A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Signs of A Narcissistic Sociopath

So you have met him or her! The perfect person to spend the rest of your life with! Hold On!!! Not so fast!! Ask yourself these following questions, they may bring some clarity to who/what you are actually dealing with.

  1. Charming~do they say all the right things? Are they over-the-top with compliments? Never ending stream of hearts & flower words? Numerous text and emails to you? Has this abundance of charm set them apart from anyone else you have met? Are they to good to be true?
  2. Egocentric & Grandiose~have they told you how successful their career is? If they are a parent, have they told you what a hand’s on parent they have been? Has everything in their life been pretty much ‘perfect’? {except for the ex-relationships}. Do they exude an elevated self-entitlement attitude? Appear to be highly educated and/or knowledgeable about pretty much everything?
  3. Disconnection of Their Past~do they have any relationship with their family? Do they talk about a dysfunctional childhood? Do they tell you how horrid their ex was? Have you met any of their life-long {or long term friends}? Probably not as they are non-existent. Are they superficial when talking of their past? {yet delve deep into yours with questions?}
  4. The Victim~of all the bad things that have happened in their past, was it because of someone else? Did they miss out on a promotion because someone else knew how to “screw the system”, or the boss is a ‘douche-bag’? Did they get a divorce because the ex is ‘crazy’, or ‘bi-polar’, or ‘had an affair’ {or whatever numerous excuses they have}.  Do they not have shared custody of children because the ex “lied in court”, or the “their attorney screwed them over”? Is there a pattern of what I call the blame game?
  5. Abundance of Your Time~ do they want you to spend ALL of your time with them? Do they plan things and basically do not give you the option of saying ‘no’? Do they send excessive text messages hourly? Excessive phone calls daily. You know what the ‘excessive’ is. Are they love-bombing you?
  6. Moving Fast~has the relationship progressed quickly?Are they telling you they have met their soul mate and are in love with you? {after only a very short time} Have they told you they have never met anyone like you? Are they already planning a forever future with you and your still at square one?
  7. Intimacy~ have they bragged about how wonderful they are in bed?  They have set in place an invisible connection that makes you feel like you are the best match ever for him/her in the intimacy department. Do they make you feel as if you are the only lover who could ever satisfy them? {This also gives you a false sense of what will become a doomed relationship.} Is the sex euphoric? Unlike any you have experienced?
  8. Liar~Liar~i wrote a post about the pathological lying, the manipulation of words. Do they tell you a lie, that you know in fact is a lie, yet deflect the conversation if you try and discuss it with them? Do you feel they are deceiving you and not being transparent, yet demanding expecting you to be? Are you finding things they say just don’t add up? Are there inconsistencies with their stories?
  9. Prey’s on your emotions~ have they told you something to obtain sympathy from you? Do they need you for financial reasons? Are you finding inconsistencies with their stories of success? Do you feel mentally drained sometimes after spending time with them?
  10. The Art of Coning~ do you find they can talk for hours about pretty much nothing? Conversations from them are about some incident or experience that happened a long time ago, but can go on and on about it? Yet, if you question something about their most recent relationship/job/friends….they turn the conversation around to a different direction without giving you a clear answer? Are they telling you of the goals they have for the two of you? Are they feeding you false promises of a life spent in bliss?
  11. Impulse Control~or lack of actually? Do they do things without regard to consequences? Do they talk to certain people one way, and then someone else completely different? Do they disappear for any length of time, and have a lame lie excuse to their whereabouts? Are they careless with finances?
  12. Lack of Motivation~ have they changed jobs frequently? Make excuses why they may not have a job? Are they unwilling to fit in with mainstream society in their professional lives? Do they feel rules are not in place for them?
  13. Isolation~ do you feel isolated from your close friends and family? Have you broken plans with someone because the Sociopath, Psychopath has made you feel guilty for not including them? Do you feel your world is shrinking with only them occupying it?
  14. Body Language~do they invade your personal space? Do they have that blank stare about them? Do you find yourself questioning their maturity?
  15. Social Disconnection~do you find they can be the life of the party and be the center of attention? Do they put the charm on for your friends so they are accepted? Do you realize that they are socially disconnected from themselves?

