A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

I Love You Forever Sociopath

I Love You are the 3 most powerful words, and when used together can create bonds for a lifetime. Except when spoken by a Sociopath.

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A Sociopath does not feel love! Instead, love is another way of control and keeping you weak. The sociopath will tell you repeatedly I Love You, and that really means is; I must control you so do you love me? With this ‘love’ the Sociopath feels is actually ownership of you. I wrote about Object Of Desire here, and this goes hand in hand with the Sociopath love.

When you get involved with a Sociopath and they declare their love for you, they are actually putting the blinders on you silently and methodically. Remember the endless compliments, the empty  promises of a future together, the litany of shared interests and goals, the same values, the invisible chain being placed around your soul. A Sociopath has the ability to create such false illusions about themselves, that we are extremely hurt and confused at the end of the relationship. And this is because during the Sociopath I love You moments, they are/were kind, caring, compassionate {just like normal} people, except this is done with an agenda. And agenda that is set out to destroy your self-esteem, and self-worth. “Love makes the world-go-round”, as the saying goes, and the Sociopath gives you  false love which puts you on the crazy train of ‘go-round’.

One of the hardest things to accept with a Sociopath relationship is, knowing you gave your love to an empty, hollow, vile individual. We are constantly searching for love and acceptance. You just cannot accept the fact that you were  conned into loving someone whole heartedly……. and then discarded in such a brutal, cold, uncaring fashion. I do believe, however, there are those rare Sociopaths that actually do love in the sense that we do. However, because their whole lives exist on control and power over others, their love gets lost in the convoluted mess of their brains and only when they feel they are loosing control or actually loosing you, do they then feel love. 

A Sociopath also places stipulations on their love.  As long as they feel you are ‘behaving’ as they demand request, as long as you are not fliriting speaking to anyone they do not know, as long as you must provide financial support, and as long as you realize understand your needs and wants are not important, as long as you continue to be the puppet on the invisible string then the Sociopath will love you. How did your sociopath love you?

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”  ―anaïs nin

©sociopathlife.com

24 Responses to “I Love You Forever Sociopath”

  1. mark

    ive read a ton of stuff this past week about npd and sociopaths. in my experience with sociopaths they all want the feeling of love, but they refuse to give it back. they are never the same person you fell in love with later a short time down the road. you are ultimately there to serve them and thats it. they process love and affection as a chore of sorts. they feel like if they do something for you in a material or maybe sexual fashion, then they are showing you love.
    i told my ex i didnt marry for money. I didn’t. i married for love. to her that was like speaking another language. she never did, could, or would even try to make some sort of emotional bond with me.
    i left her several times during our relationship. the last time i left her i wrote her a letter maybe 4 pages front and back telling her that she could only gives things bc she couldn’t or wouldnt give her love. her family expected money from her bc they knew she couldn’t give love. i also told her that in the letter. basically i showed her the void she has in her soul. she didnt like that. she turned cold towards me. an outsider not knowing about how sociopaths operate would say she is justified for being cold hearted. but the whole thing is that i was tired of superficial acts of love on her part. i needed and craved her to look me in my eyes and tell me what i meant to her. to tell me she loved me while looking in my eyes. she never would. there was just a feeling of absolute void between us. everything was fine until i addressed this. i wanted intimacy. she refused. she wouldn’t even try.
    tit for tat was her game also. when i wasnt even intentionally doing anything against her she would say, “you did this, so i did that” according to whatever the issue was. im thinking shes keeping score when im not even playing a game at all. no apologies whatsoever either. none. she called it “kissing ass”. not at all. she hated the word sorry. she felt like it was a never an option to validate​ a persons feelings and take responsibility for hurting somebody.
    well, i truly believe she found a new supply maybe a few days before she put me out of the picture. thats fine. men are not stupid at all. the sociopath/narc is a hollow creature to say the least. itll end with him too like all the others bf. good riddance.
    now its no contact. she will be back around like she has before with dumb excuses of feigned illness also like before to avoid sole responsibility for her bs. power hungry. domineering. shit talking. condescending. the list goes on. she will find the door closed and locked like never before.

