A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Social Media

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As I was scrolling through one of my social media accounts this past weekend, I saw this photo someone had posted. My first thought was “obviously this person has not been involved with a Sociopath”, second thought was “who writes these kinds of ‘positive sayings’? Greeting card company employee’s? Spiritual advisers?”

The first sentence just struck me wrong.  “Everyone goes through hell”. Really? Is there different levels of ‘hell’ that everyone goes through? The HELL you are, or did go through while involved with a Sociopath is a HELL no one can even begin to understand or comprehend. How do you describe to someone mental and emotional manipulation? How do you described to someone the verbal lies over and over, the attack on your self-esteem, the attack on your self-worth during the relationship with a Sociopath? How do you defend yourself against a Smear Campaign?  You cannot describe that kind of HELL to someone. When the abuse was done it was over a period of time, and it was done systematically and methodically. Again, how do you describe that to someone who has not had first person experience with a Sociopath??

The second sentence “stop tormenting yourself by reliving the pain over and over”. Really? How about this person who wrote this positive quote or whatever you want to call it, live day in and day out with tormenting done by a Sociopath. Most times silently, some times by their actions, and always by their words. That is tormenting. You cannot just simply STOP reliving that pain! It is real, it is raw, and it is deep. And for some it is ongoing for years!!! Let’s be realistic, how does a person just ‘stop’ their though process? Do you get some Fairy Dust and sprinkle it on yourself?

The last sentence, “Good people go through terrible things, but wise people know when and how to let go”. Really? So basically I read this as, if you haven’t ‘let go’ you are not ‘wise’. Again, how many times have you let go? How many tears have you cried over the abuse done? How many months and years of torment did you live barely survive through? How do you just ‘let go’ of the deception done? The lies said? How do you just ‘let go’ of all the manipulation done to you, the daily torment of living with a personality disordered person? How do you just ‘let go’ of all of the love, forgiveness, begging, pleading, praying for the Sociopath to change? You simply don’t. It takes a very, very, very long time.

Some of you may read these kind of positive quotes, and if they help you, that is terrific. Be mindful though, that I’m pretty sure this person has not been involved with a Sociopath/ Narcissist, Psychopath. When you are searching for ways to heal, reach out to someone who can relate on a first person basis to what you barely survived. Positive quotes are good! We all need positive in our lives. Sometimes thought when you read something like this, it can make you feel like a failure as “wise people know when and how to let go”. And wise people also know, this is not done over night, or in one day.

©SociopathLife.Com

17 Responses to “Social Media”

  1. Laura survived

    What happens or what can we do when the Hell continues through your adult children? Since they knew nothing other than their mother being the subject of sport or the butt of their jokes and now they say that I’m crazy and that I don’t remember anything, I’m stuck with two of my three kids behaving just like their dad. Since he did nothing wrong to cause me to leave him (Ha ha) I will forever be the bad guy. I just moved back into their lives after 7 years so that I can have a closer bond with them and my new grandchildren. It isn’t anything like I had hoped or ever expected. I had to leave to take care of my failing grandmother who raised me as well as heal enough to face the monster. He convinced them I abandoned them. I came back once a month for at least 5 days and flew them out to visit me. The youngest was 15 and he’s the one who treats me with kindness and respect, my momma’s boy.
    How can I show them that I’m not the broken one when their father continues to portray me in that light? I am bipolar 2 which I have done excellent with all of my treatments since being diagnosed 18 years ago. They would never have known except for their father. I raised them and maintained my regimine for them to have a normal life… what ever that is.
    Please tell me what I can do.

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  2. Rivka

    I read the quote and thought, “That’s true. Here I am nearly 2 years after the narcissist and I am still thinking about him. By contrast, I see that other narc targets have moved on and started new relationships. It is wise to stop ruminating on the past.”
    Then I read your words and thought, “Whoa! What a rant! Something really hit her nerves in a bad way.” Yes, “rant” is exactly my initial reaction, too.
    But, you know what? You’re right!!!!!!! This inspirational quote did trigger feelings of inadequacy in me, that I’m not good enough or smart enough because I’m not over the narc yet. Whoops. That’s not very inspirational after all. I wish I knew what the other former targets know that some were able to just get out there and fall in love again.

