out I gave it up. Why? He wasn’t coming back & I already knew I couldn’t afford it. Everything was in his name… Even the bills. Do you think I got closure? Hell no!!! I tried texting & calling him. He was stonewalling me! What happens next? He gets me for domestic violence just BC of calls & texts for 1 year. I’m not perfect and yes, I can own my wrongs. I even apologized to where he wouldn’t accept & gave a time frame when he thought he would be able to forgive me. Lol… Really? So.. guess what I am trying to say here, before you go around smearing that a woman is abusive, make sure you are perfect. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives.

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    • Ness

      Forgot to mention… This person is my husband. We were together 5 years before we got married. The only marriage I have ever had. ( I’m his 3rd wife) and our marriage didn’t make it a year. I was nice to take him all of his clothes 2 days later & knowing he was already with another woman for what? He looked at me….. said he hated me & I am nothing, but scum. 7 months now later.. He is on the run. I have no clue where he is living & he won’t give me a divorce!

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  7. Very Frightening

    They’re everywhere nowadays as well as psychopath women as well which most of them really can be very extremely dangerous too.

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    • mysociopathex

      Hi there, I’d say any women, regardless of her mental state / diagnosis, would be capable of that. A sociopath may be more likely to do things that are hurtful yes but should a person be diagnosed the case would be unique. It depends how corrupted they are and where you position them on the spectrum. It depends on circumstances etc etc.

      That question is impossible to answer.

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    • Tela

      Jeffery, this is such an over-broad question. Firstly, how do you know, whomever your are speaking about is a Sociopath? And secondly, women do not have to have ASPD to do something as what you are asking. There are to many variables that makes a person do something that is morally wrong, corrupt, etc. Along with a disregard to the man she is hurting.

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  8. Very Frightening

    Yes there is definitely a lot of Brutal and Savage women out there everywhere today more than ever.

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  9. Tom

    Regarding Janet’s comments.
    You just described 80% of all under 60 females.
    And 40% of all 60 and over females.
    A man MUST ALWAYS have a prenuptial written
    up before marriage. If she wont accept it,she was
    after what women want,YOUR MONEY and
    to keep all her money to herself. Man I am glad
    Im not a female. There is no way there are more
    male sociopath than female sociopaths. Impossible.

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  10. Janet

    I was friends for awhile with a neighbor, that I later came to, totally believe, is a sociopath. So I have an insight into the female ones, as a female. Her female charms don’t work on me, so I saw her clearly over time. The criteria from the article fits her to a tee, except I dont think she was really all that sexual, it was more that sex and pregnancy was in her tool box of things to use, to get what she wanted. I think female sociopaths are mainly interested in money and status, not love or sex despite what they try to project. Theyr’e extremely mercenary and shallow, and want big houses, cars, parties, vacations, plastic surgery, handsome rich husband, or huge child support. My husband calls her a reptellian brain. Their kids are mainly a tool. Dont have kids with one! They also enjoy hurting people covertly, just for the sheer sport of it. Mean and crafty. I think their sexuality is all geared twords mainipulating men period. If they have to pretend to be into sex they will pretend, trust me. When they start losing their youth, they start losing their power and their stupid games don’t work as well anymore. They really suffer from mood disorders and would be miserable to live with. The one I knew scard most men off, because she pushed so hard for a relationship, so she never married and just collected child support. Her personality allways revealed itself after awhile and they were so out of there!

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  11. bolivar2000

    Very interesting article. I would like to share my experience. Met this girl, 38, divorced. No kids. Red flags started popping at the very first day. I liked her immediately, I told her we could be best friends but she insisted on a relationship. Great sex, only lasted 3 months. She was so uninhibited, she lovedbombed me telling me I was so handsome, etc. It stopped abruptly. She accused menof being jealous and wanted to return to just being friends. I left her and she begged me to be friends, I accepted but left her recently again because, obviously, it didn’t work. I should hce trusted my instinct, also, knowing that all her past relationships failed (her marriage only lasted a year) but I had been so long without a girlfriend I fell over heels. Two quich questions: is she a narcissist or a sociopath or both? She had these anger streaks that would freak me out, obsessive compulsive disorder, wanted to be alone frequently. Also, is it true they always return?
    Thank you so much!

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    • Corey

      She sounds like both! If she lacks empathy? I would say so, they move very very fast! I have been apart from mine for over a year. But I do think she will come back to destroy me. Everything is a game to them, sounds like you miss her. Believe me I was in the same boat as you. I loved my ex girlfriend more than anything, but that does not matter to them! If she is breaking away from you, then I hate to tell you this that means she is moving on to someone else. I’m sure you love and care for her! I know it’s hard, but it is all lies! You have a chance to break away! Do it man! There are a lot of good women who will not do that to you! My ex girlfriend always told me I am good looking, which was funny to me. I have no trouble finding dates. Trust the rest of the guys on here, they went through it, I went through it. It’s a nightmare!

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      • bolivar2000olivar

        Thank you so much for your comments Corey! As I keep on investigating, I think I was also a victim of “cognitive dissonance”, meaning I doubted mysef if this girl was as nuts as I thought of, but based on your comments and other people comments as well, I can definitely say I was lucky to have come out of this alive!

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      • bolivar2000

        Thank you so much for your comments Corey! I think I was having “cognitive dissonance” regarding this matter due I doubted myself if this girl was as crazy as I thought of, your input really helps me understand what happened and what can I expect from her! Then she was definitely bonkers!
        thanks again!

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    • Corey

      No problem! You will go through the phases of missing her, anger and so forth. But remember it is not you! My ex cheated on me with her drug addict ex boyfriend. Matter of fact she said he was better than me. But at the end of the day, I know that relationship will not work. Another piece of advice is do not contact her in any way. They love that! Your ex sounds like my ex. My ex girlfriend is very attractive great in bed! But man is she crazy!

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      • bolivar2000

        Thank you again! You have been a great help! I´ll just have to work it out and slowly let her out of my life, It is tough to understand they were doing it on purpose all along! But it certainly seems that way.

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    • Corey

      It is hard! I learned the hard way! But when I started reading all the other guys stories. It seems we are all with the same woman. That’s what is weird about it. My ex love bombed me too death, just like you I saw the red flags. But the discard is the worst feeling in the world! They throw you away like trash with no explanation of what you did wrong. I have forgiven her! But that does not mean I want her back! I almost was going to go over to her house and fight this guy. I was so pissed off! But my friends talked me out of it, I thank them for it too. Because I know she was baiting me to come over and call the cops.

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      • bolivar2000

        I am pretty sure they pay for what they did! A friend that has a blog on Narcissism says EVERY ONE of them ends badly. I do not wish revenge, I just wanted to understand, now I just want her out of my life. As I read somewhere: “I JUST WANTED A RELATIONSHIP, NOT A PHD ON PSYCHIATRY!”.

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    • rob

      As far as returning………..they will if they can get something from you and most know that they can so yes they will………if you allow them to. Understand they are not coming back for any reason other (a) they want to play a mind fuck game with you and your emotions (b) they want something from you or need you for something.

      They WILL NOT RETURN if you clearly put distance there and you refuse to communicate with them on any level…….if kids are involved and you have to see them use the grey rock approach……..no emotion…….yes/no answers and limit it to that exclusively!!!

      they love any emotion they can get from you – good or bad – does not even matter so don’t give it to them and you win – they will leave your ass alone and look for another person who has emotion

      As far as labels go — there comes a point when you have to say it is irrelevant whether she is a psychopath, narcissist, demon, whore, taker, anti social, or feel free to fill in the blank here———–she is not a good person any not worthy of your goodness and that should be all that matters

      I am presently working with a someone very close to me and they keep wanting to know if she is or she is not a sociopath. I have told him over and over again that my guess is that she is but even if she is not – she is still a complete piece of shit and on the horrible person spectrum somewhere and that should be enough to WALK and never look back!!!

      best thing you can do is turn your back, walk, never look back, cut off all communication possible and thank GOD you never have to deal with the “IT” ever again 🙂

      I wish you peace

      rob
      ( 3 years recovered from an 8 year relationship to a full blown “it”)

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      • bolivar2000

        Rob, thank you so much for the light! You see? I KNOW she is sick and I KNOW that she’s not good for me ( for no one, as a matter of fact), but it has only been two weeks and I need REASURRANCE that A) I was dealing with an evil person B)It was al a game from the beginning. So? Your answer came at the right moment! Thank you so much!

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      • rob

        so glad i was able to be of some help 🙂

        when I was at rock bottom with no clue whatsoever about what to do where to go or anything else for that matter……this site, numerous others, people whom had experience with these ‘its”, as well as countless books, blogs, and articles were a huge help.

        without them i am not sure i would have made it through. i made a promise to myself that when i got healthy i would offer what advice i could offer. it helps to know that you are not crazy and that things will get better in time 🙂 that was a huge question for me when i was going through hell

        the best advice i can give after my three year journey to heal and recover is that if you truly want to heal from them – you can 🙂 — it begins with walking away and never looking back — EVER

        it ends when you get to the point to where you love and respect yourself so much that it is impossible for you to even consider a minute of your valuable time around them. When you love and respect yourself – you will only allow great people in your life ……… you become “it” proof

        thats how you win…..

        shine on brother!!

        rob

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      • Tela

        Rob, thank you as always, for you insightful comment’s. And the ability to help from a man’s perspective!

        Like

      • bolivar2000

        Thanks again Rob. I remember she once told me:” this “thing” that I have is serious. Why do you think I’m alone?” That shoul have triggered some alarms. Anyway, I’m glad I was able to flee!