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  2. Jody

    Wow this is just another article that hits so close to home it’s spooky. When we used to have sex she would constantly say in a sexy moan, “mine!! Your all mine!!! Mine”. I honestly thought it was cute and we would make little banter remarks about it. Reading this makes me realize how much she truly believed this and had placed ownership over my entire being.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Jody for your comment,. Yes, she placed ‘ownership’ which equates to evil chains around your heart & soul to silently destroy you.

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  3. dave pilon

    i had read an artical here about leaving a female sociopath, and how hard she can make it, including calling cops, making up stories and such, anyone know how i can find it again?

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  4. relieveditsover

    Ahh.. I write this to almost admit that I’m holding onto reality just a little .. I’m back with him .. And so scared I believe he’s in the suductive stage he’s all about the I’m sorrys and I love you’s and how could I have treated you so terribly ? All the other women were just chew toys .. You’re the one for me .. And I’m falling for it hook line and sinker. I feel AMAZING when I’m with him we have the best time and plan our future and drink nice wine and I go to sleep feeling almost lucky that he has finally changed.. But the strong woman who I lose sometimes knows it’s an illusion .. We’ve been here before .. And im almost arguing with my self reminding myself of all the horrible paralyzing states he’s left me in and re read the hateful material he has showered me with .. And then he says “we all make mistakes” and ” I’m so sorry” and I think ., we yeah we do make mistakes and how bitter am I if I can’t forgive him ?? I’m so confused and down on myself for allowing him the opportunity to do it all again 😦

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    • Tela

      RelievedItsOver~ it’s okay to hold onto reality….even a little. Let’s look at the pattern of the two of you. He pushes you away {discards}, has other women “chew toys”, when they no longer feed his ego, he pulls you back into his screwed up world. He KNOWS exactly what he is doing. He KNOWS exactly what to say to get you back. And how easy to say ‘I’m sorry, and I love you’….but look at his actions. His actions DO NOT say “I love you”, they DO NOT say “I’m sorry”. What he is doing in the manipulation…..because time and again YOU have proven that no matter how horrific his actions, how deeply hurtful his words have been, you will be sucked back in. Yes, we all make mistakes~ difference between us and a Sociopath? We learn from those mistakes, not repeat them time and time again. Not say the most vile/horrific words to someone time and time again. That my dear is not ‘a mistake’. That is his Sociopath character~ his sole core being. Keep reminding yourself of the paralyzing states…because each and every time you go back to him….eventually you know, you will be left in another paralyzing state. You have got to try as hard as you can to break the TRAUMA BOND that he has created. You are worthy of respect. You are worthy of true HONEST love. You are worthy of sooooooo much more than this life spent in the push & pull of Sociopath Hell. Maybe, if you were the one to walk away, with no explanation, block all means of contact you will feel so much better about yourself. As YOU did it on YOUR terms, not his! ~hugs to you~ ❤

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      • relieveditsover

        Well… It was even more short lived than I expected .. I dared to bring up the past and how I can’t just turn the trust back on 😕 and he has just ended it telling me as much as he tries to repair the past he just can’t anymore and that this chapter is closed 😓 this is what I was dreading this uncontrollable shaking and overwhelming feeling .. I guess I knew it was coming but I am still shocked how much it hurts .. Every time .. I guess I’ll get back on the getting over him path I was on ..

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    • Laurie

      I’m exactly where you were at the time is your comment. I’m so utterly confused..

