A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Happy Birthday

….to me ^^’^^’

candles

This is a big birthday. I think some refer to this as the transition from 30 something to middle age?My 30’s were terrific, hell, everyday is terrific!

“Most of us can remember a time when a birthday – especially if it was one’s own – brightened the world as if a second sun has risen.” 😎  thomas moore

Each year on my birthday I try and take a look back at myself and the year that’s behind me as well as the one that lies ahead. I do this more on my birthday than on New Year’s. Reflecting on this past year, I can say there were definitely some craptastic days! Some better than other days, and some fabulous days! However, there was an abundance of personal growth, an increased awareness of myself {actually sticking up for myself 😀 ). I did complete a couple of things on my bucket list, which is ever growing. I also started this blog, which has been another area of personal growth. So all in all I can say I am proud of where I have been, how much I have accomplished and excited about this next year.

In addition to my bucket list, I have a couple of things on a ‘see these through’ list for this next year

  • be nicer to myself 😯 we all are our own worst critic!
  • go on more dates ~ i’m not saying be a serial dater, but make more time for dates with my friends and family
  • save an additional $50 a week. ~ i know, that is not a great deal of money, but what that will do is limit my starbucks addiction! 😳
  • not feel guilty about buying~ a bottle of anything, bra’s, or that fabulous dress that i will wear maybe….twice 😉
  • have a little more patience~ this is a doozy! Like this is life changing, how in the hell am i going to do this, doozy!!

So if your reading this blog today, April 12th, I ask that for my birthday ‘gift’ you remind yourself of one thing you are grateful for! And if you will post that. To me, that is such a wonderful gift! We are all grateful, sometimes we just forget to remind ourselves of what we have and not focus on what we have not. So cheers to my birthday 🍸 ⭐ 🍸 ⭐ 🍸 ⭐ and the excitement of beginning a new decade.

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8 Responses to “Happy Birthday”

  1. alohalover

    Hummm….I was looking for a place to put my post, saw Sociopath Anniversary and said…that’s it. Little did I remember that I wrote a post here 2 years ago. Sometimes angels have a way of guiding you to the place you should be.

    The text may come out funky because it’s taken me a few days to write it so I put it on word and for whatever reason, it comes out normal BEFORE you it post and crazy when you actually post it. Sorry for any missing words, as much as I proofread, I always miss something.

    HAPPY Anniversary to me! Happy Freedom Birthday to me!

    April 22,2014 the day my life changed forever. I want to take a few minutes to let all of you know, fighting this fight is worth it. It was a struggle 99% of the time and I got knocked down many times but I had an amazing Angel Friend that kept helping me back on my feet so I could continue to fight my way out of hell.

    It took me 2 ½ years to feel actually good, really good in fact. It took another 2 months for me to listen to the radio when I drove, for fear of hearing a song that would take me back to life with X. When I do hear a trigger song, I’ll either change the station or listen to it and remind myself I liked that song. I have my own car karaoke and can sing as loud as I want to whatever song I want without the fear of him pulling off the road and telling me to get out. Yep, X did that on the way home from Temecula. If he didn’t have the keys to the house, I would have gotten out and taken an Uber / taxi back home. And then of course he was so sorry and it will never happen again….blah…blah. He meticulously turned it around to make it like I was wrong. No asshole, I was trying to keep you awake for the 2 hour drive home.

    I’m not 100% and I don’t know if I ever will be 100% but I’m a better stronger person because of this experience. Just know, you will heal. You’ll recover. You’ll lose friends and gain new ones. Who or what they are or do, is not who you are or what you do. Your mental state of confusion and anxiety will go away. You will be able to see it was all a lie, an illusion. It was a magic trick orchestrated by an evil master magician. They are sad and lonely people who want to be someone they never will be.