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    • Laura survived

      What I realized was to find joy in little things, a child’s smile or giggle, flowers, a note to a friend. I know how difficult it is to not live in the past and I have to continually live with my eyes forward. When I could finally say to him, “What you say or think isn’t my problem anymore. You do not affect me.” Now the reality of that isn’t always true but he doesn’t know that. In fact, I hope he thinks I’m a bitch!

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  3. secretangel

    Tela, every word that you spoke is true. And these summed it up for me… “How do you just ‘let go’ of all of the love, forgiveness, begging, pleading, praying for the Sociopath to change?” That is exactly what we do as we hold onto hope that they will change as we are trapped in that cycle. Now, I can tell you that it took a message from God telling me that my ex will never change… He is a liar; He is a manipulator; He is a murderer; He will never change… etc… for me to realize the severity of HIS problems and that I could not fix him. But then layer upon layer upon layer of wounds had to be healed like pealing an onion. Now this thought just came to me… Living with a sociopath or narcissist is like getting a daily dose of venom from a poisonous “pet”. We love our “pet” but it’s venom slowly destroys us. In fact, we don’t even realize that we are getting “bit” because the pain becomes part of us. And too many people do not understand this because they have never had to deal with it. We are not weak. We do not lack wisdom. We are “the walking wounded” that are strong enough to keep walking despite the fact that we carry a “burden” that many have never had to carry. And I pray that no one else would ever have to learn this by experience…

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  4. nunotes2013

    Sounds like a this might have been written by a socio. Feels like “I’m guilty so what.
    Just get over it “(you weakling). My husband and I are dealing with a sociopath sis-in-law who dismantled her whole family with slander and lies and her “smear campaign” against my husband (her brother). She hid their mother who had dementia just to get control of the Mom’s money. Then started accusing us of financial abuse. Now her rant is she knows that Jesus has forgiven her and the rest of us should leave her alone. Oh by the way while the mom was in her care she fell broke her hip and passed away. We understand this spawn of satan was very neglectful.

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  5. smoovness1980

    My mother has been my biggest supporter while I try to get through this horrible experience. Last night we took a ride and i was talking about the process of finally letting go of my socio, I told my mother about how much it hurts to do this. How I wished so many times that my ex was not a sociopath. How I wish she was not mentally abusive. How I wish she was normal. If she would have been anything like me as a person we would have never had these problems. But then as I’m saying this I’m self reflecting and understanding that these thoughts are just another form of torture and that I’m doing it to myself. These are the facts, my ex is a sociopath, she will never change, I would never have made a good life with her, she is untrustworthy and letting go will be the best gift I could ever give my future self. Being wise has nothing to do with it. Just a little self reflection is all it might take sometimes.

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  6. Jenna

    It is a hell like no other that you are expected to make a fairly quick recovery from. Thankfully I found you Tela and a great trauma counselor who understands that this is a long journey towards recovery. You can’t just always stop thinking or stop obsessing. I asked her today if there is a magic pill I can take to shut off my amygdala that is keeping me in severe PTSD as she said. Quite a few friends of mine have gotten worn out and gave up in helping me by not understanding how utterly traumatizing it has been for me. It aint ‘all good’ as I have been told.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Jenna for your comment. I, personally know the HELL you went through, from the lies/deception all the way to being psychically raped on a garage floor. Yet this quote would {by interpretation} state that ‘every person goes through their own kind of hell’……..yes, they do, so basically ‘get over it’. But the HELL of a Sociopath in unlike what is written by this quote. It is so far off, and actually quite hurtful to people, such as yourself.
      I am very proud of you! I know this journey has been its different kind of hell for you. Day by Day Jenna, I’m with you!

