A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Revenge

SheWantsRevenge

Before you embark on a Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves. Confucius

How many times have you thought to yourself ‘I want that bastard to know what he did to me’, or ‘I am going to get her back for all the pain and suffering’, or even “I’m going to give them a taste of his own medicine”. This is called revenge on the sociopath. All of these thoughts and then some are so self-destructive. As has already been established, Sociopaths will not take accountability for their destructive words and actions. Therefore to want revenge is wasted effort on your part. If you make a move, they will make a counter move even more damaging than what you can imagine. The Sociopath has no limits to complete ruination of another.

Sociopaths use power and control over your thought’s and emotions. So the best revenge is to get that power and control back. But is that really revenge? Yes, and no. Yes, because you have taken control away from the abuser. And no, because you need to have control and power over your own thoughts and emotions to be able to move forward and start the healing process and improving your life. It is a natural human response that when we are being attacked (in any manner), we want to defend ourselves. And if the defense does not work, we then want revenge. All to often children of Sociopaths and/or Narcissist are used as revenge against the other parent. That in itself is abuse. Wanting to hurt someone either emotionally or financially because they did the same to you is only going to create a viscous cycle of abuse. Sociopaths are far more skilled in the revenge arena, because what you do, or want to do, will have no affect on them. They will simply just move on and continue their destructive lifestyle. Remember, they don’t care about the future, only the ‘right now’ and what they are needing.

So how do you make yourself feel better from all of the abuse? And, without revenge??

  • First off is Acceptance ~accept that what has happened cannot and will not be changed! With this acceptance, you now have the control on how any further communication with the Sociopath is handled. Accept that any monies and/or material possessions that were lost most likely will not be returned (unless you go to court etc.). So accept that now you have control over your finances and material possessions.
  • Second~Do not use the children as revenge!! This is so detrimental to them. They have probably witnessed multiple melt-downs by you. Or multiple arguments, and even physical abuse. So to use your children as pawns in the game of revenge is equal to abuse done by you. By loving them, and reassuring them and building a strong bond between you and them will show the Sociopath he didn’t win in the destruction of mother/child relationship. Sadly, however, there are mother’s who have lost their children due to either the mind manipulation of the Sociopath, or the manipulation of the court system. The best revenge in these cases is be steadfast in your unconditional love to the children. *I will have a post later about this as it a very serious issue and children are lost in the court system to frequently and unfairly.*
  • Third~LOVE! Love yourself first and foremost. Love your faults! Love your shortcomings! None of us are perfect, or have perfect lives. Every person has their own journey they are on, don’t compare yours to theirs. When you can love yourself unconditionally you will realize how wasted your thoughts about revenge are!
  • Forth~Be Forgiving. I know your thinking “no way will I forgive that asshole for what they have done”. In the thought process of forgiving them, it will you make your realize that Thank Goodness  YOU do not have a Personality Disorder! You are not going through life emotionally detached! You are not going through life causing destruction. So Forgive the abuser (which does not take away accountability) it just gives you a peace and hopefully a start of clearing the mess that was made by the Sociopath.
  • Fifth~ and for fun make a Voodoo Doll 🙂

 Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive. edwin chapin

©sociopathlife.com

88 Responses to “Revenge”

  1. Karl

    Hit your so called mother in law a good dig in the mouth! That will sort the Cnut out!!! Go easy, step lightly, stay free!

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  2. StopYulinForever

    Thanks so much for this post. I do not believe in revenge either. I know karma will do its own work.

    And I personally do not want to perpetuate anything that could negatively affect my own karma/ destiny. (Because you know there will be complete morons who will try to provoke and provoke and provoke, in order to sidetrack, distract and disempower you).

    I’ve had multiple people in my life who have done me wrong, but particularly one person who is an in-law (a relative’s wife), who for some reason I just cannot shake off. I have had some horrific, traumatic things happen to me in my life by some god-awful people, but not enough to really, truly hold a grudge for the rest of my life.

    But my in-law who has done the least damage to me, has for some reason made me the most angry. To the point of extreme hate and revulsion, which I have never ever EVER experienced in my life! (And I have encountered some vile people in life, who have done even far more unforgiveable acts).

    She and I do not even know each other that well, but after 3 years of not speaking to her, she (not me) has CONTINUED with making inflammatory comments about me. People have slandered me before, but this for some reason takes a different toll.

    This sociopathic, immature young woman is someone who I have left alone and she is still harboring some sort of weird obsession over me and a fight that happened 3 years ago. The fight had to do with me calmly confronting her husband -my relative- regarding my extremely ill mother’s hard-earned savings being illegally stolen by him at a bank and had committed a federal crime in doing so, which I forgave soon after, even though they were unpunished and made continuous vile comments about my family with no remorse.

    This continuous public slander of me, by his wife, is making it really hard for me to be forgiving. Just when I’m about to forgive her, I continue to find out new inflammatory remarks she’s making about me… and she hardly knows me!

    It’s taking everything in me to keep my mouth shut and completely ignore her.

    (Silence can speak volumes at times. Power can be quiet because Truth is self-evident. It exists with or without proof… and there’s proof!)

    When you posted your third tip on Love, I felt a huge weight lift off me and felt much better. The third tip was: “LOVE! Love yourself first and foremost. Love your faults! Love your shortcomings! None of us are perfect, or have perfect lives. Every person has their own journey they are on, don’t compare yours to theirs. When you can love yourself unconditionally you will realize how wasted your thoughts about revenge are!”

    I could care less anymore about the theft and that stupid fight, which happened a LONG time ago. But this in-law is STILL trying to make it seem that I am the one who is morally corrupt and trying to tout her moral superiority by professing the injustices of the world and that I happen to be one of those injustices! Being in shock from that, I have tried to justify how I handled the whole thing (but I have no regret in how I handled it 3 yrs ago, especially when it concerns my family). She’s basically trying to victimize herself and her family and making me out to be the bully, when my whole purpose was only to end THEIR bullying and vile comments and call them out on their CROOKED behavior. There’s a difference between the action and the intention behind the action.

    She, in particular, just seems very emotionally detached & delusional… and it boggles my mind because I had wrongfully assumed, in the beginning, that she was this smart, innocent person who might have some compassion. But that’s not the case at all, and it’s just very disturbing to me to be at the other end of what I believe to be some sort of personality disorder. I just didn’t see it coming, at all. She doesn’t seem to be in touch with reality & the truth of things in life. Makes no sense, when you witness it firsthand. It’s disturbing, aggravating and confusing to watch and witness.

    I know I shouldn’t have to justify things, even though it bugs the hell out of me that she’s being so incredibly dishonest & deceptive and using public social media followers, best friends and even her own small daughter as pawns and puppets in her little mind games.

    (By the way, this in-law failed out of medical school, lied to her husband about being a doctor before they got married, blames everyone else for all negative outcomes in life, does not realize the impact their words have on others and never ever takes personal responsibility for anything).

    All you can do is, let these people eat their own toxicity and get sick.

    Only thing I can do is stay focused on what I want in life, and make sure that everything else that’s unimportant falls away. I do hope Karma bites them back…. but even then, I still do not think these pitiful people would understand the lesson. Stay away from unevolved people and don’t let them “infect” your mindset. Either a person has couth or doesn’t, and some people are hopeless.

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  3. binkjack

    I was married to him for 37 years we have now been divorced for two years, he took everything, he fooled the courts, two of my children haven’t talked to me in over two years, his smear campaign is in full force everyone knows I mean everyone knows about his sick sadistic abuse and lies he is living proof and of course my children were raised to abuse me and I am suffering and I don’t know how to live without my children they were my happiness they made me want to get up in the morning!

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    • lisakeepitreal

      binkjack your post breaks my heart. There are no words to express the pain and devastation your sociopathic narcissist EX has put you and your children through it is beyond evil and despicable. I know your pain and the irreversible damage he has caused you and your children.

      Sociopaths appear in innumerable disguises. Usually in their childhood they learned that life was all about winning in all of its forms–money, prestige, praise, material acquisitions, competing and winning at the top tiers of power. There are parents who program their small children to become successful, compete and defeat others who are in their way and teach them to be ruthless and uncaring as long as they reach their goals. Children are taught to take a “no prisoners” attitude about other human beings. If someone cannot perform for you and get you directly to your goal, discard them. If they are in your way, make their life so miserable that they can no longer compete with you. If they persist, find cunning methods to destroy their reputations, financial security and emotional well being. These lessons are taught early and they resonate deeply in the child.

      Some children of sociopathic narcissists have access to an inner part of themselves who intuitively knows that what the parent is demanding of them is wrong and inconsistent with their own nature. I have heard many stories of grown children who bucked the narcissistic parent and suffered the consequences. They were quickly discarded psychologically and cut permanently out of the family circle.

      The spouse of the sociopathic narcissist is often complicit through her psychological weakness, her addiction to a certain lifestyle and her fear of being cast out of paradise. She is so distressed and feels incapable of leading an independent life, that she colludes with the sociopathic narcissist who controls the family.

