A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Smear Campaign

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A Smear Campaign is the epitome of a sociopath caring about absolutely nothing!
When the smear campaign begins with a Narcissistic Sociopath, it is an intentional, premeditated effort to discredit our reputation ,character and quite simply, our total being.  This premeditation is done in the same way a criminal puts into motion his act of crime. With a smear campaign, the Sociopath strategically starts recalling all the things you have ever shared with them regarding your own personal experiences (ie: triumphs/failures), any and all things shared about people closest to you, or anyone you had a relationship with prior to them. They then take this information and set out to destroy you emotionally and mentally and sometimes financially. If you have children with a Sociopath, they will also use the children to try and destroy you.

They do this for fear! Fear of being found out for what they truly are, cardboard, empty, vile, viscous individuals. They also do this also as revenge.  The more they are exposed, the less likely to find additional sources of their supply.  And by supply, I mean, whatever they need from an individual for their own personal gain~and nothing more. Exposing them, and limiting their supply source  places them in unfamiliar territory! They have a grandiose thought process, whereas, they will never believe ultimately there are consequences to their actions and/or verbal warfare., and therefore they think they have an endless supply of their ‘needs’. By placing them in this fear of exposure, this is where we see the darkest side of a sociopath. The hollow, soulless individual they actually are. A Narcissistic Sociopath are the master’s of ruination~ and they will do whatever they think necessary to protect their (clouded/distorted) image they have of themselves.

Some of  the more common  tactics a sociopath uses for his smear campaign are:

  • contacting your friends and family-using an inflated excuse as to why they are contacting them (usually another elaborate lie they concocted).
  • social media- any and every social site you may be on and they have access to, they will use to the furthest degree of ruination
  • email-again, if they had access to your contacts be assured they have the list and will send out the most vile emails about you, and discredit you.
  • co-workers-they will take anything you may have said about your career and twist that into lies, lies and more lies.
  • mutual friends-they will use the mutual friends for more ‘supply’. By discrediting you, the Sociopath believes that your mutual friends will swallow every word they say and take that as truth.
  • Targeting a new love interest in your life. Feeding them spoonfuls of Poison  trying to discredit you as a partner.

There is no easy way through the smear campaign. You will even begin to question your own sanity! And this is exactly what the Sociopath wants you to do. During this stage of smear, you will want to ask the Sociopath ‘why are you doing this’, ‘why are you saying these lies about me’. You will continually be on the defensive , but this has no bearing on them. If anything, your questions will just be the fuel they need to continue this emotional assault.  This is the most damaging of stages with a Sociopath. You think the devalue stage is the worst…..and no doubt, it is also very emotionally and/or mentally destructive. The devalue stage is geared specifically toward you, the individual. During the smear campaign , this is not only geared toward you, but also geared to destroy whatever relationships you have with other individuals and/also your career. Remember, the Smear Campaign is for total ruination! Tips for surviving this (because it is {or will be survival  if you haven’t gone through it yet}. These tips are to stop the Sociopaths supply source of your ruination.

  • delete or remove any social websites you have!
  • change your passwords to emails/bank accounts etc.
  • at this point~your family and closest friends will have to be told what is happening. Like a lot of us, we don’t want to always share very personal things, but they need to be made aware of what is happening at this stage, prepare them for the ‘battle’
  • do not say anything negative about the Sociopath to your children! They are already in a state of chaos and confusion. Do not add to it with more negative.
  • reach out for support!! Be it the same family and/or friends the Sociopath is targeting with your smear campaign. Or research how to deal with this stage! It’s very important you remember~you are not what the Sociopath is making you out to be!!
  • stop supplying the Sociopath with anymore ‘ammunition’. they will try and suck you back in, and will use once more, anything you say to ruin you.
  • Remember~you are NOT ALONE! There are many, many victims/survivors of this horrific abuse.

“I hope you see what you’ve done to me.”    matthew little, “hell in a basket”

 

©SociopathLife.com

66 Responses to “Smear Campaign”

  1. Poster

    Three years later, and she’s still on the attack. I have prayed, begged God to save me from this, and all that happens is it gets worse. They have made me out to be the abuser, no one will listen to any proof that I have, I left, I went through years of hard therapy to get over things and resolve childhood issues.

