A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Sociopath Hell

I think I am going to change the name of my website to Sociopath Hell!

The reason for this is, when we are with a Narcissistic Sociopath, and even when we get away from them we are still living in a Sociopath Hell. There is an invisible inertia they create that draws us to them initially. And even we when walk away, or have been Discarded,  that invisible inertia still pulls us to them via our thoughts. 

When day in and day out you cannot move forward with your life, when you cannot maintain No Contactwhen your head is spinning with questions of WHY?? You find yourself constantly crying, missing the Sociopath, nothing at all makes sense, that is Sociopath Hell. There are no words I can say that will magically make all the hurt, anger, disappointment, loss of who you once were go away. All of that takes time. A LOT of time. And for those of you with children, think of this…..obviously you know they did not love you! What makes you think they love the children?? They don’t!!! To make them follow any court orders, to make them be a PARENT is wasted effort on your part. For those of you who have no closure, I will tell you there is never closure. EVER! Even if you ask the Sociopath direct questions, you will get nothing but convoluted bullshit lies, or blame shifting “everything was your fault”. So why continue to live in Sociopath Hell? What is it that you cannot let go of? 

Is it because they have sailed on to a new person and you are jealous? Jealous of what? You KNOW the Sociopath Hell that person is being sucked into! A common question I am asked is when the Sociopath moves on to another person is “do they really love the new person?”. Ummmm, that would be a big fat N-O! They don’t even love themselves, how do you think they will ‘love’ the next person? So by obsessing over how their new relationship is, just keeps you in Sociopath Hell. Why compare yourself to their new victim person? You know YOU! You know how much you loved & cared for the Sociopath. You know how much of yourself you gave {and they silently & methodically took from you}. So who cares what the new person is like? I can promise you one thing……the outcome will be exactly the same for them, DISCARD! Because Sociopaths work in constant forward motion, get bored easily, always need that level of excitement, always needing sooooooooo much attention, they never stay with a person long term. And if they do, you can be assured they have someone on the side they are cheating with!

You have got to find your own self perseverance & strength to let go! Keeping the thoughts of them in your head keeps YOU in Sociopath Hell. And like I have said before, if you think they are laying awake at night crying tears over you or missing you…your are seriously fooling yourself! Sometimes we all need a cold reality check, and this post is one for many! Start living YOUR LIFE out of Sociopath Hell!!!!  You gave all you could, why continue to give your thoughts, daily peace of mind, tears etc to them any longer? What is it your gaining from that?

well, i looked my demons in the eyes, layed bare my chest, said ‘do your best, Destroy me’. you see, i’ve been to hell and back so many times, i must admit, you kind of bore me

©SociopathLife.Com

35 Responses to “Sociopath Hell”

  1. junebug

    OMG… I’m so happy to hear you say (they don’t love there child) hes fighting me for his daughter and I’m scared, very scared! Maybe hel get bored trying…. Much love to all!

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  2. damo

    were do i begin over the last 7 years ive allowed into my life two of the most fucked up disturbed …..monsters..ive ever encountered just very very disturbed people ..litteraly ..monsters…i allowed them in becouse my deffences were down at the times and i was vulnerable and as has been the case sociopaths love to pray on the vulnerable …i used to be non judgemental to give people a faire chance …but not now….and thats a shame but if ive learned anything its to judge peoples motives …thease two monsters have caused such problems for me ..the first one was a woman i met in hastings ,east sussex it was never sexual im lgbt she came accross as fun ,charming ,witty,clever,empathic,kind..and we became friends went to a party together then she dissplayed some very naff flakey behaviour …and i dropped her….now we both lived in a small town at the time..i moved away from the area to another town didnt have anything realy to do with her ..but..and more foll me i gave her another chance ….big mistake ….went over to see her …whoops….from then on it was unbeknown to me ..game on ..isolateing me from friends..sayeing….bs… about friends …ooh they were bitching you…ect,ect……all a wicked game of isolating….things didnt work out for me so i ended up moveing back..and thats when the real games began..just bullshitting about me behind my back …so i dropped her …i was told about her bs so i sent her a long e,mail……big big big mistake…i called her out over her behaviour asking her why but also building her up ..becouse she had been threw some shit you know i was showing her respect showing her some understanding…………..booom ……she becouse sociopaths cannot see inside them cannot take any critisisum …cant even take a fucking complement she saw it as an act of war and litteraly embarked on a campaine to destroy me aided and abetted by her stooges her apaths smearing me with the worst kind of shit realy realy fucked up lies …dangerouse lies ..realy dangerouse ..basicaly going around saying i was a sexual preditor ..that kind of fucked up lies …now in a small town everybody knows everybody …hell you do a fart and they will all be bitching about wot you had for lunch…so that kind of fucked up lies is like shit in a shagpile ..you can clean it but its allways gonna be there ..people were avoiding me ..thank god i had friends who came to my defence but the damage was allready done ….i ended up fleeing back to the city and i have never gone back …if i had ,had a gun and i could have gotten away with it …..i would have shot her dead..i realy would ..its takena long time to recover but im on the right track now ….karma has a way of returning as the wheel comes round …this woman is not very bright ..devious low cunning..yes but bright ..no……she fucked with the wrong person..and it all kicked off..people litteraly kicking on her door enraged ….litteraly run out of town…were she slithered of to the next town …i may sound hard but she got the hideing she deserved ..she tries to ruin peoples lives..for no reason ..becouse they called her out on antisocial behaviour …wtf…….sometimes i think the best for this woman is to be sectioned indefinately under the uk mental health act ..remove her from society becouse shes so harmfull…..sorry to sound so harsh…damoxxx