      Some children in these families become sociopathic narcissists. After all, this is the family tradition and heritage. They often learn to outdo the parent and become even more ruthless, unethical and conniving than their original teacher. Children in these families who do not follow the “winning at any cost” rules are left on their own without support of any kind. The sociopath won’t pay for their educations, demeans them constantly and undermine their individuality and creativity. The pain that these discarded children suffer is extreme. Many of them leave home early in their midteens to look for ways to survive. They are estranged from the siblings that went along with the narcissistic parent, These siblings despise the ones who were cast out and do everything they can to make their lives miserable. There is no opportunity for a “prodigal son or daughter” reunion with the sociopathic parent. The familial doors have been locked and the compound is sealed off.

      Those who survive the sociopathic parent have a long hard scrabble road ahead of them. I have communicated with these adult children. They endured many psychological and monetary harsh winters of striving to just get the bare necessities. For many, the wounds of childhood are still raw and painful. Others persevere through arduous work and schooling (every cent paid by them alone) to achieve their professional goals. As adults many of these individuals have difficulty finding partners who are supportive and empathic. Some fall in love with narcissists and sociopathic narcissists. They end up repeating the torments of childhood. This demonstrates the depth of pain the child of such parents experienced. They were never protected or cherished or felt special and valued. It is not surprising that they would find partners who would treat them with disrespect, cruelty and contempt.

      Some of these adult children break the cycle of self harm and sever their relationship with the sociopathic narcissist. They redefine themselves, develop a sense of self entitlement and renew themselves as individuals who have moved beyond the pain of their family of origin and into a life that they deserve where there is hope, self initiative, inner peace and psychological and emotional freedom…and most importantly LOVE.

      I pray this will be the case for you and your children.

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  4. Bobby Garcia

    glad i read this. my ex left me a pile of emotional pain and a financial loss. most of all im without what i thought was my soulmate for life. but after reading this I’m going to move on by getting rid of all that reminds me of her and deleting all methods of contact… time to get my life back.

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    • AlohaLover

      @Bobby Garcia….welcome to the group! The good news is you’re not alone….we have all walked the road you are about to take. The best news is you will get through this. …promise. And the frosting on the cake….they will never be anything but a sociopath. They will never get better. No pill. No therapy. No self help books can cure them. I live for that every day.
      I was talking to a friend of mine last week saying how unfair it is that I will never ‘win’ and she said ” you escaped…you did win”. She’s right. Good luck and keep on this site….you’re not alone.

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    • Rm

      Wow , i met my ex boyfriend almost two years ago, at first he was so charming and just the best , as time went on we fought , they got worse , he would never take credit or anything , blame everything on me, he controlled me , isolated me , made up lies about his childhood and lies about me to my family , i could never figure it out but then someone brought a sociopath up to me and it was everything he was , he would fight with me at my parents house and demand not to leave , my last straw was he wouldnt leave my house all day i asked him nicley too , he said nasty to my sister to stay out of our fights , he was then asked to leave wouldnt , cops had to come , every since then he followed me would sit places , show up anywhere , but im so scared because he still has vaulables hes going to have to get from me and il scared

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  5. damo

    I wanted revenge on the two sociopaths Ive mistakenly allowed into my life over the last 6 years i wanted to extract a brutal bloody revenge a physical revenge if i could have i would have strung them both up putting them out of there misery and ridding the world of them…..yes and id be doing life in jail…….there not worth it ……the wheel turns…..there time has come they both live fucked up ,rootless chaotic lonely lives…..treated as parihas and shunned…..and how sad and fucked up is that….Ive like all people who have had there lives turned upside down by a sociopath ……we have to let it go….orherwise it will eat away at us forgiveness and moveing on is easeyer said than done……but…..we must move on ….learning to forgive and forgette is very hard…….but it must be done

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    • Tela

      Thank you Damo for your comment. I am fairly certain everyone who reads it, will be able to relate to what you said. Revenge truly is not worth it, for so many reason’s. And as you said, forgiveness is easier said than done. Forgiveness also does not mean you do not accept what the Sociopath did to you/your life. Moving on can ONLY be done with No Contact. Period.

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  6. karl

    well my sociopath is still here!! cant get rid of the demon! but i know how to play her! we have joint owership of the house with equity on it, that is the only reason why i still live in the same house as it! It wont sell it, and i will not leave and give it all the profits, so i am trapped! I really feel sorry for any Women/Girls who live with a cowardly sociopath, please leave them right away! They are the spawn of Satan!

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    • Rm

      I just finally discovered and left this nut i was with he was so sick lied about everything , his past everything he was a true sociopath and he stalked me everything but he still has stuff here im scared i want him gone forever

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      • Tela

        Rm, the ONLY way to have him ‘gone forever’ is; 1. box up whatever he has at your home, take it to one of his family member’s or friend’s place and drop it off. DO NOT let him know you are doing that.
        2. BLOCK HIM every single mean’s of communication. Do not make excuses why you cannot or should not block him. You have got to take control of your own life, stop living in fear! If he is stalking you, go to the police department and make a complaint, file a report. Sitting around, waiting for him to ‘stalk’ you, or thinking about his possession’s keeps this sick person in your head! Do something!

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  7. Ms. Beautiful

    Could not agree more. Revenge is almost like a gift to the sick ones as I call them. It satisfies their bizarre sense of control over you. They salivate at the thought that they still have a hold on you and drive you. Loving yourself, regaining your life, staying the beautiful person that you are, however long and however hard it can be, takes away their animalistic saddistic satisfaction of destroying your beautiful you. They won’t feed on you anymore! You will sparkle! In any event they self destruct eventually. You will watch from a distance as they wriggle and burn themselves. The universe is beautiful. And you are. Life and the consequences of the ill advised actions does cut them down to size eventually, serving them the dish they best deserve. In any event one doesn’t have time to preoccupy them self with revenge. These animals take so much away from us, leave such distraction in their path that the best of the time that we have must be redirected to rebuilding all our broken bones. I speak as someone who has been smashed, almost destroyed, someone who has had to fight for dear life and claw my way back to get some air, and keep it. Nothing could be more satisfying than having your life back. It’s yours and it’s the only one that you’ve got. Enjoy it.

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  8. Alison Siniard

    I have been dating a guy for 3 years. On and off. On and off. On and……you get the picture. It has just been resent that I have become aware that maybe there is a possibility he is a sociopath. Reading some of these stories has also made me realize that there are, different types of sociopaths. ??? More of a question than a statement. This man is a gentle giant. A very good looking, well built, very successful, old fashioned gentleman. He makes me feel like a queen. Never once has he ever treated me with physical abuse. He is very giving. Buys me expensive gifts. Took me on a very lavish vacation and is planning for more vacations. Planning the future for us. Planning retirement for us. Planning a new home for us….etc….. The man drives me nuts. Breaking up with me about every two months for about a month. He never asks me back. I always call or texts him to work things out. We end up in the bedroom for days. Taking time out for food and work, recovering so to speak.

    My gut feeling was telling me something is just not right. About 4 months ago, a day went by where he could not be found. I texted, I called, I texted, then called. No answer. No return calls until around 8 pm the next day. I knew in my gut something was not right. It made me sick to my stomach. I accused him of doing something he shouldnt. With much denial and accusing me of being ridiculous and unappreciative for all the hard work he puts into our future, he then convinced me i was wrong. And then presented me with a brand new pair of Michael Kors boots the next day. I’m too naive.

    I was in rehab for alcohol the last time we broke up. In January. We broke up for a month, with no contact during that period. I was devastated and broken. Going nuts trying to figure out everything. Missing him wanting him. But, I felt in my gut that he has cheated on me numerous times. And possibly having a second life.

    When I asked him why he cheated on me his response was, ” I don’t know what your talking about”. That didn’t mesh with me well. I knew that I knew that I knew. I had no evidence to prove it, but I just knew. So, I got on my computer and goggled “What does it mean
    when you ask someone a question and they answer,”I don’t know what your talking about.”…..The answer popped up. “WHEN DEALING WITH A SOCIOPATH”. I have read more literature on personality disorders so much, that I am driving everyone nuts on analysis of their personality traits. Including the perfect sociopath boyfriend. I know. That’s a no no. But to be perfectly honest here , the hurt and devastation has subsided. Only because I understand more of why these things happened. I understand our time together and relationship is delusional, non exsting. It should make it easier to move on.

    I need support and encouragement on how to let go and move on. I feel it is immature to start dating someone else now, but it seems like one solution that I am leaning toward. The reason being that someone else has taken an interest and we have had dinner once. And there’s a great opportunity there. But, dating someone needs to be the last thing on my mind. But, I haven’t let go of the socio yet. I’m adjusting my grip.

