A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Hi Babes……..

roses

Sociopath’s are master storytellers. Their lies are often times so outrageous, but when they tell you in storytelling format, you sometimes believe them at the time. In my early post I mentioned how my socio asked many  numerous questions about my past. And when i would ask him, he would give a vague answer or change the subject. We got to the point where now that he had my ‘profile’ built, he was willing to give me lies stories about his past. Beginning with his first marriage. He told me how he met this girl at work, they dated, and then she got pregnant. So he wanted to be a ‘stand-up guy’ and marry her. He forgot to mention to me that it was 4 years later when they got married. Then after 2 years or so, that marriage failed (because of the ex’s family)…*note: keep up and you will see the pattern of how it was always the other’s person’s fault. Then he told me about meeting his 2nd wife. He told me he was working in the BVI (British Virgin Islands) and came home to the states for vacation. While here on vacation he was on the internet and there was a banner that kept coming up “Round-trip Airfare to London for $500.” So he said he clicked on it, and sure enough that’s what he paid. So he bought the ticket (had never been to Europe before) and decided he was going there for a couple of weeks to ‘check it out’. Now, I’m a smart girl, and I have traveled extensively (and even to London etc) and have never paid $500. for a round-trip ticket overseas….but here again, the lies are so outrageous we tend to believe them in the storytelling. So he get’s to London and the next day he said he needed a hair cut?!?!?! ( i always get my hair done before a vacation, but hey, I’m female) He goes into a barber shop and the girl cutting his hair ultimately becomes his wife (kind of a storybook, sappy B movie don’t you think?? )…But he forgot to mention he met his future wife on an online dating site, and went to London to meet her…(kind of important detail he left out) . She moves from London to the BVI and he said he knew he ‘made a mistake after about a year and was going to ask her to leave when she handed him a pregnancy stick that was positive and he knew he was ‘trapped’. *note: he forgot to tell me that they had been trying to have a baby for almost 2 years because the wife was almost 40 and she wanted to have a child * He went on to tell me how Bi-Polar the ex is, how she didn’t work, didn’t clean, basically this was just a person sucking the life blood out of him, while carrying his child,  how  ‘paranoid’ she is, how she ‘can’t keep a job’, how she ‘cannot control money’ etc. And this is when i began to think ‘hmmm…this is what he said about wife number one~there is a pattern here’, but because I had already fallen victim into his whirlwind of his charm, his compliments, all the things I listed in my previous post, I didn’t want to focus on the correlation (similarities) of his 2 failed marriages. I asked him ‘why would you pick 2 women who sound very similiar’ and of course he gave me a delusional dissertation about how he wanted to do the right thing by them, didn’t want to leave his children…blah, blah, blah. Sad thing is, they both filed for divorce because they ‘couldn’t wait to get away from him’. As I now do in life “Listen, But Verify”  He is a master storyteller, and his lies  stories about his marriages were both intriguing and hypnotic. When I did ask what i guess he thought were to many questions about both marriages, he would change the subject…..and then send bouquet after bouquet of flower’s with “hi babes” on the card. And once again, i’m thinking this is the greatest guy ever!

My socio and I spent hours and hours on the phone, talking and texting. When we were together, more hours and hours of lies conversations. And I never questioned why after about 6:00pm, it was mostly just text…..more on that, in a later post. During this time I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and so began treatment with surgery planned in the next 5 weeks. My socio was  acted just  as devastated as me when i told him the news. I have never seen a grown man cry so often and show such faked  compassion before. He said he wanted to go down this path with me and wouldn’t leave my side…

What i learned about sociopath’s regarding the ‘storytelling is’: they are master storytellers. They are delusional and believe what they are saying. If you question something they said, they will either attack you verbally and emotionally, or make you think your the crazy one and did ‘not listen’. They are poetic. My socio would send multiple text with poems he wrote. They come up with outrageous experiences they have had and go even further with exaggeration. And during this stage, as any normal human would do, we start to feel sorry for them. We have the ability to have compassion, and sympathize. They feed off of us. They want us to ‘hurt’ for them. This is all part of their master plan!