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  3. Tracy Aisbett

    I recently dated a sociopath for 7 weeks and they totally wreaked havoc in such a short period of time. I’m still in shock but determined to heal and move forward and regain my positive lifestyle. We met online and we got along super easy and wrote to one another without any mind games or flirting. We met up after a week of talking online and we had a fantastic night. Nothing intimate happened until the second time we caught up and I was so happy and bursting with joy. We were fantastic together. Things were magical between us and I thought I had met my life partner. In the beginning they were so awesome, perfect, lovely, kind, sweet, thoughtful, paid their way financially and acted simply like a nice normal human being.

    Unbeknown to me this person was telling me lie after lie after lie. They didn’t work in the job they said, they were in fact unemployed, they didn’t have the money they said they had, they lived off their mum’s credit card, they weren’t out here staying in Australia they were here only on a 2 month holiday and heading back to the Uk. They came on very strong and fell deeply in love with me quickly. Telling me I was the best person they had ever met, left love notes around my house, handmade gifts and wrote cards professing their love for me and that I was their one true love and forever love. They made up fantastical statements of things they were going to do for us as a couple. I began to question some of these and started to feel something wasn’t quite right but I never expected it to be as crazy as it turned out. They said they had put a deposit down on a campervan, put the pickup date in my mobile phone as a surprise and then got angry at me for finding it in my own phone when I was looking to book dates to something. They left an envelope to open on the 20th of August saying, “you have the key to my heart now hear is the key to our next adventure together’. There was no campervan deposit paid and soon they wouldn’t even be in Australia. There was a total of 6 envelopes left to open at times when they wouldn’t even be here. The name of their game is to psychologically torture you. They loved this. They wanted you to adore them and they loved to confuse you with manipulative conversation and fantastical promises.
    During this time they were also using my credit card details to buy things online. They racked up thousands of dollars on my card and still to this day empathically deny this.
    They pretended to have paid a musician $430 to play for me at some markets, but we never got to these markets because she created a fight from absolutely nothing. This was again a lie I found out by calling the musician who said they had never heard of her. She then said there must have been something go wrong at the booking stage. I asked to see emails etc but they said it was booked through their facebook page. She always had a very quick lie to come back with or an explanation. When pushed for evidence she created a fake bank statement which showed the musician had been paid. I didn’t believe it but don’t think like a sociopath and haven’t ever met one before so felt maybe it was possible that she had paid and there had been a mix up. There was no mix up, she was just a compulsive pathological liar.

