A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Breaking The Bond

………one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

How many times have you sat there thinking ‘if only’, ‘why did they, and ‘how can I’? Focusing on these questions, and several more gets you nowhere. How do you get to the point to where you can once and for all let go of all the deep feelings of love, wanting and needing? How do you replace the constant thoughts about your ex?

The first and most important step is to recognize & accept, you are/were not involved with a person who is emotionally connected to LIFE as you know it. They are constantly on the outside looking in, without being able to connect with a conscience. With you accepting that your Sociopath will never, ever understand what their words and behaviour has done, is completely unacceptable.  No matter how much love, compassion, understanding , empathy, you have for them, you cannot ‘fix’ them. You cannot make them feel love on the same level as you. You will not make them accept accountability. When they open their mouths, be assured more lies and deceit will come rolling out.

Why do they not recognize what they are doing is so damaging, causing life long deep seated scars? Equate it to this, just as much as you know their words and behaviour is wrong, is as much as they believe it to be right.  You have had countless hours upon hours of conversation with them, trying to get them to understand what they are doing is hurtful! More hours of conversations wanting answers. Only to be given more convoluted bullshit which sucks you right back into crazy. You open your heart to them, given them the benefit of the doubt, hanging onto every words as if they have finally seen the light and now will be honest. Don’t fool yourself. A narcissistic sociopath has no idea how honesty works. Remember, they are in a perpetual state of moving forward, conning the next victim at the same time cutting them down so they are superior.

The only way to stop your perpetual state of going nowhere, is to accept what they are, a person with an anti-social personality disorder. This is an illness, one you cannot ‘heal’, ‘fix’ or ‘repair’. Most all Narcissist and Sociopaths will deny anything is wrong with them, it is/was of course always your fault. It takes a huge amount of self perseverance, mental and emotional strength to walk away from them. Ask yourself, by staying with this person, what are you gaining? How is this person helping you to grow? Or are they continually sucking the life out of you?

As hard as it may be to understand right now today, you will be able to see them for who they are, and walk away. Take the knife out of your heart they put there, stop the bleeding, and cut the string to them.

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”


8 Responses to “Breaking The Bond”

  1. Michellejw

    My divorce was final in May. We were married 19 years…and for 90% of that time I knew I needed to get out. I remember in the beginning how I would cal him on his crap and how that would turn out. Slowly and surely he was trying to convince me I was crazy. Thankfully I have a full-time job and no one there EVER said I did or did not do anything of the things he said.

    It ripped my heart out to finally divorce him because I see the pitiful side as well…but I know he will just suck me back in, like he always does. 5 affairs I know of, abuse of all kinds…but yet he was charming and somehow always managed to suck me back in.

    It’s embarrassing! I am educated, I have a career, not just a job, and yet I still feel for his crap over and over again. There are so many things I did to try and make him happy, but of course none of it worked. Some I am so ashamed of it scares me to get into another relationship because if it leads anywhere serious I feel like they should know…but…I wish I could just pretend none of it happened.

    Your writing is so helpful. Great reminders for me in those weak moments (when he is charming) and I think maybe I made a mistake. Then I wake up! Thankfully. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Thank you Michelle for your comment and sharing. I hope that you have been able to continue to move forward, keep the no contact in place. And when you have those ‘weak moments’ slap yourself back into reality! You KNOW you didn’t make a mistake! Peace & Healing to you! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • v

      Stop seeing him and communicating with him if you have children together drop them off at a friends house he can pick them up there I will see him again


  2. tia

    I am still trying to break the bond. It doesn’t come easy, even though I do understand all the points. I also have a deep and burning desire to expose him. First of all because there is child support involved, and secondly, because he borrowed money from me and that’s how I lost my house.
    I have all the documents and emails to bring up. He is also involved in the religious community, so this exposure will really show his True colors. My question or rather hesitation comes from the idea that it may hurt me and my son as well, even though we didn’t do anything wrong, except believing his lies. But I just want everyone to know who he is and protect other people from being hurt. Thanks


    • Tela

      Tia, if you have lost your home due to the Sociopath borrowing money, and documents that show he would pay you back, then take him to court! Get an attorney and sue him for what is owed to you. Wanting to expose him to the community because you lost your home is revenge. And I simply don’t believe in that, nor would I suggest doing it. Because in the long run, he is much much smarter at manipulation that you. And as is obvious, you say it may hurt you or your son as well. If need be, talk to your religious person ie: priest/clergy etc. Let them know what has happened. And secondly, if he owes child support to you {or someone else}, then by all means, contact the proper authorities and let them know where he works etc. That is not revenge, that is a legal and moral obligation.


    • Michellejw

      I agree about the revenge aspect. I have thought the same thing many times, but they will find a way to turn it around. Take the high road and remain true to you.



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