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  12. AZMama

    Hi,.

    This article exactly describes my husband’s ex-wife.

    But I notice similar traits in my 16 stepdaughter. Is it possible that this genetic? Or just environmental? My husband is tuning her out and she is quite a charming, cheating manipulator who has physically hurt her sister, my two boys. Plus all the scheming, cheating and lying to her father and I with no remorse except fake tears if you confront her.

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  13. R

    Your description is so very revealing to me of a female sociopathic person. I am still in the mist of dealing with a similar situation and have been no contact last for the past 4 months and struggling not to relapse. R.

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  14. elmer eversoll

    My twin six yr old mom my girlfriend has all the traits u describe I,
    M waiting on tax return to b part of but her lie ,chetin blatent disregaurd is killing me should I just leave.he co workers also lie for her.my friends say are u sure yes I am.help

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  15. Rob

    You have to learn to love, trust and respect yourself first and foremost 🙂 that too is a journey my fellow traveler. When you learn to do those three things first – you will no longer need anything from anyone – as Whitney sang so well —- the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself —— when this happens to you —- you simply will not have the time of day for the losers aka sociopaths of the world ….. Only those who respect you the way you respect and love yourself 🙂

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  16. Corey

    It has been a year since she has left me. I keep going through stages of anger and indifference torwards her. I was with her for about 6 months when I was with her. Prior to meeting her my best friend died which I took his death very very hard. She is friends with a mutual friend that’s how we met. Really prior to my friend dieing I do not open my heart to no one at all. I have been hurt many years ago. But I opened my heart to her, she mirrored my personality and all of it. I saw the red flags but I did nothing. The honeymoon phase swept me off my feet and I thought what a wonderful person that I came across. I thought she was the one for me. Funny thing is I do not believe there is such thing as the one. But for that moment I did. The abuse came from nowhere, it seemed as though she has so much hatred torwards me.. I never did get a answer for what I did to deserve that verbal abuse. She talked about all these guys that wanted her. I thought that was so odd since she was in a relationship. What is odd to me she kept talking about her ex boyfriend, who is a drug addict she knew what he was up too and where he was going. I asked her about it, she told me I just saw it online… Then she started to distance herself from me. I cooked, cleaned, washed her kids clothes, yard work made time for her. I was walking around on eggshells everyday. She would go through rages out of nowhere. She told me she dreamed of killing me and cutting me into pieces. That scared me so bad! She just abandon me like trash. No remorse, no empathy nothing.. I have never seen someone that cold before… I have dated lately but I am not ready too date.. She has ignored me won’t even talk to me. I have gone no contact for about a 6 months, only time I tried to communicate is when we have a car in both our names. Which I have had her name removed from car recently, but she still would not be a grownup and be there. She left me for her ex boyfriend who is a drug addict. I don’t know if she will contact me in the future. But I have a feeling she will. Why I feel that way I don’t know. I am a great guy! I get hit on by women a lot. But I feel like I can never trust a woman again after her. Sorry for my rant… Thank you

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    • Sean

      Wow!!! Corey this is amazing!!! This sounds sooooo very similar to what I went through. This girl was SUPER successful, smart, funny, life of the party, perfect package! I had always liked her, from the first moment I met her. She was with another guy and I was with another girl but I always kept in touch as did she. Just small flirty stuff via social media. Then one day she responds to my note and makes it very clear that she is unhappy with her guy, that he is always gone and doesn’t pay attention to her anymore and there is no sex. We decide to get together and of course it is over the top amazing sex! Suddenly we are meeting all the time. Renting hotel rooms weekly, having sex in cars, on and on. Very rapidly coming to her and her guys place. Talking about leaving our respective others to be together, building a life etc etc. The honeymoon phase was one of the greatest things I have ever experienced. This rapidly progressed to me telling my partner what was going on and I was going to have to explore this. The Sociopath was supposed to break it off with her guy the same weekend but I come back to find out she didn’t. She convinced me it would be ok so we continued on even though I knew she was still seeing him. One thing I noticed is she was ALWAYS on her phone. It was always in her hand and she had an apple watch so she always knew when someone texted. As time went on I noticed her communication with me went from very regular and loving to almost nothing. Whenever I would tell her that concerned me she would rage out on me. It was especially bad when she said she was going out with friends and I would not hear from her at all. I told her it made me uneasy and I would just like to know she was ok because I knew she liked to drink a lot when she was out. That would REALLY set her over the edge. I would get berated and belittled, literal screaming over just asking for a very simple consideration of letting me know she was ok. This got worse and worse rapidly. I tried to meet her demands to not ask for communication and it just got pulled further and further back. The ultimate point was when she said she was going out. I got one text saying hello and replied back and she didn’t reply back for many hours. It was getting really late so I started texting and asking if she was ok. It got to be 4;30 AM and I was not sleeping because I was worried so I texted her sister and said “Hey I am super worried because I didn’t hear from her” Boy did I pay for that…because her sister texted her mother and that caused her to be embarrassed because she had no explanation for where she was or what she was doing, (reality was she was with her supposed ex). She played this game with our relationship over and over. Screaming at me for nothing and making me feel like I was completely worthless and wrong about everything. Even when I caught her in lies, (ie a photo of her with her “ex”) she couldn’t admit it and tried to make it look like it was somehow my fault. She would constantly do the take away….planning to pick her up at the airport, last second takeaway because I asked her about why she couldn’t text me that she was ok for a day, planning on going to a wedding, last second takeaway because I asked why she used to tell me loving things and now she says she cant. All the time pulling further back and getting more aggressive with every disagreement. There was no possibility of sitting and having a calm discussion even though I would remain calm and beg her to just speak calmly like an adult. Sex was always held as a tool against me as well as knowing how to hurt me and take away the things I wanted. The whole thing ended up with me saying that I don’t care who she dates or sees, but I would be happy being friends with her. I confronted her on her actions of how she treated me and then called her out because I knew that she was with another guy. I told her I didn’t care and just wanted to remain friends and have her be honest with me about things. That sent her completely over the edge – she “defriended” me on facebook etc because that was the last take away she could do. This is literally only a small fraction of the entire story. Months of abuse for nothing other than loving her and taking care of her. My thought is all she needed from me was the fantasy of the sex, risky, rough, crazy, and she needed a guy to help her out around the house. Once her fantasies of that were fulfilled, she was done with me. Oh yeah, tons of red flags, hides all her friends on Facebook so they cant be seen, uses codes for people names so if you happen to see them call or text you have no idea who it is. Ignoring texts even though you can see she was on social media numerous times after you sent the text. It just goes on and on. Truly disturbing that my emotions mean absolute zero to her. I am a very smart person and I would be considered very strong emotionally, but she managed to break me down with no effort whatsoever. . I am well educated and have experienced the world. She sucked me in, trapped me and destroyed me like I couldn’t imagine. The advice is always correct….RUN when you meet one of these no matter how shiny they are! Everyone should remember that these people do not have a care in the world. They will do everything to bring you into their web, suck you dry of whatever they need, and move on. I spent the majority of time trying to work harder to “make things right” and to please her. I couldn’t figure out why nothing was working. I was cooking, cleaning, caring for her dog, I spent thousands on flowers because she said she loves fresh flowers all the time. I didn’t realize it was a game and I could never win. There was nothing I could have ever done to please her or make her mine.

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      • Corey

        Sorry for the late reply! Your ex sounds like my ex. Lol I fell for her pity party, it is always someone else fault never her fault. She is always right now matter what. That was my ex, I fell for the pity stuff though. I thought I could show her what a great guy I am. But all I did was give her the attention she wanted. The sex was out of this world. She has a very high sex drive. It was 3 times a day. Majority of women I come across would think that is wierd. All her ex boyfriends are cheaters, stalkers, Drug users, alcoholics. I heard it all from her. For a long time I was very pissed at the guy she left for. I said stuff too him I regret. There was a point that I was going to go over to his house and fight him. She encouraged that! I had a lot of hatred torwards him. Which is wrong! Really, he is just part of her game she plays. I admit that I had hatred torwards her for a long time as well. But I have forgiven both of them and I also pray for them both. Some people can not forgive a narcissistic personality disorder or a sociopath. But just remember it is her not you! I blamed myself for a long time because of the stuff I went through. But is best for you to go no contact with her. If she contacts you, whatever you do. Do not answer her! You are just a toy for her to manipulate! You deserve better than that! I am sure in sometime my ex will contact me. But I will not answer her, I have had enough of the lies!