    They made up emails in her sister’s partners name who she claimed was anonymously sending her emails under a fake pseudonym declaring his love for her. All total lies. She then sent me threatening emails but pretending it came from her sister’s partner. She still sticks to this story despite it all the time being her emailing herself and me. I received roses, chocolates and a teddy bear with a card saying, “I love you”. Even though she was my partner she did not send these to me and for days I was racking my brain who would do this and I couldn’t figure it out, that’s because I in fact later learned it was her sending them but anonymously. She acted very understanding to the situation and believed me when I said I hadn’t been cheating. She put them on my credit card and put them under the name of my ex-partner whom I broke up with 7 years earlier.
    We were to spend 2 weeks holiday together and after a trip to Sydney that was peculiar and amazing she said her Aunt and Uncle were breaking up and she had to help her Aunt move. Her Aunt and Uncle in fact broke up 8 years ago. In this time she used my credit card again.
    My dog was sick and even during this stressful day she used my credit card 3 times. While there was a distraction on she would cease the moment and use my credit card. I caught her out on lies but she just kept lying with such conviction and because we were so magical in the beginning I thought maybe there was a misunderstanding somehow. But I had a niggling feeling that never went away and eventually I discovered the truth. Never from her though, she denies and lies about absolutely everything.
    I made contact with the family in the Uk and her sister informed me that she knew her sister lied and stole from past partners but wasn’t aware she was this messed up. She lives in a world where she paints herself as someone who has overcome hard ships and she is a superhero for her being an amazing person after difficult events (which I question are even true) and she paints herself always as the victim. I provided the mother with an enormous amount of evidence but her sociopath daughter had brain washed the mum about me being a criminal, that I was psycho and painted a picture of what she in fact was to me. I could prove all she said was lies from emails, screen shots of messages and photos of many things. I think the shock is setting in for the mum.
    I have never experienced anything more bizarre in my life and don’t have these types of encounters with people. It is maddening to think someone would come out to Australia for 2 months and pretend to be madly in love with you and then set up fake emails and fake flower deliveries and spend all this time acting like a great awesome person but all the while they were lying about absolutely everything and stealing from you. She had no guilt, no remorse, and zero acceptance that she did all this lying and stealing. It was pure insanity to witness and I am glad I didn’t allow her to manipulate me to think that I was crazy or I had trust issues as she tried many times to say.
    The police couldn’t charge her due to a lack of evidence and she got away with the fraud but karma will come knocking one day. I am slowly healing through the shock of it all and recovering from feeling fooled but I will now discern people with much greater awareness and not fall for all the words and feel into the person much more. She will continue to hunt down her next victim and has probably already started her next game, as that is all it is to her. The more she hurts you and tortures your mind the happier she is.
    She claims to love her mum deeply and acts so caring to her Grandparents but she doesn’t care about anyone or anything, if she acts like she loves you it’s to get something from you that serves her. It’s all a game to her and she doesn’t care about anyone getting hurt. Even when there was so much evidence presented in black and white to the family she kept lying and denying everything and saying I created things and edited things even though it was blatantly clear those things couldn’t be faked or edited.

    There is so much more to this story and so many more lies to tell, but you guys get the jist of what I’m saying.
    My advice to anyone experiencing this is to establish a solid foundation in your own trust and intuition and don’t let these people manipulate you even though they are masters at it. Trust your inner feelings and don’t try and rationalise their behaviour, it can’t be worked out from a sane mind and you will drain your life and body trying to figure it out. I’ve shed lots of tears and been dumb founded but I know tomorrow I will wake up and enjoy my day working in a full time job and appreciate the life I lead and the person I am while they are holed up currently living with their mum and living off her credit card, unemployed and living a sick and twisted life of deranged delusions and theft. It will take some time to be open to dating again and but I don’t want the evil and sociopathic ways of one person to break my trust with all I meet. I will just have to be more aware and discerning in the future. Feel free to message me if anyone needs support going through a similar experience. Stay strong and stay positive and don’t let them eat away your happiness, because they would love to know they’ve hurt you. Peace!

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  4. Marcia

    I been through this too. He told lies took money and made promises he never intended to keep. He even once layed out panties in a place he knew I would find them and then pretended someone was playing a joke on him. He goes from woman to another , never does he spend a dime on any woman and he thinks he is the best at sex ever. He is cute and he is also bisexual so anything goes. He will sleep with anyone or anything. I’m just glad I didn’t catch anything from him. I’m piecing my life back together and I’v blocked him completely.

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  5. Stel

    Hey i was needing some advice, i recently broke up with my sociopath boyfriend, his two housemates figured out he was a socio and told me and figured out he had been cheating and did everything to protect me so i broke up with him and he was kicked out of his home. It was only a couple days ago but im trying to get myself through it mentally i was wondering if we could exchange a couple emails so i could get some advice to get through

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  6. Brian Peter davis

    I need help. My wife left my kid and I 11 months ago without a word. The suffering my kid has gone through is immeasurable, now out of nowhere she calls ? I guess the grass wasn’t greener) and says she wants to come back. I said no and I’ve gotten a lawyer to divorce her and get full custody of my child. She then lost her mind and threatened me with calling the cops and saying I was abusive and a that I was molesting my child… All lies and I can’t wait to go to court. Both my child and I are ready to tell the truth to the judge but I’m still worried that she does this and they arrest me and separate my kid and I and my child will be forced to go with her mother. Am I dealing with a sociopath? If so what are my options?

