A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Hell And Back …..


You held on a long as you possibly could to the dysfunctional relationship with the Sociopath. You are at day 1 or month 18 of no contact and you find yourself missing them. How can you miss someone who was so awful, treated you so terrible?

You vacillate between anger, missing them, then maybe to lonely, back to anger and so on. You had blind faith that things would work out, and ultimately you know/knew they never would. That is very difficult to accept, especially when they made you feel so good, treated you like you had never been treated, said the most amazing things and with all this you planned for a perfect future. Each and every time you have contact with the Sociopath they take you back to their Hell again.

There are no words to make you accept who & what you were involved with. Yes, I said make you accept. The mind has a way of not wanting to accept reality of situations in an effort to protect us from ultimate pain, sorrow, & sadness. The manipulation done to you was silently at first. Red flags~ignored, underhanded comments~brushed off, times of disappearing~ swallowed their lies, lack of emotions~ maybe they couldn’t relate to a particular situation….all of these and more were done in the systemic breakdown of your core.

Each and every single time you have contact with the Sociopath you are placing yourself back in their hell. Their hell is the inability to: truly love~unconditionally, to accept criticism, bond with their children in a loving nurturing way, provide mental & emotional support for you, have a stable career, posses their own self-esteem, create meaningful friendships……all of these the Sociopath lacks in one form or another. Maybe one has a stable career, but lacks in the emotional & loving connection. Or maybe one is so controlling saying one wrong word sets them into a tailspin of crazy train . Whatever the case is with you, make the steps to get out of hell so you don’t go back again.

“What is next to ecstasy?
What is next to pain?
What is next to nothingness?
umera ahmed





13 Responses to “Hell And Back …..”

  1. Debbie

    I am worried to death about my friend. She is trying to get out but he just keeps on working her. Is he dangerous?


    • Tela

      Debbie, I have absolutely no idea. 3 sentences cannot begin to describe if someone is ‘dangerous’.


  2. paul

    I still feel so fucking responsible, as soon as i think of all the things my ex wife did, right up to learning this week that she’s moved back in with her ex husband (purely platonically of course!!!) that she was dating him even while we were still working on saving our marriage, the lies, the non stop discarding, the refusal to accept responsibility or take accountability, the lack of ANY remorse or guilt…
    But then i think of all the things that i did wrong, the fights we had where i called her names that you should never call anyone really, or the times i was spiteful or tired and snappy, was i too controlling, did i make her unhappy, could i have been more understanding to her insecurities and jealousies even though she refused point blank to ever believe a single word i ever said from the day we met until now.
    Ironically, in a fit of abject pain and hurt at finding out about where she’s living i told her the i had cheated on her when we first met, (not true, i just wanted her to feel some of the pain I’m feeling) she believes that alright though!!! And is making sure to use that one against me. Im desperate for the fantasy, the illusion to still be real, she still says i’ve no idea how in love with me she is, and that she’s heartbroken that we can’t be together, that she cries and sobs over me in public. And then i see pictures going back 6 months on Facebook of him and her out drinking or out for dinner together for everyone to see. The man who, when we met she told me was a drunk, a gambler, she had wanted away from him for 10 years, but suddenly he’s a better option than a man she says she’s still in love with. Is that possible??? in any realm of reality???? And STILL i don’t know, i can’t fully commit to the idea that she really is a sociopath and i go right back to blaming myself for everything, which is convenient for her really because she blames me for everything too!


  3. iAMfree

    Saturday mornings used to be warm breakfasts with the ex.
    It’s been 3 weeks since I last saw him, a backslide 3 weeks after the break up.
    I feel at peace with myself, yet empty from what it used to be. My mind can think clearly now, as I have been moving on with new life plans–moving back to the US, starting Master’s program. Somehow, I miss the Sociopath, leading myself to go back to this special website.

    He paid for the car repair last Thursday, and was apologizing for a number of things. For the suffering he’s caused yada,yada.
    I didn’t reply.
    But something inside me, I’m presuming the toxic parts that are left within me, wants to reach out. He paid me back, maybe he’s not a sociopath after all.

