A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

2016 No Baggage

A New Year! Resolutions are made, loose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, exercise more etc. But wait, are ‘resolutions’ not the same thing as goals?

If this your first time visiting my website, searching for answers regarding your partner {or parent’s} strange behavior, pathological lying, having been caught in affair’s, and so on. Please read THIS  first before you start navigating through the multiple post about Sociopath’s, Narcissist. Now onto 2016 and No Baggage

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None of us want to carry the thought’s, trauma, abuse {baggage} of the Sociopath into 2016.  Nor do we want to carry the supervisor who refused to move their performance appraisal which cost you a sizable bonus. Or the person who screamed at you and made you feel smaller than a bug scurrying along the floor.

As you look forward to 2016, think about what you want to leave behind. It’s one thing to set goals for yourself, but what are the thing that you must release in order for these goals to actualize? The pain from a Sociopath’s abuse is negative energy, that is holding you back. So how do you release the pain? The abuse? The anger? The ‘WHY’? No doubt you have tried, and thought you had released all those feelings, yet they keep surfacing. Perhaps it’s time to forgive.

I used to think that forgiveness was about letting other’s off the hook. I thought it meant telling someone that I forgave him or her. I thought it was something I proffered magnanimously to other’s, ensconced in my rightness. I thought it was something that I doled out to the deserving like a tablespoon of water to someone dying of thirst. They would be grateful for my benevolence, and I would feel so, well, so righteous. We all know that a Sociopath is the most UNGRATEFUL of human beings. Period.

Sometimes you have to forgive seventy times seven, as Jesus advised the Apostle Peter who had asked how many times he should forgive. Yet, the Sociopath, the pain, the trauma, the abuse keep coming back. It seems like forgiveness is the proverbial onion~ you peel the layers, and peel and peel and peel some more. Yet there are still blockages of moving forward in your life an lack of forgiveness keeps resurfacing.

Whenever you have those negative thoughts, no matter how minute, how painful or how often, it means there is something to forgive, something to release. However, there is always another person to be forgiven, yourself. Somehow it needs to come around to this “I forgive myself”, yes, the seventy times seven and more applies to me. I forgive myself for holding the negative thoughts. Many times there’s another bout of venting and release, until I feel empty and clear.

Today, start the process of forgiving the Sociopath {or any persons} for whom you hold negative thoughts, no matter  how minor, or irrational. And always remember, the NUMBER ONE person to forgive is yourself. Carry those negative thought’s, the wishing of Karma to come around and smash the Sociopaths world to Hell no more. Enter 2016 light and free, unfettered by the baggage of your past.

forgiveness is a selfish act that frees you from being controlled by the past

©SociopathLife.Com

23 Responses to “2016 No Baggage”

    • AlohaLover

      Hi!

      The road you are about to travel or the road you are traveling, is a road like no other. It’s scary. There are roadblocks, bumps, pits and potholes. There are dangerous curves and sheer drop offs. And sometimes you take a wrong and need to start again. There are signs along the road that question where you are going, what you are doing or thinking. One may even question the truth…but you know the truth. You are living the truth. You are hurting from the truth. It’s all real and it sucks but you will keep on the road….knowing there is a final destination and once you get there, a whole NEW life begins and it’s great. You left your nasty, gross baggage miles behind you and you have arrived at your final destination…..FREEDOM. A new freedom.
      It took me 2 years. Am I the person I once was….no. I will never be that person again. I am a lot wiser. Do I miss that person I was with and thought he was my end all be all….yes, I miss the person I THOUGHT HE WAS. I loathe the person he truly is and always will be. The word ‘forgive’ , at least to me, doesn’t release HIM from everything he did to me. It sets me free to be the new me. He’s still a sociopath asshole that can never heal…..that’s his baggage not mine.
      Maybe instead of the word ‘ forgive ‘ which I personally have a problem with too, try ‘ release ‘ ……maybe together everyone here, who is still on the road only at different points can come up with a word that frees us all but still holds the sociopath accountable.

      Remember to keep moving forward as hard as it will be ….just remember, that freedom is around the next curve…..you just don’t know where that curve is.

      Stay strong and know we are all here for you.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Santaland

        Well put Alohalover, you are spot on re the road to recovery. I also cannot forgive…but am trying to forget. Absolutely correct, I too miss the person I thought she was, and loathe the person she is…A silly wish would be that someday they would see the light, understand the harm…but that won’t happen, better just to forget them versus forgive them.

        Like

      • AlohaLover

        I understand and the one thing that gets me through everyday is that they will never get better, they will always live in turmoil and I am Ok with that.

