A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Suspended Animation

Suspended Animation is a medical term which ‘is the slowing or stopping of life processes by exogenous or endogenous means without termination. Breathing, heartbeat, and other involuntary functions may still occur, but they can only be detected by artificial means.’ What a perfect way to describe the relationship with a Narcissistic Sociopath.

Over the course of months or years with them, they slowly stop your life process. This is done by complete emotional and mental control. The Sociopath has one agenda, and one agenda only: to fulfill there own personal happiness. Period. Nothing more. How do they place you in Suspended Animation? Here is a list, and in italics is the Sociopath

  • sympathy~ you don’t love me, you don’t care about me, you never do anything for me
  • guilt~ if you wouldn’t have done xyz, then I would not be acting like this.
  • blame shift~ I did xyz because 18 fucking years ago you said ___________(fill in the blank)
  • character assassination ~ if you wouldn’t walk/talk/breath like you do then we wouldn’t have these problems
  • lies ~ i didn’t lie, you just think i did. {i could put so many examples here but it would take up 100 pages of web space}
  • hypercritical~ any & everything is wrong with you! I don’t have any issues they are all in your head. 
  • Privacy~ what I am doing is none of your business, who I see or speak to, but I am to know everything about you
  • therapy~ you need to go to therapy, you have some serious issues. 
  • dual-lives~ I can do what I want since you don’t love me, you don’t take care of me, you don’t need to know what I do.
  • entitlement~ well because i am so wonderful and there is nothing wrong with me, i am entitled to say/do whatever
  • manipulation~ if you don’t do/say xyz I am leaving you. I’m sick of your shit, your crazy! 

This is just a very short list of what the Sociopath does to you that puts you in Suspended Animation. Yes, your still living, breathing….but your thoughts, feelings and emotions are all involuntary as the Sociopath has completely worn you down. It is like you are disconnected from your emotional self {suspended animation}, because of the constant lies from them. The constant put downs, the constantly wondering ‘what is wrong with us? Me?”, the never ending arguments because you don’t understand. The continual questioning of your very own self worth. Wondering how much more do you need/needed to give to keep them happy? At what point were/are they ever going to be honest and truthful? Questioning over and over how they played the loving partner all the while sucking every bit of your emotional stability out of you. And I’m sure you have your own list of other ways the Sociopath ruined you.

Suspended Animation is done with anesthesia {surgery/c-sections etc}. So look at your life with the Sociopath as being under their anesthesia~ nothing was real, nothing was true, nothing really existed. Waking up from the anesthesia is the hardest part. Believe me, I know! I also know, it can be done. There will always be lingering effects from the anesthesia of the Sociopath, but as time goes on, even those anesthesia affects you will no longer feel on a daily basis.

“I could never hurt him enough to make his betrayal stop hurting. And it hurts, in every part of my body.”  veronica roth


4 Responses to “Suspended Animation”

  1. Chris

    I can definitely relate to your description of suspended animation. I’ve said this numerous times, “if it was Nov 2012, right now…that would be good”. I dont know what the heck happened since then. Chaos, confusion, lies, manipulation, stalling, stonewalling, refusal to communicate, refusal to cooperate…..many, many, many….”none of your business”, “I’ll call ya back”, “my phone is dying”, “I cant talk now”, “we’ll talk later”…..all the while being separated with 3 & 4 year old kids…..being shut out of birthdays and holidays….every single significant date on the calendar has a bad memory associated with it (after 20 months of this nonsense, before finally divorcing). What percentage of divorcees know when they were informed by their former spouse about their intentions or how they told their spouses about their own intentions, where they were, what was said and by whom? I was never given these courtesies. I was given an order of protection one night after dropping the kids backpacks and lunchboxes off by 6 police officers. It was a Monday night after a holiday weekend. Affidavit for protection was obtained on the previous Friday…..we spoke on the phone and were in each others presence all weekend……some need for protection, huh? (voluntarily dismissed)…with lingering negative consequences that still hamper me. Answered all questions with questions, even yes/no questions….I recall, during the summer of 2012 when I was sitting in the kitchen and my wife was cooking at the stove, I asked her “what time is it”, her response? “why”? I responded with “I cant see through you”…..didnt think much of it then except that it was very odd behavior….Now, I know it was the beginning of the end. We vacationed during week of July 4th, like always. 100’s of pictures with 1,000 watt smiles…. By the end of that month, I didn’t know the woman I was sharing my bed with. This is after almost 10 years of marriage, 15 years living together, a 16+ year relationship and two children. We eventually separated and was thoroughly enmeshed in the devalue and discard phase….. Where I was isolated and cutoff from even the simplest if common courtesies. Didn’t make sense to not let me go and and get on with my life so I would be in position to provide for our family. That is my suspended animation. I know I have as much culpability with my inability to grieve the end of the marriage and move on. I just wasn’t willing to throw in the towel w/o being looked in the eye and told with no misunderstandings that this was what she wanted. I refused to read the writing on the wall or read between the lines. I never received any answers, any explanation and therefore was refused the ‘closure’ I needed, wanted and felt was deserved. …… Until, I finally wrapped up my self education on a path of enlightenment starting at passive-aggressive, then to sociopathic personality disorder then to NPD and finally PTSD brought on by Narcisdistic abuse ending with my own issues….codependency amongst others,. I guess…according to my ex, I’m bipolar and manic depressive…..
    . My closure is “I ain’t getting no closure”..or just the realization it was a dysfunctional,toxic relationship with an abusive (emotional, mentally) spouse. Controlling and manipulating. Damn, it used to piss me off when I was transparent, always answered the phone- any and all questions and in return either got the silent treatment, got stonewalled or was told “noneya business” and hung up on.


  2. Kevin Mullin

    The list looks like you have been listening to a conversation i had a few months back, Pretty much everything on the list has been said to me at some point over the last few years and only when you wake from a coma like state in the relationship do you finally see that the issues in the relationship don’t lie with you but the other and you can’t make a silk purse from a pigs ear as they say. So wish i found this site long ago and maybe i wouldn’t have had to suffer what has been a very hard few months but i finally see light at the end of the road and i am not walking towards it now i am running. Thank you Tela for the constant support and words of wisdom.


    • Tela

      Thank you Kevin. Yes, the Sociopath has their silent way of putting us into Suspended Animation. Where nothing we believed in, known to be the truth, or even control over our life no longer existed. Keep running! Your making great progress!!!! {yeeee-hawwww} that was for you! 😀 ❤



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