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  17. Amb

    Thanks for this post. I am currently living with probably the most difficult woman i met after my mother. Initially we were work colleagues working for the same company in 2 different branches. I was going through a rough patch in my life, break up etc. She initiated conversations with me through telephone calls etc. I never really had much interest in her as through her reputation she was known to be a very aggressive person, she also put it out there she is a ‘lesbian’ and not a ‘fake lesbian’ that seeks attention from men, that is how she sold herself to everyone and was well noted. She is a fairly attractive woman, though her tatoos, piercing and punk styled hair clearly gives her a more masculine intimidating look. So initially upon our chats she would fish for my branch turnovers and make fun of some of the other staff members etc. She quickly labelled me her friend suggesting I should not be a stranger and regurlarly keep in touch. I was in a bad place and invited the friendship. We started going out, for drinks, then when she was intoxicated would start flirting with me. Touching me, holding me, sitting on my lap and even kissing she was very sweet. I was shocked and told myself a little bit of alcohol and she is not that lesbian that claims not to be a fake, hey who am I to judge, being a ‘friend’ I tried to not engage as I know alcohol can bring other sides of us out. She would always phone me at work to find out if anything happened, the calls did seem rhetorical and our times going out to dinner and movies started seeming like dates. I started becoming fond of the idea of her that eventually we did have intercourse which started to change our relationship. It took her several months while we still kept seeing each other to claim i took advantage of her in a drunken state, she had no memory and I betrayed the friendship. However she said she forgives me as she knows I am a good guy and how she gets when she is drunk. In a very insidious manner, the sweet wonderful woman ceased to exist and the angry bitter bitch that just laid guilt trips, played my emotions, gave me a cold shoulder, i was wondering why is she changing. No amount of affection, or anything I did could make her happy, she was suicidal, I got promoted at work and became her superior, which she took full advantage off. She displayed insubordination etc. Eventually due to the altercations with our employers she resigned and i opted to get a apartment together with her miles from my work so she could be closer to her family that she loves. Its a year we live together and it has been a living hell, I do not know how i did it, and her family share my curiosity, perhaps through gods mercy. I believed I loved this woman unconditionally, but its been a simple use and abuse that is clearly 1 sided. Her excuse to everyone that she ill treats me is because I know how she is, a soft little girl that needs to be saved hence the mean mask she potrays and that is how she justifies being a total bitch towards me. I am now in a terrible financial and emotional state and also alienated from people that care for me. Her and i rarely talk, After reading your article and hearing she has used people previously, i have made sense, that i am another victim and that she is a possible narcissistic sociopath, she bears all the qualities you listed.

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    • mysociopathex

      Hey Amb, I went through something very similar and unfortunately understand your pain fully. Have a look at my blogs to see if you can see the similarities for yourself in their behaviours. It sounds to me that you are with a disordered women as the overriding emotions you describe suggest it. The confusion is the number one indicator, not knowing where you stand, things not making sense, actions and words not lining up.

      Advice – follow and trust your gut, get her out of your life and take time to heal. Get the book psychopath free and stay strong.

      The key is self respect!

      Joe

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      • Amb

        Thanks for the reply, I have read your blogs and have taken an example that this is a journey, thanks for also noting the pain for someone who has been through this can understand the pain, thanks for also blogging your journey as it is a great way to also create an awareness for other people that suffered this abuse as we did. I wish you well on your Journey.

        Liked by 1 person

      • mysociopathex

        It really is a journey and one that leads you to improve yourself more than anything.

        I’m really glad you took something from my blog and I hope you subscribe and follow me into the next chapter which is more around resolving the issues that led me into the problematic relationship.

        Like

  18. Tom Clabough

    My granddaughter, who is 17 years old, 5’11.5 ” tall, weights about 280 lbs currently lives with my wife, myself, and two of her siblings. When I read the signs or symptoms of a female sociopath, she demonstrate a almost all of the signs. She is usually in a pretty foul mood, at home behind closed doors. She is constantly belittling her 11 year old sister, who by the way worships the ground she walks on. Things like, you stink , when is the last time you showered, your hair is disgusting, your clothes don’t match, on and on. When we try to correct her, she literally blows up at us. Acts like she has every right to abuse her. Used really bad language to demonstrate that she doesn’t care what we think. On , and on. She talks down to my wife constantly, when my wife attempts to help her by explaining a procedure, or trying to give simple instructions about anything. I mean anything. She is constantly taking selfies and posting them, along with, very suggestive videos and poses of herself in a very self deprecating manner. She has secret friends she chat’s with on her mobile phone pretty much all hours of the evening and way into the night. I am so sick of how she treats everyone around her. The only time we see her smile is when she is out with potential new friends. Then she turns into the life of the party. My wife thinks that I’m crazy, no matter how bad it gets. I think my wife is afraid of her, or what she might do. I want her out of the house. I am worried she will say that I did something to her to retaliate against me, if I oust her. We walk around on egg shells never knowing what will appear from her bedroom day to day. Oh, and my wife found evidence of marijuana parafinalias in her bedroom. We waiting for the right moment to bring it up. She will lie. Help, we already raised five children and we’re looking forward to our retirement, but we had to get the grandkids before the state stepped in. They were all living with others because their mom got evicted. This is causing a serious rift between my wife and I. We’ve been together over 30 years. I explained to her that I will not live much longer under these circumstances, and I will not allow her to either. Very touchy subject. Any suggestions. I do have lots more to tell. Can you please help me decide how to cope with situation. Thx

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    • Santaland

      I read your input accordingly. A sociopath…not sure about that…sure there are the flags etc. But look at how you described her i.e. size…280lbs…I think that perhaps she simply is very insecure, due to her size/weight and thus becomes a bully…her only way of deflecting attention on her versus what she does. A bully with a nasty habits towards those who are less apt to protect themselves can be perceived to be a sociopath. Heck, there is good and bad in all of us…even healthy stuff too.

      Personally, I know what I would do…I would get up front in her face and tell her the truth…you are an overweight bully. Your attitude is that of an overweight bully…so shape up or ship out. And go on a diet while you are at it.

      Am not saying my strategy is bullet proof…but that is how I would handle it…take the bull by the horns. BTW am not into this ‘lets hold hands, lets sing together blah blah’…she basically is nasty, insecure and a bully. She will leave scars on her sister.

      So Tom, as a grandfather, put her in her place. Am surprised her parents do not see this behavior as unacceptable.

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  19. Virginia Hines

    Classic operating procedure. Seduce you, use you, stomp you , and then begin again. I have a history of attracting these types but have learned my lessons via therapy and education. We each make our choices and live with them. In this case I stand with the my original thoughts. One thing though, go NO CONTACT.

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  20. Tom

    No other way to say it honestly and correct. The only good sociopath female is a dead one. But that still only makes them a bad dead sociopath. All sociopaths are bad evil monsters.
    I’ve been able to spot them quick. They think they’re so clever.
    Use that to your advantage and never let them know you know what they are. Then wipe them out. Set them up on a pedistool.
    Then when they are not expecting it. Yank that pedistool out.
    Pre plan you way out way before you yank it out. Make a 100% clean get away.

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  21. Ginny

    Run. Run like the wind. Really, just run away. She is looking for someone to use, and you are far more aware than she can tolerate. It is better to leave now than to have your self esteem and worth sucked from you.

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    • Uncle Jim

      Ginny,
      This woman has now changed her stance and is open to discussion of goals. In addition, she’s asked me to come over Christmas morning. “In spite of our status, I still have some gifts here for you and your dogs”.

      I find this all very strange and wonder if there aren’t more mental issues going here than I first assumed.

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  22. Uncle Jim

    After my divorce, I hadn’t dated for 10 years. I’ve recently thrown my hat back into the ring and this is where I’m at now…. trying to figure out what this woman’s deal is. We have been dating for 2.5 months and things have recently come to a head. 2 days ago, she asks me “what’s your annual salary?” After I tell her, she says “I just don’t know. We are so different. This isn’t going to work.” She makes about 1.5 times what I do. When I asked if there was an income amount that was a deal breaker, she replied with “It’s a white man’s world. A white male should easily make 30%-35% more than their female partner.”

    I have my own house, car, pay ahead on my bills and a good credit score but she made it sound like she was carrying all my finances. Never asked for anything, nor would I. I did let her know that I wasn’t happy with insinuating that I was a bum / loser. She responded with a text saying that we don’t have the same goals, dreams, likes, dislikes, etc. I found it strange that all of these issues popped up after she found out that she made more than I did. She also said, “I don’t need a man in my life to be happy or to service me. I don’t have to compromise and I have no desire to settle. This is why I’ve been single for 11 years.”
    Her background:
    • Divorced from business owner (millionaire) after 20 years of marriage. She planned leaving for the last 5-6- years.
    • Father was an alcoholic
    • Brother has schizophrenia
    • Bordering on hyper-sexual (at 47, intercourse 8-9 HOURS per week). As a guy that has been out of the loop for 10 years, this is nice but I feel like I’m a seat filler at times. LOL.

    She seems very nice but some strange behaviors have jumped out at me. While walking through the mall, I say “You’d look great in that dress” which is met with the outrageous claim of “Stop trying to change me!” I simply made a comment that was supposed to be a compliment. If I tell her that I’m coming over, she’ll ask me to pick up a few things for her. I call from the road and explain that I’ll be an hour later than expected because of traffic and I had to go in 3 stores to find what she asked me to bring. I get a text immediately…”You’re too slow. Don’t bother coming down.”

    Any thoughts, suggestions or advice? I’m pretty sure I’m done speaking to this woman. I’m struggling to handle her emotional flip flops and massive mood swings. I can’t imagine how things would be when she starts to go through “the change”

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    • Santaland

      I read your input with interest. This woman sounds like she more or less knows what she wants…a man with money, who cares what she earns, she is assessing your worth based on your income and not you. Walk away. She is not a sociopath, she simply sounds vain, vulgar and cheap (screwed her way ahead).

      As for your 8-9 hours of sex…hmmm, and your point being? Some people like lots of sex, some less…use logic versus trying to pin her into a box.

      I was with a true sociopath and have also encountered types you described. Suggestion, work on yourself, work on liking you versus focusing on a woman who sounds like a waste of time. Your list of her background sounds more like a sounding board for you to not be with her. Simple, don’t! You are not a fossil thus stop this BS about having been married etc…you are you. Be proud. Tela will back my words up.

      Anyway, bottom line is she likes you based on your income, nothing more. So, is that the person you want to be with? If so, great. If not, always be a gentleman and walk away is dignity. FYI, there is very little difference between a true BPD, NPD, AsPD etc…the cluster B group, male or female.

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  23. Tracee Stevens

    I have a daughter in law that is definitely a sociopath. This article describes her to a tee. Unfortunately they have two beautiful little girls that are everything to me. I have to give in to her or she will threaten not to let me see them. How can I help to get those poor babies away from her. Numerous assault charges on her, DCf has been called many times, by many people. Petrified for those girls. HELP

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  24. Tracy

    You need to cry. Men can cry and it’s healthy to cry. It’s not weakness and we are taught, it’s letting out the hard stuff so we can be open to better things in life. Dealing with a sociopath is a lot of trauma and PTSD it’s understandable we would feel grief, sadness, anger, confusion and so many other feelings.

    If you want a divorce- file! She can’t stop the divorce once it filed. She may be able to remain on your insurance for a time depending on your divorce agreement.

    You may be able to get court orders to temporarily divide marital funds, who pays what bills, etc. Temporary maintenance and child support (if they apply) so she doesn’t have full access to all the money.

    Also take the time to heal and do not date.
    You need to grieve and heal from your marriage before you are whole for a new person.
    Sit with the loneliness and work on yourself.
    It’s what’s best for you and any future relationships.

    It’s a hard road but you can do this.

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  25. The Honest Truth

    Very extremely dangerous women out there these days which makes it very scary for us Good Men unfortunately.

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    • Brad

      Yes, my wife has a vile temper and is very vindictive. Sometimes even for imagined slights or takes pre emptive strikes for quote ” looking at another woman”. I hate meat market bars. Any direction you look there is some mini skirt girl wanting attention. She loves this scenario. I ve been accused so many times. This vindicates her affairs. Her first husband beat her she claims. Her current lover is a sociopath like her, I met him. I didn’t know at the time. She doesn’t know I am wise to it yet. Her first husband says she takes pride in bringing her lovers into your presence without you knowing. Some may be the husband or boyfriend of one of her friends or acquaintances. When confronted she simply accuses me or lies and becomes almost violent. Her father brought Herpes home to her mother while she battled breast cancer. The woman had never been with another woman but him. She claims to hate him and says he’s a SOB. When I leave I will have to do it while she’s away. And be as cunning and clever as her. I hope to get a job in another state. Start over

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  26. Brad

    My wife has all the traits of sociapathy. I am trying to leave. Dont have much family left. Hard to find somewhere to go. Our bills are so much and so little equity in our home that starting again will be a long time in coming. She wont grant me a divorce because she wants to stay on my insurance. Says she loves at times doesnt at others as it benefits her. I will have to quit my job to get her off my insurance. The laws wont let me kick her of until the divorce is final. I left but my roomate was a chronic alcoholic. This woman is draining my soul. A cheater, a liar and vindictive. Irresponsible with money, substance abuser and manipulative. I wish there was a foundation or help organization or something to help people escape from sociapathic people. I need help and have no where to turn. At almost 50 I have fo literally start over. Its hard to date married. People think you are the bad guy, if they only knew. A man shouldn’t cry but some days just driving to work early in the a.m. predawn hours tears will begin to roll almost uncontrollably. Please screen any potential mate for this behavior. They are masters at hiding it and bringing it out later or turning the table and blaming you.

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    • Tela

      Brad, please send me an email. I have some suggestions (depending on where you live), for the help you are needing.

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      • rob

        Been where you guys are and i assure you you will get better —– much better ——-you have work hard on yourself. Yes, the woman i was married to was a sociopath and yes she ruined my life many times over. but the reality is i got to make the decision about what i was going to do with my life after her. I vowed that whatever it was that was in me that had allowed such a person into my life to destroy me the way she had……….i would discover and fix………take it from someone who was where you guys both were and in dire straights……with little or no hope…….you can do it!!! ———— work hard on becoming the best most self reliant men you can be ————-let me know if i can help in any way…………i had a lot of help when i was coming out of the shit mess from others who had been there……..and i promised i would always make myself available to any other brother who was in the same shape i was in……

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    • Santaland

      Brad, lie! Tell her you no longer have insurance. See what happens. Then start fresh.

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  27. Janet

    I’ve known several sociopaths. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I do now. One was a female and two were men. I won’t go in to all the details of how I know this now, but trust me, I KNOW. It took awhile but I know. I dont care if I’m not a doctor. The female one was a neighbor I became friends with. She has all the traits, along with fooling and charming people, and the kids who are pawns to get something from men. You can attract these types like crazy when you’re in crisis and are an empath, and these types tend to know eachother. That was my case and I had a crash course on them. Anyway, when I ended the friendship because I caught on and was growing stronger, she did the whole smear campaign, gaslighting, minions sent to spy and collect info, and tried to get back in. But what I noticed with her relationships with men, she didn’t respect men who were weak to her charms. She was intrigued by the men who were not that into her. So, I think the men who are feeling so sad about things, need to understand she probably is not able to respect that LOVE. That’s weakness to her, just like my kindness was.

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  28. Find out

    WOW!!!!!! I’m literally teering up and know one could understand THIS SEVERE PAIN UNLESS THEY WERE WITH ONE.IT HURTS BECAUSE I LOVE HER SHE IS THE MOTHER OF MY SON, AND THE WORDS SHE WILL SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU .IS THE EXACT WORD FOR WORD I’VE TOLD HER BEFORE.MY SON IS 6 her daughters are 12 and 9 but I’m like they’re father, yes I am they’re dad.PLEASE HEAVENLY FATHER HELP, PLEASE…IF YOU SEEN ME YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE THIS WAS COMING FROM ME I’VE BEEN TO PRISON NUMEROUS TIMES TATTOOED FACE THROAT, HEAD.I EVEN HAD MY BEST FRIEND SITE IN MY ARMS FROM A DRIVE BY SHOOTING.NOTHING HAD EVER PHASED ME, BUT THIS, HER I’VE NOT EVER BEEN IN SO MUCH PAIN, CONFUSION, AND LONILESS.MY PRAYERS GO TO THE MEN AND CHILDREN WHO ARE VICTIM TO THIS.MAY THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST COVER YOU IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, SON, AND, HOLY SPIRIT.AMEN

    Liked by 1 person

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  29. Dominic

    Wow, unbelievable reading this. I’m a 38 yr old husband father of 3. I’m not perfect I’ve made mistakes in my marriage. I gambled a lot of money away and abused pain meds during my 12 yr marriage. Silly me I thought growing up if I could make enough to afford to have my wife be a stay at home mom, I did my job and all the rest (my stress relievers/self inflicted wounds) was ok. My wife also did the finances for the first 10 years or so. Only the last two it’s been back and forth after finding out she’s been unfaithful with more than 18+ different men. I feel smothered and I want out. I always thought of my wife being a sociopath but never really knew the meaning. Now reading this I can’t believe the similarities. Thank you for the knowledge. Wish me luck!

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    • magicbird33

      Sociopaths after reading all about them and literally knowing two. Not married to nor never like them because I question people enough to not be manipulated. I not a person who believe in the death penalty or abortions. But these two people who dont even know each other are without any doubt 100% sociopaths. I think for the safety of other humans they should be killed. They are literally no good for anyone or anything. They are wasting air and water. Life in prison without the possibility of parole would be a choice. But one they dont deserve. Evil is sociopath. Sociopath is evil. Theyre the same. They are worth than no good for nothing.

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      • magicbird33

        Once a person truly loves themselves they will do what is natural. That is to look outside of themselves. They will look to help and love others. You cant love other until you love youself. Thats when those bottom feeders true sociopaths like Linda Blair H. and Mike Whip… recognizes your kindness and proceeds with their EVIL plan on you that they have used many times before.
        Im immune from them. As I have studied them closely and I see them coming from far away. Its your love ones that you need to protect from them at any cost. Once the filthy sociopath has their claws in them, its almost impossible to get their claws out. You must use ANY MEASURES there is to save your love ones. You may have to sacrifice your relationship with your loved one now to unclaw that devil from your loved one. But you probably need to do it to free your loved one from the sociopath devil. It will save your loved one.
        Think there is anything good about a true sociopath? Then you dont know a sociopath. I would put every sociopath in a cell by themselves and throw away the key and never let anyone see them again. And then completely forget about them.

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      • magicbird33

        Once a person truly loves themselves they will do what is natural. That is to look outside of themselves. They will look to help and love others. You cant love other until you love youself. Thats when thoese bottom feeders true sociopaths like Linda Blair H. and Mike Whip… recognizes your kindness and proceeds with their EVIL plan on you that they have used many times before.
        Im immune from them. As I have studied them closely and I see them coming from far away. Its your love ones that you need to protect from them at any cost. Once the filthy sociopath has their claws in them, its almost impossible to get their claws out. You must use ANY MEASURES there is to save your love ones. You may have to sacrifice your relationship with your loved one now to unclaw that devil from your loved one. But you probably need to do it to free your loved one from the sociopath devil. It will save your loved one.
        Think there is anything good about a true sociopath? Then you dont know a sociopath. I would put every sociopath in a cell by themselves and throw away the key and never let anyone see them again. And then completely forget about them.

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  30. The Very Truth Of All

    Been there and done that already. And i am still Watching my back today.

