A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Healing And Time

You have asked yourself many times, ‘why is it taking so long to get over the ex’. There are several possible reasons, though each person is individual in their healing and recovery from a Sociopath. It does not matter if you were married for many years, or had a months long relationship, it takes a very long time to heal from these people.

A Sociopath give us manufactured love and this starts at the onset of the relationship. When you met, they made you feel something you never had with another. They idealized you, complimented often, constant contact. Conversations were easy and there was never disagreements. They made you feel perfection. And this is the manufactured love of the relationship, their love was not soul based, but rather control {emotional/physical}, and possibly material and/or financial based. Manufactured love does not require them to feel the love that you do. Meaning, it is very easy for them to manipulate, deceive, abuse without any conscience.

This manufactured love then turned into a chemical dependency. I know your thinking ‘no way! I did not have a chemical dependency on the ex’.  This is done by giving you praise,wanting to spend all their time with you,  making you feel that perfection in the beginning. The chemicals released in our brains when we are happy are Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin & Endorphine. The Sociopath creates a happy habit of these chemicals with the constant approval, affection, compliments, sex and so on. Your happiness then starts to depend on the Sociopaths approval of you. You become dependent on this and work harder at the relationship to keep this happiness. While your trying harder, the Sociopath is slowly ‘starving’ you of this chemical.

Infidelity & cheating. Two of the most classic traits of a Sociopath. While you were committed to building a life with whom you thought was the perfect person, they were committed to creating a life with multiple  partners. Oftentimes when a relationship with a Sociopath ends, they have no problem sailing on to their next partner, and posting about it on various social networks, or letting your mutual friends/co-workers know how “happy” they are now. This hurts! And hurts deeply. It seems almost impossible to accept that the person you loved so much could just walk out with no regard to your feelings and deep love. *see above on manufactured love*

Triangulation is done by the Sociopath to protect them. They do this by turning family and friends against you. Feeding you false information about what “everyone” is saying about you. You begin to think that maybe you are the one who actually has a problem, this is done by gaslighting along with triangulation. You may find yourself talking to family and friends and they just don’t seem to understand {or accept} what you went through. You may feel totally abandoned, and no one seems to understand.

There is no set amount of time to recover from a relationship with a Sociopath. You have a feeling of numbness, anger, loneliness, and a deep feeling of emptiness. You gave your heart & soul to that person. Now you are trying to salvage what’s left of it.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”   gautama buddha

©SociopathLife.com

11 Responses to “Healing And Time”

  1. marzipanowl

    It’s only been 13 days since I found out that he’s cheated on me repeatedly and most likely since the very beginning. 13 days since I’ve figured out he is a sociopath. I have suspected something is wrong with him for a while, though. I’ve discussed it many times with a close friend of mine in the past few months, when his facade started to crumble rapidly. We both tried to figure out what it could be. But now I no longer have any doubt in my mind.

    In a way, this is the easiest break-up I’ve ever had. It’s because I don’t miss him. Because I know this guy was never real. I know everything he told me in the past four years were just lies. When I broke up with other partners, there was always some sadness at what I’ve lost and what could have been. But with him I know I haven’t lost anything that’s real, and the only thing that could have been would have been horrible for me.

    Sometimes I feel really good but then I relapse and can barely breathe and start to cry and I just want to yell at him. I’ve not contacted him in several days and don’t think I will. I have no urge to do so. I did want my things back but he ignored my request entirely. We’ve not spoken since I found out he’s been cheating and lying for years. At first he tried to deny it, but once several women confirmed he dated them, I guess he figured there’s no more point in lying to me and I wouldn’t serve as his supply anymore so he stopped writing.

    I do struggle with coming to terms with the fact that he is this extremely disturbed. I also struggle with letting him get away with things. He can continue to destroy lives, cause severe emotional/mental damage, etc. I’ve read all the things about there being no point in taking revenge, and I can totally see there’s no point. But god, it’s just so frustrating that there’s nothing one can do to save others. I’ve saved one woman but unfortunately I can’t save them all. This is weighing heavily on my conscience because unlike him I have empathy and I don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through and waste days, weeks, months or even years on him.

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  2. brenda

    I’ve been reading many Narcissistic sites but this is an extra level of info. We do so need all these support sites to just keep us going. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Tela

      Thank you Brenda for your comment. Please share your thought’s, emotions, questions, experiences….if you care to. I truly understand what you have and are going through. xx

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  3. AlohaLover

    I didn’t know where to write this so I chose Healing / Time because it takes time to heal and I have come a long…long…..LONG way from the person I was when I first found this site to today.
    It’s been a year and 6 months since he left but I have taken all photos out of my phone and Ipad. And it felt…..nothing. I felt nothing for him.No emotion at all. I looked at his face on the pics and knew when the smile was BS and when it wasn’t. And when it was BS, I wanted to ‘ DEXTER ‘ him because it was at that time I found out and cornered him.
    I guess the point I want to make is…. In your own time, each of you will get to a point where you can delete and not feel a thing. It’s in your time. Stay strong!

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    • Tela

      Thank you ALohaLover for your comment. I cannot tell you how proud of you I am that you were able to finally delete his photos off your phone. Yes, that is like erasing a part of your life that YOU held so dear, yet meant absolutely nothing to the ex. Look back at these 18 months………look at the roller coaster of HELL OF EMOTIONS you were/are on. And now, today, you feel ‘nothing’. That is exactly what he ‘felt’, was nothing the whole time you two were together. Yes! The gifts {guilt gifts, remember that!}, Yes! The trips, Yes the plans for the future, Yes, his words when he said “I love you” {which interpreted to: i don’t love her, but i’m suppose to say those words}, Yes, all the memories you two made that You can remember and are etched in your mind forever. As far as the ex……..there are no memories of you two. He was never engage in the relationship from day one, therefore, there is nothing in his head that reminds him of you~ EVER! You are a remarkable, strong woman who has been to Hell and literally crawled herself out. Stay strong!! ❤

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      • AlohaLover

        I didn’t know where I should post this but I decided this was a good place for what I have to say.

        Time does heal and healing takes time.

        I’m going through things, stuff, boxes and I came across a beautiful leather bound journal that I bought for the EX and I to “communicate”. This is while we were still together and I caught him cheating, and as we know, sociopaths never, ever like to be caught and confronted as they can’t quite get out of it that easy. So he sold me a line of goods on how it was hard for him to communicate and that it was easier to write it. I bought this journal and made the first entry and left it on his pillow where he would find it and write his deepest thoughts. No need to go back to how he felt but OMG WHAT A BUNCH OF BS !!!! And at the time, I bought it. Now as I read it and I know a bit about the mind of a sociopath, I just laughed….no tears…..no sadness…..just shook my head and laughed.
        As I read it, I noticed how he was so precise and calculated in turning the issue back onto me. And the next entry by me was ” I’m sorry, I made you feel that way….blah…blah…blah….” .
        My point is, you may be feeling there is no calm, no peace, no freedom in sight, but there is….I promise you…..there is. It’s not you.

        Time does heal and healing takes time.

        Stay strong….you will get through this.

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  4. smoovness1980

    I figured this was the best topic to post under. It’s been two weeks since NC began again!! Three weeks ago, after one week of NC, I gave in and reached out to her about something silly. I knew what I was doing. I really wanted to just hear from her!!! It’s such a horrible feeling giving in just for that fix. I felt like i told her all the things that were wrong with her for once and it led to her literally flipping out and involving my family in our issues. Well it’s been two weeks since then. She has not tried contacting me at all. She Most likely already has her latest victim to keep her occupied and it hurts inside to think of that!! I should be feeling bad for whoever it is but I feel jealous instead. I know the only reason she wanted to stay in contact after our breakup was to have a safety net or I’m sure a backup. Well two weeks later and I have that itch to reach out to her again. I find myself searching for some bullshit reason to make sense of this feeling. I’m assuming it’s my addiction to my sociopath ex. Cold turkey is a bitch!! I’ve had dreams of holding her or having sex with her. Cuddling on the couch to one of our favorite movies. I wake up wanting to call her without the memory of all the bad shit that drove me nuts!! I’m trying really hard to stay on this path of NC. I want to just be over her for good!!! I’m really looking forward to the day I won’t have her in my mind anymore. These are my personal and sensitive feelings that I’m sure you all can relate to. It feels good to know I’m not alone. I’m really trying here friends.