    It’s like improving yourself is gasoline to the fire. I moved, bought a car, lost weight and got happier. Working on myself and my own life brought this back out again and it’s horrible.

    I hate to say this, but I have to. I hope for all of you that your smear campaigns end. Entertain the possibility that it never will. Three years later and totally alone in this world (literally no family or friends) because of her, and she still is driving me to suicide.

    They take everything. Absolutely everything.

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  2. Danita Woods

    Thank you for the confirmation. I’m taking the steps to build my self up and work on my self esteem. I have blocked his number and recently moved so I’m off to a good start. Thank you this website and the people here have helped me realize I’m not alone. That is very comforting knowing that stuff like this happens but we can and will bounce back.

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  3. jeanettehardie

    It’s very true how they mess with your mind and yes we were special that they wanted us. I hate myself for not seeing through the mind games at first but I did after a while. He apologised to me just a month ago after 2 yrs. I do not accept his apology as it was based on his own self pity not for what he did to me. Never go back. Ever

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  4. Janet

    It’s so sad how many people are influenced by a sociopath, and it kinda never ends. I tell ya they get alot more loyalty than the rest of us do from people. I still can sometimes lose an acquintence now, even though my experience happened several years ago. You can just tell, by the way people who had liked you before, suddenly start to pull away, or say stuff negative to you that sounds erily, like what the sociopath said about you and how awful you are. And you know if they have any connection at all to the sociopath it can happen, that they will switch sides and support them instead. It’s amazing how influenced people are by gossip. And of course none of us is usually perfect, so they use some truth mixed with lies and really harsh judgement, to just smear you. And they present themselves as being so much better, and people believe them, even when there’s a ton of evidence to the contrary. Even people who have been burned by them or have seen their rotton charecther, will still turn around and be a spy for them or turn their back on you. It’s so hard for me to understand why this is the way it is.

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  5. Danita Woods

    To me this is an in between place. Im aware it’s time to leave and he is seriously mental. However my emotions are still raw. Im more mad at me for allowing this to happen. Its like damn girl we’re you that love starved? He broke my things, started a quarelle between me and his roommate. Now that I have put my foot down and said enough is enough he has been trying to win me back with gifts and then when I don’t respond with open arms. He starts sending emails about how my lady parts are used and I should hate myself. It’s like I’m not totally destroyed because I have to use good judgment. He wouldn’t send flowers and candy to someone he felt was trash in bed. And if I was so bad why did we go on for so long? So it’s very much trying trying to play with my mind but I just keep thinking girl you are better than this. This is a game! I did go back n forth with myself blocking n un blocking. After I got the message about him saying he couldn’t wait to see me in crossing to really show me what a horrible person I was I decided to permanently block him. My sister has been my voice of reason she reads the messages and listens to the voice mails to remind me that he is crazy. She even helped me get back on my feet finically. I still get scary feelings that sometimes make me cry. I’m just so mad at me. Because I knew something was off and I kept seeing him. Dating is out of the question for me I’m going to work on my self esteem. It’s very low but not just because of him I was pretty beat up when I met him. I had done drugs and did terrible things to get them. So to me this is a wake up call that I am not going to miss. Yes it’s embarrassing for me because at 34 a former drug addict and sex worker. I do feel like no one will love me. I think that is why I held on to the illusion. Well there is light at the end of the tunnel I’m not giving up on that. But there are going to be obstacles and barriers let’s just keep going🌈

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    • Tela

      Yes! You keep going. Hold that beautiful head up high and tell yourself, I am beautiful. I am loving. The past is the past. Go forward loving every beautiful part of you! XO

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    • Janet

      I remember feeling like you do, and it’s really hard to get past the need to have them validatie you. Thats a tough one.You want them to say youre ok and worthy, to at least show some respect on the way out, or to stop playing with your heart. But theyre too mean and dysfunctional to make you feel better. It probably is the low self esteem that they tapped into, and the issues you need to work on for yourself. It simply won’t work to hand that power to another person, and to someone who has a major personality disorder or is crazy. Their opinion has to eventually not matter to you anymore, because it’s not really valid. He obviously liked something about you, but if he can’t give you what you need, you have to move on, and don’t take his cruel words to heart. They are the ravings of someone who isn’t well or nice.