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  5. Robyn

    Hi to the page creator
    Thank you for the opportunity to come here and share our pain and wisdom.
    Hi also to Debbie
    I could have written your post myself, such was your description of your ex and his predictable behaviours.
    Hi to everyone else here,
    It is so nice to know that we are not as alone in our perceived loneliness as we believe. This definitely gives us strength to carry on in our healing, in the hope that we may never be duped by one of these demons ever again.
    At my age, (now 46) I am beginning to doubt if I will ever allow another man into my heart or my bed for that matter, (chuckle). Somehow, if that may end up being so, I am not really that worried about it.
    Knowing I am alone, even that I am distancing myself a little still doesn’t make me feel that guilty either. I am doing what is necessary in order to lick my own wounds after my toxic relationship came to an end a year ago, (my ending it).
    My Ex kept up his hoovering tactics however, by phoning me, or using his Sister In-law to visit my workplace to relay news of him. Mostly the news was the same, (negative) either from him or his family member. Because Ex changed his mobile number every few months during our relationship, it was impossible to block him since he would pop up again with a new mobile. When he tried calling me, I would end the call pretty quickly once I realised it was him. He would simply call back, and use a sympathy ploy to keep me on the line, (things like he got attacked and mugged etc).
    Needless to say, I still discontinued contact with him and remained closed to his wiles and manipulations, (despite my heart breaking over him still).
    In August, I ended up at traffic lights beside him, him in his car and me in mine with an elderly male friend. Ex was craning his head to see who was with me that day.
    On my way home, (we went in different directions) I kept checking my rear vision, with a mixture of longing and fear all at the same time, weird isn’t it? By the time I got home, the feeling had changed to sadness that he didn’t follow me home, but relief that he didn’t too!!
    Within 2 weeks he had called me, it was early one morning at 6am, and I was at work as usual, so taken by surprise once again. This time, instead of being nasty and eventually abusive, he wanted to keep contact up with me, and requested that I message him ‘Goodnight’ each night, (like I used to when we were together and he was never available at nights anyway). This last series of contacts with me were odd, he didn’t request that I come and see him, (homeless and living in his car again by a beach in a nearby favourite city of his), but he wanted me to keep calling him and playing counsellor, just like I always had.
    Basically, me listening to him talk about himself, his opinions, his life, everyone else’s lives, and so on. When he had validation enough, he would usually say ‘he had to get going’. As the days rolled by though, he would insist that I stayed on the phone to listen longer and longer, and he would of course get angrier and more negative just like before.
    After 4 days of calling him, (yea he couldn’t afford long calls to me even from public payphones), I began to feel very down and depressed about life again. I couldn’t stand listening to the same old crap from him, and yet at the same time, I was sad (and suspicious) that he didn’t want to see me again, whilst also being relieved ironically.
    I later found out (during one of his Sister In-law’s visits to my workplace) that he had been lying about what he was doing and where he was staying (that day he saw me at the traffic lights) and then weeks after had called me.
    Over his last contact, I decided to just stop calling him, because I couldn’t stand the pain of either listening to his voice, or hearing what he had to say and realising he was never going to change.
    So I did, and he never rang me back to see why either.
    I returned to my No Contact and never heard from him again, until just days before Christmas just past. His Sister In-law approached me at work, where I couldn’t escape. She told me she had good news of him, I was about to step in and say that whilst I was glad that the news was finally good, I didn’t want or need to hear what it was. But she sped on with her words, informing me that my Ex now had a job, (after 6 years of leeching off me and his parents and anybody else I guess). She told me where he was, that the job was on a Farm-stay, and that he had ‘met his match’. She then informed me that Ex had met and was dating a lady Psychiatrist, who is ‘keeping him in line’ and now he is really ‘healthy’ and just wanted to ‘get away from everything and everyone’.
    Excuse me whilst I vomit here.
    So since then, my healing progress has slid back again, and I am pretty annoyed about all this to say the least!!
    I wonder if it is a lie about his new girlfriend, but if it is true, I can guarantee that he passed this news on knowing that it would be relayed to me as usual, and I can just imagine him gloating about that, knowing it would hurt me.
    Arghhh he sucks.
    Whether it is true or not, I can only say that I am definitely worried for his new partner, Psychiatrist or not, he is dangerous and extremely abusive.
    His attempts on my life, plus the threats are still with me today, PTSD big time. not to mention all the other damage he did.
    I can only pray that his new lady gets out a lot quicker and kicks his sorry butt to the kerb. I also hope that she seeks me out so I can warn her not to go back like I did, time and time again.
    Until then, I am staying angry folks, it sure beats feeing depressed about it.

