…….like it’s a bad thing!
This is just one of a litany of colourful words a narcissist sociopath will use. Their vocabulary can be quite eloquent at times. However, when they are caught in a lie, feel like they are loosing control, or ready to be done with you, a whole other vocabulary comes out. Remember the hearts & flowers conversations at the beginning of the relationship? They were establishing a bank full of information only to be cashed out and used against you later.
So why do we keep going back? Why is it so difficult to walk away, or leave a narcissist and sociopath? They have an ability to prey on our emotions, our mental and spiritual stability, and our sense of self-worth. They can build you up, only to rip your heart to shreds. When they call you names, it is as if you need to defend the verbal warfare. When you are told you are ‘this, or that’, when your morals are attacked, when they talk about your friends & family & sometimes children in an attacking way, you once again want to defend them. This can make you feel like your crazy. You are not crazy!! When the smallest of things can set them into an intense anger, or when their own character is questioned ,this can send them into a narcissistic rage. All of this is so puzzling and can be extremely brutal. Living with a person who has a Personality Disorder (aptly named) is difficult, mentally consuming and emotionally exhausting.
One reason it is difficult to walk away is they use projection on us. Meaning, all the flaws within themselves that they don’t want to accept they project onto us. i.e. ‘I’m not a sociopath, you are’, ‘I’m not the one with low morals, you are’, ‘everyone can see you are the one who has issues’, and so on. After a while your mind has a hard time understanding what is actually projection and what is a true distorted image they have of you. When this happens we start to question ‘am I the crazy one’? Again, you are not. We stay to try and show them they are completely wrong about us. We also stay because the love you feel for them is real! You have the compassion and sympathy. You can see that they are truly struggling inside and you want to help them. You have seen the demons that live in them, and at times feel totally helpless as no human should endure so much emotional and mental chaos. But that is the chaos that they project back to you! Another reason you have difficulty letting go is you believe that your partner really is a good person underneath. They don’t just have mood swings, or bad days, this is who and what they are. So all your wishing for them to change, all your words of understanding and compassion to them are wasted. If there was a pill for these people to take, there would be more drug companies making zillions of dollars. But there is no magic pill. There are no words you can speak to them. Once you understand, truly understand, you cannot ‘fix’ them, will you then be able to walk away. Painful yes! Because you keep thinking ‘if only’…… The sociopath can also make you feel an exorbitant amount of guilt for leaving them. Again, this is the projection they use on you. Why take on that guilt when all they have done is methodically destroy your life as you knew it prior to them? At what point will you put up your hands, shield your heart and take no more from them? How many times do you need to be called a bitch, like it’s a bad thing?
Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.