A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

A Controlling Narcissistic Sociopath

Control is what feeds a Narcissist, Sociopath and Psychopath. Control to them is like the feeling of love we have. Love is a purpose in living, it is inherent in everything we do. The difference between the Narcissist Sociopath is their control equates to this:

  • “if you loved me you would……..”
  • compromising who you are ~ the sociopath will say things to make you change your mind, beliefs, lifestyle, thought process. They get inside your head and start controlling you. There is always compromise with couples, this is not to be confused with control!
  • lust ~ the sociopath will instill not only a physical but mental lust under their control. The mental lust is you are constantly wanting approval from them. You are needing validation as an important part of the relationship. You are lusting for equality with them.

How do they go about this control? As with everything they do, its methodical, and constantly in motion.

  • they will make you co-dependent on them. When they exhibit fake their emotions of tenderness it draws you closer. you hang on to their words of kindness, their actions of caring {which are all fake}, their lies that they will change.
  • they will be the perfect partner. appear to be adaptable to any situation. soothe your frustrations. compliment you often
  • convincing with their lies stories of how you will never want for anything, and they will take care of you {and kids if you have them}. they will be the great provider {not only financially, but sexually & emotionally}.

This is a very short list of ways they gain control of you. Once they have you where they want you, and if you start to question their lies, their unacceptable behavior, the flippant attitude now towards you, they will start to apply pressure to keep that control. And again, this is done in a methodical, most often verbal way:

  • they will text and/or call you continuously. these text and phone calls will be the Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde sort. If you don’t respond there are even more text and calls. If you do respond, and not in the way they wanted, then the messages and calls become attacking.
  • putting blackmail into place. they may call your family and tell them they are worried about you that something is not right and your mentally not well. they may threaten you with something you told them in confidence.
  • they will talk to your friends  behind your back, putting pressure on them to have limited contact with you, {so that you can work on the relationship}…which equates to they are wanting total control over your social life
  • will become the greatest spy you ever knew. they will search every ends of the internet, social media, etc trying to find every single thing out about you they can {to be used as a controlling factor against you}.
  • will try and make you believe the lies they have told you about yourself…this is done with repeated verbal and mental abuse wearing your defenses down.
  • will become a stalker; shows up where you eat lunch, hacks into your social media accounts, email account, will show up at your job {because they know you will not make a scene at work}, will show up randomly and unexpectedly at your home.

After all the above, and even more is done, you now find yourself alone. You are frightened of the blackmail so you conform to the narcissists demands. You stop communicating with your friends out of embarrassment or fear. You isolate yourself from your family so they do not see what is actually going on and you don’t know how to get out.

Recognize these traits and more in the person you are with! The only way out is taking back control of your life!  And it is very painful, and very difficult, but it is very do-able if you set your mind to it! 😀 The first step is admitting what type of person you are involved with,  and then accepting that! Do not make anymore excuses for them. Make a list on how to get out, or get away from them and start putting into motion that list. Your sanity depends on it!

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.”       

Tao Te Ching 


16 Responses to “A Controlling Narcissistic Sociopath”

  1. Crystal

    Im currently in a situation like this. I feel there is no way out except to do what he says. He is using blackmail to get what he wants from me. His texts are constant. Indirectly threatening in nature and demanding. He does not take “no” for an answer. He feels like I owe him. I don’t what to do or where to turn. For fear of exposure I have given in many times to his sick demands which are always sexual in nature. I feel so trapped. I am not really sure how to respond to his text as I don’t know the appropriate way to handle the situation. I feel hopeless.


  2. AnyVictim

    Wow. I can relate to a lot of this. Especially the blackmail. Thank you for this.