If you have answered yes to some of these questions, get out of the relationship! If at all possible, leave while your sanity is still intact. You cannot, and will not change this person. You may even still be questioning yourself if in fact the person you are with actually is a Narcissistic Sociopath or Psychopath.  If you are searching the web for answers, then the odd’s are, you have now become a victim of one.

©SociopathLife.com

52 Responses to “Signs of A Narcissistic Sociopath”

  1. Lorna

    Omg total eye opener, my husband of 18 years left me a year ago for another woman, of course I was devastated at first, but once my sanity returned I now see how unhealthy that relationship was. Unfortunately it took 18 years of my life. He always knew when I had doubts about the relationship and would reel me back in!! Crazy!! Thank God for miracles, because him leaving me was a miracle and the best thing that he ever did for me.

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  2. Rayne Adams

    My sisters with one I think. He never has anything nice to say about her or to her. He walks in from work. She asks how’d your day baby? He grunts. If she don’t wait on him fast enough. He’s calling her every name info the book. When has a valid point in her defence. He dismisses her totally. Says sure, right, whatever. She has no friends. She don’t even know who she is anymore. She’s whatever he says or allows her to be. She’s an empty she’ll of who she was. And it kills me tow watch it. I live with them. And the thing that kills me most. Is she still defends him. When people witniss his abuse. She says he’s not abusing her. If you we’re to see her picture. You would say there’s no life in her eyes. No sparkle no nothing. She’s dead. But still breathing. I feel so helpless. If anyone has any advice. I’m all ears… Thank you and God bless, a worried sister.

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  3. pierce00781

    Just read article and alarmingly my gf does a lot of these things. Most in fact! I’ve been concerned for a while now and she just justifies her behaviour to the way she has been brought up and her sense of humour, saying I’m too sensitive.

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  4. rCynefin

    Do they really have this natural charm that my guy had. Not just me but anybody who talked to him could develop that attachment with him. Perhaps it was his sad past or his deep dimples, or the beautifully carved lips, or the way he made one feel wanted and that they are the only ones in his life.
    There was always that aura of mystery around him. Also there were just a handful of peopele he was close to, and just one guy friend, which was really weird. But this very fact made me believe that i mean so much to him. We were together for an year and half . It was a period of total intensity, wherein he was ready to ‘leave it all’ for me.
    But then he literally ‘left me’ for someone much younger than him, and closer as she got to work at the same office and was a distant relative. Within days all the promises and love lost its meaning, and i stil search for answers after a month of no communication.

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    • Lorna

      After 18 years I think I now know the game pretty well. It’s nothing that you ever did. They prey on people like us. The ones who are able to love deeply, whereas they cannot!! That’s why they are attracted to us!! Be grateful that he left after a year and not 18 years!! There’s no answers they do what they are compelled to do by their illness and there is no changing them!! Be good to yourself and get some counseling. You deserve to be loved the right way!! Love yourself!! Peace

