A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Evil Lurks…..

This was written by a reader. Again, the depths and lengths a Sociopath/Psychopath go to are incomprehensible.

Hello,My name is Bella and I would appreciate any feedback.I recently was the victim of a horrible smear campaign by a psychopath. All advice columns advise not to seek revenge,but though I have searched in vain,I have yet to find a situation similar to mine(the details are so humiliating that I am sure victims of this type of abuse are more apt to retreat into hiding then to share-though I believe that this is exactly what the psychopath is counting on)! I met a man who pretended to care for me and started a whirlwind(yet,short-lived)relationship,Prior to meeting this man I had not been with a man for many years and was happy,well-adjusted and working on my goals.My friends would insist that I needed to date and I would reply that I was very happy and did not feel a void in my life, As a matter of fact the question that I was most often asked was “why are you so happy”? It was at this point that I met a man who I found physically adorable.He was also(seemingly) the most moral,modest,protective,sweet,and attentive man that I had ever met.After many deeply intense and sincere conversations and a few very long walks, I made the mistake of sleeping with this man.He had bared his soul to me and we had exchanged quite a few secrets,fears,and painful stories.This seemingly noble and pure soul had been the victim of a few cold-hearted,malicious women(according to his stories)! I spent the first month or so of this relationship empathizing with his plight and actually hating these women for having hurt such a beautiful individual.We had so much in common and I was convinced that I had found my soul mate.I told myself,”Bella, it’s right,for once ,just jump in and throw caution to the winds,This man was (in my book) beyond reproach(had another woman told me that I was dealing with a predator,a socialized psychopath,at this point,I would have rejected the notion as outright ridiculous and dismissed the woman as jealous and crazy).Shortly before this man struck up the first conversation with me, a scary looking man starting staring into the windows of my place of employment for hours at a time.Four to five days out of the week I would feel myself being watched and there he was, The first month or so of my  relationship with the psychopath was idyllic,he treated me like a princess and I couldn’t have been happier;my friends commented on my glow and life was beautiful.I should also mention that I was told by this man not to confide in anyone at my place of employment that we were together(as he had dated a past employee,who had gotten fired when my boss found out and he was trying to protect me from the same fate).He did his best to bad-mouth and emotionally isolate me from my boss and coworkers.As the relationship progressed and when he became secure in the fact that I was falling in love with him,his behavior started to change,At first it was subtle and very passive-aggressive,just enough to thoroughly confuse me,He was an expert in projecting things that were his fault right back onto me and had me doubting my own emotional maturity and sometimes, even my sanity.His behavior started to get very bizarre….I found myself googling phrases like”passive-aggressive”,”split personality” and” schizoid personality”.He would look in one direction and compliment or thank me ,and then look in another a split second later and say that I was “a sick woman”Needless to say ,I was very concerned about his emotional health(not knowing at this point that I was the victim)This man borrowed a fair amount of money from me (he was constantly being unfairly deprived of shifts or his boss was late in paying him) and he always promised that when he got on his feet he would pay me back.I also,foolishly,spent money on food,cigarettes,and wine for him.Sometimes I feel so thoroughly stupid recounting this story (in my own head and here),but I realize that this man had a hypnotic( I LITERALLY felt like I was in a trance state throughout a good deal of the relationship and accepted and put up with things that,to this day,confound me)effect on me.   As his behavior became more bizarre,the abuse was also escalating quickly,He was letting down the mask in a big way because he was truly finished with me and felt no need to keep up the pretense all of the time(at this point he was so inaccessible to me that I am sure he was already at work spending time with his next victim/victims).During a phone conversation,at this point,he actually said to me,”When I first met you,I thought to myself,”What the FUCK is this woman so happy about?”.-he then quickly changed his tone and said that he was joking,,,,but he wasn’t.Meanwhile all of my googling had led me from “passive-aggressive” to “malignant narcissist’and “emotional vampire” to” cerebral narcissist” (he was constantly  withholding touch and sex to totally frustrate me(and frustrated I was; I had never in my life experienced not being wanted by a lover-especially in such a new relationship).Also his behavior varied from one day to the next between totally loving and respectful to totally sexual and cold, Even though I was at his house many times,we only slept together two times-The other times he would sit next to me on the bed and tell me that he didn’t feel well and didn’t want to be touched-even though I pleaded with him to hug me.insisting that sex didn’t matter and it didn’t ….I was in “love”with the man and hungry for his touch and to console him.About this time,he started inviting me to his house and leaving the keys under the doormat,so that I could let myself in. During this time I starting to get so sexually frustrated that I would masturbate on his bed,to relieve my frustrations and not have to feel guilty about infringing my desires on him.It was also during this time that I popped in on him earlier than usual and found him in the clutches of some type of high (sweating,eyes twitching and moving rapidly and paranoia)he shut the door on me and claimed to be too sick to see me that day.From all of my reading I was convinced (though still in some denial)that I was dealing with a psychopath.I googled his name and found that not only had he been busted on drug possession,but also.that he had been involved in a crime where a federal agency had to step in.I questioned him about this discovery and he turned it around on me saying that I was,insensitive to bring it up and that he had been innocent and falsely accused.  