“They enter into the relationship with an agenda! To con you out of whatever they can get. Be it emotionally, mentally, financially! You have what the Sociopath wants. And that is not necessarily a tangle item. It is Your life/lifestyle is what they want! And what YOU can provide for THEM!”

I just got out of a 1.5 year relationship with a narcissistic sociopath for the past 3 weeks. I still doubt myself for calling him a sociopath, and yet I can relate to each article of this blog after reading it from the beginning.
I met this person online. He’s from Africa, lived in the US for 8 yrs, and moved to Canada. I have always been fascinated with the stories he told me, and I felt lucky to have met him. There seemed to be an instant connection, being both immigrants to new countries. at the beginning of the relationship, he mentioned that he knows that I earn more than he does, and was eventually shocked when he learned that I earn 3x his annual income. I thought it would drive him away, assuming that men want to be the providers in a relationship. In retrospect, he was jealous of my lifestyle and wanted it to be his as well.

Fast-forward to the last 6 months of living with him under one roof: I was in a bliss. I’m spending time with the person that I loved, while he was in between jobs, as “his former boss did not want to train him, and fired him instead”. He spent his time taking classes, to get a better job. He didn’t like the ones that were in the market. I knew it was not the ideal “moving-in together” arrangement, but I still did it. He probably contributes to 1/4-1/3 of the monthly spending, and yet he had so many complaints about the first apartment that we were at. I ended up buying a condominium unit, as I have saving up for it for the past 3 years.
He kept telling me, I am not someone who would take advantage of you, and get a share from this condominium. I would naively reply, yes, I know that. When I told him that I will ask my lawyer to have that in writing, he refused and said that we can write the agreement ourselves (which never happened by the way).
He also asked me weird questions, like when does a couple get access to credit card/bank account informations. Again, I would naively answer, that goes with a ring. Even if I earn more than him, everything will be in one pot.
Up until the past month, he would be out on Saturday nights with “friend/s”, slowly devalued everything about me: from how I smell, how I cook food, how I speak, who my friends and family are. I felt being tortured. He worked one out of 6 months of being together, and was thinking of moving to the East Coast, where there would be more job opportunities. He was a survivor, as he repeatedly told me. “What about us?”, I asked. His plan made my head spin, and my judgements cloudy. He wanted to keep in touch, and yet could not promise anything (he’s in his 40s, I’m in my 30s). He was breaking up with me, and yet wanted to stay in my condominium for the next 2-3 months before he leaves for Toronto. I told him No, but he doesn’t have palace to stay, and kept extending his stay for a few more days. Until finally, I left my OWN place, stayed in a friend’s house for 3 days, until he finally left. And this was the time when the narcissistic rage came out, the mask he was wearing came off, as he admitted that Toronto was a hoax, he was just testing me since we never had a fight. He wanted me to tell my friends that we would still be staying together for another month. I got so confused and scared of him that night, that I only said yes, but still fled to my friend’s place. Next morning, after consulting with the police, he left, with 3 (tainted) roses in my place. Thanked me for my kindness and friendship. Told me he would eventually pay for the damages he did to my car ($1000), after ruining my car insurance history.
Anyways, I’ve shared too much already. I’m doing No Contact for the past weeks, and trying to be strong….