A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths


“Anger is just anger. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It’s like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice.”

A Narcissistic Sociopath can and will instill anger in you, that surfaces frequently. This anger will surface during and after the relationship. Why is this? Let’s start with the beginning……

You met your soul mate…your forever one. Nothing but happiness, joy and contentment. You think ‘wow, I finally met my perfect mate’. Then slowly, almost silently, things start to change. A word or words are said that make you angry, which then makes you get angry with yourself for over reacting to their words. This cycle continues and the anger becomes more frequent. Now instead of just words they are saying, their actions are making you angry.

You are now in a perpetual state of ‘why can’t i say anything right’, ‘why do they keep doing those things’, ‘why are they constantly attacking me, my friends & family’, ‘why do they keep lying when I know the truth’. Ultimately the Sociopath is emotionally destroying you and this anger is just one cause. Do they do this maliciously? Not necessarily. The words and actions done by the Sociopath are because they have very little true feelings for other’s. They are also deeply angry and resentful underneath their charming exterior, and with this, they feel entitled to say and do things to cause the anger in you.

After the relationship you find your anger is directed not only at the things your Sociopath said and did to you while in the relationship but also the time you spent giving of yourself, making concessions over and over for them. You may find your getting angry because you haven’t heard from them. Or you are angry because they will not return a text/call or email. Or they do send you a text/email and it is more lies words cutting you down.  You may be angry because you know they have moved-on to someone else {rest assured they will also destroy their next victim}, and you can’t understand how they so easily walked away. Or maybe your Sociopath has had a ‘change of heart’ and wants to try again {this is a dangerous pattern to get into}, and your angry with yourself because your heart and head are on 2 different pages. Your angry because now you are having to fight for custody and/or visitation and wading through piles of lies and character assignation.

Anger causes resentment, which could in turn cause hate. Yes, you hate what has happened. And that is totally understandable. Now you have to work on letting go of the anger…..it will not ‘fix’ anything, it will not ‘un-do’ the past, and it will slowly eat away at your core.

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.”    thích nhât hanh


17 Responses to “Anger”

  1. Henry

    I’m glad to have stumbled on this site. What are the probabilities of having one parent, let alone two that are/were sociopaths? No one really knows how many sociopaths are in our society, but one is to many and two are overwhelming at the same time to one persons life. My dad passed away three and a half years ago and thank god he wasn’t a homicidal maniac (good thing – lol), because he destroyed his family on an emotional level. He was a charming bread winner along with being a very narcissistic, malicious, manipulative, ice cold, unethical and habitual liar among some negative characteristics. He used his money to buy people favors, including his children. Money was an additional weapon and he used that for a form of apology. My mom became an extention of him by being totally snowed under with his manipulation. She has copied his ugliness with her own exponential twist. The major difference is she never held a job, which has made her low self esteem more pronounced. They ended up isolating/mitigating me out of the family, which is so sad.

    I did give up on being productive for a long while having feelings of apathy and disinterest in myself.

    My parents sent a constant message of inadequacy to me to obscure their own issues, that’s what sociopath’s do. I recognized from an early age that these flawed individuals had issues, however it has taken me several decades to carve my own path away from them, as well as the people who listen to them. So freaking incidious.

    I can talk to my current counselor about the issues with these sociopath’s, as he comes from a somewhat similar situation. However it’s destroyed many of my relationships along the way by talking openly about these topics. I really can’t talk to my wife about it much as she comes from such a different background and is truly unable to relate to my experiences.

    I’ve wasted time and money on therapist’s value judgements telling me how important it is to have a relationship with my parents. I listened to this advise for many frustrating years as it does make sense normally, but at what cost to my psyche and specific issues? My mother has touched me inappropriately; I reported this to therapists and they still recommended I continue a relationship with her???? What does this say about the mental health field in general? Perhaps they’re only interested in their checkbook? Certainly not advising me for my best interest is my analysis.

