A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Revenge Or Karma?

So many people want ‘Revenge’ against the Sociopath. I wrote an article about that, you can read it HERE. The below was written by AlohaLover, who has traveled the path of healing for almost 2 years. When she first reached out to me, her life was a complete disaster. Mentally/emotionally and financially! I know she did not believe me when I would tell her “you will get out of this, I promise”….and she had her backslide moments, questioning herself. All the things a person does after being involved with a Sociopath. Please, reach out~ YOU have the choice now whether to continue to hold onto the ‘baggage’ or drop it off somewhere and focus on YOU!

I love this site. It, along with T has helped me heal. T always said “you’ll get there”and I never thought I would….never. I had very dark days and this site, Tela and my 3 dogs made me get up everyday. And now 2 years later I came into 2016 without all of my hurt and all of my hate. Oh I still hurt and while I’m not broken and shattered, I more chipped and a lot more aware.
I just decided NOT to start a new year with bitterness and baggage and when I decided that, it was like a weight was lifted….I gave it away and it felt good.

Like most of you out there I wanted revenge and waited and waited for Karma that never took place….or maybe it did.
Don’t get me wrong, part of me would like to see him as road kill and the way he drives, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened.

What came first the chicken or the egg? What came first Revenge or Karma?
I’m thinking they are dual soldiers in time. I think they work in harmony but in their own time.

I’m watching Revenge and Karma attack him….here’s why.

He was handsome. Dark hair, blue eyes, dimples….he looked like Blake Shelton. People told him that and he ate it up. I recently saw a picture of him and laughed. His hair is more gray than I dark, his eyes have a hollow dead look, wrinkles and he is as far from Blake as he could be. I don’t know if he see’s it but my friend who has seen him says he looks awful. Revenge or Karma?

He is in management for a very large company getting paid way too much to be be on his laptop looking for hookers. For 2 years we would have to attend charity events that meant nothing to me but to him it was see and be seen. Watching him work the room made me sick. But that was the way to get promoted or so he thought. Well, I am happy to say he has been passed up for several promotions. He has been in the same position for 8 years. No one at that company stays in the same position for longer than 3 at the most. Staying in a dead end job that he hates but pays well.
Revenge or Karma?

To me, revenge has taken on a whole new meaning. It’s almost like Karma. I feel that Revenge and Karma collide when the time is right. We don’t have control over the when…that’s for a larger power to decide. But it will happen. And if you’re in that dark place, claw your way out and watch Revenge and Karma hit.
It’s so much fun.

What came first Revenge or Karma?

Stay strong it will get better.




23 Responses to “Revenge Or Karma?”

  1. Mike

    Can someone help me? I was manipulated by this woman who was obviously a sociopath. I didnt know because she seemed so empathetic.
    She made me obsessed with her. I didnt even know why i was acting this way. All i knew was that she could control me anytime she wanted and I let her. And I never became obsessed with anyone. Things got a little out of hand when i allowed her to use my credit card etc and she maxed out. As soon as i had no more money left, she wanted to ditch me.
    One day i was on her laptop and discovered she was obsessed with this womans website. About manipulation.

    It was the only, i repeat, only site on her history browser.

    I even snooped through her emails and saw that she persistently emailed the blogger asking when a book of hers was coming out? Something about making people obsessed with you.

    I scrolled through this womans blog and discovered all of the techniques were being used on me. I left her but I still give in. That is how good she was at manipulating me.
    Someone please help me. I am dying on the inside i will desperately take her back. I Dont care if she is manipulating me. But I still need help. Please help 😦


    • Santaland

      Firstly, reread your input above. That should tell you something clearly. Secondly, ultimately it is you who can help you, you have to decide if you can walk away. Time and distance heals. That said, read the various inputs, comments and advice throughout this site. Yes spend some time reading and eventually you may see yourself and what has happened to you or is happening. The road to becoming de-obsessed is when you say enough is enough. You did your ‘investigation’ and clearly seen her interests coupled with the financial abuse of your credit card. Good luck, read and be honest with yourself.


      • Tela

        Thank you SantaLand for your very insightful and helpful reply to Mike. Most important is ‘be honest with yourself’. To many times people want to think ‘well, maybe they are not a Sociopath, well, they only have a few traits, well, maybe I can fix them’. And so many other excuses that are made for these sick, ruthless, soulless individuals. Sailing through life destroying other’s in their path and clutches.


    • Tela

      You truly know the answer to your questions……..stop contact. ALL OF IT. I know you feel like you are dying on the inside. I know you are on a minute by minute emotional roller coaster. The ONLY way to help yourself is to stop having contact. Period!
      Yes I know easier said than done. But you can do it. What you cannot do is fool yourself into thinking you can ‘change her’, ‘fix her’ etc. She obviously has OCD along with?????? Just by your brief comment who is to say she is truly a Sociopath. But she definitely is someone you do not need destroying your life.


      • Santaland

        Mike, Tela said it correctly. At times we may throw out any numerous labels about people and their behavior. My ex was truly a cluster B big time…but then again, forget, the labels…listen to what Tela said…last sentence. Do you need someone who destroys your life…nope. You need someone with whom you build things…not take, demolish and stand and watch you rebuild…band aids is all you are doing. Read the site.


  2. afterthepsychopath

    Hey Tela! You have come such a long way. As have I. Wounds are healing, even if it seems slow at times. I have found my heart again, and it is amazing to read about others finding lost parts of their souls, too. Healing isn’t always easy to see, but it is there. Time, slowly mending deep wounds. I love your blog as always, and just wanted to say hi. You have such a special place in my heart because of how you were the first blogger I found when I started searching for answers to what the hell happened. I basically wouldn’t have known about narcissistic abuse had it not been for you. I wouldn’t have known what the pain was. It seems almost irrelevant now, in some sense, to know WHAT was wrong with him, but back then it meant EVERYTHING for me. A label. Something to put on him to understand. To see others going through the same path of I, D and D. Now I just think of it as “he was not right in his mind” and have somewhat forgiven. Or accepted, rather. Forgiven myself and accepted my life path. And revenge thoughts are no longer there. I learned from this all even. I see that. I can say that now. I never thought I would get to that. It felt like nothing good could come out of it all, but I learned something. I learned that I matter. That I have value. That my feelings matter. And if I don’t believe in myself, people like him can come in and use and abuse me. And then loving yourself is even harder. So I don’t thank him, but I have learned, thanks to experience. In some sense I’m more whole now than before meeting him. In some ways I am worse off, as some wounds are very, very deep. My life changed forever, and I accept who I am now. It is so true what you said to me, when we first talked, when I was all confused and stressed and lost, that it will get better. It is better. So happy to still see you around. So happy that I get to say thank you again. Thank you. ❤


    • Santaland

      To Tela and Afterthepsychopath, I have to whole heartedly agree with, thank you Tela. It took time, now I could careless….I will not forgive her, but forget her, but not her abuse. Those scars are just that, scars and they remain. I do stop by daily to see what people say, but gosh does it feel great to not have those feelings the first week, month, months even year after going NC. Two days ago it was exactly the night I ended it for the nth time and it has been two years. Good riddence, heaven forbid where I would be now had I carried on that sick rollercoaster ride. Thanks Tela

      Liked by 1 person

    • Sea Spray

      Hi Tela thank you and After the psychopath – whose post has resonated so strongly with me. I hope post February is finding you well. 4 years on from my ex husband (no children thankfully as second marriage/his second marriage) and I have been doing so well except for these last two days when I have let the darkness back in. I thought I could help others who had been “loved”, devalued in the most insidious of ways and then discarded but it is too painful to revisit the experience even now. All I can say is I feel for you and when I pray for the continuing restoration of my own Soul I will include those who have suffered at the hands of these narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths. I thought he was a narcissist but only a psychopath or sociopath could have done what he has done to me. I say discarded me because essentially if I did not do as he wanted, sign whatever documents he wanted then he threatened Divorce – of course I would not sign and that is when the mask fully fell off – it was my strength and intelligence that he underestimated. One of those documents would have removed me from any home ownership in the home we had been working towards – essentially handing it to him and his offspring from his previous marriage – one of whom also had a reputation for manipulation.

      He took my love, my trust, my finances, my hard work for his own self serving purposes. When the charming, “loving” man I thought I had married finally escalated out of control, when I literally saw a mask fall away, witnessed the anger, wrath, the snarling teeth, the threatening presence that caused me to flee my home with nothing at the time in fear and despair I thought I would never be whole again but I am getting there. Witnessing that writhing wrathful “person” I felt a chill in my soul that I never thought possible. At the end, when his true nature was fully revealed he even went so far as to threaten my family and my beautiful grandchildren who had given him so much love. I didn’t even recognise the voice that came out of his mouth it was so evil. I know it is not my fault and that I could not help him because they don’t think they have anything wrong with them and I tried to get some professional assistance, even terming it as “for both of us”. They will re-write history with their family, friends and colleagues but you must let it go from your life.

      Of course I am NC and only saw him twice in the Family Court after fleeing. He did not look well but that is also not my responsibility, my responsibility was my own wellbeing and survival and to recover from the trauma. Of course I don’t have to mention the subtle manipulations, the mind games, the “good guy” image, the “stares” that would catch my eye when I looked up whilst cooking dinner, the never getting a straight answer to an important issue, the projections and diversions. My role was to carry all the hurt and baggage that was within him. I realise that now and if I had stayed any longer I would have been destroyed. After a particularly brutal bout of bullying I collapsed and apparently he didn’t know what to do so called my son who drove to our home and called an ambulance. There was no concern for me on his part. I thought later that perhaps he just could not cope or was having a breakdown of sorts, but that is the way a normal person would view it by way of trying to find a reason, but he is not normal, probably never had been and probably never will be. One of his comments in a lucid moment whilst screaming at me was that “I should have known what he was” – with no explanation of what he meant by that.

      I will now refocus on my healing, do the things I love, stop trying to fathom the unfathomable for which there may be a label but no real answer. Perhaps these last two days have not been lost ones after all – perhaps I have finally found acceptance.

      Thank you and best wishes on your journeys.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hayden

    It is always nice to read the story of someone who conquers these arseholes, as they sure as hell are a challenge. Wishing for karma or revenge to me is still a form of engagement. Its something I will admit I have been guilty of, however. Concentrate on improving yourself, your life … whatever facet it may be. It sounds cliché but its good to focus on yourself. To hell with those parasites!

    Tela does great things, and assists people like us more than she probably knows. Its sometimes a thankless task but it touches peoples lives. The sheer destruction these people can have on strong people is unbelievable, until you live through it.

    I wont say too much of my experience, Tela knows it. But what I will say is that although different people their mode of operation is largely the same – so many stories I read here echo my experience.

    Best wishes to all.


  4. MKM

    I posted this comment on another page on the website, but found this article after the fact, so I’m posting it here as well… After two months of no contact, I have come to the realization of what he is, and all the pyscological, emotional, and physical abuse he has put me through; it is just not right and I wish I would have known what I know now, as cliche as it sounds. It has been quite the healing process and still going… But I am in a predicament about whether to report him to my school. Everywhere I go, I fear I may see him and it is not helping the healing process. I feel the school/ dean will not understand this all, but I do have evidence (pictures and a log) of the physical abuse… Is it too late to report him? To help myself heal as well as other targets on campus.. He is a staff member and a time bomb… I don’t know what to do.. Do I let it go and not say anything? Can I still report him for safety of other girls and myself? But reporting him may put me in danger…. I appreciate any comments…


