A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Boundaries

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The first step is figuring out exactly what you want your boundaries to be. Sociopaths do not like boundaries. They are like children who will test them, or even think boundaries do not pertain to them.  Sociopaths can make you feel like you do not have an option to have boundaries in place. Remember, this is about YOU, and children, if you have them. Because you are already familiar and have been victimized by their ability to manipulate you, these boundaries need to be one’s that YOU can abide by as well. Once the Sociopath figures out your weakness, they will make you feel powerless and defeated. This is where you need to dig deep for the strength and willpower! And if you, yourself, cannot abide by the boundaries, then it is pointless to try and make a crazy person abide by them.

Some of the boundaries that you may need are:

  1. Physical Boundaries~ if you are already removed from the same environment as your Sociopath,  you now have the authority and ability to enforce the physical boundary. If they want to visit the child/children you may suggest meeting at a neutral location and not having them invade your personal home. {your home is now your sanctuary}. If that is not possible, have a friend or family member present so they are less likely to ‘act up’. And if that is not possible, and you have to be present, realize no matter what, the two of you made the child/children together so the Ex is entitled to a relationship {no matter how dysfunctional}. In this situation, once again, you have the power not to get sucked into crazy….do not criticize what they say to the child/children, this will only start a narcissist rage..instead remain calm {I know, very difficult}. But remember, the visitation is not permanent and you will have the ability to console the child, and also to dispel any fear placed in the child/children etc. If you have a working relationship, once again, you have the power  not to be sucked back into crazy-keep it on a professional level. If your Ex want’s to come over and ‘talk about things’, absolutely NOT! You will be inviting the evil into your sanctuary. IF, IF you need to talk to he/she, it can be done over the phone {where you have control to hang up}, or via email/text. {where once again, you have control whether to respond or not}. Boundaries are about control~get it back!
  2. Emotional Boundaries-why do Sociopaths and Narcissist spend so much time  and effort into creating an illusion of a meaningful relationship? Considering they cannot bond with another human. They do it for the ‘thrill of the chase’, the seduction then the betrayal. They enjoy creating the illusion of someone and something they are not. With this knowledge, your emotional boundaries need to be set in place for an illusionDifficult, I know! But do-able. The first, and most important step is to realize, you have to now put your emotional well-being first and foremost.I’m sure you have been told if you would have not done this or that, or said this or that , none of ‘this would be happening’. Well guess what? You are dealing with a empty, hollow, illusion of an individual,  so of course ‘everything is your fault’. Take your fair share of your own faults, but not theirs. You need to be assertive with your emotional boundary {which will be interpreted as rude or mean}. Sociopaths and Narcissist  project a Grandiose nature about themselves, however, they have a very low self-esteem and do internalize what you say to them. So stick with your assertiveness! Let them realize YOU are now taking back control of YOUR emotions. Stop responding to emails and text messages {unless they are in regards to children}. Stop giving them the emotional validation.
  3. Financial Boundaries-let’s face it, money is a mean’s to an end. Some of us have successful career’s and have done well in life, Sociopaths and/or Narcissist are not willing to put forth the effort for financial independence {for the most part}, there are some who do have career’s, and have provided for their families. If you are dependent on your Ex Sociopath,  for financial reason’s this is a very difficult boundary, as it may enable your current living condition, or child’s tuition etc. If you have a court order, chances are your Ex does not feel he/she needs to abide by it. Typical, remember, rules are not in place for them {that is how they think}. They may bark order’s at you on ‘how to spend the child support’, or threaten to ‘cut you off’. Don’t fall into that emotional trap! Remember, it is and will always be about control. With those threat’s, try not to acknowledge them, and if you do- one word needs to be said: “OK”. That’s it~’ok’. Make sure you have an attorney or solicitor that is familiar with Personality Disorder’s. I write about that in this post, very very important, as you may have to be in constant contact with your attorney so that child and/or spousal support is enforced.  You may also find yourself, maybe for the first time, having to work outside of the home. Take baby-step’s, figure out what you can or cannot do and do NOT be overwhelmed. I know you probably cannot see that, in time, everything will work out!! Just have patience with yourself!
  4. Future Boundaries- Let’s face it, if you reading this then you may question, ‘will I ever be normal’,’ will I ever be able to move on’? The answer’s to both of these questions is YES! I always say, The Future Happen’s One Day At A Time. Try not to look beyond today, hard as that is when you have a barrage of emotions and fear’s going on. Now that you are out from under the dark spell of your Sociopath,  you will have a crystal clear picture of who and what you don’t want in your life. I believe we all have gone through this for a reason! That reason being is we escaped, barely, with our head still screwed on {it might be a little messed up}, but it is there. And we now have the ability to make a better life for our-self. It is up to you to set the Future Boundaries because you have that ability and control. 🙂

©sociopathlife.com  ©sociopathworld.wordpress.com

6 Responses to “Boundaries”

  1. Karoly

    Zoey,The first incident of vleoince from my ex came at the point where he had just began emptying my bank of the money from my house sale (but I hadnt found out at that point). He did this because I discovered an Msm message, and he beat me with a poker, and tried to strangle me just to get the Iphone it was on from my hand. He told me his actions were because I was paranoid and controlling and that the message was from a friend using his sisters’ email address. Of course I didnt really believe him but I had already invested such a lot in the relationship because of my love for him and he had ostracised me from my mother that although reeling from the discovery I failed to act on it. I do believe that this initial vleoince was a desperate move to keep the control until he had finished taking from me, as he was able to stop being violent from then on, until he had got all of the money from the bank and had the other woman under his spell. During those few weeks though he became a full blown narcissist and I was in a state of shock seeing the man who had been so close to me (and controlling of me before) suddenly become someone completely different. That was when I checked the bank and confronted him then the vleoince again and the hasty departure from my life (despite my still telling him that it was only money and if he had a gambling problem or anything we would sort it). It doesnt matter in the end how nice or understanding you are . if you are no longer of use you are dead to them. Its a long road to recovery but there is no other road and the sooner we are on that road the better.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Rivka

      So true: if you are no longer of use, you are dead to them.
      Ouch. It was so painful when the narcissist turned on me… his biggest defender! His cruelty was shocking. It came out of nowhere. And that was it. I was dead to him. (much better now, thank you.)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Lizzie

        Yes!!!! Only him and sister are identical!!! She actually said you are dead to me. Creepiest family ever

        Liked by 1 person

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