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  5. Lawson

    Reading through all this, …. Wow…. Literally seeing MY life in the text on these pages has been theraputic, and also frightening. After 6 years, I am just beginning to grasp what is happening to my life (or the shambles of it). I have been afraid for a few years, that I was indeed trapped in a cycle that there was no easy way out of. Its been easy to mute that fear because if it were true, then I was ALREADY trapped. So why not just believe the narrative that I have wanted to be true. That I am with my soul mate, who despite some issues that need to be resolved, is capable of being the person I need. They must be, because they proved early on that they CAN be a dream come true, and once they realize how they have destroyed my very identity and all value I once had for myself, they are going to be overcome with sorrow, regret, and I will forgive them and I will have the person I met 6 years ago back…….. ON OUR FLYING PIG FARM!!! It really is a tough pill to swallow. A veteran of the US Marine Corps. Former police officer (boy, if that aint already a prime piece of canvas to be painted as “he is crazy” “a monster.” Unfortunately, people seem to enjoy making Police, and Military veterans into emotionally damages wrecks, who are filled with violence and hatred. Nothing could be further from the truth!), I have always considered myself extraordinarily mentally and emotionally resilient. After all I have seen and done, I am not invincible, but nothing could break me down….. I truly believed that no one could get in my mind, and break me. I just never considered that my adversary would show up in the form of someone so beautiful, that I could have created her in my own mind as my ideal partner. Giving attention to every detail, defining what I find attractive and irresistible. I really couldn’t have dreamed of a woman who made my stomach knot up and knees weak like that. Not only was she everything I find physically attractive, she was interested in me?? I won the lottery! I’m the luckiest man alive! I would have not hesitated for one second to approach her, but before that thought had fully made it through my mind, she was pursuing me! I didn’t take long at all, and I was hooked quickly. Kinda funny (in that “it’s better to laugh than cry” kinda way), that all the things I have done that really get to people, all I have survived, MY adversary wasnt an enemy combatant, nor the desperate suspect of a violent crime. The picture of what has made my life hell (all while legitimately convincing me, I had brought it all on myself by not being X, Y or Z that I should have been for this girl. Gosh! I have to do better by her! I’m so lucky she has stuck with me) is 5 feet 3 inches, long dark hair, eyes that literally feel penetrating and a smile that just broke down all my defenses, less like a grenade, and more like a computer virus that made my inner warning system totally vanish like a corrupt fIle. And that devastating smile, I must mention, as entrancing as it was, had a distinct Evil in it that you can’t even explain. Not a devil costume, “trick or treat” evil, but seductive evil. A smile that plays on your natural desire to taste forbidden fruit, but it MUST be safe! It sure does look like forbidden fruit, but she is serving it to me just the way I like, so it surely won’t be anything other than everything I ever wanted, and many things I didn’t KNOW I wanted, UNTIL she came into my life and created a world I was totally unaware of. That world, like the most pure street drug, had me roped in, hook line and sinker before I had exhaled the first hit. Okay okay…… Is it obvious that I AM STILL under the spell of this person. Which considering how much pain, misery and nothing short of something CLOSE to hell I have been through, is nothing short of……. Well…. Pathetic really. And yet, I have been sucked in again and again and again. Early on, she made it very well known, that she has never been outwardly affectionate, but for some reason she just couldn’t explain (i will try to explain for her, POURING GASOLINE ON MY CONFIDENCE THAT IS ALREADY A BLAZING INFERNO AT THIS POINT!) I just bring affection out of her that no one else has been able to tap into. (this is going to be a hard part to post online) Before she and I got together, I had experienced some “difficulty” in the area of sexual performance. Now I am with a woman that I very much want to please. Don’t think all sexual!!! I wanted to make her happy!! 