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    • Tela

      smoovness1980, I know how terribly hard this NC is! And the jealous thoughts you have are completely normal! Remind yourself of when you first met her, life was ‘bliss’, same thing the new guy is experiencing. I am going to give you a cold reality check here: SHE HAS NOT CHANGED!!!!! She is going through the motions with the new guy, and is

        always

      the case, that relationship will end as well. He will be right where you are! Wondering what in the hell happened? Who was she????
      ‘Cold Turkey’ or whatever term you want to use is a bitch! The withdrawals SUCK! You find yourself constantly thinking of her, what is she doing, does she miss me, does she even remember the good times, does she even THINK about me. I will give you the one word answer NO! She was not ‘connected’ to you in the same way you were to her. She did not LOVE you in the normal sense of LOVE. She loved she could verbally abuse you, she LOVED she could manipulate you. She LOVED she could push you away just to pull you back into her bullshit black world of Sociopath.
      Stop looking at your phone and waiting for her to contact you. All your doing is waiting for that next TEMPORARY FIX that will start the withdraw process all over again. Be strong, I know your doubting yourself and that too is normal. I promise you, you will get through this horrific heartbreak, numbness, craziness etc. Don’t try and speed the process up. You have to reconcile each and every emotion you feel at that particular moment. I know you are wishing she would change, or wake up and realize how wonderful you are. Sadly, a Sociopath does not think anyone is wonderful other than themselves.

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  5. Karina

    I came across this site last week after learning/trying to accept that my mother is a sociopath. I used to joke that I was a sociopath magnet. I’ve known many of these people throughout the years and was fortunate enough to keep a safe distance…with the exception of the aforementioned parent…and then nearly two years ago, I met someone who made me feel things that I didn’t know it was possible for me to feel. I was happy, almost blissfully giddy, despite the fact that the further I let him (brought him-?) into my life, the more the rest of my life was breaking down. I remember thinking that it was okay, that it would all be fine because at least we’d be in it together. He loved me, we were soul mates, I was safe…I even believed that he had cured me of my autism. I may have felt as if I was sitting on top of the (figurative) world, but it was a broken world…and he disappeared from it just as suddenly as he’d come into it. There were so many lies, so many promises…and I hate myself because there is a part of me that refuses to stop loving him. Two years later and now married to someone else, I still can’t let go. Thank you for making this site. This is the first I’ve dared to talk about him. Your words are very accurate indeed.

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    • Tela

      Karina~ please don’t hate yourself because you believed in and trusted someone. You cannot have those feelings about yourself, because that is exactly what a Sociopath does!! They destroy our core being, why? Because they don’t have one! The systematically/ silently destroy every piece of your mind/heart and soul. You ‘love’ the person you initially met, that was a pure, innocent love. And you so desperately want to know that he loved you the same. But if you read through my articles, you will see, he was completely unable and/or unwilling to love you! That’s why the lies, deception, broken promises etc. Somehow you need to start reconciling the ‘love’ you have for him, and the feelings of not being able to let go…..he did! He has sailed on and I’m sure has not looked back. Thank you for sharing with me what you went through. Please know, I truly do know where you have been and where you are at. If you need to reach out to me, you can email me at TelaHill1@gmail.com ~hugs~ to you. And keep that head up! You will eventually get to the ‘letting go part’.

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  6. Just Me

    This blog / website…I just stumbled upon you this morning and I am so thankful. I believe, for me anyway, this type of breakup, pain, sorrow, healing etc….is so tough because IT’S NOT NORMAL….he / she IS NOT NORMAL. There is nothing sane about what happened to me / you. It was cold, calculated and cunning.
    I’m just getting stronger each time I read something here and I know that one day Karma will come calling, his house of cards will fall and HE is a very tormented soul.

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