  3. Ashley

    I have been with my fiance for 7 years now, and he has slowly broke me down in every way possible, he uses our kids, days he will take them, threatens to call DCF and make false accusations, one time I called 911 because he had gotten physical in front of the kids they were so scared, and when the cops showed up, I was in fear and full of tears, my face had a 3 inch carpet burn from shoving me to the floor, and dis located my shoulder, so I was outside and frantic when they arrived, so they go to him privately and got his story, he has friends in the police department and you know all he had to say is, she’s been off her bipolar meds, she’s just crazy (wasn’t true, I set an alarm so I didn’t forget) so they hand cuffed me behind my back, like I was the criminal, I spent the next 8 days baker acted, at that moment, the little bit of pride I had left in me, to this day I’ve not found it, I’m still here, I’ve told myself, just don’t engage in argument or get in his face and he will get better, but saying this all out loud breaks my heart, I was a leader, ambitious, very independent, I made 45,000$ a year since I was 18, but he told me he would take care of me, he said that no one loved me like he did, that he would always be there and then he slowly changed, it started with throwing things, punching holes in the wall, I would start to leave him, I was furious at how he talked to me, the words he would use, he used my deepest secrets against me, (my brother molested me until i was 12, i never told anyone but him) and when i would start to pack, he would always ask me, where are you going to go? Your family don’t want you! Your a whore! I hate you, you cunt! Just put me down always, so I became more vulnerable, tired of fighting, became his sex slave basically, then unexpected pregnancy of my second child, which he says isn’t his, the day I found out, i had to put a restraining order against him for the night before, he said I could go out he would watch our daughter and take me to and from the bar, well I lost my phone (for real) and had taken some shots, so I was tipsy, when he got there I was sitting on a curb outside talking with my friend and we see him, so when I get up I start to fall and this guy caught me from falling, let’s just say, when we got home, it got extreme, quick, so I grab my stuff and my 6 month old daughter and he took me down, with my daughter in my arms, took my keys, phone, debit and then begged me to stay, full blown tears, he was inconsolable, I don’t know how I got away but i did, called the cops, and he called his cop buddy and he told him what to do, leave town for a couple days and by then they weren’t looking anymore, so by the time I had enough courage to leave him, but it was to late, that day something told me get a test, then I found out about my son, so he said he would change, I wanted to believe him, I feel so shut out, so alone, so stupid! I’m withering away, and he doesn’t even care, I’ve never seen evil until that night, when I seen the dark ness consume his heart soul and mind, I have always justified the fights and say well he didn’t punch me, I just intaginized the aruement, I felt at one point I had to stick up for myself, that quickly diminished, he became the voice in my head, negative degrading thoughts, after the birth of my son, I became severely depressed, post pardom depression, my son was colic, I haven’t been myself since that day, I just slowly sit and rot from the inside out, I have no money, no job, no vehicle, no friends, I wake up everyday, thinking why didn’t I see it, why didn’t I choose wisely, when I was younger, I would look around and see depressed people, i thought wow they are just being lazy and not doing what’s needed for them selves, i thought they were weak and feeling sorry for there self, how could I be so shallow, I wouldn’t wish this life sucking illness on my worst enemy, I’m so sorry for questioning others choices, I have no right to judge, I can barely get out of bed to mother my children, much less take a shower, that’s pathetic, and my kids are the ones that suffer because of my bad choices in there father, I walk alone.


  4. Dani D

    so…i get all of it..several in my life over the yeas, including a parents, but sleep deprevation? Do they consciously think ” I will jack with her sleep so that she feels like crap and I can mind control her…” or is it just like an autonomic thing with these folks? like breathing is?


    • AnyVictim

      I wonder that myself. I mean is it an actual, conscience plan from the beginning, to try and destroy us? Or, do they do all these things, realizing they are hurting us; but not knowing how to stop, or why they even do these things in the first place?


  5. Serafena

    I began going to SLAA while in a relationship with this Man who I realized recently had a mental illness. It is a personality disorder for sure, maybe a re-occurring demonic possession, but in a nicer assessment it is an undiagnosed anxiety and fear based mental illness.

    Early on I would get these blank stares that I would interpret later as a person planning some kind of murderous act. And there was spiritual murder, murder of Love, character assassination. He found ways to kill the Love and passion we once shared.

    Many of the personality traits mentioned in another of Tela’s posts are right on the mark about the Man I allowed myself to fall in Love with. I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE HOW ABSOLUTELY TEXTBOOK SOCIOPATH THIS MAN TURNED OUT TO BE. He said he was a complex man…maybe to me before I found this site. But to those people who are educated in these spiritually and mentally ill fellows he is cookie cutter textbook. THANK YOU TELA FOR HELPING ME PULL HIS CARD!!

    So I am now wiser and and working the SLAA 12 step program. Just started 30 day NC today.
    One day at a time. One moment at a time.
    I’ll pray and cleanse myself with Epsom salt baths and herbal elixirs and a 6 day juice cleanse.

    I pray for all of you who are experiencing the nightmare. There is a solution:
    SLAA, Epsom Salt Baths, (I’m doing balm of Gilead, lemon verbena, lavender flowers, rose buds tea bath :). Just cleanse yourself if the energy … Jump in the ocean!!
    And PRAY!!


    • Tela

      Thank you Serafena for your comment and sharing. Yes, all Sociopaths are pretty much cookie-cutter textbook. I’m happy that you have been able to gain some knowledge through my website. I wish you the best of luck on No Contact. I truly understand how hard this is going to be. But as you said, you ‘pulled his card’, hang on to it, burn it! The Lavender Epsom salt baths I HIGHLY recommend as they truly do rid our body of toxins. Not just mental & emotional, but environmental as well. Jump in Serafena! You have a LOT of support here with this website!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Robyn

    Oh God yes
    Isolate the victim, cast doubt on everything and everyone in their lives, mix in sleep deprivation, abuse, brainwashing, and they are yours!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • rescued2015

      Hi Robyn, “sleep deprivation” I forgot that was another thing he would do to control. he would always wake up at 2am or 3am and look at his phone, I would ask him to turn down the light, at times I honestly felt he would shine the light on me to wake me up. I really never had a good night sleep with him. there were times he would push me away and while I slept he would wake me up telling me I am smothering him, but then turn the table and say “you never hold me while you sleep, its because you don’t love me? Today has been a month with no contact, and I swear today was tough! and this website has been my saving grace with a reality check.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jewel

        Mine would say don’t be taking naps while I’m gone. So I would set my alarm to wake me up before he got home lf i wanted to take a nap. The sick sob !


      • Tela

        Thank you Jewel for your comment. That is truly a controlling narcissist! I hope you have left that toxic relationship.


    • AnyVictim

      Me too. Finally. But now that we get it, we can change how it affects us.



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