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      • Christine

        Thats kinda what I did. Screamed at him, that I wanted him to stop abusing me. He left. I havent seen him since. Over and over, he did this trauma bonding thing with me. I finally woke up,, he was just showing up to USE me! I wont let him do that anymore. There was no future, there was no us, and there was no looking after me. My needs were not being met! I wanted him gone for good! Finally,, I am healing slowly. I see him now for exactly what he was. Deceptive and had a hidden agenda. Exploiting me, and bad mouthing me to everyone around him. Trying to make himself look like the good guy all the time. He offered me ZERO life! Didnt want marriage. Waisted years of my time! Now i simply feel sorry for him. Seeing that he is incapable of any real feelings. I was with a monster. All the red flags were there. I didnt want to believe it. I do now. I made myself a promise. To not give him 1 minute of my good time. A phone call,, hang up! Dont even listen to the voice. These sociopaths want an audience, and want to hurt you. If you shut them out completely and move on and meet a better man,, and wind up happy!! You won!! Thats what I intend on doing now. Life is too short to waiste on a go nowhere zero! Real men dont put you down! Or kiss and tell! Real men are helpful! Offer you an engagement ring of promise. Give them the boot. Move on . Ha ha Be smart ladies. Follow your gut instict.

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    • Ms. Beautiful

      I can relate. It’s such a shame that he put you through this. Your instincts spoke to you.
      May I please say to you, your story/experience is so so similar to my own.
      Typical behaviour: treating me like a queen, never physical or threatening; lovely gifts and holiday, gentleman and charming. Totally understood me. But then again, he had spent time carefully studying me, my insecurities, etc and just played on them.
      Over a 4 year period he broke up with me, broke my heart, came back to me crying, begging and pleading that I take him back. Only to do the same again and again.
      My instincts were telling me that somethings were not adding up. The denials would leave me feeling stupid, insecure and awful that k am suspicious.
      Time always tells. I would discover the following devastating truths:
      Lies lies lies and lies were the order of the day. He slept with pristitutes, shemales, was in gay bathhouses, Ashley Madison, the lust is endless.
      We will have just come back from holiday and he would be doing these sordid things. Internet porn you name it.
      The shock, the anger the horror… All of it.
      Oh and the maid was in the mix too. He had been doing this for years, well before he met me. Locally, overseas, everywhere he went. This, a highly esteemed former CEO, former chairman, big dog.
      Remorse? Yes, feigned, nothing real.
      When I found out, he asked me to help me deal with his sex addiction, over. Period of two months, more insidious, incomprehensible, outrageous, heart-wrenching truths would come to light.
      It was almost we were not dealing and looking at the men that met four years ago. No one could believe any of it.
      The depression clinic, I went to it. The wine, I drank loads of it, the weight, I put on a fair amount, the joy, left me. I lived in the arms of pain and sadness, and confusion. Tears were my daily friend. Feelings of being used, time wasted, loneliness as he cared little about my recent discovery of his cheating and lying and concerned himself more about what he had to do with him self now that the s..h. had hit the fan.
      I’m too tired to carry on but I think you get the idea. I do not have any contact with him. I read through my notes of his conduct and my feelings about my experience and how this nearly cost my life. It serves as a chilling reminder of why I couldn’t possibly miss him, his capacity for destruction, his manipulative ways and it is a beautiful reminder to trust my instincts. I am aware that he may try to return. For that reason I remain vigilant, resolute, trusting of myself and clear that I deserve better, and I am getting stronger and stronger everyday. I guess in a way I gain pleasure from knowing that he doesn’t have this toy that he loved playing with so so much, me, as and when he pleased. I must tell you, after it all came afloat, I still helped him to get to a clinic, get to a psychiatrist, etc. my friends said I should not. I did.
      I think that at the time part of doing that was still the need to be close to him. Yes he did ask me to help him. I didn’t have to. I remember one counselor saying, pack your backs and get away from him. It goes on and on. I am not there any longer. I do not miss him. Revulsion is him. Lies is his coat. Manipulation and deceit his best friends. The stark truth: he will never change. He would not know how to. Up until the day that he was going to the addiction clinic he was still lying. By his own admission at the time of my discovery: he is a pathological liar. I would say to someone still in their clutches: value yourself, he never will. Things are their mode of enticing, seducing and controlling. No heart, no remorse, no room for change. Let him go. RUN!! DO NOT LOOK BACK, how I wish someone had said that to me then. Wishing you well. Trust your beautiful self.

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  9. MKM

    I have posted this else where on the site, but no one has responded and I am so lost and conflicted… After two months of no contact, I have come to the realization of what he is, and all the pyscological, emotional, and physical abuse he has put me through; it is just not right and I wish I would have known what I know now, as cliche as it sounds. It has been quite the healing process and still going… But I am in a predicament about whether to report him to my school. Everywhere I go, I fear I may see him and it is not helping the healing process. I feel the school/ dean will not understand this all, but I do have evidence (pictures and a log) of the physical abuse…and the other day after no contact of 2 months he actually publicly stopped to apologize to me (I think to protect himself and “apologize” and said he should have never treated me the way he did; although on social media he makes me look like a horrible person… etc)… Is it too late to report him? To help myself heal as well as other targets on campus.. He is a staff member and a time bomb… I don’t know what to do.. Do I let it go and not say anything? Can I still report him for safety of other girls and myself? Why should I have to stay quiet after what I finally realize he has done… I appreciate any comments…

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  10. AlohaLover

    I love this site. It, along with T has helped me heal. T always said “you’ll get there”and I never thought I would….never. I had very dark days and this site, Tela and my 3 dogs made me get up everyday. And now 2 years later I came into 2016 without all of my hurt and all of my hate. Oh I still hurt and while I’m not broken and shattered, I more chipped and a lot more aware.
    I just decided NOT to start a new year with bitterness and baggage and when I decided that, it was like a weight was lifted….I gave it away and it felt good.

    Like most of you out there I wanted revenge and waited and waited for Karma that never took place….or maybe it did.
    Don’t get me wrong, part of me would like to see him as road kill and the way he drives, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened.

    What came first the chicken or the egg? What came first Revenge or Karma?
    I’m thinking they are dual soldiers in time. I think they work in harmony but in their own time.

    I’m watching Revenge and Karma attack him….here’s why.

    He was handsome. Dark hair, blue eyes, dimples….he looked like Blake Shelton. People told him that and he ate it up. I recently saw a picture of him and laughed. His hair is more gray than I dark, his eyes have a hollow dead look, wrinkles and he is as far from Blake as he could be. I don’t know if he see’s it but my friend who has seen him says he looks awful. Revenge or Karma?

    He is in management for a very large company getting paid way too much to be be on his laptop looking for hookers. For 2 years we would have to attend charity events that meant nothing to me but to him it was see and be seen. Watching him work the room made me sick. But that was the way to get promoted or so he thought. Well, I am happy to say he has been passed up for several promotions. He has been in the same position for 8 years. No one at that company stays in the same position for longer than 3 at the most. Staying in a dead end job that he hates but pays well.
    Revenge or Karma?

    To me, revenge has taken on a whole new meaning. It’s almost like Karma. I feel that Revenge and Karma collide when the time is right. We don’t have control over the when…that’s for a larger power to decide. But it will happen. And if you’re in that dark place, claw your way out and watch Revenge and Karma hit.
    It’s so much fun.

    What came first Revenge or Karma?

    Stay strong it will get better.

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  11. Dragon warrior

    The best way to get revenge is stay with them and take down notes of dates and times of the the abuse. —voice Record them when they are lashing out at you or threatening you.
    -video record them aswell without them knowing
    -save all texts showing how malicious they are and how they react in such anger over you saying nothing bad.

    Collect lots of evidence
    And then charge the Peice of shit .

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  12. Justin

    Thank you so much…I was married to a socialpath for 7 years before she cheated on me..I have a nine year old son with her..Thank you for reminding me to keep up my unconditional love of my child and to honestly forgive them and love myself..I really wanted revenge for years.. Now I concentrate on myself and my child..I know it bothers her when she purposely does not let me talk to my son for days and all I do is keep my cool and keep calling ignoring what she’s doing..She’s just trying to get me upset and I don’t let her ever see me get upset at what she does anymore..I’m keeping a journal of what she does and says.. In about a year I should have the means to take her back to court to get full custody of my son..I will never stop trying to get him from her…

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    • Tina

      Hey Good for you because it will make a world of difference for your child not to grow up around a non-unconditional loving person or at least not be around them as much. The much positive parent is best to raise the child.

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  13. niko

    I have long been suspecting that my girlfriend might be a sociopath and today I have came to believe, beyond doubt, that she is indeed a sociopath who turned my life into this living hell. I had no difficulty finding a weak spot to exploit. I believe all sociopaths share this weak spot to a certain extent; they love drugs. I know it sounds evil and actually, that is the point. I will act the unsuspecting miserable boyfriend just a little more, until she is a hopeless H addict. Believe me, I am doing the world a favor.

