A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Conversations With The Ex-Wife

Most, if not all, Narcissist and Sociopath’s have mastered the ‘Blame Game’. Any and everything that has happened in their life was because of, or the fault of someone else~never themselves. Because of their lack of comprehension outside of the five senses, taking accountability for things gone wrong is not something they normally will do.

When I had first met my Narcissistic Sociopath, he had told me had been married twice before. He did however, justify why those two marriages ended. Ok, fair enough, divorce happens everyday. The similarities about how ‘dysfunctional’, ‘bi-polar’, ‘lazy’ and so on about the two wives was pretty strange I thought. Once the Sociopath’s true colour’s started coming out, I thought ‘hmmmm, what is happening here?’ One particular Sunday he completely disappeared (and I was flying out the next day to meet up with him), so I called the Ex-Wife.

This phone call, and the next several after, helped me to realize a multitude of things about the Sociopath. And the first, and most important thing was/is “I am NOT the crazy one”. How many times have you been accused of ‘your crazy’, ‘this is all your fault’, ‘why do you lie’, and so on. This is because of the Blame-Game and the Sociopath not wanting to accept his faults. I also realized that no matter how much you want to believe the words coming out of their mouths are true, sadly, they are not. And very rarely if ever close to the truth. There is a lot to be learned from your Narcissist, Sociopath’s ex. When you are at the point of questioning your own sanity, there is someone who can validate all the thoughts, feelings and state of chaos you find yourself in.

Below is an email exchange between my Sociopath and his ex-wife. Unbeknownst to me, they were still sharing a home!! I have deleted the full names in order to protect the Ex-Wife.

On May 15, 2013, at 6:58 PM, Greg  wrote:

Hey S

I want to tell you something that I didn’t want to tell you while I was home because I didn’t want any stress or confusion in front of A.Tela is a woman I met a few months ago. We have been talking and dating. It’s hard to tell you this because in a normal situation you would not be living with me. But I’m in love with her. Yes, she is ill, but Im not focused on that at all. She is a beautiful person. I just thought you ought to know. Sorry to tell you like this, but I don’t need any stress. I will be selling the house by at least August 1st. So you need to find a place like we’ve already talked about. I don’t need any texts or phone calls or questions about this please.


Sent from my iPhone

On May 15, 2013, at 7:26 PM, Scom> wrote:

First of all I am so very happy for you. I kind of guessed that and i am really glad you finally told me. I am also sorry that she is ill too. I truly hope she gets well soon. I want more than anything to move out. I don’t have any savings of a substantial amount or trust me i would be long gone. I really am going to need some assistance from you to get out in time.

You really had nothing in the world to worry about I had hoped for a long time that you would find someone.


Sent from my iPhone

From: Greg
Date: May 15, 2013, 7:59:43 PM CDT
To: S.com>
Subject: Re: 
Thank you for understanding. There is no rush for you to get out ok. I just want out of Odessa. I’m really leaning toward San Antonio and I want you to move there too. We can move all of our stuff on the same truck. And you know I will help you with the finances. I’m going to up your child support to $1000.00 per month like I said I would. I’ve just got get this lien laid off so I can move too. And you will get half of the profit from the house. Just try to get a job there and find a place ok. I’m looking too.GregSent from my iPhone

These email exchanges ‘appear’ to be two normal individuals discussing the future. However, there are so so so many lies within my Sociopaths. Not only was he blatantly lying to me (“my ex-wife lives in San Antonio”), ummm nope! She lives under the same roof. Then he tell’s her they can ‘move their things together to San Antonio”. Nope again! He just barked that order that she would move with him.  He had this grand illusion that he and I would buy a home in San Antonio and nowhere was is brought up “oh hey, my ex-wife will be moving with me”. She, by the way, had no desire to move to San Antonio as she has her career, and their daughter in school in Odessa.  Once again, this is so classic Narcissistic Sociopath, always having other supply sources, or other people to fall back on. And their unwillingness to discuss something. Everything they do is purposeful, never open for discussion, and solely for personal gain.This is mental manipulation at it’s finest. When the Sociopath decided he no longer needed or wanted the ex-wife for supply, this is how disposed of her.

It is a shitty feeling when all the lies, inconsistencies, deceiving is confirmed by an ex. And because we have opened up our minds and heart’s, both of these have to try and understand firstly, why, and secondly, how to deal with them. This is why we have such difficulty in letting go. We keep waiting for the TRUTH from them, we keep hoping they will respect us enough to be honest with us. And time after time we are let down. If your Narcissist, Sociopath has an Ex you can speak with, this will help validate what you are going through (or have been through). All of us want validation, and all of us want to know, we will be okay. They have lived it, and survived it. And so can you!  🙂

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”―

harvey fierstein


10 Responses to “Conversations With The Ex-Wife”

  1. Fuzail Siddiqui

    I have a wife who I feel is a sociopath. She has unilaterally declared separation but sometimes talks about taking divorce and other times denies it. She still cooks for me but the food varies from ‘tasteless’ to ‘unfit for human consumption’ because too much of something, be it salt, pepper or some herb/spice. For others she cooks superb dishes. I have often proposed to cook for myself but she continues to follow her own menu for me. Is this her way of keeping me dependent on her so she can manipulate me? She lies unblinkingly and makes loud protestations at odd times day or night. Before I say anything, she runs and locks herself up in her room. I am giving her the ‘silent’ treatment but is this enough? Shall I make her a written offer of an amicable divorce?