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    • Tela

      Brian, thank you for sharing. Are you dealing with a Sociopath? It’s hard to say with just this bit of information. Threatening you with the false allegations of child molestation etc, is typical of most people who are going through a tenacious separation/divorce. If you read through my site, and you can relate to most all traits/characteristics of a Sociopath, then yes, you most probably are dealing with one.
      The most important thing to do at this time is truly no contact. Do not take her phone calls, and certainly do not let her back in the home. Be very honest with your attorney, keep all documentation, and be prepared for a horrific battle.

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    • Jenna

      I also sought advice from a psychic during my relationship with a sociopath. She had me spend tons of money on candles to help ward off his demons etc. I was so desperate at that time and she kept saying he was my soul mate and he loved me even after I told her of all the lying cheating and physical abuse. Hard lesson to learn.

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  7. 26YL

    I am around one month separated from 26 1/2 year marriage and 29 years with my husband and 9 kids as a stay at home mom. He just turned 50, had a hair transplant and got fit at the gym. I lived in what I thought was addiction. I don’t think I saw anything here on that. I attended alanon, gamanon meetings and worked on myself and creating boundries etc. I also made excuses for the circle of violence in emotional, verbal, and mental abuse with an occasional splattering of physical intimidation. Always making an excuse. I allowed myself to stay in this as I took my vows seriously and fully due to my own personal belief system. This last bout of gambling I begin to make the boundries known. Oh he also has 20 years of AA. What I found is that with these new I will no longer live this way boundries my Narc/Sociopath husband begin to work harder at creating bashing and baiting, gaslighting, and creating scenarios. Things I was unaware of all this time. I do not know how I didn’t lose my mind at times. He professed his love, said I was his soulmate, was a top performer at any job and was a good provider. The gambling was bad as he said when our son came out and said he was gay he ran like hell. He then made excuses saying his whole world changed all his beliefs and cognizant dissonance rocked his world. BS! It was just another new game. However I LOVED HIM. We love them for both of us. That is what keeps us blind until they decide we are no longer needed. He decided to have an affair which I eventually found out and promptly exposed him on social media to which he was not happy at all (he probably had others but hid them well) He left me with my home almost in foreclosure, no money and doesn’t really seem to worry about the kids. He came by saying greatest mistake he made in his life. Professed all his love, how he knows it is the greatest mistake he ever made, doesn’t love her, sobbed cried. Next day asked me for the Title to the car so he could get a title loan. He pays a few bills. Not sure why the effort but says its his obligation but controls how much and when. He only asked about the kids the day before his birthday after 20 days of constant bashing via email of me. Yet I LOVE HIM. This is the insanity of living with someone who you THINK is just an addict (cross) and think they are actually faithful to you as you have been faithful and loyal to them in marriage. JOKE! Incapable of any of it. His childhood trauma is impossible to overcome for him or admit too. His mother is the greatest woman in his life (always felt like she wanted him for a husband) who shows no interest in anyone but him. Yes sure she is also a sociopath. PTSD is what I am now left with which I am going to counseling and inability to work due to the anxiety and depression I am facing. Don’t know how I am going to save my home. YET I love him. No explaining the crazy they make us. I know he isn’t worried or crying or having regret. Yes it is going to take time. My kids have said he was just a man who made money. He never showed interest in them unless they were achieving and then he made it about himself. They all said that he acted like a kid. Yes he is stagnated at 13. I only pray I have the strength to co parent until my youngest is 18. I am sure I will always feel that I love him. I just don’t understand how I remained so blind until now. The mind keeps us safe until we are ready I guess. I am sure I can add a whole lot more.

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  8. Joanna

    I would like to say how much i appreciate your website and the people that have commented. I like others am experiencing this right now . do not be ashamed that you were targetted by a sociopath..thats what they do and they do it well. i have endless professional experience in dealing with these kind of characters, yet one sneaked in to my life when my guard was down…(:shows how good they are! Haha). i had a little text showdown with my sociopath earlier ( and yes contact has now been severed) and what stopped me in my tracks from crying & what truly made me realise that i was a victim of him was the fact that throughout the whole text exchange i had that ‘the police are at the door’ feeling in my stomach.you know the one i mean, stomach dropping,churning feeling of dread.compare that feeling to your original tummy feeling when you first were in contact with them, shit isn’t it. If you feel you can’t trust your head at the moment,thats ok, trust your tummy to tell you that how you’re being treated is WRONG and delete their number instantly & block it & say to yourself , bullshit,bollocks & brain wrecks, thats all you’d ever get from them !