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  14. Lee

    I would just like to say that there were some excellent articles by some very intelligent people that I read. I too, was involved with a female sociopath, for some time, and I most admit it is very difficult to get rid of them and to get over them. However I read something very interesting by Simone Haruko Smith, and “How to deal with sociopathic women”. I did actually follow her advice and it was somewhat successful. Basically the only way you can get along with a sociopathic woman, is to just get ” transactional”. I gave this woman several thousands of dollars, which I basically wrote off, since I know I will never get it back. However, I do believe some of the data that is out there is correct. First of all you have to have “no contact”. Also power plays do not work on sociopaths. They have no empathy, they have no feelings, they have no conscience. You will never be able to beat them. It’s useless to try, don’t waste your energy. Hard to believe, that since I went transactional I kind of get along with the sociopath now because I know where she’s coming from, and she is a pathological liar and whatever she tells me it’s all a lie. Actually their whole life is lie….. I keep my distance from this person, and it took me close to a year to become more stable and less anxious and more in mental control of myself. I did see a psychologist and he told me that sociopathic people are extremely evil. One in 25 people in the United States is a sociopath. Revenge is very difficult to get over a sociopath, because as said earlier, they do not care about you, your feelings or your emotions. They have no emotions, they have no feelings, they are unable to love, they are predators, manipulators, users, deceivers and they are extremely deceitful. In one of the articles I read I think the best revenge that one can have is, “living well”. I have done just that, and I try to cease contact with this person, and I finally believe I have a little bit of the upper hand…although I know in might heart, I now that sociopaths could care less about me and have no consideration for my feelings or emotions. You must remember that sociopaths do not have an amygdala, therefore they cannot equate emotions like you and I…. They have emotional poverty… So in short, I guess the best answer is no contact, or if there is contact, make it transactional, live very well, believe in yourself, have confidence, and you will make it out of this tortuous spiral.

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    • Tela

      Lee, thank you for your comment and sharing. I do have a bit of concern however. You contradict yourself that you read some book and ‘followed the advice’ and that advice is to be ‘transactional’. Not sure what you mean by that. Secondly you state “First off all of you have to have No Contact”. Yes, we all know that……..but read further into your comment and you see that you write “I try to cease contact with this person, and I finally believe I have a little bit of the upper hand”.
      Lee, you cannot contradict yourself. Either you go No Contact or you don’t. There is no such thing as having an ‘upper hand’ when dealing with a Personality Disordered person. I think what you were saying is, now you decide when you want to speak to the Sociopath. I don’t know, but using the word ‘transactional’, again, does not even come into play when dealing with, or post Sociopath. I wish you well on your continued journey of healing, whatever way is working for you.

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      • Lee

        You are correct…by “transactional” I meant to say ,it was in the “work environment”…sometimes one does get involved in the work place…but having no contact is very true…thanks for the comment… Lee

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  15. heather mcgee

    Re: I think that a good many of us that have endured what happens to us from being in a relationship with a sociopath have thought this, though most people are not likely to actually say it. Amongst other things, the sociopath would fail to understand what you would be killing him for!! They just do not have the same wiring as most people. The part of us that understands and regrets hurting others is just not there. So in their eyes you would be hurting them for no reason…and after all they have done for you, gracing you with their presence in your life….what have they done to you?

    I have stooped to lows engaged by my sociopath that I never even imagined I would do…and now I question who I actually am as a person and if I am bad or deserved what he has done. Somehow I know in my heart I am not bad, my pride was hurt, my heart destroyed repeatedly, and I let him rob me of something in my very soul. I haven’t figured it all out yet, and I am still suffering from the effects that the last five years has had on me. It has had a profound affect on me that I often doubt that I will ever be OK again.

    I am telling you from experience..don’t let them take you to where you are going, they will never see what you are so desperately trying to show them. Do not lose who you are in ‘the war’ with them.

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    • joey

      OMG

      You have explained what I been married with and suffered for 27 years

      thankyou for your awesome insight

      joseph

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  16. Bad advice

    The best way to get back at sociopath is to kill it. Sounds crazy right? Nope, you’ll be doing the world and enormous favor and you can use it’s own tactics against itself when you claim self defense or insanity or another claim.

    People kill all the time – animals, trees, each other, etc. So much wasted killing and destruction that could be used against the sociopath and for such a better cause. Use the remains as fertilizer or get creative! Sociopaths dont care about you so you shouldn’t care what you do to then. It’s war and they started it, I plan on finishing it,

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    • Tela

      Bad Advice, at first I was not going to approve your comment. However, {I} personally feel everyone has a voice and it should be heard. With that being said, I have to say, this is a horrible ‘comment’, ‘suggestion’ or even thought process! Killing a Sociopath does what? Puts you in jail for the rest of YOUR life? Think of the family the Sociopath has that is not as sick as they are. Being with a Sociopath is not ‘war’, it is a self-serving, one-sided relationship. You last statement really concerns me.

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      • sreyas

        Enjoy life with sociopath then,you will feel how difficult it is,i personally lost jobs,finances,family ,friends, got hospitalized under severe trauma ,99% had death chanting god’s name ,with night sweating, in the name of marriage my sociopath girl friend created havoc in my entire family life and also she destroyed many families…and act normal before everyone…sociopath gf used to make clashes between guys n enjoy suffering of other people…what is justice ???……spent my life to teach her moral values ,humanity values nothing worked…..i have not done any wrong to any since child hood …..Sociopaths are really danger to society…the mistake i did was to forgive her 1000 times ……..thought of making her good 🙂 🙂

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    • AlohaLover

      Bad advice,

      As a person who has survived a long relationship with a Sociopath, I am very disturbed by your comments. Sure we would love to see the person in our relationship suffer but when you take time to really understand their mental makeup, you see they are in constant turmoil and they are slowing dying an awful death. And for that I am happy. BUT, to actually verbalize the desire to kill, is very, very disturbing and is not rational. I can’t say what your solution is but killing him / her is not the answer because you’ll go to jail. You mentioned ‘war’ they are at war with themselves and it will catch up with them. Talk to someone…..please.

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  17. Heather Mc..

    Revenge….i feel like I will never be able to start to move forward with out just a little bit of it…..lol, however, I have been in this world of limbo for so long, and I truly think he may have he’s fucked me into being somebody I never have been until him, now I feel like shit has already been so crazy, I have been driven crazy, and done crazy things, and already hate myself for letting him provoke me out of being the person I truly am…..and into this crazy bitch I have became. So, since I have already been here for so long, have done all kinds of things that are not right….since I’m here, and am hating who i am, i might as well get in one last one….for the road….ugh…..it sucks to want that, and i realize he doesn’t care, but i have already been accused of so much crap i haven’t done, that i figure i might as well earn at least some of the b.s. He says about me. And then i will go on about my life…lol
    Yes, i know that is crazy, and crazy is the new normal for me these days…..no matter how much i want to get his ass, i wont….my life is in such chaos and my head and my heart dont seemed to communicate with each other…— i just want to get thru this and actually be able to live, to not think of him everyday…i know all to well, that if i was to do what I’m accused of doing already, and actually do something to him for revenge, all it will do is make his lies true about me, and give him the satisfaction of being right!! this is so draining…..i wrote this just to vent, so i don’t end up texting him and telling him what sorry ass he is…..doubt he will read it, but he still gets fed by it.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Heather for your comment and sharing. Let me just say this, I know you ‘think’ you are crazy as you have been ‘conditioned’ to think so by the Sociopath. But for this simple fact that you actually can and did express how you are feeling, and admitting some of the things you have done are wrong, proves you are not crazy and/or a Sociopath! You can text him all day and night long every single day telling him what a piece of shit he is, it has no bearing and he will turn it all back around {blame shift}, and that is what makes you feel your life and you are crazy. I have said it sooooooo many times, until you actually and truly want to be done, you HAVE GOT TO GO NO CONTACT. PERIOD. You can plan all the revenge you want, but your feeding him by engaging in any conversation whatsoever. You have got to act as if he bores you, act indifferent, give him ZERO reaction as that is what he wants! Best of luck to you.