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  6. jeanettehardie

    Hi I took the message as narcissistic attention seeking for his benefit not mine. I replied saying Liar Loser Sociopath. Never insult my intelligence again and blocked him. I take it as the cancer has returned and he’s feeling sorry for himself. The last contact was over a year ago when I told him I had found out he was sending loads of women nude photos whilst we were together & no apology just a statement saying I was harassing him. (Copied & pasted) He is a monster

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  7. jeanettehardie

    I finished with my SP 2 years ago. His reaction was to threaten me and said he couldn’t care less about me. He messaged me out of the blue last night to apologise and said his illness (cancer if which he got the all clear when I was with him ) coming back made him be mean to me. I will never forgive what he did to me even if his cancer has now returned.

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    • Tela

      Jeanette, I read your short comment twice. I hope, truly hope, you can ‘see’ what he is doing {or trying to do} to you. If, big IF his cancer has returned, you are certainly not the person to ‘comfort him’, take care of him, help him etc. NOTHING.
      And now, after 2 year’s he contacts you and his excuse bullshit was ‘the cancer made him mean’? That one statement is so ridiculous. Nothing ‘made him mean’. He determined what to say, how to say it. He determined how to treat you. NOT the cancer. Please block him. Please do not get sucked back into that toxic relationship!!

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  8. AlohaLover

    Today is Valentine’s Day and while I don’t have a lover Valentine, I have the best friends ever! And I have my dogs who would never ever betray me. So, when you think your life sucks, remember you could still be with your sociopath.

    Which brings me to Flying Monkeys and Smear Campaigns. Today, I received a ‘read’ notice that the X read a Valentine that I had sent him. I have not spoken with him in almost 3 years, yet I have been attacked left and right. You see, the Sociopath is a very cunning MF-er. He will never allow his hands to get dirty but will manipulate his Flying Monkeys into doing his dirty work. Or do it himself and not say a word.
    When I read the notice today, I opened it to see what I had “sent” . If I wanted to send it, it would have been when he first discarded me, not now, and not to his work e-mail. So, I sent him an e-mail, telling him it wasn’t me and to ask his Flying Monkeys…actually I named them. One, the smartest of the 2 sent me a nasty e-mail back which I did not answer. And then I stopped and thought to myself, “why bother….when you are going head to head with a Sociopath, you will never win….NEVER WIN”. I know that but I thought after all this time, he would believe me and point the finger to someone else. Nope.

    The point I want to stress, especially to the newbies, when you are up against Flying Monkeys and Smear Campaigns (sounds like a Lady Gaga song), as hard as it will be, ignore it. You will never ever win. Outwardly, you will never win but in your heart and soul, you will know you are right. And that is where you will need to have peace. And remember, he / she will always….ALWAYS be a sick Sociopath but we will always have a heart and soul.
    Stay strong.

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  9. forsakenguys

    Yes. These evil piece of shit creatures use everything against you. They once lied to you and sold you the perfect image of love. They said that you were their soul mate and they had your 6. Lol, they had your 6 alright with a sharp shank. After their smear campaign, cut them out of your life, cut their family, cut their friends out of your life too. They are not on your side. Your ex narcissist burnt every bridge on their way out. They don’t give a fuck about you and never did. It is all about what they want. Karma will pay them back. And you, learn to love yourself, build a life for you. Make money and stay clear of these narcissistic vampires. They are always thirsty and you are not a blood bank. Become an alpha, put yourself first. Stay frosty, people. Don’t be a two time victim.

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  10. StarsHollow

    My mother started a smear campaign against me. She’s spreading lies while I am the one that has been abused for so long but finally woke up a couple of years ago. Now I am in a supportive loving relationship and lucky that he sees who she really is. My son, on the otherhand, is manipulated but our hope is that he will find out the truth, that his grandmother has a severe form of narcistic personal disorder. I dont know how to deal with all these ‘familymembers’ , flying monkeys. Even my brother and his naive wife are beeing manipulated, i even think my brother also has a form of nps. Now we’re in a no contact period. It helps reading other peoples stories thank you. My english is not perfect sorry.

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    • Tela

      Thank you StarsHollow for your comment. You have done the right thing~ NO CONTACT. No matter if it is direct contact, indirect contact {another family member, flying monkey, postman etc}. Do NOT give your mother any ammunition to use. Remain silent, and out of sight!
      It is horrible that this is your mother doing this. And the manipulation to your son is so very sad. Protect him! You do not need to Smear your mother, instead, use rationale.

