A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Making Peace With The Past

 

peace.

it does not mean to be in a place

where there is no pain, confusion,

or sorrow. it means to be in

the midst of those things and still

be calm in your heart 

tela hill

 

 

 

The past is good for two things: To Learn From and Enjoy. YES! I said enjoy. It is probably difficult to figure out what ‘enjoyment’ you can get from your Sociopath or Psychopath. Because they have the ability to be horrible and wonderful at the same time, the enjoyments were sporadic at best. The past is a dangerous neighborhood when involved with a Sociopath, and we don’t necessarily like to visit that place. However, it is essential for healing and moving forward. Sometimes we have to visit that neighborhood often, and that is perfectly ok! At one time it was a great place to be. Prior to jumping on the crazy train .

Do you have guilt? Could you have done something differently? If you are holding onto guilt over something you had no control over, you are acting the martyr. Harsh I know. Acting the martyr is of no benefit to you, just like carrying around a wagon full of guilt is of no benefit to you. Realize, you had no control over the relationship with your Sociopath, Psychopath. But now you have the control of letting go of the guilt. 🙂

We all carry shame from a relationship with a Sociopath. This shame lives deep in the hidden places of our hearts. Do not confuse Shame with Guilt. Guilt is saying ‘I’ve done something bad’, whereas Shame is saying ‘I am bad’. We are not bad for falling in love with a Narcissistic Sociopath! We are not bad for doing any and everything we knew to make the relationship work, even at the expense of our own happiness and sanity. There is no Shame in loving someone~ now it is time to love yourself.

Secrets~No one is exempt from having deep dark secrets from their life with a Sociopath or Psychopath. Countless excuses we made to our families, friends and even to ourselves for them. Time and again swallowing their bullshit lies only to have to lie for them. Being abused, yet lying about the abuse. We are as sick as our secrets, and to get better is to tell our secrets. Basically tell on ourselves.  This can be done via blogging, or with a close trusted friend (I emphasize trusted as you don’t want to share a secret and have someone throw it back at you). A family member, or your clergy. Somehow, you have to get the secrets out~  So many times we allow ourselves to go back to the old memory neighborhood and try and resolve something~ but we cannot. We ride the emotional roller coaster, which at times feels like it is stuck not moving. This is because we have unhealed feelings. Make peace with them! 

©sociopathlife.com  ©sociopathworld.wordpress.com

 

 

 

 

4 Responses to “Making Peace With The Past”

  1. smoovness1980

    I am both feeling guilty and shameful because I found myself lying to my family and friends that I was not communicating with my ex sociopath girlfriend after the break up. I gave in and sent her a love message just two days after our last time together and the day we broke up. I told her how much I missed her and I couldn’t understand how she just dumped me like that. She didn’t respond for a week and then poured on the guilt trips of how could you leave me when you promised to always be there for me!!! So much crap. And I responded and yet lied to family and friends I hadn’t. Each time we got back together after I swore I was done with her I felt hopeless and weak for going back after my family told me not to. They said she was mental and had too many problems: I still went back and made up lame ass excuses as to why I did. And the shitty part was I always knew we would never last as a couple. I knew sooner or later I would get tired of her bullshit or she would dump me and move on to another guy. I still went back!!!

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    • Tela

      Smoovness1980, please do not carry the guilt or shame. Yes, you lied to family friends, but at the time you had so much hope that THIS TIME things would work out. It sometimes takes many breakups/makeups to FINALLY say enough is enough! Yes, it is hard as hell to start no contact and then to STICK with it. But do you really want to continue living your life like you have? In a constant state of mental chaos?

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  2. tia

    I have both feelings – shame and guilt. I have ended a relationship with a man that I lived with for 6 years just to be with ” the love of my life” who turned out to be a sociopath. And now almost 8 years later, I am facing this pain and devastation, alone, brokenhearted. How can I forgive myself?
    I also feel shame. Everyone, including my parents, my close friends, my co-workers at the time – were telling me not to enter that relationship, and when I did, they still tried to tell me to end it. They pointed out all the red flags that were there…but I didn’t listen.
    My sociopath got married to another woman right in the middle of our relationship, in 2012, and I still didn’t leave. You know what I did? I had a baby with him, because I thought it will make him committed to me.. i am 44 years old, I have no one I can actually open up to, and tell my story. Because I am ashamed. I feel so stupid, and worthless. I don’t know how to live. And also I can’t keep no contact. I think the longest I was able to hold on was 2 weeks. Now I feel like I owe my son.. i just don’t know what to do.

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    • Tela

      Tia~ only you can forgive yourself. And by that I mean, forgiveness does not equal acceptance of what this man did to you!! As far as friends/family etc. telling you what to do about the Sociopath, until THEY have encountered & been sucked into their hell, they have no idea what you have & are going through. Please send me an email: TaelaHill@mail.com

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