A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

The Gift of Goodbye

How can the end of an extremely toxic relationship with a Sociopath, be, The Gift of Goodbye?

You may think the relationship was, the ‘gift of a forever relationship, a ‘gift of eternal love’, a ‘gift of someone who loved me for me’. Looking back, how wrong all those thoughts were.

So many of you are struggling with the discardand having an even more difficulty with the Smear Campaign. These experiences you are going through, will be, one of the worst ever in your life. Ever! All the thought’s going through your mind; what did I do to deserve this? How can they be so vile, so viscous? Why all the lies? Why can’t I seem to let them go? Why do I continue to take them back, even though I know they haven’t changed?

This is where The Gift of Goodbye needs to come into your mind. Yes, a Goodbye can be a Gift. A Gift of Peace! A Gift of your self-esteem back. And Gift of Freedom from the continual lies/manipulation, verbal abuse. A Gift from having to make so many concessions just to please the Sociopath. A Gift from the daily heartbreak, depression, anxiety. So many things taken from you like a thief that Sociopath’s are.

Now you are going to Gift yourself with positive emotions. All of the feelings of uselessness, the horrific lies that you were made to feel are now gone. Gone with The Gift of Goodbye. Give the words of lies/deceit/manipulation/disgust back. Not in the literal sense, but in the mental sense. If you are No Contact, stick with it! Please, please do not break No Contact. Gift the Sociopath with their filth they left at your doorstep.

When you are able to realize, that the Gift of Goodbye is truly one of the most precious gifts ever given to yourself, you will see with more clarity just how much the Sociopath destroyed you. Your first instinct after the breakup is to fight. Fight or flight. I have a very good friend who is 2 year’s post Sociopath toxic hell. He, along with his flying monkey’s have sunk to an all time low by posting on Pintrest/Google false statements about her. Using her real name. Of course her first instinct is to ‘fight’ them. This is what I told her ‘what actually are you going to fight? A person(s) with zero ability to understand that what they are saying and doing is causing tremendous emotional distress, even potentially harming a future employer. A Sociopath could care less about that. Their only, one and only goal {if you want to call it a goal} is to literally destroy anyone they can”.

Therefore, it is imperative to start looking at the end of your relationship as The Gift of Goodbye.



11 Responses to “The Gift of Goodbye”

  1. Resolved

    I need you, dear people. All of you. I am on the verge of exiting after 18+ years of destruction. From the isolation and disgustingly low self worth, As he is the touchstone of my only reality, as perverse and false as it is, I know I will struggle with no contact. In upcoming moments of black loneliness and weakness, I will need you to remind me why caving into my urges is something I can’t do. I fear for the future without my tormentor, but for the first time, I fear more for the future with him. Thank you all for giving what you have left of yourselves for people like me who have only a pindot of self awareness left. Maybe that is the key to healing – perhaps by giving to others from a lean self supply, you will be return gifted with spiritual food to grow. xoxo


  2. Gordon

    Great posting Tela, and oh so true in every respect. The sociopath saying goodbye to you is a gift, it take’s time to realise it but once you do and move on with your life you realise it is the best thing that can happen.

    In my case, my relationship with a sociopath did not end with a smear campaign but with the stonewalling which to be honest really did hurt me, but now I know it was her tactic to avoid facing me and the questions I had. As part of the stonewalling I was told “the truth would hurt me” and “I didn’t deserve to hear the truth”. Unfortunately for her I went searching for the truth and as Tela knows what I found out about my female sociopath was so grotesque it bordered on being unbelievable – the lies, the promiscuous lifestyle, dishonesty, abandonment of children in her native country, parasitical lifestyle, selfishness, untrustworthy, paranoid, controlling…the list goes on. Worst of all is that she is highly intelligent, charming etc and holds down a job as an executive in one of the biggest global companies.

    But I did move on – moved to a new town, found a new job and as I sit here today I realise “the gift of goodbye” was the best thing that could ever have happened. Tela has summed it all up perfectly – accept the goodbye as the gift it truly is


  3. AlohaLover

    I love this topic! It brought out the strength each of us has. It made us know we can do it. WE WILL deflect all the BS they toss our way.

    We are strong
    We are warriors
    We are women
    We will take our lives back


  4. AlohaLover

    So true and SO where I am at right at this moment.
    I am front and center of a Smear Campaign. Lucky for me, I have great friends and family that can and will rally around me.

    There is nothing to fight. The enemy is unseen, even though you know who the person is. The enemy is a spineless parasite that will charm his minions into doing the ‘ SC ‘ so the sociopath will never have to really dirty their hands. Do they really think we are that stupid? Not now. Maybe when I had stars in my eyes…..but not now. I see him for the vile POS he is and will always be. He is trying very hard to drag me to hell with him but I am like a Phoenix that will ALWAYS rise no matter how beat up I get. You’re right ‘T’, this is the worst it has ever been and all the rage and accusatory statements he is making, is beyond anything I could ever imagine.
    What’s so weird, once again, I outted him and confronted him about his lies when we first broke up and again when I found out about this latest piece of work, he is out for blood. But little does he know, with each passing day, I have gotten stronger and now I am enraged at how low he went. It’s Ok….I have a soul and a heart. I have empathy. I have everything he WILL NEVER HAVE.
    He says ‘Hello ‘ and I say ‘Good-bye ‘…..

