A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Charm And Harm

Oh the Charm of the Sociopath. The seductiveness, the right words said, the professions of love, and all their achievements. The talks of a wonderful life spent together. Their tendency to be engaging, verbally facile. The Sociopath is unlike anyone you have ever met before. They are your soul mate. The One you have been looking for.

Such amazing memories made. The incredible sex, the hours upon hours of conversations, simple seductive text messages. Maybe even words of love posted on social media accounts. Your Sociopath is just simply perfect. Their Charm is so believable. Their words, their passion unlike any you have heard or felt before. And all this happens so quickly. You find yourself opening up your heart & soul to them unlike any person before them. You have constant thoughts of them, you cannot wait to see them, or hear their voice. You smile when you see a text or email from them. Life is grand! It’s magical!

Hold on……………the Harm is coming!!

You wake up one day and the magic is gone! Something is happening in the relationship. Heated arguments, everything you once agreed on is now not agreeable. The Sociopaths actions are now different. They are cruel with words and actions. They start disappearing  with no reasonable explanation of why. Their cell phone is an extension of their hands, and they seem to have a lot of ‘friends’ that you knew nothing about. Somehow now, everything is your fault. You ‘don’t do this, or don’t give that’. The sex is no longer as passionate as it was in the beginning. Silently and methodically the Sociopath is tearing you apart mentally and emotionally. This is the harm they do to you without any accountability. You find yourself begging/pleading with them to find out ‘what is/was happening’. Your daily thoughts are about them and where and how it all went wrong. Are you really the person they said you are? NO! You are NOT!! A Sociopath projects onto you all of their faults as they perceive them. In their grand delusional world, they are perfect, without fault, and never,ever wrong! Therefore, this gaslighting  is what they do so as not to have to admit there is anything wrong with them.

A common, very common factor with almost 100% of Sociopaths is, there is always someone else on the side. Another supply source. Another common factor is porn, or websites where the Sociopaths meet someone, all of course behind your back. As they all live dual-triple lifestyles, this is their constant forward motion. Not having to look back at the Tsunami  of emotional hell they have left you in. Why do they do this? Were they born this way? They do it because they simply cannot bond with another human in the same fashion as you. I know you think to yourself ‘how can that be? How can they just walk away and not hurt”. Because they refuse to acknowledge any wrong-doing. A Narcissistic Sociopath has the innate ability to not feel love, compassion, empathy. Period. No matter the amount of begging and pleading with them to tell you ‘why’, they simply don’t even think there is/was a ‘why’…..they just move on to the next person. Are they born a Sociopath? No, somewhere in their formative years, there was something/someone who caused an emotional disconnection in them. Why does this happen? Who knows, as studies are continually being done to get to the root cause. But it’s hard, because a Sociopath can and does manipulate therapist. They also lie on questionnaires.

During and after this harm phase you want the Sociopath to hurt just like they hurt you. You tend to focus on ‘how can I make them see what they did to me? How can I make them hurt like they hurt me? How can I ruin their life like they ruined mine? What did I do to deserve this mental/emotional {sometimes financial & physical harm}? You did nothing except open your heart and soul to them. You swallowed their spoonful of lies over and over. You kept your mouth shut as to not have another argument. Basically you just became a nothing of who you once were. After this stage of Harm, it is up to you to start healing. How do you do that? First and foremost recognize the person you thought you were in love with never existed. They are a walking/talking/breathing illusion of someone they want to be. You cannot fix them. You cannot change them. Their core being is an illusion. Focusing your thoughts on wanting to hurt them actually has a reverse effect, it only hurts you more because deep down you know you can’t hurt them. Nothing  you say or do will have any affect. Nothing. The one thing that does have an affect on a Sociopath is to see you go about life as if they did nothing to you. And also exposure. That to them is control. Yes, it’s a mental and emotional hell, one that you think you will never recover from. But you will. One day at a time……very slowly the pieces of the Charm and Harm puzzle will start to come together and you will realize, it was not you, it was them all along who caused this. And the only way to stop the hurt is to put in place NO CONTACT.  If you don’t, you will continue to be on the crazy train to nowhere.

Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving someone outside yourself power over your happiness    joel osteen

©SociopathLife.com

thank you TB for the title of this post.

 

3 Responses to “Charm And Harm”

  1. 12South Pilates & Personal Training

    Oh my goodness – you just perfectly explained what I am going through. All of it – was exactly as you wrote. Unfortunately I am married to this sociapath so walking away is not as quick or easier as I would like but I am and will! I am really glad I found your site. Thank you.

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