A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Validation

During, and especially after a relationship with a Sociopath, you have a need for validation. And these ‘need’s’ can be one or more of the following

  • your not the crazy one~ a Sociopath can almost have you on the brink of believing you truly are the crazy one. This is done with repeated words & actions, breaking your common sense down, creating a dependency on them {ie: if you did this or that, they will praise you, if you said this or that, they in turn said or did something kind}..
  • how can they lie, straight faced, and think I’m going to believe it ~because if you believed just one of their lies, they continue on as there is no consequences for them {in their minds}
  • more words of ‘I will change, we can work this out’~ this is usually said, and then followed up with ‘but your the cause of the problems’
  • how did i not see this person for what they really are ~ it’s really hard to understand that a Sociopath really, really is an emotionally disconnected person, yet they walk, talk & breath. There are so many layers to their dysfunction & disconnection, and to keep the layers hidden, they use the love bombing, the emotional manipulation, the chemical addiction ie: happy habits, you do more to keep them happy as your happiness is now dependent on them
  • how can someone not actually love, yet say the words~ this is manufactured love, i wrote about that here
  • do they realize how much they devastated me? and/or kids~ sometimes. but if they realize what they have done that makes them then be accountable. And as you know, the Sociopath will never, ever take accountability for their words & actions. Their accountability equates to this: “if you wouldn’t have acted like you did this wouldn’t have happened. Or, “if you would learn to treat me with respect I would do the same”…this is called blame shifting. And they do it all the time
  • they create a laundry list of faults {as they perceive} you have~ and after hearing these faults, you start to find yourself believing them and/or wanting to change them so the Sociopath will love you. Don’t kid yourself. The Sociopath will find faults in every single human being, except themselves. Period.
  • how could they just move on to someone else so quickly~ you need validation that you did matter to them. If you are fortunate enough {or more accurately unfortunate enough}, to know who they moved onto next, you will see the same behaviour, same or similar words spoken. Same promises made {always to be broken}. So even though they mattered to you, and you to them, but only for their own personal gain. This is especially hard to accept.

The following is a great quote that I live by. At the end of the day, validation is important in many different areas of our lives. However the only validation needs to come from ourselves.

how would your life be different if you stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? let today be the day you stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.  steve maraboli

©SociopathLife.com

3 Responses to “Validation”

  1. A male victim who was stung

    Tela, thank you for posting this, it is as if you were here, watching…it certainly is a script, a pattern of behavior, and no different which gender. Please do expand on your last point pursuant to them moving on. The respect part I was often yelled at to do…Respect ME!!!! I do respect you honey, but you just can’t handle the truth…Or SHAME ON YOU!!! For what my little princess, you got a speeding ticket I have to pay, you tore two of my shirts out of anger, broke some plates and then broke the hinges of the door…and why my little happy lover did you do that, oh because your client cancelled an appointment, hence you drove fast in my car, tore my shirts, broke some plates and the hinges of the bathroom door…yes I will walk in shame for your beligerant and arrogant blame shifting…I guess honey I am your human Piñata filled with shame.

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