🙂 anyway. My doctor had suggested that my difficulty may possibly be a result of a self esteem that was suffering due to my military years ending, and realizing I would never be quite that “cool” again. Personally, I thought he was a mile off base. I truly felt plenty of confidence! Now, enter this woman. Would ya believe, difficulty NO MORE!!! More like difficulty stopping long enough to also have a typical adult life. Sex was far and away THE most euphoric experience I had ever been apart of, made more so because she could have won the Academy Award for best….. “pretending I’m not bored silly by a female con, I mean actress” ccategory! Do they have that? They should create it and give her a call! I would have never dreamed this was another Men’s Health article playing out in my life. “How to tell if she’s faking” kinda articles. I’m still confused over this actually, thing is, I don’t accept anything from her at face value anymore. I cautiously assume everything has a motive, or otherwise just malicious intent behind it. That’s probably a SLIGHT exaggeration, but that said, every time I think she won’t cross THAT line, I am proved to be a fool for underestimating what things she can do. You can imagine what this has done to that “blazing” confidence. Its more like an ice bucket at the city morgue. I’ve tried to put some laughs in here, but just understand, that is how I have coped my entire life. I find something to laugh at in any situation, no matter how life shatteringly devastating it is to my mind. So, you reading, and anyone who happens to somehow be watching as I type this alone, thinks, “ah, that guy is all right, he aint gonna let her bring him down, he’s already laughing at her.” This is what I WANT people to think. Mostly because I am ashamed, humiliated and spiritually broken and i don’t know how or if I could handle all the people that warned me about what was happening. All the people I adamantly stood up and defended her to. All the friends and family members I have alienated, or just let fade out of my life over this woman. When I uncover another web of lies, or another guy (to add to the list that is LITERALLY in the dozens at this point) that I can’t be sure if she is just “sexting” for her own ego boost, or is this one she has actually layed down for. Then break me down, make sure all of her friends and mine know how pathetically insecure I am, because I asked if “you still talk to that guy you used to work with”? I actually start to believe, why would I be so unfair. She is just naturally charismatic and most people keep in touch with her! Gosh I’m a lucky guy! Why can’t I get that through my head! Why am I so insecure with myself! I don’t feel insecure! And for aanother few years, if I ask a question I am reminded of how dumb I was for “letting my insecurity lead me into accusing her of my worst nightmares with a grocery boy who was 19 years old (she’s 32 btw, and that “accusing” was asking if they had remained in contact.) …. Guess what???? They DID have sex! BEFORE MY ABSURD ACCUSATIONS! It gets better. I stayed at the apartment, with her boys while she drove to his parents house…. IN MY TRUCK! I could give enough example to keep this going for much longer, but I think her driving my truck, to have sex with a KID over ten years younger, while I watched her kids, and was ridiculed and humiliated for even inquring about his existence for years! For the record, they have continued contact and at LEAST phone sex, I can’t prove any further sexual contact. Just a side note, about a week and half prior to their rendezvous, she had surgery and depended on me for EVERYTHING! I was quite seriously taking care of her as you would an elderly relative who can’t take care of themselves. But by this point, sex for me was a special once a month or two treat, but oh how lucky I was that she DID (which was rare by now) come home from her trip to the “store” and make a point to hug and kiss me. I still can’t figure out if it was a sign that she DOES have SOME feelings, OR more likely, was her secret way of further cutting me down. I feel the need to stop writing a take a shower suddenly. A few months later, she suddenly became (to my absolute ASTONISHMENT) suspicious that I had been cheating, and INSISTED that I go take an std test at the health dept. Again, HUMILIATING! Especially because she was the ONLY sexual contact I had in over 2 years at this point. Keep in mind, I did not yet know about her having sex with the little punk boy. So, I’ve wondered if this was a ploy to assure herself SHE was clean. Can’t say for sure. They spoke as recently as about 8 months ago. (understand, after 6 years, I have FINALLY stopped looking into what she is doing behind my back) and even then were both expressing that it was exciting to them to have sex knowing that I had found out…. There is so much more, but honestly, this trip down memory lane, that was theraputic is now just excruciatingly painful. I’m sure one can just imagine what just the few things I have explained can do to a persons mind. Even one who is generally pretty strong minded. I don’t want to at all give the impression this is something I actually do laugh at. I don’t. I spend most days, avoiding contact with anyone I can avoid, and if I don’t have suicidal thoughts, it’s been a decent day. I WANT MY LIFE BACK, BUT AM ALSO SO VERY AFRAID OF…. PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING. I hope to one day, begin to build personal relationships again, but I just don’t know how I will EVER trust or open up to anyone again. All my deepest darkest secrets, fears, desires, personal experiences and even sexual fantasies were pulled from my vulnerable, trusting mouth, then used as humiliation equipment later,…. Just that by itself, how do you get past that?

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    • Tela

      Lawson, please send me an email. And I am also going to post this on the homepage so that other’s can help you!
      Trust me when I say this, you WILL get past this! I know you do not believe that right now, nor can you even imagine that. It takes time, a LOT of time!
      Are you still with this woman?

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    • mysociopathex

      I’m going through something very similar. I’ve had the love of my life lie to me, deceive me, treat me like shit and then go back to her ex husband without a shred of remorse.

      I’m trying to piece heal my tortured soul and forgive myself for being such a fool.

      I’m blogging my whole story in an open and honest way. You can find it on my page. Take a look and see if you see any similarities or comfort knowing you aren’t alone.

      I only found out about her ex husband last week. I knew something was up for a long time but now I’m recovering. Please know that there was nothing you could have done and the very reason why you’re in this position is because she is sick

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    • lindsey

      Hello Lawson, it was very enlightening to read an excerpt from a man’s perspective on having “tangled” with a sociopath. I feel your pain, disillusionment, uncertainty and trepidation in regards to the future, your life, relationships and the trust that is required of such. I too feel the same and often wonder myself. But I try to just let things be and not over analyze the future as much as I use to knowing that I have a survived hell many may have not, am so much wiser and stronger now than before, and come out a survivor with such an education! lol Master’ level degree I think I have earned! Having a little faith in myself helps a lot and taking things very, very slow with people to make friends makes me feel more comfortable. After being involved with these sick individuals it often can lead to a whole host of anxiety/OCD and depression issues as they have taught our psyche’s the world and people are dangerous and not to be trusted; plus now we do not even trust ourselves to protect ourselves…..I mean what else could your poor brain think after the psychological warfare it has been put through; and not even on the battlefield as you said where it was expected! I try to join support groups that lean towards the survivors of the world; this one, anxiety/depression groups, Meetups has some good groups, and volunteering at animal shelters has led me to meet wonderfully caring people who love animals as much as I. But I am not the same social butterfly I was, as naïve and trusting; I have not lost it but it is now tempered and I am a decade older too which tends to change ones priorities too. But I do know I am still evolving out of my cocoon of protection I created to survive the horror and that is ok because I could very well be a phenomenal beautiful butterfly when I do finally emerge! :):)

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  6. I say

    These people are DANGEROUS.
    They will do everything to reassure you that you are a perfect fit & if you let them in too quickly you will be blinded by their intense show of adoration.
    This is very dangerous, they are operating with covert aggression, they want something from you, on a ranging scale, be it simply excitement to relieve their boredom, or attain your resources – anything from your attention to your assets.
    When they get what they want, or they find a new & better target, you will be discarded & you won’t understand what has happened.
    If they’re fully enmeshed in your life financially or with children, expect the worst, they will fabricate malicious stories to damage your standing & reputation, so that they get all they can from you legally and socially.
    They are not genuinely attached to you & live in world of half truths, omissions & outright lies that hide their real past & are used to get what they want in present. Astonishingly, they will often actually believe their own distortions.
    Always remember its not personal – they simply have no normal remorse, guilt or shame & you are just a potential target for their amusement or advancement.

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  7. Melissa OBrien

    I’m trapped in a relationship with a full blooded sociopath.

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  8. Lexi Kayne

    This is amazing information. I am just learning that my daughter is a sociopath and it is VERY frightening to me. I have known for years that she would lie with no remorse, was NEVER wrong, nothing was ever her fault always someone else’s, had trouble on jobs because her bosses just weren’t as smart as her and seemed to feel no remorse or regret over any actions. Throw Norco and Valium into the mix and it is a mess. We currently have her children for the next year but are very concerned what will happen at that time. If they have to go back to her and her husband. They voluntarily signed them over to us when they were caught doing the drugs (by us, not the law). It appears to just be a big vacation time for them with little regret over the kids not being there. Unless it is for show at her job. I am still digesting this whole thing and am in shock the more and more I read 😦

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  9. Dale

    Great post. Being aware of the red flags, that will lead to lies behond belief, will save you from much fear & pain, possibly even harm.
    A relationship of this type maybe physically pleasing, only to become nothing short of mental & emotional suicide.
    Do not be a push over, watch for these signs. These people prefer easy victims. They will quickly move on, if you call their bluff.
    No honest person deserves to be put through the hell, this type of self- centered being is planning in their sick deciving mind.

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  10. Helen moore

    Wow all this sounds exactly what my son is going through with his crazy wife but he always stands by her side and defends her knowing she the drama starter. She is a dangerous person and what sad about this she is the mom of my two grand children. I can go on and on but im not cause im done with it. I cant do nothing for my son or my grand kids. My son stays with her and she hits him and threatens to call the cops and lie so he would get arrested. One time she was mad at me and called my phone and put my 2 year old grandson on the phone and told him to call me a bitch. Im done

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  11. Mo

    I met my partner 17 years ago. There were signs very close to the beginning that had me stunned, but I ignored my inner voice anyway. Had I known about this disorder sooner, I would have avoided this many years of emotional pain. I would have run for the hills! I thought he was just an angry man, but it’s so much more than that. He has no regard for other peoples feeling, he refuses to effectively communicate, always over riding my voice with his incredible anger. Constantly deflecting any responsibility for his actions and diverting the issue to me or my family. He’s always undermining me with family and friends, laughing about it later. I could go on!. But they soften you up by thinking their hard work around the house makes up for their poor behavior. It’s truly crazy making! I feel I’m in danger trying to call it off, and he refuses to go for counseling . Not that it would make any difference anyway. I’m between a rock and a hard place! He gets violent when I try to break it off.

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  12. 7.62

    I so know someone that needs to see this! Sadly the sociopath has complete control over access…and the victim probably won’t be receptive. Sadly…

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  13. Leah

    OmG….it has taken me almost 20 years to realize why this is and who I’ve been with. This perfectly describes my situation. I’m goin through another divorce with this person and my life has become miserable, almost worse than being with them! This is helping me though. I don’t want to believe it but it has to be true.

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  14. Jamie

    I am 75% sociopath. I have just learned this about myself and it was not through this blog. I don’t know what to do. No one knows this about me, and I don’t want to tell them because then they will put me on medicine to give me fake emotions. The issue with fake emotions is they will slow me down, I am able to work really effectively because I don’t care about other people. I also don’t want them to tell me how something is wrong with me either. I am adopted and my biological family is either in prison, or in a house full of drugs somewhere they have emotions and look where it got them vs. me who is a driven high school senior with scholarships for academic excellence coming in from different schools each day. The thing I need help with is what should I do, I am tired of pretending the be so excited to graduate high school, and be moving to college. And for the most part I could pretty much drop my family and not look back. The only people I do seem to have any attachment to is my grandparents on my moms side, and they seem pretty attached to me as well. Any way since this blog seems to be about people who have been hurt by people like me, what should I do. Stay in it for my grandparents ( I mean they are like 70 they probably don’t have that long any way) Or finally be free of these people who think they know me but all they really know is a lie. strung together by fake emotions. I don’t email me I have an email but I don’t check.

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    • Tela

      Jamie, thank you for your comment. First off I’m not sure why you say your are “75% Sociopath”. Sociopath is not a percentage based Personality Disorder. I understand about not wanting to take medications that give you ‘fake emotions’. You say you ‘don’t care about other people’….when in fact you do. What you don’t care about could be their opinions, judgments etc. And that is perfectly normal!!! Keep focusing on YOU, your goals! What other people ‘think’ about you should not have a daily affect. Please do not think that once you move away the problems you have today will magically disappear, they won’t. I suggest you find someone to talk to you, even therapy but be adamant about not wanting to take medication. With just this short comment, I’m not sure if there are some other underlying issues that may be going on with you. If you do want to send an email, please do so. TaelaHill@mail.com

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  15. Manu

    Very insightful, Sean and a good reednimr. It’s so easy to get caught up in other people’s opinions, especially when we have bad habits around these things in our past. Even amongst people we deeply value and trust, they can be just plain WRONG about us, and we have to realize this for a fact. I consistently say that, while it is good to use others’ opinions, as you say, as a mirror against which to measure our progress of sorts, in the end no one opinion is of any higher value than another in the larger picture. If we listen to one and take it to heart, why not all of them? Because the only opinion that really matters is the one we hold of ourselves as we strive to move forward. We can allow no one else’s voice to drown out our own. I am not perfect, but I am also nothing less than a beautiful disaster with unlimited potential. If I can still see hope through all my flaws, I have no business accepting less from anyone else. Thank you for sharing of your wisdom and experience, Sean!

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  16. Irma

    I break the no contact after 2 weeks while trying to call my cousin & ask her to have me call him .So I end up calling him & spend valentine day and his bday a week after.He was very affectionate and loving.In my mind he really must missed me and I’m the special person in his life.But then on his bday he ask me to book a hotel and he was disappointed why he has to pay for it since its his bday .I figure out I will treat him for dinner plus I got him a gift (nice decent polo shirt).Instead I was frustrated when he told me he had eaten already and his stomach hurts.To my surprise I told him that I will go get my dinner while he wait in the hotel room.But he decided to come with me to get my dinner maybe his afraid that I will took off and leave him.I know he knows I was disappointed.We had sex and told me after that the hotel room has mildew and he gets nauseous .He toss and turn and can’t sleep.He ask me at 3:45am to go and have breakfast .I told him I’m sleepy and I knew if I agreed he will took off after eating .I suggested to go to his place and sleep there instead but he get a little upset and said something like m sneaky .I use to go to his place and I ask him why .He said after I stole his phone ,I did it cuz I want to see who his texting but unable to figure out his passcode .So he think I’m going to steal his phone or snoop around.But I know if he is not hiding something he should have no worries.I don’t know why I’m still with this guy.I change my phone no. twice and got hold of me through some email address that I didn’t know existed in my IPhone.Ive deleted my act but here I am calling him after my cousin told me his begging for me to call him.I

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    • Tela

      Irma, only you are the one who can figure out why you keep going back. You know that, each time you do, the outcome will be the same. And reading through your comment, I can ‘read between the lines’ of why he was so adamant about not taking you to his home. Please try and go back to the NC. Let him beg all he wants, he will never change and all you are doing is feeding his sick mind by going back. It’s time to think about you, and you only!! hugs, Tela ❤

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  17. gigglesmail

    Dear Tela, I spent 16 years with a brilliant mad man and have been away from him for 14 years. I will never see people the same way again. The signs you posted didn’t initially apply to our beginning however, as time went on, many of the signs came to pass. Now, so many of these signs that may flatter another, send chills up my spine. I cannot and will not think any other way. As I spent years recovering from this relationship I realized that yes, God gave me emotion, but he also gave me intellect and logic. I use my logic and my gut response today. No matter how nice someone may appear I deny my gut response no longer. Friends have often said, “he’s perfect, what’s wrong with you?” When I’m putting the brakes on a potential relationship. I’ve often been told by persons who are interested in me, “you’re a prude” or “you have walls up” or “you’re jaded,” just to name a few. All these statements may be true but when a man is trying to stick his tongue down my throat, get me into bed or fast track me into a commitment within the first few dates, he’s toast in my book. I’m not impressed by flowers, praise & accolades & numerous phone calls & texts. While some men may be microwaves I’m a slow cooker. I tiptoe into the water now. No more diving for me. Friendships grow naturally or they don’t. I’ve never met a possible FRIEND who pressured me to make a commitment or asked me where this relationship is going, or asked me if I was going to call them tomorrow or asked why I didn’t answer my phone. I apply the same ideas to dating. If a man does this to me, the potential is gone. I have many successful relationships. People who are secure & mature & introspective & insightful are not in a hurry. No force is involved. I like being a slow cooker 🙂

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    • Tela

      Thank you Giggles for a great comment!!! I like how you equated microwaves to slow cooker! LOL 😉 It’s very difficult for most everyone when they first meet a Sociopath to realize what is going on with these “Signs, Character Traits etc” as they feel they have finally found the one because everything did feel so ‘perfect’ in the very beginning.

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  18. Alana Love

    If I could go back in time to when he asked for my number, I would have screamed at myself to RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN and never speak to him ever. It has been a very difficult, painful, bittersweet lesson I have well and truly learned. I was quite naive (therefore vulnerable before), but thankfully I’m a bit wiser now. Question! Question! Never take anything at face-value. I suppose I have him to thank for that

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    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment Alana~ I think we all wish we could ‘go back in time’. But we cannot. And you are wiser now!!! 🙂

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  19. Melanie

    There are days when I sit alone for hours going over and over the “beginning”. I remember the flags…obvious lies I did not call him on, and the way he dodged when I did question absurd excuses or stories.

    His way with me was so natural…the way my heart believed it should be…I fell so hard…and now I am dealing with the unraveling of this tangled web.

    If I could go back and tell myself one thing…I would say “listen…to yourself, your friends, your momma…because they can see what you can’t and they are right. Close your eyes girl and listen!!!!

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    • Tela

      Thank you Melanie for your comment. And what a great suggestion at the end!! It is easier for people to see things from the outside perspective! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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    • Funda

      It is so true Donna. Nothing makes sense until you realize the rages are on pursope, just smoke to cover up some secret activity of theirs, or to steer you away from some uncomfortable questions.My first husband would always accelerate the abuse until the original issue was lost. I tried and tried to be a better communicator, and sometimes I lost it with him too, which of course gave him more ammo. But something never added up. Finally, finally, finally, I realized it was all on pursope, and that hardened my resolve.The last time he moved out, I warned him, if you go, it will be for good. I will not take you back in a week. He left anyway, and of course tried to come back in a week. But the game was over. I told him if he went, on his own, to counseling, and learned about his problems, and changed into a man I could live with, he could come home, not before. Of course that was a no go.. lol. So after two years of pretty much ignoring him, I divorced him.

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      • Tela

        Thank you Funda for your comment & sharing your ordeal. The Sociopath will never change. We all know that. And how you described the rages to cover up or steer you away from the original questions etc. is so classic of them. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  20. praisegeorge

    Interesting list of negative traits.

    I say this all the time: if a guy/lady is too good to be true, he/she usually is.

    What I want to do is REVERSE these negative qualities and see what I come up with. I suspect it may not be too good.
    Let’s take Number 5. Someone who ‘Colonizes’ your time and spends too much time with you is almost as bad as someone who spends little or no time at all.

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    • Ann

      The sociopath will eventually disappear and return when they choose to. When the discard is going to happen they will spend no time with you. They already have another. The beginning is a red flag. I had many red flags.
      Nothing compared to the nightmare discard after 7 years. That tore my soul. But because of that I really see who is is.
      I agreed with the not spending enough time. My ex husband was like that but the difference was he saw that flaw and was willing to work at something. Sigh he was genuine but because if this i searched for someone who could show me “live” I loved the love bombing etc. hard lesson learned. I just never knew someone could be without a conscience. My ex husband not the ex sociopath has helped me a lot Don’t ever take a true genuine person for granted. I won’t ever again.

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  21. nikkim

    This is exactly like my husband. There are a few that he doesn’t match up with, but those are mainly the multiple relationship ones as he has never had another partner before me. I will be reading through a lot more of your posts as they seem quite thorough and researched.

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