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  18. Bella Malwinoski

    Hello,My name is Bella and I would appreciate any feedback.I recently was the victim of a horrible smear campaign by a psychopath. All advice columns advise not to seek revenge,but though I have searched in vain,I have yet to find a situation similar to mine(the details are so humiliating that I am sure victims of this type of abuse are more apt to retreat into hiding then to share-though I believe that this is exactly what the psychopath is counting on)! I met a man who pretended to care for me and started a whirlwind(yet,short-lived)relationship,Prior to meeting this man I had not been with a man for many years and was happy,well-adjusted and working on my goals.My friends would insist that I needed to date and I would reply that I was very happy and did not feel a void in my life, As a matter of fact the question that I was most often asked was “why are you so happy”? It was at this point that I met a man who I found physically adorable.He was also(seemingly) the most moral,modest,protective,sweet,and attentive man that I had ever met.After many deeply intense and sincere conversations and a few very long walks, I made the mistake of sleeping with this man.He had bared his soul to me and we had exchanged quite a few secrets,fears,and painful stories.This seemingly noble and pure soul had been the victim of a few cold-hearted,malicious women(according to his stories)! I spent the first month or so of this relationship empathizing with his plight and actually hating these women for having hurt such a beautiful individual.We had so much in common and I was convinced that I had found my soul mate.I told myself,”Bella, it’s right,for once ,just jump in and throw caution to the winds,This man was (in my book) beyond reproach(had another woman told me that I was dealing with a predator,a socialized psychopath,at this point,I would have rejected the notion as outright ridiculous and dismissed the woman as jealous and crazy).Shortly before this man struck up the first conversation with me, a scary looking man starting staring into the windows of my place of employment for hours at a time.Four to five days out of the week I would feel myself being watched and there he was, The first month or so of my relationship with the psychopath was idyllic,he treated me like a princess and I couldn’t have been happier;my friends commented on my glow and life was beautiful.I should also mention that I was told by this man not to confide in anyone at my place of employment that we were together(as he had dated a past employee,who had gotten fired when my boss found out and he was trying to protect me from the same fate).He did his best to bad-mouth and emotionally isolate me from my boss and coworkers.As the relationship progressed and when he became secure in the fact that I was falling in love with him,his behavior started to change,At first it was subtle and very passive-aggressive,just enough to thoroughly confuse me,He was an expert in projecting things that were his fault right back onto me and had me doubting my own emotional maturity and sometimes, even my sanity.His behavior started to get very bizarre….I found myself googling phrases like”passive-aggressive”,”split personality” and” schizoid personality”.He would look in one direction and compliment or thank me ,and then look in another a split second later and say that I was “a sick woman”Needless to say ,I was very concerned about his emotional health(not knowing at this point that I was the victim)This man borrowed a fair amount of money from me (he was constantly being unfairly deprived of shifts or his boss was late in paying him) and he always promised that when he got on his feet he would pay me back.I also,foolishly,spent money on food,cigarettes,and wine for him.Sometimes I feel so thoroughly stupid recounting this story (in my own head and here),but I realize that this man had a hypnotic( I LITERALLY felt like I was in a trance state throughout a good deal of the relationship and accepted and put up with things that,to this day,confound me)effect on me. As his behavior became more bizarre,the abuse was also escalating quickly,He was letting down the mask in a big way because he was truly finished with me and felt no need to keep up the pretense all of the time(at this point he was so inaccessible to me that I am sure he was already at work spending time with his next victim/victims).During a phone conversation,at this point,he actually said to me,”When I first met you,I thought to myself,”What the FUCK is this woman so happy about?”.-he then quickly changed his tone and said that he was joking,,,,but he wasn’t.Meanwhile all of my googling had led me from “passive-aggressive” to “malignant narcissist’and “emotional vampire” to” cerebral narcissist” (he was constantly withholding touch and sex to totally frustrate me(and frustrated I was; I had never in my life experienced not being wanted by a lover-especially in such a new relationship).Also his behavior varied from one day to the next between totally loving and respectful to totally sexual and cold, Even though I was at his house many times,we only slept together two times-The other times he would sit next to me on the bed and tell me that he didn’t feel well and didn’t want to be touched-even though I pleaded with him to hug me.insisting that sex didn’t matter and it didn’t ….I was in “love”with the man and hungry for his touch and to console him.About this time,he started inviting me to his house and leaving the keys under the doormat,so that I could let myself in. During this time I starting to get so sexually frustrated that I would masturbate on his bed,to relieve my frustrations and not have to feel guilty about infringing my desires on him.It was also during this time that I popped in on him earlier than usual and found him in the clutches of some type of high (sweating,eyes twitching and moving rapidly and paranoia)he shut the door on me and claimed to be too sick to see me that day.From all of my reading I was convinced (though still in some denial)that I was dealing with a psychopath.I googled his name and found that not only had he been busted on drug possession,but also.that he had been involved in a crime where a federal agency had to step in.I questioned him about this discovery and he turned it around on me saying that I was,insensitive to bring it up and that he had been innocent and falsely accused. Around this same time,right after telling me that him and I were “ok,sweetheart”,he suddenly stopped answering my phone calls and refused contact with me.The one time that I did manage to get in touch and ask if he was breaking up with me ( and all I wanted at this point was a straight answer and some emotionally mature closure),he evaded answering my question and stated that he didn’t feel well,he might have cancer-not the first time that I’d heard that-and just couldn’t talk YET…..YET turned into three to four weeks where I obsessively worried about his health and bombarded him with calls and texts insisting that we at least talk…I am so very ashamed of how I lost all of my dignity ……Finally he came into my work place and I was truly over it and truly convinced that this man was a real psychopath……I was obsessively reading articles which actually consoled me.as I realized that none of what had transpired between him and I was ever real, therefore.there was nothing to mourn(though mourn I had done,for a month prior to this time,,,,,,,I would curl up in bed in a fetal position,and sob,feeling raw like someone had scrubbed my heart and soul with rough grade sandpaper).I decided to be very blase and nonchalant with this man-polite and nothing more-sometimes, “not noticing”when he came in.It was at this point that all hell broke loose and my life became a living nightmare,Customers(I work as a bartender) started coming in and just sitting at the bar staring at their phones and laughing at me,some older customers who had previously treated me well,started giving me the cold shoulder and refusing to even meet my gaze,Many men would come in and make sexual connotations and undress me with their eyes,while laughing.Finally one day I waited on a large party that kept looking at their phones and sniggering at me-each time I went to the table they would hide their phones-all at the same time!!! I finally caught an image on one of their phones and to my horror and humiliation it was of him,moving on top of me like he did the first time we had sex:I even recognized his curtains in the background,I was hysterical and my coworker told me that it was only my imagination,”after all we have never even seen those people”(I would later this same day locate them on his facebook friends list.)About two weeks prior to this, a man from a local business had come in and told me that a strange man had been coming in asking all kinds of questions about me.After the cellphone discovery I became subject to increasing abuse and humiliation from increasing numbers of customer…this was a very small town and almost everyone knew me.Strange men were staring at me from outside the windows-the initial strange man was suddenly MIA,,,,,cars filled with men would stop in the middle of the street and honk,point,and jeer at me.Men started following me home at night and I no longer felt safe walking so I started calling the local car service every night and getting rides home from friends.The abuse and humiliation became so severe that I started to fear for my emotional and physical safety.I was .literally feeling very suicidal.I finally just suddenly cut off all ties with my friends and left the state.I am going to wrap this story up very shortly and cut straight to my dilemma,but first I would like to say thank you for bearing with this very long-winded account,it was necessary(and I actually left out many pertinent and unbelievable details which I intend to write about in the future).Prior to meeting this man (I am an artist of some type) I had been working passionately for two years with the goal of showcasing my artwork on a national level.If I were to do this now, I am sure that a very humiliating sex tape of me would go completely viral.However,I do not want to let this sick individual alter what were my life plans in any way.When he secretly taped me he invaded my rights and portrayed me as a one-dimensional sex object,”a dirty whore”….no one would be made privy to the words,and (FAKE!!!!!)moments of tenderness and caring that transpired between us,nor any of his words or promises,I wrote down every word and movement that I could remember and realized that when I thought that he had a split personality he was actually distorting my words,cutting me off and misrepresenting things that I was telling him.He would face in one direction and speak softly while saying certain things and then turn in another direction(towards cameras and tapes,I’m certain…to say something totally contrary.)I want to forge ahead with my plans of showcasing my artwork…..because this is my love and what I have spent my entire life studying and working for.In this tape he puts me in unflattering positions and totally humiliates me…….I let him know my fears and secrets and he used them against me!!!! I WANT to forge ahead with my plans, I WANT him to be outted! But first I need to write the story of everything that he did to me as in his sick,one-dimensional portrayal of me this evil being took away my voice and I NEED TO take it back. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the psychology of humiliation (a tactic,in my opinion,of bullies,narcissists,and socio/psychopaths) and I’ve come to realize people really do NEED my permission to humiliate me! My sexuality is MY SEXUALITY and what I do in private is no one’s business but my own.Being amused by this tape is akin to hearing that a woman is being raped on the corner,and running with glee,to watch;and this reflects very poorly on anyone who would judge me or be amused….I AM A VICTIM. I really believe that everything in this universe happens for a reason and that I can choose to look deeply at myself,learn to truly love me,and use this experience to both be a better person and to warn others so that hopefully other women( and men) might be spared an experience like this. A therapist,responding to my comment that,”everything in this universe happens for a reason”,asked me why I thought that I had crossed paths with this evil being and I replied,”Maybe I am the one capable of standing up to him,maybe I can help other women.”I am currently still suffering from PTSD and some days I am not so confident that I can actually pull this off,but little by little I’m healing and my inner voice tells me to forge onward with my dreams and love me enough not to care what others think……I am still so emotional and scattered over this whole thing…..any advice /feedback will be appreciated.God bless you all. Bella

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    • Tela

      Bella~ Please see your comment that I posted under Sharing Page and read what other reader’s have said. NONE OF THIS WAS YOUR FAULT! Pursue your art career, and let your voice be heard through your art and also posting on my site, screaming at the top of your lungs, whatever you need to do to release this HELL.