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  9. Bighearted

    I really need some advice on how to go on with life: I raised and adopted my step-son and have been his “Mom” for over 20 years. I believed we had such a special bond; closeness that he was my gift from God. Over those 20 years I devoted my life to making him happy and feel loved and gave him every opportunity to succeed in life that he should possibly have. He has. When he was about 14 his father and I noticed some emotionless behavior, bordering on sadistic but nothing I considered to be dangerous (no animal torture, etc.). My husband and I decided to “casually” send him for counseling (without making him feel something was “wrong” with him) and was told he was a normal, adjusting teenager. Well, it got worse from there and we had to end contact with him 5 months ago. He is now married with a 2 year old. He would tell his father and I one thing (“I don’t really love her…SHE got pregnant and I will look bad if I leave her”….”I feel trapped…how do I get out”, etc. He kept us from speaking with her family and we have NEVER met our grandchild. He doesn’t want to talk about his son, wife ANYTHING…just HIS job and him. He has hurt us emotionally SO many times (even tried a fistfight with his father when he was in his early 20’s…to no avail) and has even caused me to lose friendships (he has tried to bed a few of my friends!!! He has also made me look bad for his personal gain. I haven’t spoken with my son in 5 months. His father told him, “do not contact me again”. And our son, probably happily, hasn’t. He is “successful” at life…looking in, but he is not successful at all. He’s always unsatisfied, bored, hyper and cold as ice. My brain says he never loved anyone …just used them to his advantage but my HEART is crying…screaming for the pain to stop and trying to convince me that my head is not correct…but i know it is. I MISS him so much and I feel this is worse than mourning a physical death…because he is still here but who is is was never who I thought he was. I’m going crazy…I cry all the time…I think I’m worthless and I need help. There is no one for me to talk to. I pray that God protects and blesses my son and I will never stop, but it is so hard not to pick up the phone, etc. Any advice would be great because I feel like I’ve died on the inside.

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  10. Leslie

    After reading this I felt so much better! I too have been through sociopath “hell” and I have been hurting, crying, trying to make sense out of what the hell just happened to me, to my new relationship with this wonderful “man”. I have felt so confused and I keep thinking ” what the hell just happened to me?” Then I came across this article and in my moment is dispair, I laughed my ass off! This article hit the spot and it made sense! I think the most difficult thing about a sociopath and emotions is that you cannot make them come even close to understanding yourbpain, your loneliness, your hurt, you just can’t and I know that if I am home feeling sad over a breakup, I dam well want him to feel sad too! But without feelings a person cannot relate to your feelings. It is all so odd. I caught on fast with my sociopath, I think it was because I am very detailed with emotion and my feeling’s are sensitive. I knew after a couple of months that if I tried to make him understand my feelings, I would not accomplish a thing. Yes l, it hurt, it was just completely hard for me to understand being that I am so emotional and I live communication. But anspade is a spade, cry, hit the walls, blah, blah, blah! Because it is like talking to a wall if you are trying to tell a sociopath how you feel, hoping to get any kind of emotion in return. Just move on and watch out to avoid another.

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    • Tela

      Leslie, thank you for your comment, and for sharing. No, you simply cannot make sense of ‘crazy’. A Sociopath is a different kind of ‘crazy’, that lacks in everything! It truly hurts because you know he will not, can not make him come close to understanding the hurt he caused. In his delusional mind, he cannot even fathom that he ‘hurt’ you. I’m glad you caught on fast to what kind of man he was!!!!! And that should make you feel 10000000000% better knowing YOU are not the Sociopath!