    Now I realized that there’re withdrawal symptoms. Trying to find a “fix” from the fake love that I used to experience.


    Do not go back to his HELL.


    • Tela

      Thank you IamFree for your comment. Yes, it is part of the withdrawal, and your mind begins to question, if in fact the Ex is a Sociopath. Just look at the whole picture of your relationship, not just the few kind things he did.
      It is so very difficult leaving the extremely toxic relationship, then to finding yourself again. Make those goals. But make goals that you know you will reach, otherwise, you will be back to square one.
      Also know, you are not alone!!!!!! Reach out!


  4. AlohaLover

    Mid March 2014: Liar, Liar Pants On Fire, Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater. I caught him cheating and in a few lies. I called the bitch, she didn’t answer, we both started to blow up his phone. I confronted him and backed him into a corner. Sociopaths do not like to be found out…gig is up MF. We tried to go to therapy but he charmed the shrink. I wanted to see a male shrink.
    I now believe he had been cheating from day one…May 2012. I saw red flags but I chose to ignore them, I found A LOT of porn on his phone, I found his profile on AFF, I would wake up in the middle of the night and see him checking his phone for e-mails from hookers and whores, I found more of his profiles on so many porn sites. He denied everything. BUT….I begged, pleaded, sobbed to try it again….and we did and he kept the lies going and I kept digging for answers. I became the best f-ing detective….The C.I.A. needs me. One thing is certain, he was / is stupid and I am very, very, smart.
    To this day he denies most everything…..they usually do and turn that finger to you and make you think you are wrong. And for a instant you second guess yourself. More lies…more of me backing him into a corner. He does not want his 2 lives to meet. They will one day and I will open a bottle of champagne and celebrate.

    April 22, 2014, 7:30pm…..this is a date I will never forget and while I would like to forget it, it has made me the person I am today. But it wasn’t easy…it was the hardest journey I have ever taken and in the beginning I took this journey alone because I didn’t understand what had happened or WHY and my friends and family didn’t understand it either. To many of them, it was just another break up and I was told by many to ” Get over it” ” Move on” and so on. It was my friend Amy that brought to light what I was up against. I remember sitting at the table in my house with another friend Kim, not believing what I was hearing. She suggested I Google NARCISSITIC SOCIOPATH which I did as soon as they left. I was reading my life with my EX. I love to say EX…EX…EX…EX….he has other names as well….MF is quite popular.
    April 22nd was a normal day, texts back and forth. I love you’s. Can’t wait until I’m home. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing. However, the moment he walked in the door my world exploded. The first words out of his mouth ” I’m leaving…I’m done….I can’t do this anymore “. I was stunned and when I got myself together, he had gathered a few things and he left. HE LEFT WITHOUT A THOUGHT FOR ME, OUR YEARS TOGETHER, THE NEW HOUSE WE WERE GOING TO FIND, THE OLD ONE WE WERE PUTTING ON THE MARKET IN 2 WEEKS SO WE COULD LIVE THE FAIRY TALE. I had just entered Fairy Tale Hell and I was scared….in shock…..numb….and any other adjective you’d like to toss in.
    I remember I called in sick to work and no one there could believe it either…we were the ‘ IT ‘ couple. People wanted to be us because we ( or I ) were so in love and happy. Everyone wanted to know why. I wanted to know why but I couldn’t get in touch with him. So my journey to Hell really began…..the quest for WHY. The funny thing is, the more I read, the more I saw, I will NEVER know why. ‘Why’ was not MY ISSUE….it’s all his. I thought there must be something I DID and of course when I did finally did talk to him the reasons were….insane and completely my fault. Some of them were he didn’t feel appreciated, he didn’t feel needed, he didn’t feel there was enough sex ( laughable ), I didn’t dress a certain way HE LIKED, it was all about HIM. Never once did he voice any of this crock of shit . Never once did he ask if I was Ok…if I needed help packing an entire house….it was all about HIM.
    He moved into a $3,000 a month loft in LA…a fuck pad, I like to call it to his face because I know it pisses him off.
    I completely withdrew into my own personal trip to Hell. I cried non-stop, I stopped eating, I lost 25 pounds, I again begged, cried, I did not want to get up ever again. My 3 dogs saved me when they would look at me wanting to eat. I pleaded to try it again…even though I KNEW nothing would change. We tried 3 more times and each time was WORSE than the first. One day, Memorial weekend 2014, we woke up and I was spinning , the room was not standing still and I got scared. I asked him to please take me to the ER. His answer….I have a BBQ. WTF…..
    He went to the BBQ and I drove myself to the ER. I was there for 5 hours, getting fluids put back into my system. When I start to feel down, I think of that day and I snap out of it. It’s all about them.