    I have survived several smear campaigns and continue to dodge the bullet. That’s all you can do even though your first thought is to strike back and try to right his lies. It will make you look insane and what’s the point? I went to my attorney and he basically said these things happen all the time. Your core friends know you and will not believe him or we can put a lot of great things about you online and the bad will get buried. I opted against that …my thought is, you know where he is why poke a snake. He agreed.

    I will admit to breaking a firm rule of T’s and that is looking at his photo on line. He took down all FB photos and now has an Instagram. I looked and felt nothing. Nothing at all. No pity. It was like looking at a stranger. And the only reason I like to look at his picture is to see how much he has aged. He has aged so much, it’s crazy. He went from Blake Shelton to Keith Richards. For me and only me….it’s a bit of a high because thanks to the Italian in me, I have olive skin that is a tad oily, I don’t smoke, which causes skin damage and I take care of myself. A co-worker thought I was 48…love her! Please don’t do what I am doing…..I don’t advise it. T is totally against it. I do advise getting plenty of sleep, drinking a lot of water,no smoking and use good eye cream and skin regime.

    Friends were the hardest part to deal with for me. Some of them will not believe you at all and that was like a knife in the heart for me. I was mentally abused. PERIOD. The only difference in someone that is physically abused vs someone who is mentally abused are the scars and bruises. No one can see ours, which makes our stories harder to believe. You can either show them evidence, keep telling them or say FU and move on. I’ve done all 3.
    I know I still have healing to do when a man, that I barely know, says to me, in a tone I didn’t appreciate, “You’re not listening to me”. My finger went up in a swirly motion and I said “ Don’t you ever say that to me again, I was listening to you, however your facts were incorrect”. Hummm, that could hinder ever getting a date again.

    X put me in financial disaster. I still have my house but needed to file BK and pay back a specific amount which will be completed next month. I don’t hide that from friends and family. I’m not proud of it by any means but it’s part of what I went through and it’s part of my life lessons. I found I don’t need new clothing every week. I can make a sweater from Walmart look just as good as one from Nordstrom. Accessories are everything. I found that I can say “I can’t go to dinner, because I can’t afford it”. I do my own mani / pedi’s and treat myself to a massage only when I can. I don’t spend like I used too and I live paycheck to paycheck. It’s hard to do when you’ve always had expendable income. This experience may humble you…it did me.

    It’s so much better to be on my own, living in my own house with my dogs, than being with some whore chasing, abusive asshole for the rest of my life. He gave me the biggest gift of all when he discarded me…he gave me my life back. He gave me, the real ME back, not some cookie cutter fake me.
    I want to look at this as time NOT wasted. I’ve been through hell, I survived being with a sociopath…there is little I can’t survive and very little I am afraid of and there is so much I will not tolerate.

    Never forget you are kind, loving and beautiful. If you weren’t the sociopath would not have spun his web around you.
    You’re going to be Ok…more than Ok. I can make and keep this one promise, that a special Angel told me…she said “I promise you’ll be ok, you’ll get through this “ I did and I am celebrating a HUGE milestone today. Happy New Life to me!
    Hang in there and when you feel like crumbling, reach out to anyone on this site. Set backs will get less, thoughts of the sociopath will get less and less and memories will get tucked away and soon blur like rain on a window.
    You’ll be fine. Nothing can harm you.

    Remember…. You’re a diamond, they can’t break you.
    I don’t know who to credit that quote but I love it!

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    • alohalover

      Update….yesterday was like any other Saturday. Got up, did yard work, played with the dogs, took a nap, and then went to dinner with my friend to celebrate. No tears, nothing but feeling grateful.
      You’ll all get there…..promise.

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  2. Rivka

    I’m grateful for the booklet “Psychopath Free” by Peace and for wonderful people like you, Tela, who I met through WordPress. Best wishes for a magnificent year of blessings and loving relationships.

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  3. Amanda Buerki

    I am grateful that you have taken time to share your story so others like myself can diagnose that thing and begin to heal.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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