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  11. noWayOutIn2deep

    Hi I’ve just discovered my husband and person i thought was my soul mate is very possibly a socio /or psychopath. I’ve lived with him for 9 years. Married almost 2. Our daughter is only 14months old. I have bipolar anxiety depression ocd and add I have also been extremely codependent since I was a teenager.when we met I was 21 I’m 30 now he is 34 now. I have never felt more terrified reading this as tonight I have spent hours reading about things I never knew anything about such as pathological lying which led me to sociopaths and psychopaths all the while the blood has been rushing from my body as the exact details of everything I went through, everything I couldn’t understand all make perfect sense now in the most terrifying way imaginable. I looked this stuff up because we r at Rock bottom and now that I stopped taking all the sedating pharmaceutical drugs I was on (stopped when I discovered i was pregnant in 2014) I am now able to see and think more clearly. Things are deteriorating quickly and I have been wondering why every single person in my life including my own mother has been pushing me away…I was attributing it to my bipolar but I have recently discovered that my husband who has been in very loose contact with family all these years is now using their new interest in his life (ie our daughter) to tell them and my own family lies about me in an effort to derail my recent desperate attempts to reach out for help from his constant and relentless emotional abuse. No one believes me because of my diagnosis of bipolar and his completely unmatched ability to appear perfectly sane reasonable charasmatic and caring…he has been in the top 1percent of any sales job he has had since we met which has never lasted more than 2years is his longest as his current job just celebrated 2years as of this nov.2015 although his linkedin page says 3years because he is an insatiable liar, he lies on his resume saying he spent 2years earning an AA Degree at an art college in Maine but its a complete lie..he even told me once how he lied to work for a celebrity chef in Manhattan saying he went to culinary school, please understand as u may see these as huge red flags and they are i met him at a time of emotional vulnerability and i guess i always am and thats my problem..i often always inadvertently find emotionally abusive relationships. At the time he made is sound like this heroic attempt to get on his feet in a new city no matter what and against all odds it was a gr8 story…I felt he loved and accepted me for who I was and I was willing to do the same and did i was the “ride or die bitch” through out my twenties giving up stablity career and ppl who truly loved me to b with the person i thought was meant for me..trouble is here I sit 9years later faced with the grim reality of the truth and lack of truth of the life I thought I was living, my life has been one big lie…and now he tells people I am crazy and bipolar to discredit everything I say…I am crying out for help but no one is there. I tried to go back to my therapist of 2years but she has moved positions and can no longer see me. I have a new appointment on the first friday of dec. But My health insurance will cancel and we cannot pay our rent on the first as my husband only just dropped the bomb on me that his paycheck will only b 300 and our bills are 3grand he normally earns around 2grand every paycheck. Point being I believe he is not even going to work but tells me he is. I am scared for myself and my daughter. I don’t know how to proceed and I know he knows I am on to him finally after almost a decade i am figuring him out. I can already see his attempt to discredit me and his and my own family are pushing me away. If anyone can offer me help please email me jmb.graphix..gmail..let this b a record so someone even if it is just online knows the truth even if no one in my physical reality believes me. If something should happen to me let this b a record and that after i leave him somehow he must never have custody or contact of our daughter. Brooklyn — posted 1:02am Sunday November 29th from the depths of a helI i can’t escape

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  12. no name

    Hi. I am really stuggling with myself and thoughts. My ex left me pregnant and homeless. So much happened in our relationship. Lies, abuse, cheating and fathered other children. Its all the lies. How do they find it so easy. I had no contact in place. When my son was born (he was not there he took the latest victim on holiday). He rang and I took my son to meet him. He rang a couple days later and does not want anything to do with him. It hurts so much but I was coming to terms with it. He has turned his family against me with more lies and they also want nothing to do with my son. He has walked away from everything and changed his number. He has brought a new house and tonight I found out the new girlfriend is pregnant. My life is in bits and I feel lost trying to put it back together. He has everything. How can he get this girl pregnant and lead the perfect life, when he has 3 children he has nothing to do with. Can they change. He says he has now he has found the perfect girl. His last words to me were. “If I had been better he would not have had to ruin my life”. I feel devestated all over again. Do you think they can change. Does he really love the new girl. Will he live happily ever after whilst me and his other exs are left devestated.

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    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment and sharing. If you had no contact in place, how did he ring you up? In answer to your question ‘how do they lie so easily’…..understand this: every single thing you know to be the truth, morally correct, individual self-esteem is EVERYTHING and more the Sociopath lacks! Period. So when they tell a lie, in their convoluted screwed up head, to them, it is not a lie..that is actually how they ‘see a situation’ or ‘justify an action’. That takes any and all accountability off of them and project onto you. Yes, I’m sure he has turned his family against you. That is classic Sociopath behaviour {they have to feel as though everyone is on their side} and they do this by discrediting you. Let go of those last words he said to you….that is all bullshit and a lame excuse he used to JUSTIFY his assholism. I will have an article about ‘Happily-Ever-After’. No, that will not be the case with this new woman or the next one or the next. Look at his past~ is there a similar repeated cycle of women/relationships? There is your answer.

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      • no name

        Thank you Tela. We work for same company and he rang me from work. I was very stupid to answer. I read your articles over and over. They help me to understand what the hell I was involved in. Thank you so much for replying. I just feel completly lost and have no idea how to start piecing my life back together.