        I do think there should be another word other than forgive. I have had to rearrange that word in my head to make it where he’s not off the hook by any means but I have been set free. Maybe we should make up a new word and contact Websters. : )

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      • rabbitfootblog

        I thank you so much. This road isn’t easy at all for me. I don’t know if doing something right or wrong. I even question myself if I’m the bad one. He even called me that in so many words because he secret got out. Not on my doing only a few knew and that simply because I needed some support I had been in love with a man who played me so well. He had been having a relationship with a man. Yes a man. A man whom I’d come to know as a friend or at least I thought. The most hurtful part who he tried to downplay our relationship saying we were only but you don’t carry one something in the way we did for so to all our family and friends . (tears) I’m just so lost and confused I kept thinking it was me he called me a narc so I took every test I could find online even seeking professional help. Yet I’m still weak angry and hurt.

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    • Santaland

      To Rabbitfootblog, I read your insert on Feb 27….yes it is a tough and crappy road…but I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I too was down, really down, had cog. dis. doubted myself, blamed myself, was ashamed, lonely and worst, that nobody cared.

      Let me explain, if you tell people about the situation, some will believe you and others won’t. Some will side with him (mutual friends) and some with you. The problem is that none of them have experienced the full blown Soc/Psych…or whatever personality disorder which most describes them. Then your close friends will say things like….lucky you got away, good it is over, poor you now move on. They simply do not get or understand the misery, destruction that these people cause. So you become silent, until you find e.g. Tela’s site and there you find people who have more or less gone through what you are going through.

      Please remember this, all these types are similar, they act similar and are pure evil…even when they are nice and caring…behind that mask you know what lurks coupled with their vicious lies and twisted truths. They all follow a script…and that script of similarities you can find all over this site…spend time reading the various inputs from Tela and all the responses…it will give you strenght and hope. It is NOT your fault.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • AlohaLover

        To: Santaland to rabbitfootblog February 29, 2016…..OMG, Perfect explanation! I have said more than once if I had bruises, more people would believe me. Because I semi looked normal on the outside everyone assumed that I was fine and I bet you were / are so far from fine.
        What the hardest to remember but the most important thing to remember, it WILL GET BETTER. But, it will be a tough f-ing road, but put it in 4WD and GOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You can do it rabbitfootblog and it’s not your fault at all.
        Book mark this site on all computers, your phone and IPad. Read and read it again.
        We’re all here for you rabbitfootblog! Stay strong!

        Like

  1. Santaland

    Thank you AlohaLover for responding. Perhaps I am confused about forgiving, I do not plan revenge, I do not plan anything with this person. Is that forgiving…not in my book. I do not sit around plotting and hoping that God, karma or some sort of accident may happen (well that is not quite true). Put it to you this way…I do not care!!! Maybe that is forgiving….it does not matter with these types. forgive or do not forgive, in their minds they win…..I forgive you for mentally, physically and financially abusing me…WTF…why would I do that? In their sick minds, I forgive (if you say it) means to them ‘see I was right all along*, and all their little flying monkeys will hear about it too. If I do nothing i.e. NC, stone faced and ignore them….’see I was right they still love me’, so what am I forgiving….there is no remorse, empathy or honesty in them. All bullshit….perhaps a better word than forgive would be forget.

    If I were dealing with a somewhat normal human who made mistakes and I appreciate them for whom they are, or respect them per se….sure I can forgive (never forget though). But when dealing with a Soc/Narc lying piece of delusional crap….sorry…I would rather ignore totally…in fact for me that works best because they are used to getting away with murder….they are used to acting up during the relationship, doing disgusting things, then evenutally becoming the victim and suddenly I am the villan. I say forget them totally! Have mercy on the shit your put up with versus forgiving this inhuman lying cheating arrogant waste of time. See the same script will repeat itself with the next person and the next and the next…eventually over time they will look back and become lonely predators….I will not forgive. I can only forgive those who genuinely regret for having erred, made a poor judgment, mistake etc and feel a bit of regret…sure one can forgive. But a Soc/Narc….they do not regret, they pretend, become a victim….just waiting for the perfect moment to strike and it could be a simple thing.

    Here is a quickie….a friend of my ex spent the night, I made her comfortable in the guest room with towels and whatever she needed. In the morning I made eggs for both of them, buttered their toast and put cheese on the toast….suddenly my ex slapped me, was furious (she had a hangover) went into a rage…her friend was ??????? I was shocked…she then said…he knows, he fucking knows!….I did not. Turns out that I had covered her toast totally with cheese and on my ex there was a little corner not covered…was this the real reason, surely not, am sure somebody had sent her a shitty SMS and now I will get the brunt of her mood swing….note it was blamed that I on purpose covered her (the friend) versus my ex’es….Amazing….I forgive you Santaland for being a boob….you should have thrown her through the window when she did that.

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  2. Santaland

    Tela and others, I read the article carefully, harboring ill feelings towards anyone, or keeping a grudge etc is not healthy. That said, with these types Soc/Narc and their behaviors….sorry I cannot forgive. I want to forget, but the scars run deep and I cannot forget. To forgive to me is to accept their behavior, abuse (mental and physical)…it is not a c’est la vie (that is life) moment for me.

    It is easier said than done to forgive. I can only speak for myself, and I will never forget and nor will I forgive, because to forgive with these types means to them, due to their F–ked up way of rationalizing, that they are correct, basically in their twisted minds this too will blow back in my face…see told you, it was all your fault and now you regret….something along those lines is what probably will happen in my case.

    Perhaps I can forgive inside me…me. But them, sorry this I cannot do. I cannot forgive the monster from hell that they are. The lies, deception, abuse etc day after day…the minefields (moving) that I walked through ending up with mud in my face as they took and take no responsibility.

    Tela and others, you are correct and am sure I would feel better overall, but I cannot forgive so I will maintain my NC and ignore them as if they do not exist. God, karma whatever will have their day on them, and I hope it is a daily occurence with them. How can you forgive someone who spits in your face, stabs you with a fork, laughs at you, hits you, steals from you, cheats on you, seeks refuge when the victim phase kicks in from you. Love, forgiveness etc do not work with my ex. The eskimos and inuits tend to banish these types from the villages…so perhaps I think along those lines.

    The good news is (for those who know my story) is that finally her shop closed down a few months ago and she announced to my son…oh hiiiiiiii guess what am moving shop….my son’s response…oh ok….naturally this monster wanted to announce this so I would hear, she even gave the new address to him. Why? Stupidity?!! Nope, manipulation, come by and see how great I am. Monsters, no forgiving from me. Others, please do follow Tela’s advice, it probably is the right thing to do.

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  3. chris

    Nice solution to a very real problem…..especially for those of us whom are co parenting w/ our sociopathic / narcissistic former partner…..a long term solution when true no contact cannot be attained..a healthy one too…should help navigate the minefield that exists…..I’m less susceptible to getting energy-sucked by orchestrated events or devilishly plied offhanded comments that once had highly negative affect.
    This is one of those tools that I need to learn to apply.

    Quick return trips to negative feelings are to frequent….I can see dealing with it in a healthier-purer way is the much needed long term solution…….carrying around that negativity only adversely affects us and the others in our lives…AND fuels them! Makes so much sense to drop the negative and accentuate the positive.

    Thanks so much. Your insight is so helpful. I look forward to being in position to making a donation in consideration of how instrumental you and your blog are to helping deal with the unique “experience” we find ourselves in.
    Experience is what we get, when we didn’t get what we wanted…and she sends a big, big bill.- Unknown (to me)

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  4. AlohaLover

    Perfect for the NY.
    Every year I write things that I want to do or things I want to achieve and this year it was about forgiving him…it really was…..not letting him off the hook because he is Evil but forgiving him, so I can move even FURTHER than I have come. I find when I think of all the ways I would want to obliterate him from the Planet, I get into a nasty mood or frame of mind and that’s truly not me, it’s not my soul and it’s not who I want to be. I want to be happy and do things that make me happy…like, hanging out with my dogs, being with friends and family. I received a call from a friend early this morning and I was so grateful and happy it set the tone for my day.
    We’re all at different stages of our healing and I do believe we will each get to the place of forgiving. Just remember, it does not let them off the hook from Karma, it FREES you to allow Karma to do her / his work at just the right time and it will happen.
    I think of it as a suitcase and in my suitcase is all the crap, and the lies and the hookers and the whores and the porn sites and the phone calls to the other girls and the porn movies he would watch on his phone and the guilt gifts and the guilt flowers and all the hundreds of guilt cards with all of the BS wording and this suitcase, if I were to carry it or roll it would be very heavy…so I am choosing to give it to God and to Karma and let Him deal with this hateful man. And when I give my heavy suitcase to God and to Karma, I am free to move and twirl around because nothing is dragging me down. And that makes ME very happy.
    It’s taken me a long long time to move this far forward….I never thought I could but you can and it will happen in your own time….it will.

    Happy NEW Year and NEW YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
      • AlohaLover

        @euphoriciraqisinglemom I hung onto the anger and hate for almost 2 years and it didn’t do me any good. I was angry when I thought about it, and I was not a good person. I, for myself needed to let it go and forgive him….it was MY time. I think in this case or in the case of N/S ‘forgive’ may have a double meaning. IMO my definition of forgive in the case of a N/S, is “I am giving this whole ugly deceitful mess to God and Karma. I can no longer live my life in anger, hate and hurt towards a man that is beneath me and crawls with the slugs. I forgive you so I can rise above you, as you will never ever be cured”. The other definition of forgive, IMO, is where the person is excused for something he / she did that isn’t as damaging to you. It’s a fine line but I had to separate it for me…..he will always be guilty but I am far above him.
        Good luck with your journey.