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  7. Persia Karema

    I see these kind of quotes all the time when surfing to find material. They make me mad, because they are so disrespectful to those who have actually been through hell. There is no time limit to healing, so yes, it does take time. Victims always seem to draw the short straw. Is it a wonder the world is in the state it is today? Smh…

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    • Tela

      Thank you Persia for your comment. I read your Daily Quotes every single day. Some I laugh at, some make me reflect, other’s I shake my head ‘yep’ and so on. And yes, victims always draw the short straw. And think back {just for a moment 😀 } to the day the abuse started happening to you…..did reading this quote make you feel UN-WISE because you couldn’t get out of the abuse? I just all around do not like any part of this quote. Yes, one reader called my post a ‘rant’, no, it is about letting every single person know they are wise! And they cannot just simply turn their brains off”!

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      • Persia Karema

        Thanks Tela. I am very careful with what I consider a Positive Quote. I do try to pick wisely.
        I just read it again. What a load of bollocks. If it were that easy to leave or to get out of an abusive relationship, doesn’t this person think all those in such a situation would? I had a new born baby, no money, no food, no car, no clothes – nothing, when I took the leap to leave. It could have gone horribly wrong. I waa scared that I would be homeless, so Child Services would take my baby away.
        Even though I left, there are so many factors/reasons why people stay. It does not make them weak; they have been so ground down to think they cannot do better, they actually start believing it. I should know, I was very close to succumbing.
        It’s about time people stopped picking on victims. I really am sick of it. If the shoe was on the other foot, how would those who have never been in such a situation, like it if they were given a time limit to heal? One will let go if and when they are ready. And I support this. Compassion is what is needed. There seems to be a lack of it.
        P.S. I don’t think your post was a rant, I think it was you highlighting what you believe to be right and wrong. Nothing wrong with that. x

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  8. Kate

    I agree with you Tela. It’s almost related to victim blaming. It’s so frustrating. It’s like people who don’t understand sociopaths – haven’t been abused and they say ‘leave him then’ or ‘stop thinking about him.’ I’ve known my ex ten years. I knew he had something odd about him but only had the light bulb moment 2 years’ ago. I didn’t even know what a sociopath was until then. All I knew was he was toxic, lied and blamed me for everything (projected his real cheating etc onto me). Wow. It’s offensive to infer victims aren’t wise or intelligent. We’re targeted for our kindness and generosity so that they can take what they’re after. We’re often targeted because we have high standards, high moral values and care about people. We all want positive and we try very hard but, like you say, it can take years and years. Thanks Tela. It wasn’t really what I would call ranting. It’s an emotional plea for people to understand we wouldn’t have been involved in the first place if the sociopath were not such a good actor.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Kate. You said it well that ‘it’s almost related to victim blaming’. Yes, it can certainly be read that way. And no, this post was not a ‘rant’ it was to validate every single person who reads my website to know that, it’s okay to relive the pain, it’s okay having a hard time letting go. What is NOT okay is reading something like this as if a person lost their goldfish. To many times victims are told ‘just get over it’ or ‘just move on’, or ‘why do you still talk to that person’ and all the other things said that unless a person has first person experience with the trauma endured, then their words mean nothing.
      I encourage people to read whatever will bring positive into their minds. Thank you Kate for your great comment ❤

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  9. Debbie

    Wow that was some rant!! Lol I get your point, however it’s an assumption to think that the person writing these positive quotes haven’t been through hell.
    I disagree that there are different levels of hell, hell is what it is for anyone going through it, at any given time. It is not possible to write these quotes with all that you rant about 😀 And it’s good to rant 😉 lol… So a few words are written for impact, for who ever reads it, it may not be for you, but it’ll be for someone who needs it at the time of reading it.
    I am still serviving the after effects from a Narc, and have found quotes have helped me tremendously.

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    • Tela

      Hi Debbie~ I did 😀 at your use of the word ‘rant’. I apologize if this post comes across as such. When you receive emails or hear from people who’s lives have been forever changed because of a Sociopath {or Narcissist in your case}, and they talk about ‘positive quotes’ and why ‘they can’t seem to get there’. That is why, with this particular one, the last line can make a person feel like a failure.
      I follow Persia who posts the ‘Daily Positive Quote’. And I agree with you, quotes of all kinds have helped me at different stages in my life, or just simply given me a peaceful feeling. I just do not want anyone to feel like they are not ‘wise’ because they have or are having a hard time letting go.
      Thank you again for your comment!! 😀 😀

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