Around this same time,right after telling me that him and I were “ok,sweetheart”,he suddenly stopped answering my phone calls and refused contact with me.The one  time that I did manage to get in touch and ask if he was breaking up with me ( and all I wanted at this point was a straight answer and some emotionally mature closure),he evaded answering my question and stated that he didn’t feel well,he  might have cancer-not the first time that I’d heard that-and just couldn’t talk YET…..YET turned into three to four weeks where I obsessively worried about his health and bombarded him with calls and texts insisting that we at least talk…I am so very ashamed of how I lost all of my dignity ……Finally he came into my work place and I was truly over it and truly convinced that this man was a real psychopath……I was obsessively reading articles which actually consoled me.as I realized that none of what had transpired between him and I was ever real, therefore.there was nothing to mourn(though mourn I had done,for a month prior to this time,,,,,,,I would curl up in bed in a fetal position,and sob,feeling raw like someone had scrubbed my heart and soul with rough grade sandpaper).I decided to be very blase and nonchalant with this man-polite and nothing more-sometimes, “not noticing”when he came in.It was at this point that all hell broke loose and my life became a living nightmare,Customers(I work as a bartender) started coming in and just sitting at the bar staring at their phones and laughing at me,some older customers who had previously treated me well,started giving me the cold shoulder and refusing to even meet my gaze,Many men would come in and make sexual connotations and undress me with their eyes,while laughing.Finally one day I waited on a large party that kept looking at their phones and sniggering at me-each time I went to the table they would hide their phones-all at the same time!!! I finally caught an image on one of their phones and to my horror and humiliation it was of him,moving on top of me like he did the first time we had sex:I even recognized his curtains in the background,I was hysterical and my coworker told me that it was only my imagination,”after all we have never even seen those people”(I would later this same day locate them on his facebook friends list.)About two weeks prior to this, a man from a local business had come in and told me that a strange man had been coming in asking all kinds of questions about me.After the cellphone discovery I became subject to increasing abuse and humiliation from increasing numbers of customer…this was a very small town and almost everyone knew me.Strange men were staring at me from outside the windows-the initial strange man was suddenly MIA,,,,,cars filled with men would stop in the middle of the street and honk,point,and jeer at me.Men started following me home at night and I no longer felt safe walking so I started calling the local car service every night and getting rides home from friends.The abuse and humiliation became so severe that I started to fear for my emotional and physical safety.I was .literally feeling very suicidal.I finally just suddenly cut off all ties with my friends and left the  state.I am going to wrap this story up very shortly and cut straight to my dilemma,but first I would like to say thank you for bearing with this very long-winded account,it was necessary(and I actually left out many pertinent and unbelievable details which I intend to write about in  the future).Prior to meeting this man (I am an artist of some type) I had been working passionately for two years with the goal of showcasing my artwork on a national level.If I were to do this now, I am sure that a very humiliating sex tape of me would go completely viral.However,I do not want to let this sick individual alter what were my life plans in any way.When he secretly taped me he invaded my rights and portrayed me as a one-dimensional sex object,”a dirty whore”….no one would be made privy to the words,and (FAKE!!!!!)moments of tenderness and caring that transpired between us,nor any of his words or promises,I wrote down every word and movement that I could remember and  realized that when I thought that he had a split personality he was actually distorting my words,cutting me off and misrepresenting things that I was telling him.He would face in one direction and speak softly while saying certain things and then turn in another direction(towards cameras and tapes,I’m certain…to say something totally contrary.)I want to forge ahead with my plans of showcasing my artwork…..because  this is my love and what I have spent my entire life studying and working for.In this tape he puts me in unflattering positions and totally humiliates me…….I let him know my fears and secrets and he used them against me!!!! I WANT to forge ahead with my plans, I WANT him to be outted! But first I need to write the story of everything that he did to me as in his sick,one-dimensional portrayal of me this evil being took away my voice and I NEED TO take it back.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the psychology of humiliation (a tactic,in my opinion,of bullies,narcissists,and socio/psychopaths) and I’ve come to realize people really do NEED my permission to humiliate me! My sexuality is MY SEXUALITY and what I do in private is no one’s business but my own.Being amused by this tape is akin to hearing that a woman is being raped on the corner,and running with glee,to watch;and this reflects very poorly on anyone who would judge me or be amused….I AM A VICTIM. I really believe that everything in this universe happens for a reason and that I can choose to look deeply at myself,learn to truly love me,and use this experience to both be a better person and to warn others so that hopefully other women( and men) might be spared an experience like this. A therapist,responding to my comment that,”everything in this universe happens for a reason”,asked me why I thought that I had crossed paths with this evil being and I replied,”Maybe I am the one capable of standing up to him,maybe I can help other women.”I am currently still suffering from PTSD and some days I am not so confident that I can actually pull this off,but little by little I’m healing and my inner voice tells me to forge onward with my dreams and love me enough not to care what others think……I am still so emotional and scattered over this whole thing…..any advice /feedback will be appreciated.God bless you all. Bella

©SociopathLife.Com

33 Responses to “Evil Lurks…..”

  1. gentlekindness

    I am so sorry for you that you had to be this close to evil and that the long term repercussions were so severe. Psychopathic narcissists are monsters. They are truly evil.
    Annie

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  2. lorelei

    Bella, I am so sorry that you have had such a devastating experience. My heart breaks for you, but please believe me when I say YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, AND YOU WILL GAIN INCREDIBLE STRENGTH FROM THE EXPERIENCE. Throw all your pain and sadness into your artwork in the meantime 🙂
    Speaking from experience, a lawsuit is the best ways to seek vengeance on a sociopath.
    PLEASE LISTEN TO MY ADVICE:
    1. make copies of the videos and contact a lawyer ASAP!!
    2. please do not talk to anyone about your story at all, don’t share any details on the Internet either!!!!
    3. No contact rule!
    Good luck! I think you are extremely brave for sharing your story.

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  3. lorelei

    Your story is a familiar one. It is a horrible place to be so please give yourself lots of time to feel the loss. It’s the grieving process, you lost the person you had believed existed. But that person never really was. it was a nasty game, and it’s time to turn away from it. It’s critical to practice the “NO CONTACT’ rule if you truly want to rid yourself of a spath. If you are content with a casual, sexual relationsip. Then, what’s the harm? Things can work out perfectly lf you just want them for an occasional roll in the sack or some late night sexting. Rember, one of their greatest talents is the ability to charm. They build you up into the most spectacular version of yourself.
    Sadly however, it doesn’t usually turn into any more that that. Even if you are their primary source, or become it eventually, they will grow bored with you and look for something new, different, exciting.