    When I found this site I won the lottery of life. ‘ T ‘ is a true Angel. she listened to my story, gave me advice. Back then, I would relapse, you will too but you will come back to the site and understand it’s NOT you and they will never give up the fix….the addiction…..NEVER.
    In the beginning I was always on this site because I needed answers to questions that had no answers. The red flags began to have answers, pieces of my puzzle started to make sense. My heart was still in pieces and I was still broken. They want to break you and they do a good job. He did a great job on his ex wife. He would say “oh she’ll never go out again” and I always thought that was an odd statement but he broke her too but she picked her self up and is now in a great relationship.
    For me it took a year for me to get to a point that I wouldn’t cry, wouldn’t break down and I felt things were looking up.

    Today April 22nd, 2015 is my 1 year anniversary and I am so thankful for so many things. ‘ ‘T ‘ is still my Angel. I have gotten over a HUGE hurdle, I am thinking about dating again but this time I’ll know what to look for.
    I still miss him…I guess I miss the the fake him, his charm, his fake love, his fake gifts, to keep me from really knowing who and what he is, but when I go there, I look at a picture of a person he fucked ( I think it was a guy ) and I see the person he REALLY is and I smile because he is out of my life and he will never ever be cured….no pills, no therapy, nothing will ever make him normal and that is my solace.
    It took me a solid year and it may take you longer or maybe a shorter time but it’s YOUR time. Don’t let anyone rush you. Always remember you are never alone, there are so many people out there like us. The modern world has made it very easy for men / women to lie, cheat, betray others.
    I danced with the Devil but I got away….you get away too.
    I am dancing that he is still in bed with the Devil. I just feel sorry for the innocent ones….not the one he is with now, she is just as bad. A very sick relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Happy Anniversary! I know the road of healing/recovery this past year has been filled with pot-holes, mountains, twist & turns. You have had to re-learn all the good that the Sociopath stripped you of. You have had to re-learn how to trust. Basically, it’s starting life over battered, beaten, bruised and lost. When your friend Kim suggested for you to google Narcissistic Sociopath, yes! That is when your world completely collapsed. The most important thing to always remember is: it was never you! Nothing you could have said, didn’t say, do or didn’t do would have changed the outcome, or his hideous disgusting lifestyle. NOTHING. I’m so so so very proud of you! And Thank you for sharing with other’s and giving them hope to know that, yes, they danced or are dancing with the devil, but they can get away!! ❤ ❤


      • AlohaLover

        Thank you!
        It’s been a wild ride and even today….right this minute, I struggle with it. I ask myself “maybe he’s not” and then I look at his face and those he has hurt and what he has been with and I know he IS. And even if he’s not….I want a MAN that will come to me and say ‘ hey, this is not working out’.
        I just want to watch his world crumble one day and looking at him, HE is starting to crumble.

        Thank you for everything and showing me it wasn’t ME.