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    • Bella Malwinoski

      Tela, Thank you for your kind words.<3 This is a wonderful site.I know from experience that when one is suffering from psychopathic abuse that one often feels alone and misunderstood, What these evil people do is so extreme and ridiculous that a lot of people don't even believe the victim; I feel like the only people who can really understand me are those who have suffered the same type of abuse.Your kind words really touched me; I cannot hear, "It wasn't your fault".enough. The psychopath lays the blame of his abuse and deceit upon the victim and then the victim internalizes everything and accepts that blame ;as if the trauma of the abuse wasn't enough! And yet,from all of my reading I understand that psychopaths are drawn to empathetic,kind people like a magnet.This man set me up and CHOSE me because I was happy and kind. Guess what Tela….I intend to remain that way! To all of my fellow victims: Know that you are a kind and good person, your good heart and trusting soul is what make you susceptible to psychopathic abuse. Love yourself,learn to set boundaries and STAY STRONG. The light that is within us is far greater than the darkness that is within them.With much love….Bella

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    • MKM

      Thank you for sharing some of your story… Although it is sick and sad that some of us go through this, it is comforting to know we are not alone… hope you are doing better since the time you wrote this.

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  19. Jennifer

    Thank you for your reply. I won’t check anymore. He added my babysitter on face book and I walked straight into that trap. He knew I would look. I can be so silly at times. I can’t help seeing his family because his dad is the postman and his sister picks her children up at the same school. I’m seriously thinking to move away from this area. The slightest tap to my nose and it clicks.
    I’m doing stupid things. I went to see his ex wife today to get some closure but she didn’t want to know. It had happened to her too but she said she was so over it she didn’t want to hear what I had to say. I had to leave because she was expecting him round to help her with something!! Where I live is such a small place. Everyone knows everyone. I even discovered he had planned a date with a woman literally at the bottom of my road! He’s on bail but he’s still finding ways to get to me. I’m sorry if I’m going on about silly things. My ex’s bail ends on the 27th but it will go to court as the police are going to push it through. My face was a mess and his dad and sister saw the state of me. Why don’t they tell him what he did was wrong? Instead they ignore me and the baby. That’s the worst he’s beaten me up. He even threatened to squeeze the life out of me. I know people go through worse and I should count myself lucky that I’m finally out of it. I will read and educate myself. Thank you kindly for your reply and advice xxx

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  20. Jennifer

    Hi, I was with a sociopath for two years. He is currently on bail for beating me up next to my baby boy in the car. His family all live close by and I see them everyday. They have made no acknowledgement of what he has done to me. My ex is carrying on living his life as normal and displaying a care free life on social media. I really loved him. He could be a good person and cared for me and the children. But if I said the wrong thing, he would fly into a rage. I feel lost and alone. How could he do this to me and act like nothing happened? Over the past 2 years my self esteem and confidence has hit and all time low. I don’t know what else to say 😪😪😪 how do I move forward and get my strength back? I need to take back my power and don’t know how. Please help me I need advice x

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    • Tela

      Thank you Jennifer for you comment and sharing. First off, to move forward and get your strength back you have GOT TO STOP CHECKING ANY AND ALL SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS. PERIOD. STOP HAVING ANY CONTACT WHATSOEVER WITH FAMILY OR FRIENDS ASSOCIATED WITH HIM!! Yes, he probably is ‘portraying’ how wonderful his life is, how ‘happy’ he is etc. That is the thin veneer mask of a Sociopath! Therefore, as you ‘see’ what he is doing via social media, you are keeping the feelings of ‘lost and alone’ alive and well. I truly understand that you feel alone~ however, you are not!!! Read through my articles, read through other’s comments and the same HELL that you are in, they too either are or were in as well!! Read! Educate yourself, but please do not isolate yourself. By doing that, the Sociopath wins, he, in his methodical/systematic way beat you down~ and that is their primary goal when involved with someone.

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  21. Michael

    I’ve been married to a female sociopath for over a decade. The pain you feel that she would never understand…the mockery, the lies, the deeds done behind my back…cars, houses bought and I never knew until I had to spy on her, which I despise, but that’s what you have to do. She reels you in like a fish. Sex once in 3 weeks is “all the time”…wanting to hold her is “creepy”…rubbing her thigh in the bathtub is “annoying”. Oh but you’d never know…unless or until you got to know her. She provoked my predecessor for months until he finally snapped. He landed in jail. I was soo stupid. A simple question like, “Why is me touching you creepy”? merits no response after 2 weeks. I could go on and on.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Michael for your comment! What you said is so very typical Sociopath once she had her ‘claws’ in you, or as you said ‘reeled you in’. Yes! Their true identity, their true personality disorder then shines on! It’s painful, it’s excruciating, it is almost impossible to comprehend how you thought she was ‘the one’ or ‘so perfect’, is in fact a vile, viscous, conniving sick woman!

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    • Santaland

      Michael…I can fully relate and understand albeit I did not marry her thankfully. Read SocioInka under Tela’s Sharing page am sure you will find similarities. Nasty little creatures these sociopaths. I see mine daily and get my revenge by ignoring her existence….she will soon try something and as you said, the other guy ended up in jail…thus ignore/reject and walk away…in your case DIVORCE, you are wasting time and money.

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      • Tela

        Thank you SantaLand for you great words of advice!! Michael, please read THIS as SantaLand shared his horrific/mentally & physical abuse with us.

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    • patienceisavirtue

      The best revenge is to be patient and wait for Karma to strike, I have waited over 25 years and never thought it would come. But wow it’s happened big time. He is now retired (low income),has had to sell his flat and best of all this once handsome fellow looks as evil and ugly on the outside as he is within. I can’t see women queuing up to be with him now,.So it seems he will have a sad and lonely retirement with no friend or family.That for me is revenge enough,

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      • Tela

        Thank you patienceisavirtue for your comment. It was sad to read that for 25 years you have actually been waiting for Karma to come around. I do hope, during these last 25 years you had been able to move forward with your life {although it appears you still had thoughts & knew what the ex-Sociopath was doing}. I always, always state, once you go NO CONTACT, don’t look to see what the ex is doing. It no longer matter’s. What matter’s is you got away from the most evil kind of human!

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      • AlohaLover

        You’re so right about the looks. My ex was very handsome. I recently saw a picture of him and it shocked me how old he looked. His eyes that were once happy, were puffy and without expression. I took great delight in putting a picture of his face with me and the one of him now, together to show all of my friends. They didn’t think it was him. And he is SO vain.
        Ahhhhh…..gotta love Karma!

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    • Bella Malwinoski

      wow….Look up the term,”cerebral narcissist”They withhold sex as punishment and they like to frustrate their partners this way……sick.

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  22. Vicki ortrgs

    You can’t get even with a sociopath, sooooo; I got creative. It was actually enjoyable and entertaining. Everyone has a weak point of entry. Sociopaths do not have a super human shield. You know everything they say is a lie, but trying to avoid it is nerve racking to them and down right torture if you bring them to acknowledgement of it. I would interrogate relentlessly then point out the contradictions in their stories. Oh my how they squirm. It is rather amusing. Watch there face you will see the surprise followed by lightening flash anger when the truth slams into their brain. You can drive them absolutely nuts for quite a long time with this tactic. The more you do it the more frazzled they get and change directions on them so they don’t see it coming. When it starts getting to hot under the collar for them kiss ass, apologize profess your undying love 2 them, beg them, and they will make you beg, this part is a little challenging, but it is necessary to reel them back in so u can gradually build back up to reach max intensity torture again. It’s actually therapeutic and so extremely easy to convince them that they r in full and complete control of you because of there second weakness. Grandosity. Lol! Yay! You have just turned the tables on a sociopath. Now go get em.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Vicki for your comment. I have to be honest and say I completely disagree! What you described in this comment is a game~ a mental game. Haven’t you been abused enough mentally & emotionally by a Sociopath? Why would anyone want to get into a mind-fucking head game? Yes, we all know they are pathological liars! Yes, we all know they will ‘squirm’ when hit with the truth {even proof positive evidence}. But a Sociopath will use multi-layer lies, so what good is it to get into this kind of game? And why would anyone want to “reel them back in”???? It is NOT ‘therapeutic’, it is actually quite the opposite. What this would do is keep a person in a state of mental & emotional chaos. And it certainly does NOT cause ‘torture’ for the Sociopath.

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      • Santaland

        I agree with you Tela, the best revenge is to do nothing ignore and reject them. By playing this game you are only asking for an escalation in sick behavior…and remember they never forget and the next thing you know, becuase of their lies and grandiosity, the cops will be standing there or better yet they set you up….so best is to turn around and walk away and do not look back.

        Liked by 1 person

  23. Unknown

    This is spot on!
    He set up his “army” and betrayed me. When confronted, he made it / makes it I am the crazy one.
    I think a sociopath is dangerous especially when caught. The revenge I crave is to watch his house of cards fall because it will at some point.

