A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Brick Wall

When I was going to school to obtain my Master’s in Psychology, I learned 2 very important things. Our minds are either our greatest healer  or our worst enemy.  Yes, years of learning about all aspects of Psychology, years of learning about Personality Disorders and causes. Years & years! So, you would think a highly educated, successful woman would be fully aware of Sociopaths {red flags} etc. And I was, yet I still became involved with a horrific Narcissistic Sociopath. But aren’t they all horrific? Yes.

Once you leave, or the Sociopath leaves you, you have that ‘Ahhhhhh’ moment of peace, control, safe etc. And then in an instant you wake up and hit a brick wall!

Concrete_wall

That ‘ahhhh’ moment of peace now has turned into: what happened? What did I do wrong? I miss them terribly, do they think of me. How could they just move on so quickly? Why can’t I let go? Do they even understand how much pain I’m in? Why cannot I get through one day without obsessive thoughts of them? Why do I want REVENGEWhy did this happen to me. And on and on.

The reason it is so terribly difficult letting go of a relationship with a Sociopath is because the Charm in the beginning was so over the top. The fabulous words said, the fun & exciting times, oh those special memories made. You would lie in bed at night & think ‘where has this person been? How did I get so unlucky lucky to find them?”…This charm phase turns into Love Bombing    or ‘Honeymoon phase’. You have never met someone you have been more compatible with. The sex is incredible, often, and you feel so deeply loved! You find yourself unable to stop the fast moving relationship. Everything to you couldn’t be more perfect. You & the Sociopath are talking about plans for the future, or maybe moved in together quickly. And all you can think about is how lucky you are to have met such a evil  perfect person.

Now that the Sociopath is out of your life, this is where your mind becomes either your greatest healer or your worst enemy! Once you realize & accept that from day ONE the Sociopath was already planning the ending !  Click on that link ‘ending’ in blue & you will see what I’m talking about. So now you have hit this brick wall. You can’t go over it, but you can & have to go around it. As you start your journey forward in healing, there will be cracks in the wall where you can slip a note through ie: email/text message to the Sociopath. But if you do that, be prepared for complete rejection & blame shifting This is where your mind is now your greatest enemy, reaching out to the ex! It is up to you, and you alone to pick which path your going to take. Either keep running into the brick wall, or change directions to healing. And as I have said countless times NO CONTACT  has to be in place and stuck to. Or you will continue hitting the brick wall.

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”      marcus aurelius

©SociopathLife.com

3 Responses to “Brick Wall”

  1. Me, Free!

    I’d like to share a metaphor that I came up with as the best way to describe my feelings of being trapped in a marriage with one of these nut-jobs. Our marriage was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. We have 2 young girls, and for 2 1/2 of those 5 long years I was home with them, so had no income of my own. I changed that of course, and now all that is history (with a nasty divorce on its way) but nothing describes what trying to leave was like better than this:

    I was living in a tunnel, darkness all around. But if I stared straight ahead, there WAS light at the end and that was all I could see. “If only,” I would think, “I just keep moving. I’ll reach the end of that tunnel and I’ll be able to live in the light again.” So I trudged through that dark tunnel, day after day. But the light never got any closer. Then I realized, I WAS at the end of the tunnel! The hole at the end of this tunnel is just so freaking TINY that it looks far away! That’s when I stopped waiting for my escape-hole to get big enough to walk out of, and resigned myself to the fact that the only way out was though a freaking tiny hole and I’d better start squeezing out!

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  2. Ruby

    I don’t understand this either. Eighteen years with this person. Eighteen years of lies and manipulation and twisting of the truth and making me doubt my ears, and eyes and my very sanity. How many times did I ask myself if I was going crazy. How many times did he tell me I was “making up shit’ in my head. Even the last time we spoke, he sat there and lied and twisted the truth. Why am I so devastated? I don’t ever want to be subjected to this person again. I am shell-shocked at the extent of the damage he did. Then why do I hurt the “loss” so much? I waver between extreme grief and extreme anger. And why do I feel guilty because right now in this present moment all I can wish him is hell on earth, pain and misfortune, failure and loss. I’m not the ugly person he made me feel like, but why am I feeling such ugly thoughts towards him? I want to stop hurting. I want to feel strong again. I have no one to talk to. No one understands. Everyone likes him. Maybe I am the crazy one. I just know I hurt and shell-shocked and I just want it to stop.

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