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  31. Rob

    They will only do to you what you let them to do you – the choice is yours 🙂 as for me, I now refuse to allow anyone into my life that is not a good person – it’s a choice I get to make because I now respect myself too much to allow a sociopath or any other toxic person (regardless of familial ties or anything else) and I am a much better person because of it and I can spent my energy and incredible gifts with those deserving of them 🙂

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    • Janet

      I totally agree and that’s the biggest take away from having an experience with a person with anti-social personality. Keeping high standards and a bottom line, with any and all people. Know what you stand for and believe in. Know your worth. Don’t make exceptions for people who are fun or sexy and charismatic yet imoral or lowlife, or are just available and you’re boerd. Decency and goodness are the most important qualities in life anyway and the most enduring.

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  32. Danielle

    Its so weird actually reading this, i just read everything about my mother. she left me when i was 15, my aunt and uncle who are officers took me in. Up until she left i moved 27 times, switches schools 13 times. And she was married 7 times. Im now 22 and she moved back 2 years ago. Im having the hardest time dealing with it because shes making my family fall apart and i dont want to be around it. she keeps asking for my forgiveness for leaving me to marry her 7th husband across the US. She acts like it never happened, i dont want ro be around her if she cant even admit to me that she left…

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  33. Casey Butler

    I have so much proof that this person only temporarily go away if I threaten her with hints that I actually know I am afraid to say what if I could make both of their family and friends will leave which I know I can’t do I don’t see how it could not bring to anyone’s attention if put in the right order and even prove to them how screwed up they really are on a scale that nobody in their life can deny it I have been studying this for years because I am forced to deal with one every day my son’s mother and have recently encountered what I feel is an extreme narcissistic sociopath who was literally just found out months and months after putting me in the hospital and I still don’t know the extent she won’t let me go she’s done every tactic at the same time begging for another man and using the fact that he was tired of it against me before I ever knew he existed…7578313763 casey

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  34. Casey Butler

    7578313763 please please please call me I swear that you more than hit the nail on the head and the story I could tell you at best would be in order of a Quentin Tarantino I’m not being funny or smart I am a successful young single father and don’t know how much longer that can be

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  35. Hansarelli

    Yep. Out for four years and still messed up from it. All the stats are irrelevant to me. I simply know what she is, how she is, and that I must remain completely separate from her and abstain from all contact with her forever. But damn that sex was hot! Good luck to the rest of you and don’t stay trapped in the victim role for very long. Your capacity for love puts you above and beyond these evil creatures and it (your love) should go to someone who deserves and delights in it.

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  36. Ian

    Hi Tela, It was never my intent to question the integrity or morality of those who chose to RUN and I would certainly never presume to offer judgment on those who do.
    Of course it is not ‘right’ to do any of the things you say but since coming across your site and recognizing the clinical aspects of what I am dealing with it has become one of the tenets of my existence that the ‘badness’ derives from the Socio/psychopath, not from the victim. Of course she’s ABUSIVE and she always will be. It’s her nature. But in truth, whilst I detest and despise her I also feel pity for her and her ilk. She will never truly experience the unquestioning trust or unconditional love of her children or share the joy of triumphs and successes; never feel the uplift in her soul from listening to the ‘Hallelujah Chorus, never cry at a sad ending in a book or a movie. How sad is that.
    In my experience sometimes we are faced with having to plan a course of action and make decisions based on the least bad outcome from a set of bad options. I have recently been re-reading Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War. It’s a wonderfully subtle book which I highly recommend it for those who chose to stay or even for those who have decide but not yet completed the process of separation.
    It is just in my nature that when I see or experience something ‘wrong’ I want to do something about it. Generally I just confront it head on. This approach hasn’t always stood me in good stead in my life/career but that’s just the way I am. When I raised the issue of the “Morality” of ‘running’ I was trying to express my belief that sooner or later something has to be done about these people on a wider front. People, communities and “Society” in general need to be able to recognize these people and find a way to deal with them – before they eviscerate their victims. ‘Running’ works at the personal and post traumatic levels – no doubt about it –but it cannot – or should not – work at the community and/or social levels. It seems to me that one of the weaknesses of the socio/psychopath is their inability to act collectively, whereas ‘normal’ people’ can and do. There needs to a way to shine a light on these people and say “WE see you and WE will not tolerate your behavior. There will be consequences.”
    Your site and others like it are a wonderful start but here needs to be more. In all these discussions I am minded that when I was growing up in the 1950s; women were 2nd class citizens, black people were considered ‘untermensch’, being gay was illegal, kids with Downs Syndrome or Autism were considered ‘weird’ and hidden away, etc., etc. Look how far we’ve come.

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  37. Ian

    I am a 67 year old Brit, retired now after a successful career living and working all over the world, married to a Chinese woman for 20 years who is 20 years my junior, now with 3 young kids and currently living in China.
    My guess is that most of us have, at some time used the term ‘He/she’s a Psycho’ casually in conversation to describe friends of friends or acquaintances whose callous and manipulative behaviors of has astonished us. Fortunately for those of us impacted by a close association with these people the definition of “Psychopathy” has been defined by respected researchers in this field and goes far beyond a pejorative use of the term. Discovering that the relationship issues I’d been struggling with for years were not some aberration of my own mind and that others have encountered and had to deal with similar behaviours provided me with not only an epiphany but also huge solace for my soul. I was not alone. I was not the crazy one. I’ll share a few of the insights to a “Psychopath’s” state of mind and ‘Modus Operandi’ that I’ve since gleaned from my researches and unfortunately from my experience.
    Psychopaths are incapable of experiencing what ‘normal’ people feel as ‘empathy’. They just don’t get it. Similarly, Psychopaths are incapable of feeling remorse. They have NO conscience. Everything they say and do is ‘OK’ with them as long as it furthers their own agenda. They are ALWAYS ‘right’ in their eyes and in their heart. They can do no wrong, regardless of the lies they tell, the nonsense they speak and what others would consider as the amorality of their behavior.
    There is ample neurological evidence to suggest that the brains of true psychopaths are ‘wired’ differently. They are missing something. The connections in the brain that enable most of us feel empathy with other people who are suffering, regardless of whether we can do anything about it, or to feel remorse for things WE have said or done simply do not ‘light-up’ in Psychopaths. The condition is ‘hard wired”. They are NEVER going to get better. There is NO therapy that will improve them. And there is probably very little chance of legal recourse for the abuses they inflict. It was interesting for me to discover that the term “Psychopath” is NOT ‘legally’ recognized – anywhere. The closest the lawyers have got is to go along with the clinical definition of ‘Anti -Social Personality Disorder’.
    The statistics on the prevalence of Psychopaths and “Are there as many female as male Psychopaths?” are all over the place. I don’t believe that ANYBODY really knows. The population and the sample data seem to me to be highly suspect. Given the premise that psycho/sociopaths generally try to run “under the radar”, the stats are largely based on the ‘failures’, i.e. the ones who got ‘caught’. I don’t mean ‘caught’ in terms of criminal prosecution. According to the literature whilst many criminals are psychopaths, and fortunately the Mansons, Bundys and Madoffs of this world are rare, the vast majority (90+%) of psychopaths do not and never will commit a criminal act. I mean ‘caught’ in that they are ‘outed’, recognized by their peers, etc. as “weird “or ”psychopathic”, etc. I don’t know how to correct the data but it but it seems to me that relying on it presents too many opportunities for flaws in the reasoning on what to do about it and how to manage it.
    Also there seems to me to be a huge cultural bias in the data. Most, though not all, of the work and the data seems to be based on a US population. In the US the ascendance of ‘feminism’ over the last 40 odd years and the embedding of concepts of ‘vulnerable’ women in the legal frameworks seem to, if not encourage then at least support the abusive behavior of female psycho/sociopaths. In the USA they know that they will likely ‘get away’ with their behavior and that the financial and social consequences for them are negligible. Consider whether a woman in India or the Middle East and North Africa or Japan or China, where social ostracism carries more weight would- or more accurately how do they – “get away” with this type of behavior – and believe me, they do. Chinese family law was quite simple and used to divide a couples’ material assets 50/50 upon divorce; no child care, maintenance issues, etc. quite simply – half each and be done with it. It was quite openly discussed by many young women that they wouldn’t consider marrying anybody unless and until they could provide them with a house and car. They’ve recently changed the law such that the person whose name is on the title deeds of the property retains ownership in a divorce because there were too many instances of women marrying some poor bloke and then shortly after applying for a divorce and disappearing with ½ the family assets without ever having contributed to their acquisition. Psychpoathic behavior? – Perhaps!
    I don’t know whether or how much psycho/sociopathic behavior is derived from a neurological condition and how much comes from the impact of cultural, social and environmental factors. If, as the ‘medics’ would have us believe, true Psycho/Sociopathy has a neurological basis then the numbers should be replicated in other parts of the world and most likely in roughly equal proportions in each gender. But the current numbers don’t show this – perhaps because nobody’s done the work.
    Personally I believe that it’s a bit of both. One may be born psycho/socio-pathologically inclined and then the environmental factors, i.e., parents, social conditions, culture, etc., kick in to make the individual’s behavior better or worse; more or less overt. In my particular case, the same environmental factors impacted each of her 2 sisters. Only one turned out to be a psycho/sociopath – my wife.
    In relation to websites such as this, ultimately – Who cares? I’m not knocking the web-site or the professional psycho-therapists, psychiatrists and epidemiologists who have looked into this – far from it. I’ve already said that they stimulated an epiphany for me. Their work is hugely important and they are doing their best with the data that is available. However, from all the voices I’ve heard on this and other similar sites the victims are each crying out. “This is about ME. It’s about ME and it’s about NOW”. There is also an underlying WHY? and HOW? Why and how did this happen to ME and how do I cope with this?
    Whatever is the “right” number, for the sake of this discussion, I assume that the number of Psychopaths living amongst us is about 1% of the population. Assuming that each Psychopath directly and adversely impacts 3 or 4 others – that’s a HUGE number, locally and internationally. This is a ‘pandemic’ bigger than AIDS, Ebola, SARS and Zika put together. The weird thing is that ‘society’ hasn’t noticed, doesn’t care or, more likely, is hiding its head under a wing and hoping that the problem will go away – and that is scary. There must be millions of people whose lives are blighted by psycho/sociopaths. Governments, charitable foundations, celebs, etc., donate millions of dollars and hours of publicity to raise awareness of the impact of Aids, SARS, Ebola, etc. etc., and yet it took me years to recognize what I was dealing with and what it was doing to my and my children’s lives. Why?
    Psychopaths are predators. They target and choose their victims carefully – and we are victims. They deliberately seek out the weak and/or the vulnerable, hang out in places where they might find them, choose their targets carefully and specifically and then lure them into their web. It’s not easy for men to admit that they are or have been weak and/or vulnerable. But we ALL are at times. We wouldn’t be human otherwise.
    Even as children, Psychopaths quickly learn that “you can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”- consequently they become adepts at reading and then emulating the emotions and behaviors which ‘normal’ people engage in in order to survive and develop in the society/culture they are raised in. They become expert liars, deceivers and manipulators. They emulate sympathy, form and then drop relationships easily and quickly when they perceive the other person is seeing through the veil of deceit or just isn’t buying into it.
    However, the Psychopaths objectives go beyond mere survival. Their objective is CONTROL. They seek absolute control over every aspect of their victim’s life. Access to the material aspects is easy to understand and there are many predators out there ready to strip you of your material assets but they are not necessarily psychopaths. Psychopaths want more. They want to OWN your LIFE. An article I read aptly described them as “soul eaters”.
    Psychopaths are prone to fits of uncontrollable and often violent rage when thwarted. However trivial and ridiculous the issue may appear to ‘normal’ people, they are NEVER wrong and consequently often use the most bizarre and arcane arguments to justify their words and deeds in pursuit of an apology from their victim. Understanding and resolution of the issue is NOT the psychopath’s objective. The objective of the rage is to intimidate and to elicit an apology which ‘proves’ that he/she is ‘right’- again – and their victim or protagonist is therefore ‘wrong’ – again.
    These rages are just one element in the Psychopaths toolkit for control. Others include isolation from the victim’s family, friends and other social support networks, establishing ‘rules’ of behavior – the breach of which is not tolerated, arbitrarily doing things that are contrary to previously discussed and agreed plans, minor ‘digs’ at their victims integrity, intelligence or masculinity, – I say minor in terms that the ‘digs’ are initially never deep enough to initiate a major rift in the relationship and can / are generally brushed off as “She’s having a bad day” but nevertheless they wound the soul – as they are designed to do. The relentless delivery gradually debilitates the victim. Once the Psychopath believes that their hook is truly set, the ‘digs’ become more frequent, more personal, more barbed and cut deeper. The Psychopath will show complete disdain for the victim’s thoughts, ideas, opinions and feelings regardless of the admiration they will have previously expressed during the process of ‘love bombing’ and ensnaring their victim – and it is ALWAYS the victim’s fault that the relationship has gone south.
    The internet is littered with web-sites, blogs, etc., each telling essentially the same story. Some are more horrific than others and mine is no different. The thing that’s amazing to me is that in my case – and probably in most others – is that all the signs were there to see. I/We just didn’t recognize or didn’t want to see them. For me, it started with the isolation from workmates and drinking buddies; “ XXX doesn’t like me. I don’t want to go out with him.” “ YYY’s girlfriend doesn’t like me. I don’t want to go out with them”, “I don’t like going to bars. (This from a girl who waitressed in bars for a living.) Let’s not go out tonight.” Etc., etc. Then came my kids by a previous marriage. “She’s not very pretty”. “He’s a bit stupid.” “Why do you spend so much time on the phone with them?” Soon after moving in with me came the little ‘rules’ – ‘Leave your outside shoes at the front door! Wear slippers inside! You don’t need hot water to wash dishes and clothes! Etc., etc. She became expert at the “innocent question”. “Why are these dishes not dried?” Why are these knickers on the floor?” “Have you hung up the laundry?” – 30 seconds after the machine stops spinning and I’m engaged in some other activity, etc., etc. it was easy for me to dismiss each of these; the innocent questions, the apparently ill-chosen and inappropriate vocabulary and the aggressive or sarky tones of voice as ‘little’ issues, annoying but not something to break off what was by then a 5 year relationship. I would temper my annoyance or frustration by rationalizing them as a product of our age difference or our ‘cultural differences’ or the fact that English was not her native tongue. It was easy to do – She was young and she was pretty and when I did push back on these events they were closely followed by a period of ‘love bombing’. On reflection I see that she knew exactly what she was saying and how she was saying it. It was all just part of ‘the plan’.
    The ill-concealed infidelities began soon after we married. I’ll not go into the sordid details but from each event it’s crystal clear that she wanted me to know what she had done. An example is that upon graduation from a prestigious UK university with a 1st class honors degree – (Nobody has said that Psychos are dumb. In fact quite the opposite. Many are highly intelligent.) – fluent in Chinese, Japanese and English, with a passable knowledge of Arabic AND an MBA she could have walked into any job she chose. However, rather than coming home she decided she needed a ‘post-grad’ break and went to the US – ostensibly to visit relatives in Illinois. Many people go to the US in the hope and expectation of being enabled to spread their wings. She went with the clear intention of spreading her legs. I was working in Vietnam when she called me from LA to tell me that she’d met a guy on her travels who told her that she should leave me and that he would take her in and marry her. That’s not a conversation with somebody in the adjacent seat orb a ‘bar’ conversation. That’s pillow talk. The strange thing is that a few years later when I was at work in Kuwait she called me from Beijing and used EXACTLY the same words to describe another encounter. To this day I don’t know why I didn’t just quit there and then – but I didn’t.
    My guess is that Psychopaths, as with other individuals with a mental disorder, present in many different ways. Some are more actively ‘psychopathic ‘than others. There is no doubt that our relationship has deteriorated since I realized what I was dealing with. The frequency of fights has increased, the words have become more bitter, the onset of violence quicker, etc. This may be because my epiphany coincided with my retirement and A) the opportunities to fight have increased given that I’m home more often, B) In her eyes, regardless that it’s my savings / pension that sustains us, I am no longer the ‘wage earner / provider’ and therefore have no status and C) I started to actively avoid occasions or opportunities to spend time alone with her. We rarely go out together as a family.
    I don’t believe that my wife would CONCIOUSLY & DELIBERATELY do anything to harm the family – except when she’s “raging”; when all semblance of rationality flies out the window. I think she GENUINELY believes that HER motives are pure and she is GENUINELY bewildered by the deterioration in our relationship. Everything would be great if only I – and/or the kids – would do as I was told, when I was told, in her way and to her standards of perfectionism. When she’s thwarted or things don’t work out the way she expects, the outcome is a temper tantrum and the quest for somebody to blame – usually me. The general presentation of her condition is that she will bully and dictate how every aspect of the family life is to be managed but NEVER, under ANY circumstances, acknowledge that SHE has one iota of accountability or culpability for an adverse outcome. It’s ALWAYS somebody else’s fault. She will reiterate her argument endlessly, typically getting louder and louder and shouting down any contrary opinion until her target acknowledges her complete innocence – or she resorts to violence.
    The perceived wisdom on this and pretty much all of these sites regarding how to deal with a Psychopathic partner is to RUN. Run as far away and as fast as possible and never look back. Sage advice – IF one is in a position to accept and action it. Had I known then what I know now, I would undoubtedly have followed it.
    However, whilst acknowledging the wisdom of Tela’s and Rob’s advice, I have wondered about the morality of “running” and whether it is ‘right’ to just abandon these people to wreak their havoc on somebody else’s life. In the course of a 35 year career in oilfield operations in some of the remotest parts of the world I’ve fought many battles – against the environment, people, organizations, etc. I won some and lost some; but sure as S#$% I never won any by running away. I would also venture to say that most of us who have encountered and ended up in relationships with Psychopaths are already “trapped”. We’re trapped because of children or finances or social status, etc., etc. There are any number of rationale we each use, each of which is valid for the believer and each of which should be respected. For me, it’s children. The outcome of this battle is too important. I cannot and will not run away and leave my kids in the sole care of a Psychopath. What would that say about me? Who knows what emotional / psychological damage she could inflict on them without my moderating influence? No Choice, No debate. That’s just who I am.
    BTW – I have also looked at the MGTOW approach and I don’t buy into that one either. In my view this is not a problem with womenkind in general, nor is it a problem with ‘feminism’ per se, – the US is a peculiar case. It is a behavioral problem with neurological roots which is being generally ignored by society and whose victims are being left to suffer largely on their own.
    What I have failed to find so far, on the internet or elsewhere, is advice on how to “MANAGE” a psychopathic relationship. Has nobody done it? Do the ‘psychos’ win – every time? I just don’t believe it. If the numbers are anywhere close, there are more “Psychos” running around the US than there are people in the US military (~1,350,000 in 2015). I doubt that there are 4 or 5 million people in the US who are running and hiding from these “psychos” All those “Invasion of the zombie ‘soul eaters’ “movies are true – and nobody’s noticed? There must be a significant number of people who are just coping with it, getting on with their lives as best they can under the circumstances. Undoubtedly some will be coping better than others. I’m coping but it’s not easy and it’s not a lot of fun. Does anybody know where I can find their stories? I could use some new ideas.