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    • innovandrew

      So familiar. Kept reaching out to sister for help. Didn’t understand responses. Like she was collecting info. Then she joined in.

      Unbelievable. Oh, and dated two people during the time. Both ASPD. I’m like DEAR GOD. What did I do?!

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  11. Ava

    i’ve been smeared by my mom and an old co-worker. Both happened years ago but the smearing and shunning continues to this day (from nearly everyone I know and seemingly hordes of people i’ve never met). I have never known what was said; I only know lies were spread. I’ve always been 100% faithful. My minor mistake (really just 1) was from 20 years ago. I was dumb to explain my minor past to people…I only did it to prove my goodness. I have tried explaining my innocence to a few individuals but it just makes it worse. I feel at some point I will suicide over this.

    I realize there is nothing I can do about this. No one will believe me and they will just focus on hurting me more. All I can do is love myself and keep trying to ignore the ruminating in my own mind and the hate from random people.

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  12. Kim Lundie

    I have been living this nightmare for 3 years now and I feel like I am going to lose my mind. It has been total hell, at times I feel like if I went back into the marriage all of this would stop. I have no love for my husband ( who should be my ex by now longest divorce process ever ). I feel sorry for my children, and want to do whatever I can to protect them.

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  13. Mike Blankenship

    I have been married to a narcissistic woman for 7 and a half years. It started great, but soon it turned into hell on earth. I had never seen anything like this. She ruined my reputation and has all but destroyed me financially and cost me my ministry of which I worked years to build! Now I am trying to get away from her, but she hangs on like a leech. Her father is the worst narcissist I have ever seen. The apple did not fall far from the tree. No one deserves to live this way or be treated with utter contempt! I have basically shut down and say very little to her. We are separating soon. If she won’t leave then I will! My heart goes out to any and all who have endured this type of person!

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    • Cynthia Mickle

      I posted on the smear campaign, was required to put in my name, and did and would like to have my real name removed, sign me simply as Cie…..that could be dangerous for me. Thank you

      Date: Fri, 3 Jun 2016 14:21:14 +0000 To: calysgal24@hotmail.com

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  14. Cynthia Mickle

    That could have been written by me. It’s true…..tho I am not married to IT, we own property and a business together. He has no bounds, tho the court DID squelch his stalking and intimidating behavior once I reported it…..and there is peace for now….but it won’t last. I am feeling more like me…and I am getting stronger but still not ready to go head to head…..Attorney? Pfffft, no one wants to get involved…..so as usual: I have ME to depend on. Scary, but Im getting up to it….In the meantime, I keep sightings on ignore and silently wish for Karma to fix him or he would just die and blow away with the wind….

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  15. lisakeepitreal

    You cannot fight a sociopath. They do not have the capacity to lose. They must win at all cost and they will bring you down to the lowest rung on the ladder. Lower than you ever thought you could go. And when you think it cannot get any worse, and when you think you cannot feel any more helpless than you do right now they bring you down another notch. And this continues day after day, month after month, year after year until you decide you have had enough. When you finally get the courage, you will try to fight for what is rightfully and legally yours. You might think the law is on your side if you live in a community property state like California but let me give you a piece of advice from a person who has been trying to divorce a sociopath for 2 years. Do not bother looking for justice, there is none. The law can be manipulated by a manipulator.

    The law actually rewards liars. My sociopath narcissist hides money obtained from his cash businesses and it is too expensive to find the money. My sociopath lies on his income and expense declaration and no one seems to care. My narcissist cheats the government on his taxes and the IRS does not care either. My narcissist has everyone duped into thinking he is such a great guy. None of these people sees him for who he really is. What a scam.

    My sociopath narcissist emotionally abuses my kids, yells intimidates them if they get less than an A’s in school, if they miss a basketball shot, etc…he cannot stand it if his kids are not perfect or lose a game (as he sees it as a reflection on him and the false perfect persona he tries so despartely to portray) and no one cares. I have asked the lawyers to intervene and help me but they do not.