    I follow the three D’s – de escalate, disengage and distance (no contact) with these sociopaths. However the anger I feel continues to pop up from time to time. I need to keep reminding myself that these biological connections aren’t and never were important to me. Just the opposite. I spent to much energy trying to connect with them.

    My saving grace was a woman who was a combination surrogate mother and maid. Not that I ever had heart to heart talks with her, simply that she instilled a can do attitude in me. Without her I’d probably be institutionalized or six feet under now.

    I’ve three sisters who have a deep seated hatred toward the men in their lives. They’ve either figuratively destroyed or emasculated all the men in their lives. I feel so sorry for them and understand how they’ve become this way; as they’ve learned this behavior from birth. However their habits are intolerable for me to have any relationship with them.

    In addition my biological family has vilified me for standing up for myself, as they justify their hatred and general rude behavior as being acceptable.

    Thus my anger is still prevalent at times. Intellectually I know it’s their anger that I’m talking about. I forgive my parents and sisters for their mental health issues, but have no interest whatsoever to return to their bullshit, again which they take no responsibility for.


      • Henry

        It is difficult, as they keep acting like they care (?), but I know without a doubt they don’t. Thanks.


      • Tela

        You are correct Henry, they truly do not care about you, your feelings or the utter destruction caused.


      • Henry

        “You are correct Henry, they truly do not care about you, your feelings or the utter destruction caused.”

        It’s hard to comprehend my flesh and blood that “eat their young” behavior/philosophy, but they do. It’s taken up to much mind space, energy and destructiveness.

        Your understanding and support is very much appreciated!


  2. Nita Mayfield

    I’m glad I found this website. I was just delivered via email a no contact order from my ex. He blocked all other mediums from me but evidently did not block my emails? I had no way of knowing he was reading them as I had received no responses not that I ever thought that I would. I pretty much figured out that he was a sociopath and I ended the relationship but in doing so I hurt myself more than him.
    No matter what you do they will not own up to any wrongdoing. They do not nor did they ever really have true feelings for you and that in and of itself is the hard pill to swallow.
    i am an intelligent professional that has allowed myself to be enveloped in so much anger that it consumes me. I wrote emails and sent them but again I had no way of knowing he was reading them.
    He mentally and physically abused me for 3 1/2 years. Always sneaking around, conspiring with co workers to make my home life with him almost unbearable an the silent treatment was all I ever got. He planned car loans and 401K loans with co workers and I was the last one to know about any of it. I was his live in partner but he spoke nothing to me about finances he shared all that with 2 girl co workers who seem to be involved in every relationship of his?
    I’d like to know how you can get a no contact order when in reality I have had no contact? I am 1200 miles away from him. Again he has the option to block my email just as he did text and phone so how can he get a do not contact if he chose not to block the emails but he did everything else?


    • Tela

      Nita, thank you for your comment. Why are you still emailing the Ex? And why do you think your hurt yourself more than him by ending the relationship? Can you please be more specific? He can get a No Contact order simply by you sending emails, that can be considered harassment, therefore he filed the paperwork through the court to have that put in place. And depending on what email server he uses, not all email accounts have the ability to block someone.


  3. Adam

    Yes I am so damn angry. This is what I want to do… Go see her and make her sit in coffee shop and tell her all the lies that she told me when we were together but I was too damn chicken to confront it at that time. I feel like I have to tell her my side of the story and tell her that all along I knew she lied to me, played me but I was in state of denial. This is the only anger I have. I feel, if I do not tell her this, I will always think she thinks she is the winner, I do not want to give her that feeling. I want her to know that I knew everything all along. I really need to take this weight off my chest and then I can easily move on. Any suggestion, please?


    • Tela

      Adam, I truly understand the anger you have!! Do you still have contact with her? If not, when was the last time you did? As far as confronting her about all the lies/deceit etc. I never suggest doing that, because the end result will be this: 1. she will either deny or turn it around so YOU are to blame 2. she will turn the conversation away from what you are trying to get off your chest 3. she will have a laundry list of justifications {in her delusional mind} to all the lies you point out. So if you think you need to tell her you knew all along what she was doing, you knew what a Pathological lying Female Sociopath she is, be prepared for not getting the outcome you want. Meaning, even if she gives you some bullshit believable lies, you will leave the conversation even more confused.