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  24. On Revenge | evilvonscary.com

    […] about love and war? About family and intimate relationships? If you find yourself in this kind of situation walk away. He/She is NOT worth it. In this kind of case the best revenge really is to live well and/or look […]

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  25. cris

    I have been in a toxic relationship with an SP for the last five years of my 30 in this life. Been researching a lot lately and he fits the mold to a tee. I was strong enough to walk away about 2 years ago, probably mostly because he was incarcerated. When he got out in Feb 13, I was on my own and not for one minute thinking he would ever be in my life again. Well, last July, I was hospitalized, and he showed up. At first, I wanted him to leave… In short, part of the reason for me being sick was due to self medications, something I’ve never had to do before we first came together. He came everyday, seemingly unclean and sober…so convincingly so, that my family who had sworn him an enemy- even believed by the actions he was showing were true. I thought he was a changed man and felt like we had fallen in love all over again, all while he was nursing me back to health. A year later, I see a leopard does not change its spots, I have healed myself in many ways even to the point of actually being able to work again. Unfortunately, he has shacked up with me and I have told him to leave, most recently many times. I literally get sick BC of him… And I could go on about the twisted stories that should have made me run in the other direction from day one. We all know them too well and I am not seeking revenge, but more for an answer as how to get away and stay away.. The more I push him out, the more he turns on the charm. If I stay neutral, he gets bored and runs off until his ‘fix’ is refueled then comes back for me and more torture after he believes he has me convinced for the thousandth time. I have endured abuse on every level since as far back as I can remember, starting with my biological father shock , I know. Every relationship I’ve had has put me in a position that has only brought me down in every sense of the word. I feel as though I have been scream ing for help! Actually, I have sought help, although the scars and bruises, cuts and ravaged are now not visible, only on the inside, the pain and resentment are insurmountable…. I do believe in karma, I just have no clue how to keep trash like this out of my life for good. Im afraid, it will be too late soon and then I will lose everything.. So I know, I must act. Now. I just don’t have a clue as to how.
    Always keeping faith. C.

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  26. DogDharma

    Tela, I wish you would write a little more about revenge. At each stage of healing, I think, “This one is the worst,” but they are all hard. Going no contact is hard. Fighting the tsunami is hard. Feeling the pain of something that never existed is hard. Feeling the rage at being so misused and mistreated is hard. Seeing the psychopath head off into the sunset with the next victim is hard. And then wanting revenge when it is against one’s nature is hard. That’s the stage where I am at right now.

    Very much by accident, my psychopath, or one of her minions, or innocent members of her family who had victimized, or perhaps my replacement, found my blog. All sorts of strange things have happened behind the scenes. I doubt my replacement has been fazed. My psychopath is expert at spinning new lies to cover what’s been exposed. She can’t touch me because she’s on the other side of the ocean. I’ve had some good contact with one of her family members hurt by her in a way that is so despicable, I can’t even talk about it. The good in that is that I have been able to put together some of the pieces of the tsunami that haunted me — things I suspected were lies, but never had proof, and lies I never even knew she told. I have also been able to offer some similar pieces to the severely wronged family member who is now ready to go no contact.

    The things my psychopath has done are off the deep end on the scale of horrific. Her children were on the “at risk” register for years and years, even before I met her, and she finally managed to wiggle out of that one. She is a DANGER to anyone. I found myself being in the position of being the only adult who lived with her in her home to witness how she treated her children, and she had most of her family and social services hoodwinked. For the longest time, I was hoodwinked by her as well, and haplessly provided cover.

    She can’t touch me, but I have had to be very careful about how much I expose, because a lot of innocent people could be hurt. And I’ve made promises to the one person she probably hurt more than any that I won’t expose the very worst, unthinkable thing she did. Yet I feel she is so dangerous that exposing as much as I can seems to be the right thing to do. Then the feelings of revenge get mixed in the pot. I question exactly how much I should expose and if my motives are pure. Of course, they’re NOT, but I do feel some kind of duty to warn. My replacement is an adult and responsible (as far as victims are responsible) for what happens to her. But she also has children, and my psychopath is not to be trusted around children.

    Then, I have this sick feeling that no matter what I expose, I’ll be left with the final stage of my own recovery. Nothing left to do but take responsibility for my own life. And that, I think, is THE hardest stage of healing. No more picked up the shattered pieces left on the beach from the tsunami. No more seeking out the truth behind the lies. Just me moving forward.

    And there is also the (by now very faded and dim) hope that she will see what she is and she will somehow change. At least three times while we were together, my psychopath said, “I’m bad for you.” Of course, I had no clue what she was talking about. I thought she was having a moment of low self-esteem and comforted her. But in one of those moments, in retrospect, she seemed to be aware of what she was doing to me and struggling against it. Makes me think there is the tiniest crack of possibility that she could see how she hurt me and the destruction she has wreaked, and maybe maybe maybe make better choices in the future.

    Revenge and justice and accountability and telling one’s truth — all intertwined. So really, I wish you’d write a little more on the topic.

    Apologies for my wordiness. 🙂

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    • Tela

      I will do this for you…..and hopefully it will help you, especially where you are at in the stage of the aftermath of your Tsunami. You are doing good! Just know that. The hell you have been subjected to for so long is deeply ingrained in you~ it’s bringing all the thoughts and actions you listed in this comment, to the forefront that is what is keeping you from actually letting go. So I will post about this {give me a few days as I want each and every reader to be able to relate to it} and hopefully learn and grow. If you need to talk more…please, send me an email!!! telahill1@gmail.com ~big hugs~ to you my friend!!

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  27. Aaliyah

    Well, in most cases I believe that revenge is not the way to go but in my case, revenge is exactly what I needed to move on.

    A bit about my story: I was targeted by a Sociopathic male when I was 16. He lied about being 20 (he was actually 23 or 24); i dated him till i was about 17 and we broke up. He happened to be driving by a new neighborhood where I was living when I was 22 and we dated for some years.

    I knew he was not a great guy, but the illusion he created has me disbelieving other aspects he showed me.

    Suffice it to say, years later (when I had moved on from him but just went to him to get my car fixed) his wife called me and told me that they had been married for years (2 years before we met) and that they had twins by the time we met and a 7 year old. He lied about being married, having kids , his real name, and I realize that when we had gotten back together he showed me a picture of his wife saying it was her sisters who had twin kids. He is truly twisted.

    I was so hurt that someone could have no humanity and do this to another human being. But four months later, I no longer cry and I have accepted what is– revenge helped me achieve this process.

    Initially, I had questions after talking to his wife. So I managed to get information about him (I won’t say how– but it was ingenious) and so I was able to start tracking numbers, people he was in contact with, and information about his family members. I also uncovered he was not a registered mechanic (it’s the law in Ontario that you have to be registered with the Ontario College of Trades); he was not. He also was getting calls from collection agencies under different names which leads me to believe he is using false identities. I also learned from his landlord of his mechanic shop she was trying to terminate his lease and she reported him to the local police for the use of substances with his friends at his place of business. So of course, I reported him through Crime Stoppers, anonymously to the Ontario College of Trades where he is not registered (I hope they see all of the cigarettes on the floor and empty beers). I also messaged his wife on what a Sociopath is anonymously and messaged his friends and family anonymously as well. I also reported him for tax evasion, as I know firsthand he did work without recording it and for the use of fake identities. I did other things as I felt like, all untraceable to me! He will get Karma come back to him, courtesy of me. So I no longer feel victimized and I know that this jerk will have what is coming to him! In doing this, I know he did not care about me, my feelings, he has no remorse and I never expect an apology from him. I did this for me. So, I don’t encourage revenge but in my case, I did it slowly and in a way where he can never link it to me. I can’t guarantee all of this will work but I’m sure Karma is coming his way in general!

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    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment. How could you message his friends ‘anonymously’? And I do not believe in or encourage revenge. In your case?? I can see why you did it 🙂

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  28. plt911

    I dated a beautiful woman at work that I had a crush on since I first layed eyes on her. I got to know her right around the time she had her baby. She confided in me of how much she hated her living situation with her babys father with whom she snuck and married and never changed her name. Any how she was very romantic, possessive, jealous and had an entoxcicating and addictive sex drive that consumed me mentally and physically. I loved her for nearly 5 years and was faithful to her while she lived with her alleged abusive drug dealing husband. She would always speak of how she wanted us to be together more than anything in the world and she would cry. Any how this year in June I got a call from her punk ass husband stating that he went up to my job and made a scene whole I was gone from work. She never contacted me and snuck in to the job while on leave to give statements about our relationship in an attempt to get me fired. She made her self out to be the victim to manament and her husband and even lied about the length of our relationship. Turned out in the investigation she slept with over 6 guys at work since she started. Later she put a love letter full of lies on my car in attempt to make it seem like she is so distraught and depressed and innocent. I wrote her back a letter letting her know that she is the worst piece of shit human I have ever known. Crazy part is she told me exactly what he would do prior to him coming up to my job. She orchestrated the whole thing. What a dirty bitch! Her husband has no idea she is a dick sucker and even slept with a 60 year old man for money and a 45 year old and a 18 year old and and a 37 year old and on and on what a whore.

