A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Liar~Liar

5 Responses to “Liar~Liar”

  1. Disillusioned

    I had an affair with a sociopath. He was a college boyfriend and I believed my long lost love. We had a toxic relationship of constant fighting and jealousy. He promised he’d leave his wife and start a life with me. She found out about the affair and he has since blamed me for everything. His 20 year old daughter found out bc the wife blew up in front of her and he blames me for their now strained relationship. I have been accused of everything from stalking to harrassment. He has gone on a major smear campaign. I don’t necessarily miss him but I miss who I thought he was. It’s all hard to even believe.

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  2. busyangel

    Thanks for that opening statement as it opened a door I hadn’t even imagined in my mind. I am starting to think I’m addicted to my abuser. There is no empathy or sympathy in her at all, not just with me but everyone. Then there is the reward!
    Just being pleasant and talking about possibilities with no plan to help make them real……This is my reward if I do everything just like she asks. If the smallest thing is questioned or not done to her ” unspoken plan” there is screaming, blame , guilt casting and really demeaning insults. I have come to realize my wife is not only a narcissist but has some horrible disconnect with other people and even pets. She seems to live in another world where everything and everybody from her past are perfect and regardless of sometimes superhuman efforts on my part to make her happy and include her in all parts of my life like marriage is supposed to be I believe, she is rarely appreciative ,grateful, or even respectful to any degree. She thinks nothing about screaming over some little thing that went wrong for hours at any hour of the day or night to the point of constantly disturbing the neighbors. If she manages to catch me off guard and I holler back I’m immediately reminded that the neighbors can hear which stops me cold. I’ve done my venting on the main page so I won’t go on here. Just wanted to acknowledge that I must be addicted to that little bit of good which seems so big compared to the almost always negative emotions thrown at me constantly. It seemed like we were meant for one another 10 yrs ago when we met but looking back and planning my escape , I can see I was totally snookered by her charm and acting. I have almost ruined my business covering her lifestyle and she left her high paying job months before we married saying she would never work or do anything to contribute to our home as being old fashioned the man should supply 100% of support and comfort. I work like a dog at my business and have to shop cook clean and keep the house too. I get no peace or comfort of any type and it has been years since we shared the same bedroom let alone the bed. I just kept thinking that these little signs of approval meant that there was hope for us and that one day she would agree to see a counselor or doctor about her anger and attitude.
    Some weird form of Addiction and fear of being alone or abandoned has kept me frozen until now. I spent some time away (a week) and started to recharge my soul and began to see just a little bit. Oddly enough, she sent me the link to this site to prove to me how screwed up I am. Ironic. Thanks again for your opening statement. Hope this helps others in some way.

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    • Tela

      Thank you busyangel for sharing. First off, I am glad you are able to recognize many things! First off, the addiction, which can also be called Trauma Bonding. You will never be able to Love Her Right. If that makes sense. No matter how amendable you are to her ridiculous demands, or her outburst, you will never be able to change her core personality. And that core personality is a very dangerous one. A Sociopath, Narcissist, Psychopath has the ability, as you know, to completely destroy who we once were.
      She did you a huge favor by sending you the link to my website. Reason being? A Sociopath is NEVER wrong, so she thought by sending you here would make you think..hmmmmm maybe I am the one who is screwed up! But it back-fired on her. Now your eyes are wide open, your heart will begin to stop loving, and your head will begin to think clearly and get your life back!

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  3. queenofwands63

    I am an addict. For HIM. HE made me his addict 5 and a half years ago. HIS behaviour was extreme. Not violent. Not nasty. He didn’t need to be. He could get where water couldn’t with his pretty boy face, beautiful ‘Daniel Craig coming out if the sea’ body and sweet little boy charm.

    I am recovering. I am 11 days free of any form of written contact from my narc/socio. It is 6 weeks since I actually saw him. I am seeing tiny glimpses of ME. I mean the real, pre-relationship with a narc/socio ME.

    I am determined not to go back but it would be hard if he stood in from of me, his beautiful face, crying that he loves and misses me and demonstrating that little boy charm that gets him everywhere.

    I have to realise that:

    1. What he says is not genuine and that it is about getting back control and that he can’t bear failing to have am woman not fall at his feet.

    2. That he sees me as a soft touch and that he can so easily move back into a warm, comfortable home in a lovely place

    3. That he will be able to live rent free, get me to pay for things on an IOU (never to be repaid)

    4. That I would gladly give him help with his work at his demand at the expense of my own demanding job

    5. That I will help with child care.

    6. That he can get around any lie/deceit/infidelity etc he engaged in.

    My strategy is NOT to respond to any kind of contact. It is getting results. I have to be careful not to fall into being annoyed or hurt that he has not called/emailed/sms’d. I have to recognise that such feelings are a part of the ‘addiction’.

    I miss the magical good things of being an addict, of their wonderful charisma and enthusiasm, their spontaneity, affection. Perhaps these are real for him too….but only at that moment when he wants them to be.

    I will get back to being Queen of Wands. I am not there yet. I am frightened a little for the future and whether I will fall into the same trap with him or someone else. But… I will be trying hard not to.

    Thank you for your pages of wisdom and for sharing.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Queen for your comment. You said it perfect with your first sentence “I am an addict. For him”. Yes, they make us mentally and emotionally addicted to them. With just a few words they can make us feel on top of the world, or below the depths of hell. They are master’s at mind manipulation. You list that you have here, is a good one. You have the control now over whether there is any contact. But that would be the worst thing to do. I KNOW you miss him! I KNOW you wonder does he even think about you. However, if he was to contact you, all you would do is get that temporary ‘fix’…then it will be back into the spin cycle of crazy. The ‘magical good things’ are just that ‘magical, make-believe, illusions’. It’s okay to be frightened of the future!! Keep in mind, the Future Happens One Day At A Time. And you will get there, with your Queen of Wands firmly in place!!! ❤

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