    There is nothing I can do to stop this process. It has a life of its own. I cannot get my attorney to settle this, I cannot stop the forensic accounting and legal fees. It just keeps on going like the Energizer bunny. My sociopath needs some major karmic payback. But there is no such thing as karma with a sociopath. They have no conscience, never feel guilt, shame or empathy. I have never hated anyone as much as I hate him and it is wasted hate. He does not care I hate him. The only thing the hate does is to eat me up inside. Of all the emotions I have experienced in the last two years nothing has been beneficial other than positive. The fear did not help anything. The anger got me nowhere. The anxiety failed to produce any positive experience and the depression just sapped my energy and stopped me from accomplishing those things that needed my attention the most; my family and my business.

    From someone who has endured more emotional pain than she ever thought she could, the only thing left is to try to help someone else in similar shoes so they do not have to go through the same torturous experience I have gone through. So here it is my advice to you is if you have children, protect them at all cost. Then your goal should be to do whatever it takes to get the sociopath out of your life. Do not try to find justice. There will never be any. If you need to walk away, then walk away…strike that, run away. Do not fight him, it is not worth it. No amount of money in the world is worth this horrible emotional pain. The sociopath is abusing you then the lawyers are, the court system, the judge, the forensic accountants. You cannot win with a sociopath. You will never get him to feel remorse. You will never get him to say he is sorry. You will never get him to acknowledge his behavior. He will never see how cruel he is.

    It is impossible for you to not feed into your anger and your helplessness when you have children with a sociopath ex you live this ever-evolving, never ending nightmare 24/7 with no end game. Equally horrific is that your family and friends who love you, the only people you have in the world that you can turn to for love, support and loyalty….end up being the ones who unintentionally hurt you the most with their love and support.. because it is impossible for them to help you and that is inconceivable for them and you to accept.

    The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept that you are alone. It’s not going to be easy, it is going to take great strength, you’re going to have push yourself harder. Once you accept this gut, soul, heartwrenching fact…the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to start a new life, knowing you may never heal from the pain is your best weapon to help you redirect your negative energy into positive energy. Get things done. The only justice that exists is one day your children will see him for what he is and that is when he find himself all alone. The thing that he fears the most will come true. That is the day you will have your justice. You just won’t be around to see it because you will be off somewhere enjoying your life. I hope.

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  16. DealingWithCrazy

    My 17 year old son is dealing with this smear campaign against him at the moment – in high school. She is relentless and beyond cruel. Yesterday she put on little skits in drama class attempting to ruin his reputation. Shes spreading lies and rumors everywhere she can. Acting as if SHE is this victim. My daily fear is ..what is shes going to do today.

    He removed her from all social media and doesn’t speak to her but since they are in a very small High School and have 1 class together and volunteer at the same place its difficult.

    Hes emotionally exhausted and it’s very difficult for me as a parent to advise. The lies and the things shes made up about him are ridiculous.Of course High School thrives on drama whether its true or made up which makes this 1000 times worse.

    This website describes her perfectly as if it was written about her. Scary really.

    I saw the red flags early into their relationship but I thought he needed to learn at this lesson and I was sure he would break up with her. I was wrong and he didn’t because she played him like a Chess Piece.

    Every red line he set she crossed and the break up never happened.

    I really blame myself for not putting a stop to it when I saw it. Its very hard to imagine that a girl of 17 can be so messed up in her head. I would really just like it if she would leave him alone however I see here that this won’t happen unless she finds a new victim and even then its doubtful.

    I considered speaking to her mother. She seems very nice but how will a parent react when you tell her that you believe her daughter has gone off the deep end. I am thinking it will only make it worse. It would also give the ex the reaction she wants and more opportunity to act like a victim .

    The school is no help because you know..drama and High School go hand in hand and the Principle seems especially dense when it comes to bullying and harassment and again it would give her the attention she graves so she can play victim.

    The place they volunteer together know about the break up and ask them to be civil to one another but in this situation I don’t think its feasible. My son loves this volunteer opportunity. It was always his safe spot from all of life’s problems as a teenager and now that’s not safe anymore because she pushed herself into the group. He may have to give it up due to her due to the lies shes spreading, the drama she’s causing etc.

    I am at my wits end. Moms and Dads if you see something wrong in your child’s relationship put a stop to it. Don’t wait..Don’t think you are teaching any lesson. I was naive to think that a 17 year old could handle this and make the right decision when most adults can’t. Then again I wasn’t aware that a young girl could be that messed up – realizing now how stupid that thought was.

