A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Red Flags

‘Why didn’t I see all the RED FLAGS ?’ Such a common question when dealing with a Sociopath. The red flags were present from moment one…..so why did you not see them? Wait a minute, you did!! 


Think back to the very first moment you met the Sociopath. How easily you were drawn to them. In the first few days, weeks or even months, everything about them was lies , perfection. The showering you with praises, adoration, compliments on everything about you!Those were the red flags , that you were not consciously aware of. As with most narcissistic Sociopaths, they moved the relationship along very quickly. The love bombing was over the top!! I call the love bombing phase: Sociopath Poison, you can read about that here

I’m sure you were told thousands of stories lies about their ‘horrible childhood’. {red flag}  And how many times did they refer to the ex victim partner before you, as “the crazy-ex” {red flag}. Did they boast of their achievements {more so than a ‘normal’ person would} or have a grandiose sense about themselves? {red flag}. Did they devele deep into your personal relationships, with family? Friends? {red flag}. How can that be a red flag? They are/were building a library full of your information to later use as ammunition against you. You can read about that HERE.  Did they proclaim they were ‘IN LOVE’ long before you were? {red flag.}.  Did you have moments where you thought to yourself ‘hmmm, this is moving awful fast & some things don’t add up’ {red flag.} Were there times you thought to yourself ‘wow, where has this person been my whole life’? {red flag.} Did you find yourself waiting for a text or call for them {red flag}. Now I know your asking ‘how can wanting to hear from them, early in the relationship be a red flag? Because at this point, you now have an addiction to them, which they did with the Sociopath Poison. There is nothing wrong with talking to a new partner often, you are in all reality, building a new relationship. The {red flag} was, if the communication was non-stop, or you found yourself calling/messaging them because you haven’t heard from them in (x) amount of time, or your thoughts were consumed day in and day out of them. Was/is their cell phone a permanent extension of their hand? Usually on silent? {red flag} you can read about that HERE.

As the relationship progressed and you started realizing all the pathological lies out of their mouth {red flag}, if you were having to do more damage control instead of loving {red flag}. When you were on the defensive against their words and/or actions {red flag}, and then to make an excuse for them {huge red flag}. Did you find yourself feeling ‘crazy’ and emotionally crippled, asking ‘what in the hell is going on with this person?’ {red flag}. Do they have an addiction to alcohol, drugs, pornography? {red flag}. Were there times you felt you just simply were at a loss as to how the relationship has started to deteriorate {red flag}. Are you, or were you, becoming more and more isolated from your family & friends just to spend time with the Sociopath? {red flag}. Did/do you find yourself trying to find out about them {via other avenues?}, {huge red flag}. Has the disappearing act started? {red flag}. After arguments, did they beg for your forgiveness and make false promise after promise they ‘would change’ or they were ‘really sorry & it won’t happen again’? {red flag}. How many promises did you hear, yet they never acted upon? How many times did you forgive? How many times at the end of the day did you feel completely mentally & emotionally drained because you just didn’t know what was happening in the relationship and to you!!!! {red flags all over}. 

It’s hard not to ask yourself, ‘why didn’t I see all of these red flags and more’…..reason being? You thought you truly had found The One! The happily-ever-after love of your life. Reality is? They are a mentally & emotionally sick person that you cannot fix! You cannot take their red flags from them! Not until after you have been completely destroyed, can you now consciously see the red flags on full display. 

We all have those non-negotiable standards when it comes to relationships — habits, qualities, characteristics, details and so on — that we will simply not stand for.   natasha burton


8 Responses to “Red Flags”

  1. Survivingthe_narcissist

    Thank you so much for writing this. I had 2 sociopathic parents, and 2 grandparents same thing. Went no contact with the parents but the grandparents just pop up at my house randomly ever few months, because i dont answer my phone for them. I am trying to find the courage to call them right now and tell them i can’t allow them to come over anymore. I have a 6 month daughter, she will never bond with them. They turned my 10 year old son agaist me while we lived with them, and Im still trying to get him back. Writing a book about what all of these psychos put me through, and ALL of my observations and red flags of them acquired throughout my life. There really isn’t much info about sociopaths within the family! I wonder if its due to brainwashing from birth. And its affects are longer lasting than just dating or being married to one. Especially when its a HUGE family FULL of them, brother, parents, grandparwnts, cousins, aunt, uncle….


    • Tela

      It is learned behaviour, so if the grandparents are Sociopaths, NPD, then yes, their children will ‘learn’ that ASPD. I’m so sorry you & your children have been their victims! I look forward to your book.

      Liked by 1 person


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