      • Tela

        AlohaLover~ the ‘maybe he’s not’ is so very normal to think that. Your head & heart just cannot truly comprehend how a walking/talking/breathing individual could hide his true self from a woman who gave EVERYTHING to him! And it’s no longer even about who he is with right now…..it’s the pattern of his lifestyle, the people & relationships he has destroyed. The common denominator? HIM!!! You, my dear, were just one in a long line of women/people he has & will destroy. Just know, he broke you, but he didn’t steal your ability to love again, he didn’t steal your soul! And that is something to be thankful for! ❤ lots of love to you.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Fletcher

      Your story could be my own. I am just now going through a divorce from my socio-pathic husband of 35 yrs. I cry every day, sometimes all day. He cheated on me with his current victim for a year & a half telling me all along that he was breaking it off with her when actually he was just waiting for her divorce to be final. I have lost 40 pounds. I ask God every day to let me die. I go through the whys with him everytime we talk. He wants me to think I am to blame. He tells people I am mentally ill. He has broken me. I feel like my life is over although I was in a controlling & manipulative life. I lived my life through him. He was emotionally unavailable. He charmed all my friends .& they still think he is Mr. Wonderful. Why do I want him back? Why do I feel so hopeless? Why do I miss him? He is still trying to manipulate me & intimidate me to get what he wants. Will I ever get out of this HELL?

      Liked by 1 person

      • AlohaLover

        I so understand….I truly do. I was you from April 22, 2014 until October 2014. The only thing that kept me going were my 3 dogs. I didn’t want to get up in the morning. I have friends that would check on me to see that I DID get up.

        There is a point that you cross when your pain takes another turn and you get angry, and you want to fight back from the hell you are in because you want to win. You will do anything it takes to win. You have to be stronger than the Devil and your ex is the Devil…..don’t let him win. FIGHT for YOU.

        First….stop talking to him. I know….people told me the same and you do get to a point when you will stop. Baby steps…..
        He will try to tell you the sun won’t come up tomorrow and when it does he will turn the story to make you look crazy….let him. Laugh at him….he’s the crazy one. Don’t let him take you.

        I would love to hear what Mr. Thompson has said about me. We all lived our lives through them. It was an illusion. Smoke and Mirrors. Very charming and very dangerous.
        Charm and Harm.

        You want him back because that is what you knew. You felt safe. He fed you the Kool Aid and you drank it over and over again. Why do you want someone who wants to poison you? KILL YOU? He only cares about himself. Do you think he is being faithful to this new one….HA! Not a chance in hell.

        The period you are in IS HELL. I never thought I would get through it.But I did thanks to Tela and all the others on this site who have been right where you are. We have all been there.

        Read everything on this site…..and read it again. And when you feel down read it again.

        I promise you WILL MAKE IT THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE. Stay strong.
        Keep writing to all of us…..


      • Tela

        Linda~ First off, YES! you will get out of this HELL. I PROMISE you. It is going to take a long, long time! The first thing you must, absolutely MUST DO IS NOT CONTACT! PERIOD. If, for some reason you have to talk to him, do NOT bring up the ‘why’s’. All you will get is more convoluted bullshit Pathological Lies coming out of his mouth, which equals more emotional HELL for you. God is not going to let you die, He is not ready for you. Your Ex will tell any & everyone who will listen about how ‘mentally ill’ etc you are. That is called HEAD FUCKERY. The reason a Sociopath does this, is to make sure and discredit the other partner so as they come out of the relationship looking like an angel. You see Linda, he cannot expose himself! He cannot scream to the world “Look at me I am a Narcissistic Sociopath”, I fucked up my ex-wives world! Cheated on her, mentally abused her. So instead, he discredits you.
        You feel hopeless right now because you do not know which way is up or down. You miss ‘him’ because the ‘him’ is all you know~ which was an
        ADDICTION created by him over the course of 35 years. While you were in the marriage solely committed, loving, compassionate etc. He was playing a ‘part’. Please read, read, read! Educate yourself on what is happening and why.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. lifegoeson14

    That is so true I’ve definitely been to he’ll and back and most creepily he said before his freind told him I did love him and I would follow him to hhll and back that was of course before the smear campaign took place 🙂



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