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    • Debbie

      Hi Robyn,
      You are so right, at least we are not alone in our pain, which thankfully does heal. No timescales, just however long it takes. When I found this site not so long ago, I decided that I will not waste anymore of my life even thinking about the Ex, let alone hanging on to the anger, as that would mean I continue to be his victim & continue to waste my life.
      I choose to have an open heart and when I’m experiancing negative emotions towards him, I just send blessings and change my thoughts or go do something creative, It’s taken a long time to get to this point, but it is working for me.
      I feel very much like you about meeting someone new, but there is a lot I have learnt about these people (sociopaths), if a guy try’s to sweep me off my feet like a knight in shining armour and showers me with gifts, bombards me with constant phone calls or text’s, or even tells me he loves me 30+ times a day, I’m heading in the opposite direction lol.
      I guess by informing you via his sister-in-law that he has met a psychiatrist, is him wanting you to believe that there is nothing wrong with the way he is, as a psychiatrist wouldn’t be with him otherwise. However the real truth is that he wants to still be in the forefront of your mind, only a cruel and vindictive person would want you feeling that way.
      I hope you get past your anger, as all it will do is eat you up and waste more of your life.
      We are kind, generous, loving, giving, compassionate woman and filled with a beautiful soul, we are what they wish to be, but they will never be like us. I will not harden my heart because of a sociopath, I will learn from my experience and become an even better person, just like you will too 🙂 I hope you find a way that works for you x

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      • Tela

        Thank you Debbie for your encouraging words, not only to Robyn, but to all readers. Yes! You have been down the road of hell, and your right, there is no ‘time line’ of healing. Like I said in this POST Our minds can be our greatest healer, or our worst enemy! It takes a lot of effort to change those negative thoughts because they can be all consuming. I think with time, and positive reinforcement, be it my website, other readers, family or friends, a person can heal. Slowly, but still heal. The most important thing all victims of Sociopaths need are VALIDATION We truly were not the problems, the causes, the everything. And that is what most people have a hard time understanding. Because they swallowed to much of the Sociopath Poison. ❤

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  6. Debbie

    Thank you for writing this blog, it is very informative yet, at the same time heart wrenching with the realisation that he is a sociopath who trapped me within his game. As I’m reading, memories of situations are flooding back of the 10 year relationship I had with my partner.
    It has been 2 years since our relationship finally broke up and, it still feels like it was last week. I Suppose with feeling like it was last week rather than yesterday proves somewhat that I have move forward a few steps, although I still feel battered and brused and emotionally empty.
    I have been beating myself up for 2 years now as to why I can’t just get back up on my feet and get on with my life. I now understand that it is not possible to do so alone.
    3 weeks into the relationship I knew I wanted out of it, my instincts were kicking in strong, however, I succumbed to his charm. 12 years on I have no energy, no self confidence, no spirit, no life, but one thing I keep hold of is hope. Hope that I will someday recover and realise that I am not the person he had me, my friends and my daughter convinced I was.
    Grief has overcome me right now, grief of a person that did not really exist, I have been grieving for the relationship, the honeymoon period. Shame has been swallowing me up, shame which was piled onto me via his humiliation of me.
    What frightens me even more now is that he is still in contact with my daughter, who is only 23 and would still be vulnerable around such a person, but he has convinced her that I am mentally ill and abusive. She will not listen to what I have to say, even though she saw with her own eyes how he ended the relationship in such a traumatic and humiliating way, yes even I did not see it coming.
    He contacted me by sending me a text about 2 months ago, asking how I was, lol. I knew he would be back but just never knew when.
    I needed answers, so I met up with him, I did not know that he was classified as being a sociopath, if I had of done I would not have met up with him. It was a waste of time as no answers were given and I felt even more humiliated. He mentioned a message that was left on my business page about 6 months ago, I I did not know who the message was from, I do now as he told me it was him.
    He also mentioned my Pinterest page, what he was telling me in his abusive controlling way is that he has been stalking me, I have no idea if he still is, but I have shut down my business page and I have shut down my business as I am not able to cope with daily life let alone work.
    My instincts are that he won’t come back any more, but I’m living on a knife edge wondering if and when will he show himself again, just to pull those puppet strings he placed on me 12 years ago, just because he can.
    I won’t feel safe until he stops the communication with my daughter.
    Sorry this is so long, but my emotions are all over the place.
    Debbie