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      • Tela

        You start piecing your life back together one moment at a time. The same way your life was stripped from you…one moment at a time. Try not to focus on the ‘why’s’ or ‘how come’, and most importantly DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT HE IS DOING WITH HIS NEW VICTIM Girlfriend. That will keep you right where you are mentally & emotionally. The damage has already been done. By keeping your thoughts on him/them is just causing more & more damage. I promise, you will get through this. Read the comments other’s have left. Thousands have been right where you are today…..and as time went on, they eventually pieced themselves & their lives back together. Just give time………TIME ❤

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  13. Hurting

    It has been1 month since I started the no contact rule!! And to all of you…things are becoming so much easier. Today is my 1 month anniversary of not contacting my ex sociopath…not only is it my 1 month anniversary but today is my ex’s birthday…I was worried about today a couple weeks ago..that I would text my ex and wish him a happy 40th birthday. Well today has come and knowing that I have become strong enough to realize that he’s not worth it to me, is the best ever!! This wasn’t my first bf..I know there are better people out there…I hope you all realize it too. Stay strong!!…everyone can overcome a sociopath but you need to remove them from your lives!! Things get easier. I promise!!

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    • Tela

      Thank you hurting for your comment. I cannot tell you how proud of you I am for not contacting the ex on his birthday. I know via our emails that you had a huge concern whether you would be able to make it past that date! And you DID!!!!! 😀 😀 😀 I know this has been a road trip to hell and back and back again. But your off that road now! Keep going forward, you know what is behind you if you look back! Keep dealing with those overwhelming crippling emotions you are having right now! Those too shall get easier with each passing day. ❤

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    • Elaine Philips

      Right in the middle of my No Contact Month, IT/ HE called on my Birthday. Just when I was beginning to feel Good, It is almost as If he still want to hold on… It is like Hell. What an Appropriate name for the Site.

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      • Tela

        Block him Elaine! Block all means of him getting in contact with you. Email, phone, social media etc. Yes, he does still want to have that ‘control’ over you. And only YOU can stop it!!!

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  14. Julie

    I am living in this right now…..I left him in October last year. I had everything describing a soc/narc. Except mine was not aggressive or abusive. More passive aggressive. But full of lies. After I left him, within one week he has someone else.. Oh the damage they leave behind. Empty, void, broken, busted. I am no longer the happy vibrant funny person I was. And off he goes living happily ever after. It makes me sick. 6 months down the track, I have broken contact as has he. Right up until yesterday. I need strength to do the no contact and go the distance. Where do you start to piece yourself back together. My mind is and ahas been consumed with this man every second of the day. My logical mind knows what he is…but my heart is still in love with who I thought he was.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Julie for your comment. I KNOW how painful this is!!! I will be posting an article today about ‘happily-ever-after’. They are never happy. The pathological lies are what we have difficulty with & especially letting go of. You start piecing yourself back together by doing the first thing you have which is No Contact! The 2nd thing is read! Educate yourself on Narcissistic Sociopaths. And most importantly: nothing you could have said or done would have changed the outcome! Meaning either you stuck it out being mentally & emotionally destroyed and lied to on a daily basis. Your heart Julie, will eventually get on the same page as your logical mind. Yes, you love him…but the ‘him’ never existed.

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      • Julie

        Mine wasn’t angry or abusive. In fact the total opposite. He was very loving. Very cool and collected. He was more sneaky and manipulative Two and a half years with him He showered me with love and attention. I was triangulated with his wife all this time but believed I was his “soul mate”. He convinced me of that . I never met one person from his side. He had a wife for 15 years and two young boys , he has gone back to her now. That’s after a fling after me with someone else. She was in the background so I’ve learnt since. I also know he played up on his wife with another I can only imagine how many more there was. He would lie to me all the time with such ease and grace and when I would face him he would turn it all around onto me. I also discovered porn on his phone one night. His excuse was … I guess it’s just my dirty side. That was after he apologised because the initial excuse was its my fault because I never show him my body !!!! He used to text me constantly if I wasn’t with him , I would receive hundreds of dirty pics of himself all the time and he had a collection of his own pics in an album on his phone of him. He would brag about how good he was at things. He had the stare into my eyes which I mistook for love he had for me. He would tear up and cry and say he just loves me so so much. I had all the promises made to me and not one ever came. The word salad drove me insane. He was charming. Funny. Extremely attractive. The best lover I have ever had He has one friend I never met. ONE friend. That’s it . He never introduced me to his side of life. He skis and has a boat. I was never taken on that boat. He also loves camping and shooting. Never got to experience any of that either. Not ONE thing. He always had his phone in his pocket on silent and he never ever got his phone out in front of me. It went to the toilet with him. The shower. It never came out of his pocket. I know why now. I poured everything into him and that’s why I feel like I am empty now. An empty vessel. And the lies …… The lies were incredible. He just did it with such ease. Never flinched. Never showed any remorse I have a lot of knowledge now and it’s is getting easier. I understand his psyche now and I also understand that he will NEVER remain faithful to his wife. I feel sorry for her because she has NO idea what he’s really like. As he once told me …. She will never move on from me and that’s when I made the decision to leave. F that. It was hell. The emotions were so high and I became very ugly and abusive toward him because if the hurt he has bestowed on me. He broke me and when I left it was like … Oh well. No worries. Others will have me and that they do and off he went. It’s such a sad thing that a happy caring loving kind funny person like me is now like a zombie. I hate this has happened and now I have to spend so much time and effort to forget him. Be strong and get my life back when he’s off just with nothing inside him. 😪