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    • Liz

      Ian! Welcome back.

      Great posting as usual. I think the unrecognized victims of psycho/sociopaths can be zombies too. They vote in psycho/sociopaths into political offices the world over. They perhaps have been ‘programmed’ through dangerous childhood experiences, which intermingle love and danger. Then they leave the nest to find their own concoction of love and danger. The problem is that an individual is only ever really loved in these scenarios within their biological families, if one can call it ‘love’. Also I think the victims of pychos/sociopaths have been groomed on a cellular level by terrible family lineages to have built-in ‘receptors’ that psycho/sociopaths pick up on. Getting to the root is key, I think. Not to blame, shame, or guilt family members but just to get to the bottom of it within one’s family lineage. Siege mentality it is called I think, even for those victimized by their own families.

      I have found victims in 12-step groups, particularly co-dependents anonymous. There are of couse refugees and victims from world-torn countries as well. The lesser known victims are those with money to whom psycho/sociopaths attach themselves to, because they cannot make it on their own. Their victims know the truth first-hand, up close and personal. If it doesn’t hit people square in the face, I think most victims think it feels familiar (intermingling of love and danger).

      I think the more these issues are delved into that it creates an awakening effect on everyone.

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    • Tela

      Hi Ian! Nice to see a comment from you again. I want to say, from a purely Professional point of view, you have addressed some very valid points. i.e. statistics/data. While there truly is NO WAY to determine if he/she is TRULY a Sociopath/Psychopath is impossible. What is known, is an obvious Mental Disorder. And to slap a label on someone…..without fully knowing their ‘lineage’, or environment in which they were raised is unfair.
      I only want to address this one part of your comment “
      However, whilst acknowledging the wisdom of Tela’s and Rob’s advice, I have wondered about the morality of “running” and whether it is ‘right’ to just abandon these people to wreak their havoc on somebody else’s life. In the course of a 35 year career in oilfield operations in some of the remotest parts of the world I’ve fought many battles – against the environment, people, organizations, etc. I won some and lost some; but sure as S#$% I never won any by running away.”
      Is it right to stay with a person who is ABUSIVE? Is it right to stay with a person who can potentially cause their children to become a Sociopath/an emotionally disconnected individual? Is is fair to allow your children to be in what appears to be a very dysfunctional home? If you feel that ‘running’ is not an option simply because you are the financial provider, then you are doing yourself, and most importantly your children serious injustice. You cannot ‘fix’ your wife, and trust me, the arguments, the manipulations are going to be getting worse and worse now that you are retired.
      You are not trapped. Emotionally? Yes. Physically? No. And neither are your children. As a parent, as a protector of the children, it is up to you to get them and yourself out an extremely toxic and volatile relationship, which yes, equals RUN.
      Read other’s stories under the ‘Sharing Page’. You will see how alone you are NOT. And how men, in your similar situation, did in fact RUN.

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    • Dimitri

      Hello Ian
      I’m living the same nightmare. My idea about it is to come up for our own without to much humbleness. Fear and shame stops our creativity that we have for solving the problem adequately. I first had to undergo some ugly crazyness of my own, before I was able to see my full potential ass a person again. Experienced on this kind of mind switching (freed myself of my sociopath mother who dominated my father) I started little by little to get my balls back. First in Alpha stage, which I hate, later by detaching my worldview more and more from the daily experiences with her. Finely she got tired by my reversing technique. She did her Napoleon, I did as the russians. I let her spend our reserves till she saw that we were going broke… On that moment I started a new job. I spend 1 year exactly at home after I sold my two companies that I managed during 15 years. I wanted to study as I always said. From day one she ignored me as if I did not exist any more. A serious burn out got me then, but I never stoped fighting back. Now she gots a bit foggy in the head, what I endured during years. Understand that this is only to save my life and reputation with my kids. One year ago she threatened me hundred times to devorce me, now I ask a devorce but in a normal and gentle way. A year ago she would have ruined me with demonic accusations, as she spoke. Now she begs to have it gentle. Know that I am an empath by nature, but my experience with my mother learned me to make your own way through this kind of life trap. When I was a boss I never used my power gratuit, but when I had to defend my companies against bad intentioned people I did so. And only then…
      After my fight I suggest that we should make an emancipated effort toward the media’s. What do you think of it Ian?
      Know that you are not alone man!
      Greets, Dimitri

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  38. Jkm

    Wow. Thank you for the inciteful article. I now realize that I was married to a sociopath. The mariage ended apruptly without warning . For some time I wonder how a person could be so evil spirit, vendictive and unwilling to accept blame when I have should them nothing but generosity, love and kindness. Now I know. Do you have any tips on how to deal with a sociopath in a comparenting environment ?

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    • Ethan

      Covertly film all occasions when picking up or dropping off children unless at school.
      Do not react to anything she does. For example last week my youngest was delivered to me with conjunctivitis and tonsillitis. I took her straight to the doctors. I said nothing to her except a robotic text when changing back over about doctors diagnosis and where to find the medicine.
      Try very hard to maintain dignity about your ex in front of the children. Let her to be the one that always smears you to them and not both ways.
      And I will repeat- DO NOT REACT TO ANYTHING SHE DOES!

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    • rob

      What Ethan has told you is GOLD! You have to understand that they love emotion. It does not matter at all to them whether that emotion is positive or negative as long as you get emotional. Never argue with them, because even if you are right – you will lose. Never say anything ugly to her – if you do – you will lose.

      In addition to the incredible advice given to you by Ethan, I would also add do everything you possibly can to avoid not only interaction with her, but with anyone else you know that knows her. All contact about her should be positive around them if you do see them. Never bad mouth her to anyone. Just keep as much distance from them as you can from her or anyone who associated with her (except for your kids of course)

      I have zero friends left from the relationship. I put together a year long plan to methodically eliminate friends who still hung out with her without having to make them pick. I highly suggest that you also work towards removing those who hang out with both you. Her being around the kids will be enough.

      Focus on your kids and not her. Document everything in case. You know what she is so don’t waste your energy in meaningless fights (which you will always lose). Instead show your kids the love they deserve and focus on them – not her.

      Never get into long conversation where emotions get involved. Yes and No should always suffice. If it doesn’t then the shorter the sweeter.

      for example, my ex “it” is supposed to return some items to me and i am supposed to return some items to her as we are selling the house we lived in for almost 8 years. she spent an entire page going on and on about things and how she could not meet at our appointed time.

      my response was “okay – let me know when you can” —–> zero emotion either way

      its the best way to deal with them in all cases

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  39. Rob

    Spot on! I have never read those books but I am looking forward to reading them. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Rob

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  40. Ethan

    There is a lot of chat on this thread at he moment about percentages of male/female sociopaths.

    I have shared my story before so I won’t go into it again. Suffice to say I had/have a bona fide sociopath. She’s like a malignant tumour and the gift that will always keep on giving as we have children.

    Anyway I have read a lot over the last 12 months. I wasn’t just abused by this sociopath, I was also abused by the system. A system that allowed my sociopath to abuse me even more.

    I would like to highlight a particular branch of toxic feminism that has permeated through our society right up to the highest levels in the past forty years. Being magnified exponentially as social media has taken off over the last ten years.

    There is a wealth of information about this on the net. Books like ‘The Myth of Male Power’ by Warren Farrell and ‘The Manipulated Man’ by Esther Vilar are good entre points into this knowledge. I also found the website MGTOW helpful in providing me with information and links which further enlightened/educated and empowered me.

    The western world is now run by predominantly toxic feminism. Hence the popularity of Donald Trump as a backlash.

    Family Law and Lawyers that actively encourage women to make false reports of violence against a man to ensure that the woman gets ‘all she can’ is pseudo-sociopathic behaviour.

    All media that encourages women to behave and though they are the princess and men are there to serve, can produce pseudo-sociopathic behaviour.

    I could write a book on this topic, and thankfully some have. Read my fellows learners. The wisdom I got is that men in particular should be extra careful when embarking on a romantic relationship. The waters are legally more treacherous for men and that’s without the all the ‘real’ sociopaths knocking on your door.

    To finish, I would like to use the recent re-make of the Ghost Busters movie. I didn’t see the original because it wasn’t my thing and the same this time. Anyway its a ‘you go girl’ movie with all the men being either stupid or evil and finishes with the 4 female heroes shooting the bad guy in the genitals. Apparently that’s funny. What would have been the case if it had been ‘the good guys’ shooting a woman’s genitals? Men and woman of the world, we need to start looking after each other more. Good luck everybody.

    Liked by 1 person

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  41. Chris

    Basing off of this article… it almost seems as if more females are sociopathic and females that are not sociopathic.

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  42. Curtis

    I am a victim of a female sociopath. Thank God I am 36 and am conciously aware of manipulation or she would have mentally owned me. During the love bombing stage if I look really deep I knew something was wrong but I have never had that kind of connection or attention before. I am successful and confident and she took the life right out of me. I hate reading so many sociopath posts when they always say “he”. It takes away from what I have been through. The manipulation and lies. The absolute mistreatment of my forgiving and understanding spirit. In order to get passed this pain I have spent weeks reading every night as to what actually happen and why it happen. I have come to the conclusion that sociopaths have suffered a traumatic event during their childhood which has caused them to close any empathy or emotional feelings off. They live in ego and superficial emotions only as a way to protect themselves. Some may be aware of their condition and other may not be aware. My socipath was actually very successful and was great with money. So I do not understand the carelessness with money part. My socipath was a director of a firm. She is very intelligent and knows exactly how to move in order to gain everyone’s approval. It’s very scary. I wish I could speak with her to get closure but after begging I know that is not an option. She using neglect as a power play. I just need to prepare myself for when she trys to worm herself back into my life. This has by far been the greatest challenge of my life. I do not want to believe that people are evil.