  2. Arlind

    Welcome Regina,I was in my mid-fifties when it happened to me a few years ago. I also thghuot I was old enough and smart enough to know better. Just goes to show, it can happen to anyone, at any age. One important thing is to share our stories in an effort to help and educate others. Most stories are very similar, and a reader might realize the same thing is happening to them, or help them realize the reason for their confusion, or realize things are never going to change/get better, and it’s time to get out and move on! Knowing you aren’t alone is also important! I discovered helpful information, advice soon after I left my ex. My letter was posted in June 2010, and I’m a reader called Nora. The best advice I can give you is NO CONTACT, and in time, This too shall pass. What we experience never goes away, but hopefully we learn from our mistakes and support and advise others who make the same mistakes when trusting the wrong person. STAY STRONG!


  3. Negro

    Zoey our stories are so siialmr. I just want to say how grateful I am for the support I have received from the posters on this board. I would also like to stress that not all sociopaths fit the pattern of abusers and violent people. Mine was never violent. He lost his temper at times but for the most part was even tempered. What totally fooled me was I thought he was so considerate of me and so loving. He would go out of his way to do LITTLE things for me that cost him nothing. When I look back, he had a habit of putting me down in the most sneaky way. Forinstance he would cut me off in the middle of a sentence by pointing out something to me and then he would say now what were you saying . Although it would infuriate me, I never saw through it until I started to read Love Blogs. I got an email from him last week telling me how hard he tried to make me happy and I rewarded him by doubting him and by accusing him of cheating. He ended up by saying You owe me an apology and you know what, for a second the thought flashed in my mind My god, what if I was wrong about him . See how that subtle brainwashing leaves a lasting impression?I am so happy I found this site. I check it every day. I still miss his telephone calls twice a day, and I miss having someone in my life that I thought actually cared, but I know I will never go back to him and now I know exactly how to treat him if he starts his campaign again. I just want to impress on you readers that not all sociopaths fit the bill. If your spath is cheap, lies, cheats and puts you down in very subtle ways then then I suggest that you do the Sociopath test and then run as fast as you can if he turns out positive.Regina


  4. thelovedangel

    These pathetic idiots will do this when its suits them. Mine is still hovering, I don’t know for what reason but I reckon its for my money. We have been on separation for almost five years, he claims he still wants me back but when I tell him we should live together, he backs out. I want to get rid of him now, they never change. I feel like an idiot for holding on to hope, I did it for my kids though but now I don’t think I can do that anymore.


    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment. It’s amazing to me, that still after 5 years he still is manipulating you. Have you tried the No Contact? Do you have boundaries in place? As long as you continue to let him treat you like a puppet on the string, you will never be able to move forward and heal. Don’t feel bad for holding onto hope. We all ‘hope’ that in time the Sociopath will wake up and realize their is something truly wrong and they need help. But sadly, there is no magic pill to give them, there is no therapy that will help. I understand you held on for your children’s sake, & oftentimes that is the sacrifice parent’s make who are involved with a Sociopath. But that sacrifice no longer needs to be happening as you are not helping you or the children. All your doing is allowing him to continue to hold you mentally & emotionally hostage. Be strong! YOU CAN DO IT!


  5. Healed

    The link for how he “disposed” of her is broken…is that article elsewhere on the site? I’m confused as to why she was saying she was happy for him and hoping he’d find someone when you had said she thought they were getting back together to get remarried? Was she just lying to avoid a Narc rage???


    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment. No, she did not lie to avoid a narc rage, he lied to her. I will see why the link is not working and get it fixed.


      • Healed

        Then I guess I am still baffled as to why she would be happy for him? I ask this because I had a similar thing happen to me. I believed we were going to stay married then suddenly he insisted on divorce and within a couple of months he was telling me about the new supply. I was certainly not happy for him! He lied and led me on and did all the other terrible things Narcissists/Sociopaths do. I still can’t fathom why she would be happy for him and hoping he’d meet someone when you said she was also hoping that they would remarry. Did a big span of time go by in this story that I am missing? Or am I unusual in that I was certainly NOT happy for my ex!! (Of course, NOW I am happy a year later that I am free but that is because I now know what/who he truly is but at the time I didn’t.)
        Thanks for looking into the link as I’d like to read that other post.


  6. trick glass

    Doesn’t seem like he is baking orders to me. He uses the word “want” and seems to be upfront with his ex. I don’t see the words “you must” anywhere.

    It does seem like he lying to you for sure. Do I agree he is a psycho on that.

    Why doesn’t the exwife say she doesn’t want to move there. He is giving her money for child support and half the house profit.

    Sorry I don’t see it. I see a wife who enables his behavior. But I don’t see him lying to her. Just you.

    Move on and find someone better, it won’t take long.


    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment. You cannot ‘hear’ the tone in the email. The ex-wife had moved back into the home after he begged her to so that they ‘could try again’. She left her home, her career in San Antonio to do this. All the while starting a relationship with me. Neither one of us {the ex or me} knew the other existed. I knew he had 2 ex-wives but I did not know she was living under his roof and was trying to ‘work things out’. The ex-wife didn’t want to move as she thought they were going to get married again. As far as 1/2 the profits from the house, she is entitled to them per their divorce decree. I will send you an email with a recording when HE decided to dispose of her and his child. Thank you again for your comment.

      Liked by 1 person


Your Thoughts:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: