A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

A Victim

This man posted this under Sign’s of A Narcissistic Sociopath. Another truly heartbreaking story. And the horrific abuse done by a Sociopath.

Reading through all this, …. Wow…. Literally seeing MY life in the text on these pages has been theraputic, and also frightening. After 6 years, I am just beginning to grasp what is happening to my life (or the shambles of it). I have been afraid for a few years, that I was indeed trapped in a cycle that there was no easy way out of. Its been easy to mute that fear because if it were true, then I was ALREADY trapped. So why not just believe the narrative that I have wanted to be true. That I am with my soul mate, who despite some issues that need to be resolved, is capable of being the person I need. They must be, because they proved early on that they CAN be a dream come true, and once they realize how they have destroyed my very identity and all value I once had for myself, they are going to be overcome with sorrow, regret, and I will forgive them and I will have the person I met 6 years ago back…….. ON OUR FLYING PIG FARM!!! It really is a tough pill to swallow. A veteran of the US Marine Corps. Former police officer (boy, if that aint already a prime piece of canvas to be painted as “he is crazy” “a monster.” Unfortunately, people seem to enjoy making Police, and Military veterans into emotionally damages wrecks, who are filled with violence and hatred. Nothing could be further from the truth!), I have always considered myself extraordinarily mentally and emotionally resilient. After all I have seen and done, I am not invincible, but nothing could break me down….. I truly believed that no one could get in my mind, and break me. I just never considered that my adversary would show up in the form of someone so beautiful, that I could have created her in my own mind as my ideal partner. Giving attention to every detail, defining what I find attractive and irresistible. I really couldn’t have dreamed of a woman who made my stomach knot up and knees weak like that. Not only was she everything I find physically attractive, she was interested in me?? I won the lottery! I’m the luckiest man alive! I would have not hesitated for one second to approach her, but before that thought had fully made it through my mind, she was pursuing me! I didn’t take long at all, and I was hooked quickly. Kinda funny (in that “it’s better to laugh than cry” kinda way), that all the things I have done that really get to people, all I have survived, MY adversary wasnt an enemy combatant, nor the desperate suspect of a violent crime. The picture of what has made my life hell (all while legitimately convincing me, I had brought it all on myself by not being X, Y or Z that I should have been for this girl. Gosh! I have to do better by her! I’m so lucky she has stuck with me) is 5 feet 3 inches, long dark hair, eyes that literally feel penetrating and a smile that just broke down all my defenses, less like a grenade, and more like a computer virus that made my inner warning system totally vanish like a corrupt fIle. And that devastating smile, I must mention, as entrancing as it was, had a distinct Evil in it that you can’t even explain. Not a devil costume, “trick or treat” evil, but seductive evil. A smile that plays on your natural desire to taste forbidden fruit, but it MUST be safe! It sure does look like forbidden fruit, but she is serving it to me just the way I like, so it surely won’t be anything other than everything I ever wanted, and many things I didn’t KNOW I wanted, UNTIL she came into my life and created a world I was totally unaware of. That world, like the most pure street drug, had me roped in, hook line and sinker before I had exhaled the first hit. Okay okay…… Is it obvious that I AM STILL under the spell of this person. Which considering how much pain, misery and nothing short of something CLOSE to hell I have been through, is nothing short of……. Well…. Pathetic really. And yet, I have been sucked in again and again and again. Early on, she made it very well known, that she has never been outwardly affectionate, but for some reason she just couldn’t explain (i will try to explain for her, POURING GASOLINE ON MY CONFIDENCE THAT IS ALREADY A BLAZING INFERNO AT THIS POINT!) I just bring affection out of her that no one else has been able to tap into. (this is going to be a hard part to post online) Before she and I got together, I had experienced some “difficulty” in the area of sexual performance. Now I am with a woman that I very much want to please. Don’t think all sexual!!! I wanted to make her happy!! 🙂 anyway. My doctor had suggested that my difficulty may possibly be a result of a self esteem that was suffering due to my military years ending, and realizing I would never be quite that “cool” again. Personally, I thought he was a mile off base. I truly felt plenty of confidence! Now, enter this woman. Would ya believe, difficulty NO MORE!!! More like difficulty stopping long enough to also have a typical adult life. Sex was far and away THE most euphoric experience I had ever been apart of, made more so because she could have won the Academy Award for best….. “pretending I’m not bored silly by a female con, I mean actress” ccategory! Do they have that? They should create it and give her a call! I would have never dreamed this was another Men’s Health article playing out in my life. “How to tell if she’s faking” kinda articles. I’m still confused over this actually, thing is, I don’t accept anything from her at face value anymore. I cautiously assume everything has a motive, or otherwise just malicious intent behind it. That’s probably a SLIGHT exaggeration, but that said, every time I think she won’t cross THAT line, I am proved to be a fool for underestimating what things she can do. You can imagine what this has done to that “blazing” confidence. Its more like an ice bucket at the city morgue. I’ve tried to put some laughs in here, but just understand, that is how I have coped my entire life. I find something to laugh at in any situation, no matter how life shatteringly devastating it is to my mind. So, you reading, and anyone who happens to somehow be watching as I type this alone, thinks, “ah, that guy is all right, he aint gonna let her bring him down, he’s already laughing at her.” This is what I WANT people to think. Mostly because I am ashamed, humiliated and spiritually broken and i don’t know how or if I could handle all the people that warned me about what was happening. All the people I adamantly stood up and defended her to. All the friends and family members I have alienated, or just let fade out of my life over this woman. When I uncover another web of lies, or another guy (to add to the list that is LITERALLY in the dozens at this point) that I can’t be sure if she is just “sexting” for her own ego boost, or is this one she has actually layed down for. Then break me down, make sure all of her friends and mine know how pathetically insecure I am, because I asked if “you still talk to that guy you used to work with”? I actually start to believe, why would I be so unfair. She is just naturally charismatic and most people keep in touch with her! Gosh I’m a lucky guy! Why can’t I get that through my head! Why am I so insecure with myself! I don’t feel insecure! And for aanother few years, if I ask a question I am reminded of how dumb I was for “letting my insecurity lead me into accusing her of my worst nightmares with a grocery boy who was 19 years old (she’s 32 btw, and that “accusing” was asking if they had remained in contact.) …. Guess what???? They DID have sex! BEFORE MY ABSURD ACCUSATIONS! It gets better. I stayed at the apartment, with her boys while she drove to his parents house…. IN MY TRUCK! I could give enough example to keep this going for much longer, but I think her driving my truck, to have sex with a KID over ten years younger, while I watched her kids, and was ridiculed and humiliated for even inquring about his existence for years! For the record, they have continued contact and at LEAST phone sex, I can’t prove any further sexual contact. Just a side note, about a week and half prior to their rendezvous, she had surgery and depended on me for EVERYTHING! I was quite seriously taking care of her as you would an elderly relative who can’t take care of themselves. But by this point, sex for me was a special once a month or two treat, but oh how lucky I was that she DID (which was rare by now) come home from her trip to the “store” and make a point to hug and kiss me. I still can’t figure out if it was a sign that she DOES have SOME feelings, OR more likely, was her secret way of further cutting me down. I feel the need to stop writing a take a shower suddenly. A few months later, she suddenly became (to my absolute ASTONISHMENT) suspicious that I had been cheating, and INSISTED that I go take an std test at the health dept. Again, HUMILIATING! Especially because she was the ONLY sexual contact I had in over 2 years at this point. Keep in mind, I did not yet know about her having sex with the little punk boy. So, I’ve wondered if this was a ploy to assure herself SHE was clean. Can’t say for sure. They spoke as recently as about 8 months ago. (understand, after 6 years, I have FINALLY stopped looking into what she is doing behind my back) and even then were both expressing that it was exciting to them to have sex knowing that I had found out…. There is so much more, but honestly, this trip down memory lane, that was theraputic is now just excruciatingly painful. I’m sure one can just imagine what just the few things I have explained can do to a persons mind. Even one who is generally pretty strong minded. I don’t want to at all give the impression this is something I actually do laugh at. I don’t. I spend most days, avoiding contact with anyone I can avoid, and if I don’t have suicidal thoughts, it’s been a decent day. I WANT MY LIFE BACK, BUT AM ALSO SO VERY AFRAID OF…. PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING. I hope to one day, begin to build personal relationships again, but I just don’t know how I will EVER trust or open up to anyone again. All my deepest darkest secrets, fears, desires, personal experiences and even sexual fantasies were pulled from my vulnerable, trusting mouth, then used as humiliation equipment later,…. Just that by itself, how do you get past that?

12 Responses to “A Victim”

  1. lindsey

    Hello Tela it was very enlightening to read an excerpt from a man’s perspective on having “tangled” with a sociopath. I feel your pain, disillusionment, uncertainty and trepidation in regards to the future, your life, relationships and the trust that is required of such. I too feel the same and often wonder myself. But I try to just let things be and not over analyze the future as much as I use to knowing that I have a survived hell many may have not, am so much wiser and stronger now than before, and come out a survivor with such an education! lol Master’ level degree I think I have earned! Having a little faith in myself helps a lot and taking things very, very slow with people to make friends makes me feel more comfortable. After being involved with these sick individuals it often can lead to a whole host of anxiety/OCD and depression issues as they have taught our psyche’s the world and people are dangerous and not to be trusted; plus now we do not even trust ourselves to protect ourselves…..I mean what else could your poor brain think after the psychological warfare it has been put through; and not even on the battlefield as you said where it was expected! I try to join support groups that lean towards the survivors of the world; this one, anxiety/depression groups, Meetups has some good groups, and volunteering at animal shelters has led me to meet wonderfully caring people who love animals as much as I. But I am not the same social butterfly I was, as naïve and trusting; I have not lost it but it is now tempered and I am a decade older too which tends to change ones priorities too. But I do know I am still evolving out of my cocoon of protection I created to survive the horror and that is ok because I could very well be a phenomenal beautiful butterfly when I do finally emerge! :):)

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    • AlohaLover

      @lindsey….before I found this site I too tried a few different support groups but I found the people there were not dealing with the same things that I was…they had other issues and I never went back. It’s coming up on 3 years and I am just now feeling normal and wanting to date. Volunteering has been the best avenue for me too. All the best in 2017.

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      • Santaland

        @lindsey and AlohaLover, I fully agree with AlohaLover, this site has been a savior coupled with Tela and several other victims. As with AlohaLover, I too have reached my third year of recovery (in a few months). I found that by writing, supporting others, having dialog with Tela proved to be essential in the healing process. I am a man but the wrath and turmoil caused by a sociopath (Cluster B) is gender free…these people should be locked up and the key thrown away. Oddly, the statistics may say what they want, but I believe there is much more of Cluster B’s roaming around this planet of ours than reported statistically. Seasons Greetings from the land of Santa (FYI, socio/psychos have no boarders…)

        Liked by 1 person

  2. refraction2511

    Hey…hugs to you…feel your pain thtough and through and remember each day spent put some distance between u and the tertible reality even if it is 1mm…just keep loving yourself and walking…you are a wonderful person…never forget that

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  3. Kim O'Brien

    I am still with my partner, we have two boys aged 15 yrs and 12 yrs I NEED HELP I know it’s time to run. About three years ago I was working and over the 3 years I was there I got close to a co-worker and confided in her some of the things that were happening in my relationship and she commented that there was a name for a person like that but they couldn’t think of it at the time, and I’ve thought about this at times over the years since especially at times when things were bad and I was thinking more and more that my partner was getting enjoyment over seeing me hurt, so finally I decided to google and that was hard because I didn’t know what to search for so I put in exactly what I wanted to know, it was something like this . Is there a Medical term / name for someone that gets enjoyment over seeing people hurt emotionally . I felt weak happy scared sick excited but mostly I shocked at everything that was there like someone has read my mind and written it out for me to read . I’ve read so much what I didn’t find was stories on how the socio/narc was doing today them mentally that they’ve been scarred for life and so on, I wanted to compare stories to things that have turned me from who I was to this person I see in the mirror I hardly recognise. Things that have happened to me I feel ashamed , had me thinking I was crazy and so much more

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    • Santaland

      Kim, praying, hoping and simply spinning your wheels will not help. Only you can help yourself by reading this site, the stories, the torture people have endured once snared or tangoed with a person with a personality disorder that bounces between borderline, narc, and histrionic….a mix bag, same result.

      Read, then face the demon smartly i.e. walk away. Sure you have young teenage boys…but remember that they too are feeling/hearing/seeing, thus you need to protect them and the only way you can do that is by protecting yourself (when the oxygen mask drops, put it on yourself before you can assist others).

      Then question yourself, why would you want to continue something that is slowly breaking you down, torturing you, hurting you, toying with you. And btw, you are not weak should you come to that conclusion. It is a tough journey but get away from this monster. The only time these types suffer is if they meet someone equal to them, who lack empathy, honesty, loyalty, dignity etc…that is when they self destruct each other.

      Read this site, comment, and am sure many people will understand and know where you are etc.

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  4. secretangel

    I am so sorry that you have suffered like this. I can relate to so much of what you wrote about. The lies and deception of infidelity are devastating. So many of us have totally trusted our spouses only to find out later that we were caught in their web of lies. I pray that God will bring healing to you. I know that it is not easy.

