A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Fucked Up Relationships

This was a search term used to find my blog. I had to laugh as how many times did you call your relationship with a sociopath ‘fucked up’?

Everything about them and the relationship is fucked up and dysfunctional. From the moment you meet and the almost instantaneous attraction to their {i will italicize these for sarcasm purposes} charm, wit, knowledge, compassion, goals, sexuality, and honesty, that you will learn to realize is nothing but one big, huge fake persona.

Why do we get involved with Narcissistic Sociopaths? What is it that keeps you attached to them? Or keeps you leaving, going back, leaving, going back again… They have such an ability to lay blame on you and instill guilt in you for all the failures  in the relationship. So you want to ‘prove’ to them that the dysfunction of the relationship is because they are the one with the real issue. And because a sociopath will rarely, if ever, accept blame, your wasting your time trying to ‘prove’ anything to them.

Here are a couple of more search terms used to find my blog, it is truly sad what sociopaths do, and all the while accepting zero accountability, zero blame, and limited or zero sympathy to your feelings. I am spelling these exactly how they were entered into the search and following up with my own comment:

  • sociopathic won’t answer questions ~ no big surprise there!!
  • can a sociopath be self aware ~ self aware of what? That they are indeed fucked up? No, they will never be ‘self-aware
  • sociopath lie about cancer ~ there are too numerous cases where sociopaths claim terminal illness etc. only to be another huge lie about themselves. 
  • sociopaths who blame wives ~ they blame wives, they blame innocent people for their goldfish dying at age 9 😮 , they blame everyone for each and every failure they perceive in their lives. They take no accountability! 
  • sociopath narcissist “we would still be together” ~ ahhhh yes, the ‘poor me i still love you, please come back’ this is the guilt they try and instill…. uggg 😈 as though you would leave because the relationship was WONDERFUL???!!!
  • sociopath chaos ~  I love this one as I wrote a specific post about confusion and chaos 
  • how to stop the sociopath smear campaign ~ again, i wrote a specific post about this
  • i am being terrorized by a sociopath ~ I’m not sure what this person’s definition of ‘terrorized’ is, but yeah, another great way to describe your life with and after a sociopath 😥
  • sociopath ends relationship but send flowers and text messages ~ and they will continue as long as you keep contact! 
  • sociopath or narcissist,which could rpe their wife ~ I am assuming this person was using the word ‘rape’ in their search. This is something for another post and is a very, very delicate topic to write about. Absolutely heartbreaking that someone used this search term as that is probably happening to them. 😡

I will post more search terms another day. I hope by finding my blog it helped to answer some of your questions.


12 Responses to “Fucked Up Relationships”

  1. Scared

    I would like to talk to someone who can help me understand how the smear campaigns and the aftermath of a series of these type of relationships work. I find my life getting smaller and smaller and I’m isolated more and more. I have been no contact since January of last year. I let my guard down and made a lot of poor choices over a 3 month period and I opened the floodgates of a whole community of ppl and now I’m back to isolation and fear mode. Might have to be relocated again. I’m being labeled as the narcissist crazy person, and u know, sometimes I think I am crazy and I see my own narcissist tendencies at times. I don’t want to hurt ppl though and I have no smear campaigns against anyone. I need support from a few I can trust who have been thru this because I’m notic8ng more and more how I’m being treated indifferently on the narc support groups I have been in. It’s like the monkeys are waiting just wanting to hear what I have to say. Doesn’t matter if I change my name. My story seems to be very unique and everyone knows it’s me. I need help here and someone I can talk to who has been thru this without fear of being noticed


  2. Jon

    I’ve been through the wash and I’m trapped unfortunately. I have a troubled fucked up story to tell but I’m really after some advice on this latest lets say ‘problem’. My sociopath and her flying monkey boyfriend drop my children to me once a week. Lately they both have been getting out of the car and loitering around their car next to my property, which I found odd. When I drop the kids off i just drop and go. Anyway today the same thing happened but they thought I had disappeared around the back with my children. They started pruning one of my frangipani trees in my front garden to take away a cutting or two to grow for themselves. I see this as outrageously provocative (especially from the flying monkey-he looks like a dead beat but I tried not to judge him until now-he must be a complete fool.)
    She has never lived at my property and so the tree was never hers, but she likes to think she ‘owns’ my garden maybe because we spent some time together in my garden once upon a time in a dream that became a nightmare.
    What should I do? Text and ask her to stop vandalising my garden? Threaten to call the police? Ask her to stop loitering? Challenge him if it keeps happening? Create a scene in front of the children when it is all usually calm quick and quiet?Or ignore? My head tells me to disengage and ignore because any reaction will only make her laugh. What if she gets bolder though and just keeps on hacking? That is where I will feel I am in a dilemma. Where do I daw this boundary line? Any offers of advice would be greatly appreciated.


