it does not mean to be in a place
where there is no pain, confusion,
or sorrow. it means to be in
the midst of those things and still
be calm in your heart
The past is good for two things: To Learn From and Enjoy. YES! I said enjoy. It is probably difficult to figure out what ‘enjoyment’ you can get from your Sociopath or Psychopath. Because they have the ability to be horrible and wonderful at the same time, the enjoyments were sporadic at best. The past is a dangerous neighborhood when involved with a Sociopath, and we don’t necessarily like to visit that place. However, it is essential for healing and moving forward. Sometimes we have to visit that neighborhood often, and that is perfectly ok! At one time it was a great place to be. Prior to jumping on the crazy train .
Do you have guilt? Could you have done something differently? If you are holding onto guilt over something you had no control over, you are acting the martyr. Harsh I know. Acting the martyr is of no benefit to you, just like carrying around a wagon full of guilt is of no benefit to you. Realize, you had no control over the relationship with your Sociopath, Psychopath. But now you have the control of letting go of the guilt. 🙂
We all carry shame from a relationship with a Sociopath. This shame lives deep in the hidden places of our hearts. Do not confuse Shame with Guilt. Guilt is saying ‘I’ve done something bad’, whereas Shame is saying ‘I am bad’. We are not bad for falling in love with a Narcissistic Sociopath! We are not bad for doing any and everything we knew to make the relationship work, even at the expense of our own happiness and sanity. There is no Shame in loving someone~ now it is time to love yourself.
Secrets~No one is exempt from having deep dark secrets from their life with a Sociopath or Psychopath. Countless excuses we made to our families, friends and even to ourselves for them. Time and again swallowing their bullshit lies only to have to lie for them. Being abused, yet lying about the abuse. We are as sick as our secrets, and to get better is to tell our secrets. Basically tell on ourselves. This can be done via blogging, or with a close trusted friend (I emphasize trusted as you don’t want to share a secret and have someone throw it back at you). A family member, or your clergy. Somehow, you have to get the secrets out~ So many times we allow ourselves to go back to the old memory neighborhood and try and resolve something~ but we cannot. We ride the emotional roller coaster, which at times feels like it is stuck not moving. This is because we have unhealed feelings. Make peace with them!