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      • philomena

        Hi Tela: Do you really belive they do not love the other woman. They make it seem so convincing. He has left me for the ow and all you hear is she is better than me.. loves him more, etc. They try to convince you she is so more worthy than you. Also you and other websites state they will get discarded also like we have. Do you believe this? What are your thoughts on this dreaded other woman (who they seem to worship).
        Any words to get through this would be so appreciated. Thank you so much! PP

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      • Tela

        Hello Philomena, yes I truly believe {& know} they do not ‘love the other woman {or man}’. Look at the past history of your ex…how many ‘happily-ever-after’ relationships has he been in? The Sociopath behavior pattern just repeats itself over and over and over. Constant forward motion. Yes, for a while the new woman may be the one just like you were the one. Think back to when you met the ex, did he not seem to ‘worship’ you as well? Did you not feel euphoric? Same thing is happening to this new victim. My words to help you get through this particular thing are: do NOT stalk him, do NOT look to see who or what he is doing, block his email/whatsapp, snapchat, facebook or any other social media. Do NOT ask mutual friends about him & his current new life. By knowing that he is involved with another woman just keeps you in the cycle of going nowhere and asking yourself ‘what was wrong with me’. There was & is nothing wrong with you. The Sociopath does not love himself, therefore he never loved you {or this new person} or the next 20 women that may come in his life.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Elaine Philips

      I know the feeling. Is one thing I did not do is give, Loan or spend any of my money on him. whatever I spent on him was on my own, which amounts to about ($300) over the period I spent listening to lies . I can live with that… You will recover, You will be O k..

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    • chankla2

      N/C!!!!!
      does anything change when THERES communication? NO
      any form of communication kps you in the game, its nothing but Ego for them, Ego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      think of the times he made you cry, ddnt follow thru, used you, lied to you&They just kept gng to supply to supply to supply, THATS all they do!
      they don’t change, they’re not happy its fake!!!
      I realize he ddnt gve a s*** about me when I faced that? my healing started..
      7yrs I wasted on ex bf NARC, at least I’m growing ,changing now, forcing myself to go forward….
      it does get better, get out of the game
      bc THATS whhat it is to them..
      N/C is only way to go
      strength courage gt BK to you!!!!!
      😉

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    • philomena

      Hi Tela:
      How are you? Regarding your comment about piecing your life back together and giving it time. How long do you think it really takes to be normal again. I have been trying desparetly to do exactly that by staying busy going out with family and friends. But still i feel lost and hopeless at times. I have read that it can take two years to feel good again. What are your thoughts on this? And with dating. I have not felt emotionally healthy enough about myself to date or meet anyone. What are you thoughts on this? I know eveyone is different. But for me i’m trying to work on myself and be a better person and try to help people and just get over this horrible experience. It really leaves you empty! Thank you.

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      • Tela

        Philomena~ there is not a specific time frame. Each and every person heals on their own time, so for me to give an exact ‘time frame’ would do a serious injustice. It’s okay to feel lost and hopeless at times. Just don’t unpack your thoughts and stay there. I wrote an article about dating after a Sociopath, you can read that HERE

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      • chankla2

        EVEYBODY is different you never
        get completely over it it just gets
        better for you, emotionally. 7yrs w/ex bf NARC…
        almost 2yr( healing processs) an a ‘last’ go around of Hoovering almost 4mos ago it clicked! screw this, screw him
        THYRE boring ,users, fake, any supply just for their needs, period.
        it will happen, YOULL look at NARC in a different light soon…
        go thru the pain, emotions, get strong, change for the better, for You!!!!!!!!
        nobody gets it if you hvnt bn w/NARC its a diff ball game…
        N/C
        kp gng forward
        🙂

        Like

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