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  5. revgerry

    Exactly so, Tela. Resentment and regrets both eat away at your energy, even make you sick. Empower yourself as you forgive yourself and everyone else unconditionally, while maintaining appropriate boundaries. I teach that to send them blessings is a positive action to take that takes the focus off of the past. Happy New Year… hope it’s wonderful! Gerry

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Santaland

      @ revgerry, AlohaLover and laurelwolflives: How do you forgive? To me to forgive is like going to my son and saying, I forgive you for taking the 5euros (dollars), do not do it again, and never lie to me when I ask if you took it. In my mind I agree with laurelwolflives, the best thing I did was to go no contact, ignore (since I saw her daily) and move on.

      I will never engage in conversation with this vile person, why? Because that is what they want. Remember the ultimate for them is to win, no matter what the cost. In their delusional mind they perhaps think they won, but there was nothing to win or gain except their misery. It is jars of hearts on a shelf…and I refuse to be one of them.

      It is difficult for me to get around this bend re to forgive. I do not sit here daily thinking about her, revenge, karma etc….I think nothing per se. Sure if I see her my anxiety level goes up…or for those who are able to have a physical distance, am sure anxiety kicks in when an email, sms, whatsUp or letter arrives from this person. For me the trick is not to react, stone cold. Erase the memories of lies…the bullshit ‘build up’ just to ‘smach up’.

      Perhaps am preaching to the choir or ranting…but I certainly do not understand how to forgive them…as for me, there too, I say to myself….you stupid boob for falling and tolerating their behavior(s). It is my own fault for being so naiive and now I have to fix the mental, physical or financial harm that it has caused me…whereas they sail off as if nothing…so why forgive or better how can I forgive? Am at peace with myself knowing I got off the train wreck.

      Forgive me for being stubborn.

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      • Santaland

        PS, after I wrote the above, read a few past inputs from other victims, scrolled down and found my unsent letter ‘Its No Long About You!!’…noted that I stated ‘I will never forgive you’…and this was a year ago I wrote that. Still very valid letter…never to be sent.

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      • AlohaLover

        @Santaland, I know when T answers she will put a professional answer up but from a victim’s standpoint, I understand and while it’s different for everyone, it’s basically the same. We’ve been broken by the hands of Evil and it’s up to us to make a huge decision to fight for ourselves or to live in pain. Yes, the money example is perfect for a simple form of forgiving. And no contact is perfect and if you can manage to not see them is the best. I’ve blocked and deleted everything which was hard at first but freeing in the end. I NEVER EVER thought I could get to this point of forgiving him….him the vile beast that is an addict of sorts, the one who almost won. If I kept him in a place of non-forgiveness, he wins because he’ll think I still miss him, I want him etc… If I break free of that weight and turn around and say to an imaginary ‘him’ FUCK YOU, you no longer have a hold on me….. I win because that weigh has been thrown off and I am bigger than he is and my biggest win is the knowledge that he will ALWAYS be a N/S and he will never be cured. That fact keeps me going daily.
        For me, 2016 is about new beginnings and forgiving him and being happy in the present. I will let God and Karma deal with him. Once I made that choice, I feel so much better. I’ll always be a bit damaged, or broken or chipped but I will never go back…..ever.
        I understand the 3 ‘harms’ you are going through….I have the same. If you are at peace getting OFF the train…..do you think you’ll have greater peace throwing the train off the track and maybe say ‘ I am throwing you and the train off this track, I forgive you and the evil you caused but I LOVE me more ‘

        Tela…..thoughts.

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      • Tela

        SantaLand, you are not ‘stubborn’. Each person has their personal views/opinions and thought’s about what forgiveness means, and actually does to ourselves. It in no way means by forgiving you are ‘accepting’ their behavior and abuse. Thank you for sharing your very honest thoughts!

        Liked by 1 person

      • revgerry

        Your happiness can never depend on what someone else does – it’s completely an “inside job.”
        The mental and spiritual harm after the fact does not come from what the person did to you – it comes from your resentment . They say that’s like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Resentment is disempowering and keeps you stuck in victim-mode. Ugh!

        In my opinion, your goal is to get to a place of inner peace and happiness so you can move on with your life.

        I am guessing you may have to forgive yourself first and I suggest you read some of the excellent articles on self-forgiveness as a start.

        Good luck – you can do this – and you’re worth it
        Gerry

        Liked by 1 person

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