Getting over a relationship and/or marriage with a Narcissist, Sociopath is a wonderful achievement. And yes, it is an achievement! However, it’s not much of an achievement if you stay inside watching Netflix™ all weekend.
These are some suggestions on getting out and finding an epic functional(not dysfunctional) mutually loving relationship. And this includes leaving all of your beat up baggage behind you. Sure, the scar’s will forever remain, but you can and will cover those scar’s with love. Is anyone really ever ready to start dating? Or do we find ourselves watching the world go by and we are on the outside, alone, wondering when we will be ready? Truth is, you will know when your ready and you will take a totally different approach the next time~hopefully.
- take small concrete steps back into dating~with the right effort, the right thinking and the right action, your actions will have good intentions and will be purposeful, yet also hopeful and not forced.
- Online Dating~personally, I would never do this, simply because I feel it is a HUGE playing field for Narcissist and Sociopath’s to prey upon someone and gather what could be a lot of information with a click of a button. However, if you are comfortable with online dating, then set up a profile and see what happens. I found this quiz online, and I actually laughed because as we know SO WELL, a Sociopath cannot and/or will not tell the truth, so this test is easily manipulated like anything else they do. And with online dating it would be easy to get discourage if all the ’emails’, ‘winks’ etc are from someone 20+ years older than you! I have seen the ‘success’ commercials, so if your good with online dating, then go for it!
- Tell Your Friends your ready to date~your friends probably attended your pity parties during the dysfunctional relationship with your Sociopath. So they are aware of what you have been through, and can ‘screen’ some potential dates!
- When your out and about doing errands, really take notice of the people around you. If your in line, start up a conversation. Random I know, but then again you never know what can come of it. Cease any opportunity. And especially if these people are at say a Pet Store, or Wine Market then there is already some similarities to your likes.
- Church and/or Support Groups~excellent way to meet someone who has been through what you have, or has a Spiritual foundation similar to you. Remember, you just came out of Polar Opposite and someone giving you an illusion they had the qualities you were looking for.
After you meet someone, and start dating, remember these few things:
- Be ‘present’ on the date. Don’t fast forward to your future and imagine what your unborn children will look like. And don’t have preconceived thoughts about if and when things will progress. Just enjoy the moment of the date 🙂
- Don’t get frustrated easily. Yes, you have put a lot of effort to get where you are, and don’t want the frustration factor setting in. Example~you really like someone and they haven’t replied to your text or phone call, or you have one bad date. Or you have gone on multiple dates and find yourself at the end thinking ‘bleh’. Tell yourself your taking your time and you owe it to you!
- How easy it is to interpret what someone said as ‘this is to personal’, or ‘this is a red flag’. After coming out of a relationship with a Sociopath, your defenses are up (understandably), and there is about a level of zero trust. No one say’s you have to have a repeat date….it’s about choices now (remember the choices you had but did not matter when you were involved with the Sociopath?) Lower the defenses, and take control 🙂
Dating should be fun!! And not a traumatic experience that you dread more and more. Keep yourself centered! And remember, it’s about YOU!