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    • Tela

      Debbie, you can and will get up on your own 2 feet! I understand about beating yourself up, the questions, the why’s, the how come’s and so on. You will truly never get the answers to those questions as a Sociopath is unable and unwilling to accept any part of the emotional/mental/financial destruction done to another human. I know, very hard to comprehend that! But that is exactly what they do. As far as having contact with your daughter, if he is not her father, I’m not sure why there is any contact???? And she is an adult, however, she needs to respect boundaries you put in place the first being she is not to discuss you or anything about you to the ex. period. Secondly, you are grieving and you are realizing what is happening emotionally to you. That is perfectly normal. It is a ‘death’, a death of a future with someone you truly loved {who did not love in return}, a death of time invested {with no return except extreme hurt & pain}….so go through this grieving process. I would also suggest that you start this New Year out with trying to make a conscious daily effort not to give him a moments thought. Easier said than done. But nothing positive will come of any thoughts of him. And if he was to show back up…your a much stronger and wiser woman now, YOU HAVE THE CONTROL, YOU CAN SEE THROUGH HIS MANY MASK OF BULLSHIT. so don’t live with that fear of him showing up. Your no longer his puppet. Those strings have been cut & long gone!!! xo

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  7. Marie

    My sister fits this description. I have 67 pages of text between she and I over a period of the last two years. She was constantly telling me how much she loves me, what a great sister I am, and how nothing will ever come between us. Yet, she recently orchestrated a smear campaign comprised of lies at my father’s funeral, and got my entire family against me, my husband and my grown daughter. Her lies were used to pit my siblings and their families against me and my family. I have seen her do stuff like this before involving less family members and even using me as the flying monkey in the last family funeral just 7 month’s ago. It’s a very long complicated story and this behavior sometimes takes years to finally figure it out. I am so grateful to have finally looked at the Interest for clues to what is going on here. I have finally learned! I will never be able to trust her or be around her again. She is very toxic, indeed. Unfortunately, she gives money to some family members to get them on her side even though I believe they know how crazy she is. It is truly sad because although they don’t know it, they in time will become her victims too. I, however, will never again be a source of her narcissistic supply. No contact is the only way I can keep me and my family safe from this awful sister of mine. When I am not angry at her, I feel sorry for her because we both had a difficult childhood with a narcissistic mother. I don’t know if she will ever get better. I fear she will ruin the lives of her own daughters and grand daughters with this narcissistic behavior of hers. I have already started seeing the signs. It is so sad!

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    • Tela

      Thank you Marie for your comment. 67 pages of text??? WOW!!! I’m happy that you are educating yourself as to why your sister behaves like she does/has. It’s sad, it’s frustrating, and it’s next to impossible to comprehend how someone can turn your family against you. But as you know, they have that capability to be like a ‘cult’ leader and everyone in her path will eventually be her victim. With the no contact you are also setting boundaries in place {of which a Sociopath feels they do not need to abide by}. Keep being strong! ❤

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  8. joesorandom

    just a comment… why does it always have to be the guy that gets the hit? there has to be a gender neutral way to address the sociopath on these pages! not all guys sociopaths… just an observation..

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    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment Joe- and this post is fairly gender neutral, even though I personally write about male narcissistic sociopaths. I will be mindful in the future as trying to keep my post gender neutral 🙂

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