    • Tela

      Hello Jon. What the ex & her Flying Monkey boyfriend are doing is, trying to get a reaction out of you. The next time the drop off occurs, I would be waiting at the end of your driveway, or sidewalk {or wherever they park}. Say NOTHING to them, but take the children’s hands and turn and walk away. If you acknowledge them loitering, cutting your tree or anything else, she is getting exactly what she wants~ do not feed the beast!!
      I know it is terribly difficult as there is so much you want to say to the crazy bitch, but that just adds fuel to the fire. It’s hard to ‘disengage’ as your brain is just trying to make sense of the incomprehensible. However, you CAN AND WILL draw a boundary for yourself. Meaning as I said above, no words exchanged, take the children’s hands and walk away. If….if they continue to loiter/ hang around etc. Simply ask “is there something you need? The children have been dropped off, please leave my property as you are trespassing” and then walk away! HEAD HELD HIGH!!!


      • Jon

        Yes that’s the ONLY solution to these freaks. The frangipani cuttings were there to see by the front door of her house with the flying monkey sitting protectively next to them this morning when I dropped the kids off. I didn’t enter the property and with a bit of luck he or she (she was probably looking out the window who knows), didn’t get the kick out of seeing that I saw it all there. I am just pretending that it didn’t happen. Someone said ‘maybe she told him that you said she could do it so that’s why he helped her’. I will just think this, except if he is normal he would be having his doubts about how it all played out.
        I am waiting for (expecting ) this to escalate. Part of me wants to go out and rip out the next part of the garden she will attack. (not quite on my property).
        Tele (or any body) I have a question for you. I have been re-educating myself recently on sociopaths and I have found this site invaluable. A psychologist who she saw, with her last partner, and again with us, ‘suggested’ to me ‘she has narcissistic/histrionic personality disorder’ and then said ‘she is a sociopath and it is obvious when you first meet her’ (another story). I have so many freaked out stories. One is…once we were having a discussion and I said ‘I don’t do T-shirts with slogans/statements or pictures, I only like plain T-shirts.’ 2 weeks later she buys me 3 T-shirts. They were not plain. One had an old movie poster printed on it. The movie called ‘return to vampire’s lair, the bite back’, the other one was of two snakes coiled around each other and the other was of an old fuel (Gas) station logo. Please tell me that I am reading way too much into this because they all seem to say to me now that she was telling me something about herself?! This was about the time she started to unleash, during which she called me a ‘narcissist, a real sociopath’ for questioning or challenging her abusive behaviour. I wish I had started researching then! As for the T-shirts, I accepted them and thanked her. I used them to sleep in or when gardening. Maybe I am just going crazy after all.


      • notme2014

        Jon…no..you are not the crazy one here. The t-shirt story is priceless!! Since she has been in counseling, she definitely knows what she is. Such typical behavior. I got involved with a sociopath a few years ago and was blindsided by his behavior. I knew nothing about this before. This site was..(and continues to be) a lifesaver for me. Be glad you are out….now the healing can begin. She probably did tell the new guy you said she could have the cuttings… It served two purposes for her, to get to you, and to make him jealous. Good call on just letting it go…I know that’s hard to do, but in a way, that’s a “win” for you.