6 Responses to “Hi Babes……..”

  1. 26YL

    My husband (to be ex) always called me baby from the start. I stayed in this for 26 plus years. We had 9 kids and he did provide. It was about his ego and it was all hidden behind addiction which many people never talk about how this can create a facade for you as you try to look at everything from that viewpoint. The hyper-sexuality was never apparent to me. He told me he didn’t want to go to hell for a piece of a** and I believed that BS. I don’t know why he stayed. I guess I was just so blind and easily fooled because I wanted to believe the loving husband, the good dad who worked so hard to provide a good home for me and the kids. That was until he decided it was time to move on as I set boundries and now has left me and the kids almost in foreclosure, broke and soul ripped. Baby I love you and it was the greatest mistake I ever made. Part of me wants to just come home. Oh but I am living with the woman I denied having an affair with because I had no where else to go when you kicked me out. He told the kids it wasn’t what they thought and the truth would come out. That is the delusion of a sociopath. If they say it then it must be real. Me. First real boyfriend, first real love and second man I have been with. Only man for over 26 years. Makes me wonder how and what was my issues. Circle of violence was something my kids finally said mom wake up! He is horrible to you and is cheating on you. Blinded by love. Still experiencing moments of looking at my life and missing him. Wth? My heart says I love him and my head says what? he is a toxic and bad person. Just today I found out he filed taxes without me after telling me I could do this and have the refund. Changed when I said I was using a tax preparer. Pathological liars. Master manipulators. Say some prayers for me!

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  2. A male victim who was stung

    Why did he cry? Why did he act as if he were the one with the cancer. To me, with all due respect Tela and kudos to you for being so up front, well I believe a man can show empathy (if s/he is not a fxxking sociopath), show strength by standing by and being there in your hours, days, months of need versus flipping into a child whose toy was taken away. Personally I would show strength, loyalty, compassion, and do everything humanly possible to ensure that I was there all the time, any time and after too. Loyalty, decency, understanding and naturally being a corner stone which one can rely on.

    Well you know the story about my ex. If she was ill (flu) well she expected me to sit there for hours (which I did) soothing her and ensuring she had liquids etc. BUT suddenly when I got the flu…ohhhh, perhaps I should go home so I do not catch it. Or, how do you feel (and before I could open my mouth) well had a shitty day so am off to have a meal with xyz girls…try to sleep HONEY. Then the fruit on the cake…how do I look…great as usual, fever just blew the thermometer. See you in hmmmm, let’s see it is Thursday night, yep you will be home around 0430 or 0500….Do not even try to raise this later, the answer would be: I just realized you were so sick and needed rest. I did not want to catch what you had so I stayed out all night…almost 10 hours. I had a shitty day that day and needed to talk to some friends. You always find something to blame me. Why do you want to fight, I love you soooo much. Why are you bringing up old things, you were sick and I had to meet my friends.

    Sorry Tela, had to put in my part, which actually did happen. But does not compare to your situation per se. But hopefully it gives ‘proof’ as to how these individuals think and act.

    As for you, I admire your strength, your willingness to share and help others. You are a great person Tela! And he lost a great person!

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  3. leamuse

    Well done! It takes great courage to get through it whole! To share what you have learned is a gift to those who receive it. Merci beaucoup! .

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  4. StrongerSoulSurvivor

    Great post!

    As you say, sociopathic abusers are accomplished liars. They come out with stories so convincing that others – usually, most people they target – buy into their delusions of grandeur. That’s what makes them so dangerous!

    Also, the thing about blaming the ex wife really struck a chord. It is a classic abuser’s tactic. It is their way of conditioning you for abuse. For example, they are not responsible for their abusive behaviour: either they have a stressful job, a difficult childhood or – the biggest chestnut of all – an abusive ex!

    We buy their story. We feel we should help them. And because of this, we put up and shut up for far longer than we should.

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