  5. Good Life

    Not saying I disagree with you or anyone else’s beliefs about Karma and I’m not being cynical. I’m searching for an answer or thoughts. The subject of “Karma” often confuses me. I notice often times when something “bad” happens to a person as a result of something someone else has done to them the first thing they say is “Karma’s a bitch” meaning “What goes around, comes around” and “something” will happen to that person as a form of restitution or punishment for what they did. I have had NC for more than 2 years after ending a relationship with a Sociopathic Narcissist . By the Grace of God I do not have any idea what he’s experienced and truly I don’t care but if I found out it was to his disadvantage I would feel as though he deserved it however does this mean when I was going through those 5 years of hell before I finally got to the place I was able to do what everyone told me I needed to for so long and GET OUT and maintain NC was that my Karma for what I had done in my past? When bad things happen to good people is that Karma? Even if I had never done the same things to someone else I’m sure I wasn’t always a walk through the park to significant others. I’ve heard when Karma comes to visit you, it’s always worse.

    Then, for those who have Christian beliefs and follow biblical teachings, “Karma” contradicts what the Jesus says about when you sin, ask for forgiveness, repent, make amends, etc Jesus does NOT say this automatically means you are excused/exempt from being held accountable and correction though but you can ask for his Grace and Mercy. How does Karma fit in with this?

    I want to believe Karma does the job when I’ve been wronged but I DO NOT want to believe when something happens to me it’s my Karma paying a visit.

    Has anyone else ever thought about things this way?


  6. laurelwolfelives

    What I wouldn’t give for Revenge and Karma to collide! I told my therapist today that I was going to be the one person, in his fifty years of practice, that he couldn’t even make a dent in. I am so broken and all I want is revenge. I told him that…..but revenge went to Loser (my ex.) He took everything from me….my trust, my health and my grown children. He has proven to be the master manipulator!
    You are obviously stronger than I am….and I am so glad you got to see the “big bang.” Hugs.


    • AlohaLover

      I wasn’t always strong….not at all. It takes a LONG time and buckets of tears and second guessing but one day it will be better. Just take it one day at a time. I lost friends over this….one was a childhood friend but I also gained friends and one I love her dearly for helping me out of my hell. They are all Masters.
      I don’t know what he did but I imagine it’s like the all the rest of us….so in my opinion, he is living in Hell. My ex advertised on Craigslist for random girls…..how sick is that.
      You’ll win….hang in there and reach out to everyone on this site.

      Liked by 1 person

      • laurelwolfelives

        Yes. He was probably like the rest…only he gave me an incurable STD…and didn’t care nor did he even tell me…he just let me suffer with it and think I was dirty.
        The people on this site are truly wonderful and so supportive. I’m not sure what I would do without them.


  7. Only Me

    5 years out, my life has changed so much, and for the better, it no longer worries me to wonder what goes on his life. Even if all Hell were breaking loose, he’d never admit it anyway. At some point, you’ve just got to learn to let it all go! Otherwise, you stay stuck, and miserable. Best of luck to all those still suffering – it does get better!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Santaland

    Revenge or karma…I hope both, but will not sit and ponder it since it will happen…when as Alohalover says it is not for us to decide when. Feb 15 will be two years since I thru her nasty behviour and person out. Tela helped me too…lots during my dark moments.

    Yes we should share our stories and the madadventure we were on coupled with the sick deeds and words done by these types. But I still hope karma catches up, that will be my revenge. Probably will never know if it has happened or not….

    Liked by 1 person

  9. survivednarc

    I believe in Karma too! No one can get away with behaving like a soulless creature, at least not in the long run! I feel calm and content in knowing that my narcissistic ex will learn a lesson or two in his future! I try to rest in that knowledge and focus on me and my processing and healing. Hugs 💜

    Liked by 2 people


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