      • Adam

        I do not have contact with her, except seeing her online in my Whatsapp from time to time. Aww, I just want to unload the chest full of her lies to her face, I really do. The last time I saw her was June 30 cause I went away and the last time we spoke was July 4. How about, I put everything in an email and shoot it her way. Trust me, I need to unload this mountain of lie.. WHY? cause she always put me down, called me a lair and awww I remember those over 100+ calls without she even answering them 😦 and all those text where I poured my heart and all she did ignored it or just responf with a 🙂


      • Tela

        Okay, first off, why do you still have her on your Whatsapp? Or Snapchat or FB or any social media???? This is called indirect contact. You still want to see what she is doing, you still need that ‘fix’. Block her now! Or your keeping yourself in this nowhere cycle. I’m sorry Adam, I cannot sugar coat, I cannot tell you “it’s okay to keep her on Whatsapp etc” that is doing you a serious injustice. No contact is just that, ZERO, none, nada, zilch. Even social media apps.
        I think composing an email without holding anything back, saving it to drafts, then waiting a day, go back and re-read it and ask yourself “how will she interpret my words?” I can answer that for you, she will blame shift, justify how wrong you are about everything you said, then hit DELETE
        And yes, the over 100+ calls she never answered were because why? She did not and does not give a shit about you or your feelings. She, in her convoluted fucked up head truly believes she did nothing wrong to you.
        Send me an email so we can discuss this further: TaelaHill@mail.com


    • denise

      Adam, I can only speak from my own experience, but I doubt you ll get a decent response from her. They seriously don’t care about the devastation and misery they leave in their wake. And you will be right back where you started. It seriously sticks in my throat that I cannot get answers from my ex for his outrageous disgusting behaviour but I know I d hate myself at the end of the call or meeting with him. The best I can do for myself is admit I made a { huge} mistake for which I got my backside well and truly kicked.


      • Adam

        Thanks Denise, it’s been now 2 months since I have cut her off my life. I have not seen or heard from her, and I am sure she is busy screwing another poor victim, but to be honest, I am still not over this whole deal. I am still angry but trying to forget and move on. Some night, it wakes me in the middle of the night and I remember how she screw me over and then I lose my sleep over it. I thought this is easy but not really…. I am hoping time will heal my wounds, cause she really screwed me over. Most of the time I am also angry on myself for letting her use me and that is even worst than being angry over her…. Let’s hope and see 😦


  4. Robyn

    I’m going to try some things eventually which will really help dispel some of the anger. One of them I was told by a therapist some time ago, she told me that a Mother had been having difficulties with her son aged 20 at that time.
    The relationship between Mother and son had become so unhealthy that it was difficult for the two of them to be alone in the same room.
    So it came to be, that at some point, both Mother and Son had a break from each other again, son went off and either stayed with Dad, friends or other relatives temporarily.
    Whilst on their break, Mother began doing some self therapy to help heal the relationship between herself and her son. This was achieved with the help of a simple bathroom towel. The Mother scrunched up the towel, and whenever she would think of things her son had been doing or said that made her angry, she would scream into the towel for a few seconds or however long she needed to.
    The Mother would preform this little ritual several times per day, or at least once, until eventually, all her anger at son had dissipated completely.
    When the son returned home to visit, he noticed how different his Mother seemed. They were able to talk peacefully and happily, and soon after son moved back in to the family home. Even though the son had not completed any anger work himself, the relationship between himself and his Mother had dramatically improved because of the work she had done herself.
    The built up anger and resentment she had were gone, which meant that their relationship only continued to improve over time. Obviously this is not the answer to every person with anger issues present in their relationships but I can see how it can help diffuse things if one person is perhaps more angry than the other, and takes healthy steps to deal with their own stuff.
    What are your thoughts on this method?
    I’m been thinking about trying it myself ever since I found out about it.



Your Thoughts:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: