How many times have you heard ‘why don’t you just leave’? ‘Why are you still talking to him/her’?
I have said it thousands of times, unless your friend or family member has first person experience with a Sociopath, they truly cannot understand why you simply ‘don’t just leave’. It is not that your support system, friends, family, do not care, they just do not get it. What do they not ‘get’? Lets start with just the very basics.
~emotional trauma. No one likes to ring up their best friend or family member and say ‘oh by the way, I am being emotionally abused and manipulated.’ However, YOU do not even know that is going on until it is to late. Already sucked into the dark, twisted, unbelievable life of a Narcissistic Sociopath. So how do you begin to explain, in a logical sense to someone the trauma you have endured, and may still continue to endure? There is no logical explanation.
~destroyed self-esteem. Your loved ones can tell you how wonderful you are, how fantastic your life will be without the Sociopath. Your friends may tell you ‘there are more people out there to date’. As if that is the first thing you want to hear after your self-esteem being nearly annihilated! How difficult it is to simply slap a happy face on and go about your day! When you feel your entire being has just come out of a paper shredder. There again, is no logical explanation that can help someone to understand. You, yourself cannot understand or accept why you let the Sociopath destroy your core. Please remember, it was not something you said/did/didn’t do, and the laundry list of other
excuses and reason’s you may be giving yourself. The Sociopath knew, from moment one of meeting you, what the outcome of your relationship would be. And it would be a trip through pure HELL.
~mental manipulation. You are told the most horrific things about yourself that no one has ever said before. Something from the way you look, to how you hold a fork, to the way you wash your hair. And even deeper than that, is the subtle manipulation done. The Sociopath starts about “oh my ex used to (_____)” which in turn, makes you feel like shit because there is a comparison going on. Not always in a positive way. So what do you do? You want to make sure this absolutely love of your life is never hurt again, and you do things you would not ordinarily do. Which leads into the mental manipulation being done. Silently.
~lies, lies and more lies. Most often when a friend or family member hears about the
absurd insane lies that you listened to regurgitating out of the Sociopaths mouth, they will question you ‘why didn’t you leave when you figured out they were lies?’….The first reason is, you had to become a detective!! In a sense, to begin to try and discern if what the Sociopath said was really a bold lie, a white lie, close but no to close to the truth, or just the usual Sociopaths ability to spin the most intricate lie. And then, how dare you question this grand lie they came up with. How do you explain that to someone? How do you explain that you spent the majority of the relationship being on the receiving end of lies, cruelty, becoming a detective, seeking out the truths? On a near daily basis?
~embarrassment. This is a big one! When you introduced the Sociopath to your inner circle, invited the devil into your den of family and friends-the charm factor was at full force. You, family, friends, co-workers, all thought ‘oh finally the perfect one’. Only for you to be methodically ripped apart, behind closed doors. If you became overwhelmed by the abuse, the embarrassment potentially set in, because everyone can see how
horrific wonderful the Sociopath is. So surely it must be me, right? Maybe I am the one with the problem, hell, maybe I am a Narcissistic Sociopath. And that is exactly what happens to you, that thought process that this is all my fault. NO! Absolutely not! You want to save-face and not expose what is really happening to you, because in all likely hood your head is reeling! Best not to embarrass yourself, right? WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! There is no embarrassment from escaping the clutches of manipulative, vile, mean, souless individual.
~Just Leave. When you have finally come to terms with what has or is happening to you, it will be time to Just Leave. All over my website you will read these words “you cannot fix the Sociopath. You cannot love the Sociopath enough. You can do NOTHING, ZERO to change them”. The only way to Just Leave, is to accept you did not fail, the Sociopath set you up for failure. And to stop the repeated abuse, manipulation, entrapment is to Leave. However you can. And most importantly, most important when you do this, you must, absolutely must go NO CONTACT!
It’s not the people who change, its the mask fell off