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    • Danny

      Curtis, your situation is quite similar to mine in that I too believe something happened to these woman when they were girls. They are frozen under their sensual masks, and once revealed, you will see the little frightened girl who defends her fragile self and attacks those who show love and empathy. I went back to mine 20 years apart, no shit. What a fool am I!!! She dumped me the same way last year as she did when she was 22 : full commitment and intense love bombing, then a lame excuse to quit the relationship when I questioned her real commitment to it, then complete Devalue and Discard. I got texts after the dump like ” Sorry for the loss of your dream”, and my favourite, ” Do keep in touch”. Horrible.

      It is frightening how similar they all are. It really is. She has a long list of broken relationships, 2 kids that she feeds at restaurants every night and many “crushes” orbiting her overtly sexual being. This time though, her family and friends have seen how awful I was treated, she has had a psych assessment and being diagnosed a Sociopathic Narc. She thinks its funny I hear from her brother in law( I am 3 months no contact and he is only on i hear from) and thank god I live in another country. It has been hideous…

      Lied to, deceived and trashed… but how lucky am I to be free of this horror.

      Take care all.

      Danny

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  43. Moving on

    Virginia,

    I agree with Tela. Wes needs to realize he NEEDS to set firm boundaries with this predator.

    My husband left me for a married sociopath. Her husband did not care, they are not getting divorced but even a year later she says she will. So don’t be surprised by the husbands response if you contact him.
    Sociopaths husband said to me “just move on. Get some sleep. These things happen.”
    I think they will both (sociopath and her husband) benefit financially from sociopath mistress being with my husband.

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  44. Virginia Hines

    Thank you! I thought I had pegged her correctly. I was married to a NarisiticSociopath for a very short while and I thought the behavior was similar.
    Yes he thinks he owes her for her caret along after his wife’s death. What he does not get is that was the indoctrination into this wretched relationship.
    I will talk to her husband. She really needs help. Thanks again.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • mysociopathex

      That’s the way a sociopath baits an empath. They sniff out human beings with morals and kindness and use to control them for whatever purposes. I myself have been through a torturous time with a soul snatching sociopath and the behaviours are similar.

      On a side note – I don’t buy the “there are more male sociopaths than women” statistic. I think that it’s obvious why that data is unreliable. Men are prone to surface and be easily identified through the use of physical violence and overt aggression. Female sociopaths are much harder to detect. They prefer the manipulative emotional abuse as they are obviously starting at a physical disadvantage.

      Trust me. There as many if not more female sociopaths out there.

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      • Tela

        MySociopathex~ thank you for your comment to Virginia. Once again, let me correct the UNTRUTHS about Sociopath statistics.

        The ‘data’ that you refer to in your comment is exactly….what data? Something you read on the internet? Or do you have a career in Psychiatry? To state ‘men are prone to surface and be easily identified….’ is a terrible statement to make. And innocent VICTIMS of Sociopaths reading your comment {I’m talking the men who read this website} would be HIGHLY offended by that. I do appreciate your comments, and feedback. However, I ask that you please do not make un-true statements based simply on your own personal experience.

        Liked by 1 person

      • rob

        “Men are prone to surface and be easily identified through the use of physical violence and overt aggression. Female sociopaths are much harder to detect. They prefer the manipulative emotional abuse as they are obviously starting at a physical disadvantage”.

        I completely agree with you on this and for a number of reasons. I am not saying that there are more or less. I am saying that there is no real way to accurately use the statistical data we presently have to determine the truth of the matter.

        My personal opinion is there are far more women sociopaths than there are men. Pretty much all of the research on this subject has been done only on incarcerated men and very little if any on men in the general population and practically none on females in either case.

        I agree that women sociopaths are much harder to detect. I would venture to say impossible to detect without two critical things (1) a thorough knowledge of the condition (2) direct experience with them over a long period of time.

        Multiple degrees and even direct clinical experience, is utterly worthless when it comes to recognizing and diagnosing the condition. That is something that also need the benefit of direct experience with them outside of the clinical setting.

        For this reason they are never detected. My book is titled….An “UNCLEAR” and present danger.

        because they truly are “hidden” among us!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tela

        Rob, again, Thank You for your very insightful, and always accurate comment’s.
        The only thing I will disagree with you on is ‘there are far more Female Sociopaths than men’. That is not true. In clinical settings I hear “my crazy ex {husband/wife}.” There is no crucial accurate data to determine the statics of female vs male Sociopaths or ASPD. Why? Because how can we actually do a true study with these manipulative, compulsive liars?

        The reason most people tend to believe there are more Female Sociopaths than Male, is because of several issues. Most importantly, a person who has been abused, traumatized, manipulated etc will very rarely speak out about it. A male Sociopath is actually more dangerous than a Female in the sense, most are the financial provider, and of course you have the physical aspect. Then you add in the manipulation of ‘if you leave me I will take the kids, I will take everything, you will have nowhere to go, no money. I will tell your family and friends how fucked up you are’ etc.

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    • Virginia Hines

      An update. I explained to Wes that if I am allowed to read the text messages and emails this woman has sent thus far I would be put at ease. Afterall he said there was nothing there. He has agreed. I believe that he has gone through them since my request and is very quiet this morning. While I am curious about the psychopathology of this woman, I have no intention of readings the communication. But I believe if Wes read through the emails, reflection has help Wes realize that he is aiding and abetting this woman’s dysfunctionality.

      One of the things that is difficult to comprehend is how we allow ourselves to get into these relationships. A part of the healing process is accepting some responsibility for not having our guard up or seeing the red flags; but we also have to remember that NSs are very adept at reading and ceasing our upon vulnerabilities. When we are at our most vulnerable point, we are susceptible to the kool aid these folks peddle. We need to realize that they are more skilled at deception, that they are more driven to take advantage, and they are in great need of psychological help. We need to forgive; ourselves and the predator.

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      • Tela

        Virginia, thank you for the update. Did you ask him to block all means of communication? At this point…..he is past the point where he is ‘needing’ her for comfort after his wife’s death. He has YOU in his life. Therefore, there should be zero reason, explanation, excuse etc. he can tell you to justify this very toxic ‘relationship’. There is some level of emotional attachment on Wes’s part, otherwise, he would have not contact whatsoever.
        You have to understand, Wes is caught up in her manipulations. He truly cannot ‘see’ what she is doing to him mentally & emotionally. And also what it is doing to your relationship. Please, ask him to block her. No need to explain to her why {as a Sociopath cannot understand reasoning}. And also, did you reach out to her husband?

        Like

  45. Virginia Hines

    I have a problem and I hope I can get some suggestions. My significant other (Wes) has a colleague(DeDe) whose behavior is controlling and manipulative, yet she couches it in terms such as “I’m the daughter you never had”, “you are my best friend”, and you are my “forever mentor” . (BTW this woman is married)
    Wes states that this women came on like gangbusters immediately after his late wife passed. She brought him food, convinced him that he was not capable of being on his own, and that she would take care of him. Wes states that he was prompted to tell her he was not interested in her sexually or romantically. She responded that she only wanted to be friends. Here’s the rub. Wes and I have been together for over a year. And DeDe doesn’t like me. She has been nice to me, but it is apparent she does not like my relationship with Wes. She texts Wes constantly, calls with drama all the time, and makes plans for him to go on outings with her and her children (mostly w/o husband). She tells him to remove things from his FB page if it has anything to do with me. Every time Wes and I go out, stay in, go on vacation or are together DeDe begins frantically texting him. If he does not respond, she calls repeatedly, leaving messages. I know what is going on here, she is using him and the drama she creates as fuel. She feeds on being the center of attention.

    Wes doesn’t see her as dangerous. He says she is just insecure and I have nothing to be concerned about. This woman has lied to us both, demeans Wes often, and despite moving out of state, continues to be a destructive force in our relationship. She has even asked Wes to use a different messaging platform to keep their communication secret. I have asked Wes to simply ignore the texts and calls when we are together. I have asked him to turn his phone off when we are together. He has told her not to contact him when we are spending time together (of course that means she must be told when we are together, which makes the aggression more targeted). How does one help a loved one see the toxicity of a sociopath? I know she has asked Wes for money and does not intend to repay her debts, and I know she does not need the money (her husband is a pharmacist). How can I help him see the light? Or have I just wasted another year of my life?
    We are both in our 60s with PhDs.

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    • Tela

      Virginia, to answer all your questions etc. It is truly quite simple. BLOCK ALL MEANS OF CONTACT!. And 2. enlighten her husband on what has been transpiring. Obviously he is completely unaware of his wife, and her emotional connection to Wes.
      What I cannot understand is…what is Wes gaining from this woman? Does he feel he is ‘saving her’? Does he feel he owes her something? And it is truly bizarre that she can tellhim what to remove from HIS social media.
      It is now time for YOU to step in and take control. Block her! Inform her husband, and set boundaries for Wes. Or you are just going to keep living this life and keep wasting year’s.

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      Reply
      • Chris

        Do not set boundaries for Wes. That will not work. A respectful person asks they do not tell. When you tell, you are becoming the same.

        Like

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