So here you are, landed on my website. Maybe you used search terms such as pathological liar, manipulation, could my wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend be a sociopath or psychopath, sexual promiscuity, parental alienation, co-parenting with a sociopath, narcissist, why is my partner a liar, one of my family members is involved with a Sociopath how do we get the away? etc.
Since you are searching the web for answers to the many, many questions you have about the relationship you are either in with a Sociopath, or has ended, you find yourself going into The Land of Denial. You just cannot comprehend how a person you loved, you gave EVERY bit of your being to, has basically just tossed you aside as if the (x) amount of months or years you spent with them were nothing but a pure lie. Yes! That time was nothing but pure deceit, pathological lying, gas lighting , blame shifting, emotional manipulation, mental abuse, the Sociopath living a dual life and so on. HOW? WHY?
The most simple answer for the HOW and WHY is a Sociopath has what’s called Cognitive Dissonance. “Cognitive dissonance can occur in many areas of life, but it is particularly evident in situations where an individual’s behavior conflicts with beliefs that are integral to his or her self-identity”. The state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude changes. One minute the Sociopath tells you “I love you more than any person ever in my life”, the next minute ‘you are the worst person they have ever encountered.’
You replay over and over and over some more in your head the relationship, and with the replay, you find yourself going into The Land of Denial. “Maybe I am the one with the problem(s), maybe I should have been more forgiving, maybe I shouldn’t have said xyz,” Then back to, ‘no, they are the one’s who are fucked up, they are the one who verbally abused me and lied straight faced to me. The most horrific mental manipulation that has ever happened to you.’ Then back to The Land of Denial. You think because (x) number of day’s or months have passed that the Sociopath has change! NO!!!! So your back in The Land of Denial. You have tried……and failed NO CONTACT , thinking that given the amount of time that had passed the ex will be happy to hear from you…here we go, back into The Land of Denial.
Your head and heart are NOT on the same page. You can tell yourself a million times that ‘it is not me with the problems’, yet your heart aches for them. You can barely function on a day to day basis, you crave them, you so want to believe that the relationship truly was not with a Sociopath…..The Land of Denial. You can be so angry one minute, and then a broken down emotional crying mess the next minute. The roller coaster of emotions literally makes you sick! I wrote an article title Red Flags, you can read that HERE. When you get to a mental and emotional state of mind, that you can step back from the mental chaos and read that article, the HOW and WHY will make a bit more sense. Also, understanding the Cognitive Dissonance that EVERY Sociopath has with help to keep you out of The Land of Denial.
Trying to reason with, or explain to the Sociopath, or confront them about their pathological lies, the number of times they cheated on you, the inability to take ZERO accountability for their actions, will only throw you back into The Land of Denial. Stop the TRAUMA BOND, stop drinking their SOCIOPATH POISON! Getting over a Sociopath will be one of the hardest things you ever go through in your life. Read! Educate yourself, seek help, therapy, but do not step into The Land of Denial.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR SPECIFIC KIND OF CRAZY……BUT I DO ADMIRE YOUR TOTAL COMMITMENT TO IT.