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  29. Ali

    I have just ended a 3 year relationship with a sociopath. Charming from day 1,promising me the world,i was the love of his life,wanting to marry me.Very possesive,’suggesting’ i change the way i dress,cancel my gym membership,didnt like any of my friends and rather quickly managed to cut them out of my life so all i had was him He wanted a baby with me,at 40 i didnt want a baby,i was happy to jave that freedom but he made having a family so attractive. So i got pregnant. And everything changed. He made excuses to delay moving in with me,didnt help with any baby preparations,staying the night with me dropped from 4 nights to 1. He moved some of his things in the day before i gave birth to our son. The night we brought our son home he made an excuse to go out and didnt come back for 4 hrs. When my son was 2 weeks old i found him on a dating website. When he was a month old he was seriously ill on life support. I didnt leave his side. His father still went to the gym. My son is now 20 months old and in that time his father has told me the most outrageous lies,one of which is that he has testicular cancer. There are too many things for me to write but 2 weeks ago i decided i couldnt take any more and threw him out.i have since found out that he makes a habit of doing this to women,especially ones with money. Im going through so many emotions and i feel like i want to hurt him like he’s hurt me. Hes knowingly and cunningly done this to me and our son and i just want revenge. And yet he makes out hes the victim

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  30. Kyle

    That was really helpful. I have given serious consideration to many disturbing thoughts about my ex. She was fucking people behind my back and convincing me that we would have a family together. Once when i was very sick she stole my money and fucked my neighbor who is a fifty year old meth head and when i found out she laughed at me for not knowing. She never once wore protection. And she doesnt think shes done anything wrong. She is clearly a sociopath. She has tried in the past to convince me to kill myself. If you have any specific advice for me id appreciate it. I cant talk to my family about it, i would never want them to know how pathetic i am. i dont want to hurt anyone. Please help, you seem like a smart person

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    • Tela

      Thank you Kyle for your comment. The thing I find most disturbing is when you said she laughed at you for not knowing what she had been doing. Absolutely no conscience whatsoever! Please send me an email regarding the specific advise you are asking for. telahill1@gmail.com

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  31. DogDharma

    I wrote about this somewhat tangentially in my post entitled “Discard.” Anger has never been a strong part of my repertoire. Nor revenge. The thoughts of revenge are there, but I seldom act on them. I always think they will only result in bad karma for me and not be satisfying, nor the right kind of energy to put in the world. Psychopaths will only laugh to see such additional energy expended on their behalf. At the same time, I would like to see my wife exposed for what she did and to tell my truth.

    I my “Discard” post, I wrote about finding out that she was already in a relationship with another woman at the very same time she was still trying to reel me in and scam more money for me through various lies.

    The part I left out was that, once her last scam was played out — and she’d claimed she’d left OW because she “loved me,” and oh, yes, can you send more money,” I had prepared and uploaded a whole portfolio of irrefutable evidence of what my P had done, and shared it with OW. The net result was that OW refused to hear or listen, and blocked me. But the seed was planted, and I hope that someday she will return to the information I shared and think, “I wish I had listened.” We never learn until we are ready to learn.

    Perhaps there is a fine line between openly telling one’s truth and revenge. For the moment, I’ve found it to be quite therapeutic, and I’d like to do what I can to both advance my own healing and to educate people about the kinds of psychopaths who are not necessarily behind prison bars, but living amongst us, how to recognize them, what the patterns are, and how to put the pieces back together in the aftermath.

    Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall,
    Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall,
    All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
    Couldn’t put Humpty-Dumpty together again.

    We’re going to change the end of that nursery rhyme!

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  32. Woodie Side

    When your mother, father and siblings are sociopaths: They will present as a cult like entity. Usually, the sociopathic family will live near each other or on the same property. They must always be in close contact to continue their neverending drama, deceit and deception. They are masters of deceptions, yet many people see their lies and demise. They never see it. They live day by day, in a fantasy world of their own making, creating more false images, more lies, exploiting the weak around them, always keeping their perceived “enemies” close, because inwardly they know they are their own worst enemy….they are dying creatures. So outwardly filled with life, but so inwardly filled with death. Their destruction will be swift. All they worked for, all they lied for, all they hurt others for, will come back to burn them in ways they can never get out of, they’ve had multiple chance to repent, they never do. They are sick, evil diabolical things that will perish in the worst ways. A very very few are saved. But most will perish…..Their own lies eat them alive. Their own sins hurt their own family. But they are too stupid to see it. Too weak and narcissitic to stop it. Only a few are strong enough to stop it. And the smartest one, just run, turn their backs and never look back at such a sorry, pathetic state of human disaster. Woodside, California.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Woodie for your comment. I think your statement ‘so outwardly filled with life, but so inwardly filled with death’ is a fairly accurate way to describe some Sociopaths.

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  33. AL

    I love this post. Here is how my sociopath got her “revenge”. I was dating her for one year and after one year, I saw her for who she was and put an end to the relationship. She tried to reel me in but with no avail.

    Since she realized she had no control anymore, she found a new victim and started flaunting him on Facebook publicly. We were in a long distance so she couldn’t “get me” in person. I had deleted her from Facebook…

    Yes, I made the mistake of snooping on her profile and she was posting countless pictures in Public. So I blocked her… and guess what… she removed all of them.

    Thank god, I understood what she is made of otherwise I would have been destroyed.

    All I know is that they will keep repeating the same patterns over and over again and that’s how I get close.

    AL

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    • Tela

      Thank you Al for your comment. Amazing what she did once you turned the tables on her. Whilst I will never suggest someone embarking on revenge {as it can cause more harm}, what you did was subtle. And you are correct, they just continue to seek out new ‘victims’ {supply source} only to repeat the same pattern. You are indeed lucky to end the relationship before you were destroyed!

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    • Melanie

      I dated a sociopath for two years. I knew something was off, wrong, odd, every time he gave me excuses instead of answers. I knew from the beginning and i stayed anyway. In the end I called him out on every lie I could recall and broke up with him.

      I had no idea just how much i had been lied to about.. when the clouds cleared out and i was able to see him- not the smoke and mirror version i would have willingly given my life for – i was so devastated. I had lost everything. Worst of all I had lost the friend I believed him to be. He was my whole world. I turned my back on friends and family that opposed him. I isolated myself to be closer to him…and he literally erased me from existence. It was as simple as deleting me from his phone.

      For the first few days my grief was so profound that I welcomed death. I could not make sense of the obvious delusion, I could not seperate myself from the harsh cold reality. I cried, I became even more withdrawn…my job suffered and my personal relationships were already gone.

      It quickly became obvious that he had drained what energy he could from me and when there was no more -my existence ended for him. I could not have been more bitter. I wanted answers…the sadest part of that is there were none. How do you question something that never existed? I am always in search of knowledge, I treated this no differently. In my search for some kind of explanation, I started a list of behaviors he had exhibited and compared things I had gone through with him. It was nauseating to find that what I was dealing with was a sociopath …and he fit the profile like a textbook case. Every calculated maneuver was a step closer to my demise.

      The pain was unbearable. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. It was the worst thing I had ever felt…but after a few more days I became numb. There were no more tears. There wasn’t anything.

      That’s about the time I found pictures of what was going on behind my back on the Internet. I had seen enough.

      I purposely set my social page to publicly display every picture, memory, poem, empty promise I had kept throughout our two years and I sent a message to the other woman that simply said “I have a story to tell, are you willing to listen? “…20 minutes later my phone was ringing.

      He tried to convince me that I had destroyed myself, he had done no wrong. Said that he had begun to rethink his decisions and was reconsidering being with me. Wanted me to explain why I was trying to wreck his life. I simply, told him that he no longer had any control over me my life or the way I felt. I was done with his deceit and false persona. I promised him that when she did come searching for answers I was ready, and that I had saved every lie he ever told me. I had nothing else to lose and I was not afraid of him.

      Although she did not accept my invitation, it was enough to upset the world he had created. She had seen enough to make him defend himself against me…and that’s all I really needed. For his defences to be on high alert, he had no choice but to lie to her some more.

      I do not regret any of it. He served a purpose in my life, I experienced things I otherwise would not have, I learned some very important lessons, and I did not let him win. I grieve for the part of me he killed….but I continue to get stronger with every passing day. I know that every bleeding heart that crosses his path is a new vicitm and I cannot warn them all, but I feel better knowing that I did not step down quietly.

      For those who read this in search of some type of answer to their own questioned please know that you are not alone. You will recover. Your life will get better while theirs will never change. They are empty. Soulless. Lifeless without a victim. Stand up for yourself and get on with living…waste no more energy on something that doesn’t exist.

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      • wendy

        melanie, your story virtually mirrors mine. It must be a text book pattern that each one of these men follow. My partner is wonderful and dreadful in equal measure. He makes me feel like the happiest person on this planet one moment and the lowest form of life in the next. I am still with him, not having the strength to just walk away, even though he has hurt and betrayed me almost continuously.
        I have one difference – and it’s not an advantage, it’s a curse – he would struggle without me in his life. I do have something of a hold on him, and unfortunately my own pathology feeds off this and sticks around for more pain and humiliation.
        My biggest fear is having to suffer what you have and be left with that empty numbness of feeling that you have lost the greatest friend and lover you have and will ever know.
        Like you, I have cried to friends and family about him, because I need their validation of how badly he treats me and how I deserve better, but now I am lying to them and pretending that he isn’t in my life anymore, so that they dont become tired of my perpetual drama. I am self-isolating as a result.
        You see, I have insight, but I do not have strength. Not yet. Reading your story does help me think – Iam not alone, and I can move on with my life.
        Thank you!

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