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  17. ellie

    I feel afraid for my safety right now not assed about smear campaigns or even the fact he has mentally destryed me and took my soul….i just know that Im so damn fed up with all this that i dont care anymore ….but i do know what hes done and i aware my refusaul to stay broken has probably instigated his anger hes a pro at this evilness and i doubt im the first …only want to stop myself from becoming this as its the most vile torture i have ever experienced and learnt of xx (( i have done so much research i fearr he is a very phycotic sociopath and every listed narcasist there is all in one ….hope if anything this is someones experience not id wish it upon my most enemy of course x

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    • Shawn

      I’m afraid as well. It’s great to be knowledgeable, but it’s also scary to know how evil these people are. My ex attends court this week for a domestic violence case against me. Yet, he is pursuing someone else. I reached out to her via social media and showed her screen shots of sexual comments he was sending me and her at the same time, and invited her to go to court with him. I’M SURE HE’S PISSED!!!!

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  18. Dale

    This is a great article, to prepare yourself to the onslaught of condemnation, you will surely get.
    l knew my ex would, & did exactly that.
    I knew what type of cold hearted evil person she was, & will be until the die she dies.
    I had no ideal of the term, what a narcissistic sociopath was. I had always thought to myself ; crazy bitch jumped time again.
    About the smear campaign… During our divorce, I shared with her, face to face, some good advice a close friend gave me at the time.
    WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME, IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS !
    I went to tell her, we both know the type of people we are. So go ahead and tell all the lies you want. & that
    some day, she will be as ugly on the outside, as
    She is on the inside.
    I want to thank everyone, that’s shared there experience, & hope on this site of rock solid advice.

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  19. MkM

    Hello,
    I am down to not knowing where to go, or who to talk to anymore as it seems no one truly understands what I’m going through and what has happened… So I am here to ask words of advice on what to do next during this very… Very difficult time… I feel as if I am going crazy, that maybe I am the one who has lost my conscience and heart, and I am trying to hold onto it desperately. I always thought my strengths were caring for people and always wanting to help… Now I am irritable and afraid of people and get angry for no reason… I am at the point of the smear campaign with him, and really am not sure how to handle this. It is hard knowing he has gone behind my back to people who used to be my “friends”, saying that he told them he “acted as if he had a mental illness to make me leave him alone”… I know I was always the one to go back and try to make it work.. But I know what I saw in him and what he said and did to me over the past year after much research and the episode that happened when I last saw him weeks ago….. Anyways I know the best thing to do is go no contact and I have not contacted him and my gut feelings tells me he will not contact me directly because he knows that I know… I’ve seen him with his Mask off…but part of me wants to report him… Why should I have to stay quiet? Although I have faith peace will come in time… I’m in a constant battle with myself everyday with what to do…. Especially because I have to go back to school in a couple of days where he is at… Sorry for such scattered thoughts.. But there’s just so much going on that I don’t know what to do…..

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    • Cie

      I know that feeling….horrible anxiety and being afraid to go out, trusting few, living a guarded existence. ….No contact is the only way. No one will truly understand unless they have been there….Had I not lived this, I wouldn’t believe me!
      Don’t worry about him, force yourself to think of something else when you start thinking about him. EXTREMELY difficult, but necessary! This site is SO helpful….I know my fears and self doubts are NORMAL, he is NOT normal, nor is he worth your time or consideration. Expect weak moments, but don’t cave in. When you do run into him, ignore. Your best and only revenge is to be happy…..good luck!

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      • MKM

        Thank you for your comment, it’s sad but comforting to know I’m not the only one… I will continue the no contact as well as reading this site and try my best to stay strong… thank you.

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  20. jeanettehardie

    I have realised recently I have been in a relationship with a sociopath. I could never understand how when I finally finished it due to his constant lying and sexual fantasies that he threatened me. He told me that he would ruin me if I discredited him and to keep away from him and he didn’t care about me.

    I went through a depression as things have been difficult in my life and I saw him through cancer treatment. It was only last week I found out he had been sending lots of women nude photos asking them for sex etc. One was my friends friend. He even sent photos with his stoma bag in the photo. I was sickened but it made me realise what a monster he was. I want revenge now but I feel as he is clever and clearly sociopathic that he will try and retaliate. I’m not sure how though.

    Your comments would be welcome as I feel bitter for being subject to a sham relationship and feel so stupid. I also worry if he has given me an STD.

    Jx

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  21. jeanettehardie

    Hi I ended a difficult relationship a few months ago which continued as my ex got diagnosed with cancer and I stuck by him. He was very loving and caring when he felt like being so and very flattering to me. He mainly did his own thing though and didn’t socialise much with me. He always lied about stupid things and I saw him flirting with other women on social networks. He had the all clear for the cancer but very negative about it. It turns out he was actually married whereas he claimed it was over. I finally had enough of his lies and sexual fantasies and had a meltdown with him. At first he was shocked and worried then when he realised I meant to end it he sent me vicious texts saying he would ruin me if I discredited him and get me back tenfold. He told me to keep away from him and he didn’t care about me. After that I had severe depression and he totally refused to explain why he threatened me. So no word since but I found out recently he has been sending nude photos of himself to many other women (my friends friend was one) he even had his stoma bag in the pictures. He was asking other women for sex too. I sent him what I had received but he just emailed me saying he would report me for ‘porn revenge’! I have realised he must be a sociopath who totally used me for years and is very narcissistic and has a big ego. I hate him with a vengeance so would it be so bad to inform his poor wife as I worry if he has any STD which would have put me or the wife etc at risk?

    I really don’t know what he would do apart from lie but he is clever and would probably not accept his marriage being ruined. I have gone through hell and he should be stopped. Please can I have your opinion as this type of character is totally new to me and I can’t just let him get away with it all.

    Many thanks
    Jx

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  22. jam26

    I have a friend that is dating a sociopath female. He is a good hearted individual that opened his home to another friend and her son. After 3 months the sociopath told him he could not continue to see her if his friend stayed in his home. She called him over to talk one night and the next he moved out of his house and left his friend his son and his disabled mother behind. He tells his friend he can’t spend time with his family because she is there. This is all due to the sociopath telling him he can’t have a normal relationship with her there. His mother his friend and even his own son has told him she is a liar and no good due to other instances. This last week my friend, his mother, his son, his friend, her child, and I all went out to celebrate. He stayed the evening in his own home and she could not stand the fact he was home without her there. She threw a fit, telling him he had to move out. He actually said he was finished with her attitude. The very next day he went to get his things and ended up staying. Two days later he called his friend and said the spath would give her money to move. She has terminal cancer, and the friend I know that had the biggest heart in the world is actually ok with it. This spath has never offered to help anyone even him until now. He claims “we” talking about himself and the spath, will be able to live a normal life together. Did I mention he has only been seeing her for 7 months. We have all tried to sit and talk to him, as she uses jealousy and manipulation to control him. He just does not see she is systematic in ruining his relationships with anyone close to him especially females. Today I had a chance to talk to him and he says no one gives her a chance. He then told me “we” think it’s for the best. We??? All of a sudden everything is in we format. Considering he spends all but 8 hrs a week with her and only a few hours with his own child and family, none of us want to give her a chance. Every person that is close to the situation has warned him, but it seems every day she plays the victim and every day all of us are concerned about his loss of individuality. I have done my best to keep distance from this woman, but she has recently taken aim at my friendship. He asked if I would meet her because she wants to be part of his life. I know this is bs because she only makes effort to include his family when it is a large gathering. Other than that it’s all about spending every second with him, and when she misses a few hours like the other night, there are multiple excuses for why she is contacting him and why she is upset. I told him I wanted to think about it as I would love to meet her to tell her exactly how I feel, but it seems the more personal info she has the more damage she does. I am wondering if there is ANY advice to get through to my friend and whether or not I should meet with this girl.

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  23. notme2014

    I have been no contact on and off for months…finally blocked him from all ways to contact me….that very day he called the police on me and said I was harassing him…within an hour of that call he contacted my mother in law about 8 times. My husband and I have been separated and decided to work on a reconciliation. Then the smear campaign began. He makes up full blown lies and texts my mil constantly with his bullshit. I know this is just a game to him…I feel if I defend myself…I look guilty…I don’t think anyone understands what he is. I can only pray that this will one day end, but I’m afraid it won’t till he totally destroys me.

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    • Tela

      NotMe, do NOT defend yourself against the false accusations, delusional bullshit lies etc. That is EXACTLY what the Sociopath wants you to do……that gives him more ‘ammunition’ and will keep the Smear Campaign in full force. You have got to block him. Period. You also need to have your family {MIL} block him as well. Cut the supply source off immediately! And yes, it will end one day…..when you take the control away from him and stop acknowledging ANYTHING he say’s to ANYONE!