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  5. 3VnHer2Girls

    Holy💩what a monster of a train wreck that excuse for a woman is. Who does that? She’s truly a knuckle dragging swamp scummer to do all that after everything that you did for her. But here it is,she’s dirt and will always be. You on the other hand KNOW what she is as others,like your friends etc,do. She can never even have any class as a morally bankrupt pig. You will and are healing and in my humble opinion Karma will slap her. I hope you get to watch from the front row. You escaped! She’s forever garbage.

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    • brokenlady

      You sound like a good man. I am going through the same kind of thing 😦 it destroys you if you let it. You are better off without this whore. She really should be ashamed of herself and hopefully she’ll pick up a nasty disease. It’ll take time and I hope you are doing better now. Don’t give her the power anymore, take it back and show the world you are strong and no one can break your spirit. I really hope you’ve found yourself again. What a bitch, hugs to you x

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  6. brokenlady

    I am so sad to hear you are going through this. I have been going through a stressful time and can empathise with you. My partner has been a womaniser all of his life until he met me apparently. The love of his life, soul mate etc. I haven’t got any proof he’s cheated on me although he has a few female friends that he’s close to. One particular one who seems to flirt with him. He thinks its ok because they’ve known each other for years and they’re only mucking about! He believes going out to lunch with other female friends is ok and when we argued once he said he’d go to one female who he can cry on her shoulder. When I broke it off with him once he got upset and said he’d give up all these friends for me. He makes me so insecure with his stories of cheating, threesomes and the amount of relationships he’s had. He says he gets bored easily but I’m different. We do laugh a lot and seem to have a connection, saying the same thing at the same time. We have the same interests and enjoy ourselves. He is a little controlling and thinks a lot of women fancy him! I’ve heard a few worrying stories from his exs but I love him and can’t imagine being without him. It must be so difficult for you to move on because I feel I can’t trust anyone totally either. He to found my weaknesses and extracted all of my darkest secrets. I don’t know what to suggest as I don’t know what to do myself. I think a change of surroundings and people might help. Talking to empathetic, trustworthy women might help. I know it’s easier said than done because sociopathic partners make you feel dependant on them. I am having a night alone and I feel him near me and I have a sense of loneliness without him. When we make love I feel him almost devour my soul, he’s very seductive and sensual. I feel he owns me and I can’t leave him. I want him, I need him.Everyone else seems boring. I really don’t know what to do either but you are not alone and I hope you find comfort on here. Time is a great healer, I hope you feel better soon x

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    • lindsey

      “I feel he owns me and I can’t leave him. I want him, I need him.Everyone else seems boring.” Everyone else seems boring because you have become enveloped in a world of constant emotional dysfunction & emotional abuse that leaves you on a roller coaster of highs and lows so normal now seems “boring.” He wants you to believe that he owns you, that you cannot leave, survive or live without him…..that is his sole objective and plan……..but are you going to let him continue to do this to you is the question? For how much longer? Your whole entire life maybe? Or maybe you will get the point that I did where you think to yourself “one of us is going to make it out of this relationship alive and it is going to be me.” And you will find you were alive long before he showed up and functioned perfectly well without out him and yes, you can do it again even though it feels like you are cutting off your air supply, your arm, your life at first…….but then this feeling of lightness, freedom, joy, happiness, and hope will weave its slender tendrils in your soul and mind giving you the strength and conviction you need to move ever so farther away, little by little until you find you can see the forest for the trees again, there is life again, YOU matter again and what you want for your life becomes your path again to fulfillment and joy.

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      • brokenlady

        Thanks Lindsey, very well put. I appreciate your time. Yes you are right about the roller coaster ride of ups and downs. My daughter said I’m addicted to him. She said I need to shut him off. She said she likes eating jaffa cakes and she’s addicted, if they’re in the cupboard she’ll keep going back for more so she’s not buying anymore! Great analogy I think. I believed I was different to his exs but he stalked a few of them and used similar tactics to try to win them back. He has a dog and meets women who tend to have dogs. He helps train them and then uses the dogs missing each other and him missing their dog etc to make them feel bad. His ex said he wants women to believe he can’t live without him. He rang her a year after they split to remind her of something she needed to do yearly for her fIre. He texts all his exs happy birthday and wants to stay friends with them all. It’s weird to me but he makes it sound normal and I’ve got the problem. Since August I am feeling a little stronger and talking to other people who’ve been through the same really helps. I worry about him a bit as he’s obviously not well. I want to help with his mental health issues. He said he wanted to change but in his own time and he doesn’t want me to change him. I’ve heard it’s not possible for them to change. I don’t know what to do for the best for him.

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