    Stay strong. Listen to T. Know a SC will be coming, but you will get through it.


    • Tela

      Thank you AlohaLover for your comment. Yes the ‘enemy’ is unseen during the smear campaign, but if you really think about it, he/she was also ‘unseen’ during the relationship. The beginning part anyway.
      You could not ‘see’ what was to come. You could not ‘see’ how horrific the personality started changing, the secret life, the plethora of lie’s, the emotional manipulation, and of course what I call Guilt Gifts.
      It takes an exorbitant amount of mental and emotional strength to let go, and walk away. That is just in the physical sense. It is the emotional pain that lingers for a very, very long time.

      Liked by 1 person

      • AlohaLover

        @laurelwolfelives…I wish the EX would have said that to me, I would have driven him to Forest Lawn.

        What I want to add about the Smear Campaign, the SC can happen at any time as I have recently found out. Be ready….it will happen. I guess I don’t want any of you to be as surprised as I was. I thought I got away with the first SC. Nope…I feel, when things go bad in his life or with, dare I say a relationship, he whirls around and targets me not the one he just broke up with. I found out by accident, as an e-mail was sent to me by a company asking if I was changing my e-mail address and showed me the one it was changing too….needless to say, it could have only been the EX or his flying monkey. And then I Googled my name and I was very upset to see all the BS that was there written by his whores. BUT….Good news. I was talking to a good friend of mine and she said it reads like a pissed off ex….it’s laughable. And I also spoke with a long time friend who is an attorney and he told me this happens ALL the time. Also know, if you are starting a new job and they do a general background check, nothing will show up. How do I know, I just had one done. Last week was a bad week. One other thing, don’t fight him.Don’t let him know you found it. Just keep a file and resist the temptation to call him out on it….Why poke a fucking crazy person. He will know that he got to you and will strike again. Ignore him and be alert.

        Stay Fierce!


  5. stepha33

    Really thought provoking post. Love it! So true… but hard to swallow for those who struggle to let go. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, I know he/she is bad for me but no one else has ever made me feel loved and accepted in ways they had ever been before until the sociopath came along. What they failed to realize which has come to light to those who have seen the truth. Is that, it was all just an illusion. This is when we must let go of what we thought was real – not what proved to be real. Now is where the real journey begins. It’s when you start…

    The re-discovery of giving a deep love and acceptance to yourselves again – before you met the sociopath. The socipath uncovered your deepest needs and showed you how you can feel about ourselves, through their eyes. I ask, what about how you feel about yourself through your eyes? Who says we can’t feel that way about ourselves again? I have to thank my ex spath for that. I didn’t know before I met him that I can be wholly and acceptable in someone’s eyes. Only now, it’s my eyes. I can love-bomb myself!

    Here’s a poem –

    He can just go rot somewhere with whatever he has
    for a conscious or, wishfully thinking –
    whatever part of him is human enough to have
    even a SPARK of a conscious.

    HIS LIFE is the empty one.
    I tell myself that every time I find myself being sad.

    At least “I” know what it is like to ‘love’ and ‘be loved’.
    I have had that kind of love in my life before.
    That kind that lasts and lasts and lasts, through all eternity.
    It never tarnishes or taints.
    I know what it is like to have tasted that
    once in my life. It fulfills me.
    I have tasted ‘love’ at it’s very
    finest and it fulfills me now.

    THAT is my strength and my salvation.
    “IT” may succeed in harming me, eventually,
    but you know what? In the meantime, I am not
    wasting anymore time being a stalked prey of some
    kind. I just am not. I fully intend to go forward with
    my life without “IT” hounding me and trying to make
    me kill myself. I have “IT’s” “game” all figured out now.

    Spoon does really have it ‘squared away’; hm?
    It has taken me a couple years to figure this all out.
    But I certainly DO have a handle on it all, NOW.
    In just a huge way.

    It is quiet.

    I am finding my life again.
    I am finding MYSELF again….

    Happy wishes and love and hugs Truthspeak…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Stepha, thank you for your comment and your poem. Very profound, and very true. I especially love in your comment where you state, and this is so important for everyone “I can love bomb myself”. Yes, you can, we can. Because we are not illusions, we can actually FEEL love.
      Struggling to hold on to someone who truly could care less about you {even though they may profess their undying love}, is one of the hardest part’s of recovering from Sociopath abuse. People want to ‘fix’ the Sociopath, they think if they ‘love them more’, or are ‘more accommodating’ then the Sociopath will change. And as we know, none of that works. Nothing works. Other than Goodbye.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. laurelwolfelives

    My narcissist said to me “if I thought I was never going to see you again, it would kill me.”
    I said goodbye to him and I have never seen him again. May he rest in peace with his tramp. All their vicious gossip just proves what they are….cockroaches that need to crawl back under the woodwork where they belong.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Di Hard

    No Contact = My Freedom
    No Contact = My Happiness
    No Contact = My Hope
    No Contact = My Sleep
    No Contact = My Health
    No Contact = My Life
    Contacting The Truth

    Liked by 1 person


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