      • Tela

        Thank You NotMe for your kind and encouraging response to Jon. It is wonderful, when other survivors can help each other! You are an inspiration to many!!! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Jody

    I really have to add just a few of my journal entries from my break up with my sociopath girlfriend before I ever knew about this term or this site. It really is spooky honestly. Here goes so bare with the longer message. Thanks

    Did you ever honestly love me? Do you even know how or what love is? Why would you tell me one thing and do another as if you have no conscience! How mentally handicapped are you? Honestly why would I be attracted to you and how you are. You have given me so many indicators to show your not a trustworthy person.
    How can you just shut off your feelings for me like that? I’ve heard you say that before. You can just shut down your emotions. But how Michele? I just don’t get it!!! I gave you everything I had inside. I let you and and I was loyal to you!! I am so hurt by this whole thing. It’s so hard to just be away from you right now and to add to that, your so able to stay away. I just don’t get it!!! I can’t imagine how I could have treated you any better!!!

    Again these are journal entries and not letters to her. It’s just spooky that I can se ethos stuff about her and not figure this out without seeing this site. Thank you again. I know I’m going to be ok after finally seeing this website. I know it’s really not me.


  4. Heni

    I was married to a soatipcoh for 20 years. We have four children together. Even though he has a Level One founded case of child abuse against him, he kneed one of our children in the hip and had to get a pin put in his hip to join his hip back together, he has unlimited visitation with the children. He has also had a very intense relationship with our only daughter, I thought I had cleverly coined the phrase emotional incest until I googled it and found out someone beat me to it.He was arrested less than 1 percent of what he could or should have been. I have a terrible scar on my left hip from him I will have forever. He manipulates the children, the courts and even the young girl from social services.Nothing is going to change until the hard fought and won child abuse laws are supported when a battered woman finally gets the help she needs to leave her batterer. A child abuse specialist told me that the child abuse laws get thrown right out the window through the divorce courts . I have spend over $20,000 in attorney fees and I am no longer financially able to fight. It is no wonder women stay in abusive relationships until they are dead. The insanity never ends when children are involved.The laws must be changed and there must be a greater awareness of social services, the judges and the lawyers to look for the signs of a pathological liar with no conscience. I am convinced because of all I have and are still going though no social worker, attorney or judge should ever deal with a case until they have intensive training on abuse and dealing with soatipcohic personalities.


    • Tela

      Thank you Heni for your comment. And I agree 100% about Social Workers, Attorneys, Judges etc. Far to many lack the knowledge/education about a Sociopath, and therefore are manipulated {just like you & the children}. It is horrific what they get away with. All we can do is make our voices heard. Expose these vile individuals & do everything in your power to protect your children.


  5. notme2014

    I was married when I met the spath. He did all the textbook things, lovebombing, promises, pleading. I believe he had my husband under the same sort of brainwashing, as we were all friends. As soon as I left my husband for him, he discarded me. Vile, evil and with no remorse. I am still reeling from it and am working on no contact. He is plain and simply crazy and I can not even wrap my head around his belief system. He blames me for absolutely everything, tells lies and accuses me of lying, never has admitted any fault. Man was I stupid!!! One thing for sure, is I have learned a lot these past few months. I knew nothing about sociopaths before, but I think he read (maybe even wrote) the book! They must all be so much alike….I wonder how that can be. It was like verbatim, from what I read to what he had said. One day at a time….Peace and LOve 🙂


    • Tela

      Thank you Kimberly for your comment. To be able to start healing, and getting your head straight you have got to stick to the no contact. Period. A Sociopath knows no boundaries & has zero respect for anyone’s else’s thoughts, feelings, emotions or even ideas. And you were NOT stupid, you were blindly sucked into his crazy world. I know it’s difficult to understand how a walking/talking/breathing human being can be so cruel and vile. They are void of emotional connections, unable to truly ‘feel’ love, sympathy etc. And like you said

        everything was always your fault!!

      . They absolutely will never, ever take accountability for their words or actions. And if by the off chance an “I’m sorry” comes out, that is equated to opening up a pretty box with nothing inside, that I’m sorry is empty!

      Liked by 1 person

      • denise

        I asked him once when he threw a sorry in the mix what he was sorry for? In the same flat disinterested voice he said “everything” { take your pick, I don’t know, whatever you like..} later he said { when he was showing off in front of his new lady friend} Oh get over yourself, I apologised for that. { stealing money from my house}. Hed rung to impress lady friend with what a “nutbag” I was. Im no ones victim. Im a grown up. But jeez did this madness take some getting across. For the record we were in our forties. Not a pair of teenagers. As there are so many out there, surely we should round em up and put em all in together. Let them sort it out amongst themselves……

        Liked by 1 person

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