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      • newanxiety

        Deep in this right now….and scared. New area for both of us enables him to create whatever persona he wants, and spew lies to destroy this adult household…..I fear its working, tho if any logic was applied, people should see through the bs….right?

        I have some wonderful friends who saw through him long before the final, violent end. But I can feel bias all around me….the bank, postman, a local store where I used to work at, and am too uncomfortable to enter as the owners are now his good friends…..

        How does one approach this? Currently ignoring, avoiding, and going about our business……Ive never experienced anxiety before this last 6 months…..

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      • Tela

        NewAnxiety, the best and only way to approach and deal with a Smear Campaign is not to engage with the Socioapth. Period!! No contact, no defending yourself against false allegations, straight up lies, the lengths they go to so that to destroy your credibility. You have got to stop any and all contact! No way around it.
        As far as ‘feeling’ bias all around you……that was the Sociopath destroying who you once were. You hold your head up HIGH as you did nothing to deserve what all those ‘biased’ people have zero clue what went on behind closed doors. Let the idiot sail around town with his Sociopath mask in place~ who cares?! By not playing into his smear campaign, by simply ignoring him {flying monkey’s, biased people} eventually, he will give up and move his target somewhere else. How long that will be? Who knows, but as long as you continue any sort of acknowledgement, contact {even via friends/family} and his name crosses your lips, the Smear Campaign will continue. You’ve heard the phrase “Silence is Golden” Put that into place.

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  24. Leaving A Narcissist

    They absolutely have. I know my ex is a sociopath (I thought he was just a narc but then he did some very scary and unbelievable things) but I felt helpless to figure out what to do or how to reframe things so I could see them for what they were. By following the steps others have taken it disarms him and prevents him from causing as much harm as he was.

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    • Tela

      LeavingANarcissist, The first and most important step, as you know is to put in place NO CONTACT. As long as you continue to have ANY kind of communication with your abuser, the abuse/harm will not stop. Read! Educate yourself on the way that a Narcissistic Sociopath thinks. I have several articles on this site that will help you!!! ❤

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      • Leaving A Narcissist

        Thank you … Today was another blow with his threats to her school to give him the dates and times I picked her from the after school program or had a sitter pick her up. He is going after me for putting them in after school 4 days more than I testified to. I thought it was 12 but it was 16. He’s trying to get the DA to file perjury charges. So surreal. I thought by giving up all claims to marital assets and money he would leave me alone. Instead, he is losing control of me so he’s coming back harder. I am just so depressed today and I know I need to leave it to the Lord so it makes me feel worse that I am worrying about it. Any sites you know of where you can send in the emails they write and they will help you respond. I feel like part of the battle is that I want to overly respond to his lunacy so I am not in contempt for not communicating for the best interest of my daughter but I give him too much rope to hang me with.

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  25. thebrunswickpapers

    I have been dealing with a female “Spath” for about 7 years now and things are worse than ever all these years later. It started as a friendship at church. She seemed so pious! My husband and I changed churches only to be smeared by her and her friends at our new church. She seems to know everyone! My Spath has smeared my name to every person she has heard me mention in conversation. Everyone! Why? One day when our husbands weren’t around she revealed to me that she lives a double life and a lot of other things she doesn’t want getting out into the open. She needed someone vulnerable to boast to that would be easy to destroy. Soon after, she started backstabbing me. Later she started an internet smear campaign against my husband. We have lost all of our friendships excepting a few she doesn’t know about. Her friends act just as malicious as she is. She is like a cult leader. Your idea of removing blogs is a good one. I done that with two blogs or at least removed everything from them. I have one blog that I want to remove, but it has been so useful to so many people. If I remove it, so many people will be disappointed. One thing I did do is to take the ‘followers” off my blog so that she cannot see who is following me. What is hilarious is that she has created fake Face Book profiles and tried to friend me and my unsuspecting friends. Really now! I relate to so much here on your blog especially about feeling confused. When she told me over and over how different people labeled her as a home wrecker and a trouble maker, I should have seen the red flags! Instead I felt compassion for her. But the life lesson is that I won’t be duped again!

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