    Remember, by nature, they are insatiable, the delight of the hunt makes them willing to do almost anything to avoid detection and the premature end of their irresistabley risky game.
    You know you need to move on, and eventually you will be able to.
    Yu’ll be able to see that it was a terrible experience in your life but just like all of our experiences (look around you at the tragedies people endure) their was some hidden purpose. When you can do this, you will be free.
    Good luck!

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  4. Kate

    Tela – I’m so sorry for that awful experience you had with the sociopath. I’ve also found that they tend to sort of work to a script and have the same pattern of behaviour (more or less) with each victim and often, they are in multiple relationships – all at different stages – idiolise, devalue, discard. I found that they evade the question of a break up. They never actually finish with any of their victims. This allows the hoovering to happen. If they get bored or their supply runs short or you have something to offer, they may come back to start all over again. Then this makes you feel worse each time they come back. Mine runs to a same old same old script to hook his victims. First of all he makes sure they live alone, then he requests a meeting, usually in private. His favourite line – ‘do you like wine?’ He then proceeds to vilify his past victims – my wife/girlfriend gives me stress, cheats, lies. This is projection and triangulation at the same time. The new victim learns not to do to him what his previous victims did and believes he’s telling the truth. He’s not. They’re all good, kind women he’s duped and cheated on. They really are the most vile creatures (notice how vile is an an anagram of evil?). For me the slander is the hardest part even though I don’t meet the people he lies about me to anymore. I’m a Christian and a good woman. I have known him 10 years and am now divorced from him. I have never cheated on him right up to now. But according to him I always have cheated. It hurts. You can’t ignore it can you? You feel a need to rectify the lies.

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  5. Kate

    Thanks so much Tela. When communicating with him he can make his crazy making bullshit sound normal. But you confirm all I feel about him being the crazy one. I was stupid enough to try to make the peace by taking him a cake I made. Of course when his constant lying got to me I confronted him with the truth, told him I just made you a cake and had to go shopping for the ingredients. His answer? Well it didn’t cost you anything anyway. Then it stays with me afterwards. You can’t reason with these beings and no matter how much you do, it’s never enough. I’m done. Thanks Tela. I’m no contact for good now. I can concentrate on my own life from now. I don’t care what is said about me. I don’t see his ‘friends’ anyway. (They’ve known him a short while. He has none from years’ ago as far as I know. I accept he broke my heart, wasted 10 years of my life and left once my lifesavings of 60 years were gone. He now covertly prostitutes himself to other unfortunate victims. I’m free and happy now.

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  6. Hayden

    Wow! What an arsehole!

    Its sad that they see the happiness in people and seek out to terminate and destroy it. Even the masturbating is him exacting sick control without him knowing it! Don’t be ashamed of the fact you were happy and he has scrubbed your heart with sandpaper – it was a targeted attack and it happens to the best of us by these soul leeches.

    I echo a lot of what people have been saying here in terms of look into your state laws to see if he has committed any offence and if so report it to your police. Many jurisdictions are catching up with this predatory behaviour.

    It would be a harrowing experience to re live it no doubt, but you probably feel like you’re treading on landmines anyway not knowing what his next move will be. Take control and think about standing up to him if prosecution is available for this sort of thing where you live. Be guided by the mental health experts on this. He will probably think you wont do it and that he has sufficiently broken you so that you wont take him on. That’s only a question you can answer.

    I know its not always feasible, but perhaps moving away or even considering a name change in order to get your art career launched are suggestions I would make.

    Its not easy to free yourself of these people and unless you’ve been through it no one really understands. Which is why Tela puts such a personal touch to these posts and it shows. Its not just the out of book answer. Its the understanding that even as an intelligent person who is happy with their life you can still be a victim and its nothing to be ashamed about. You’re getting educated and support which are small steps towards leaving this person in your past.

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    • Tela

      Thank you KJ for your comment. I agree, time to Heal, NO CONTACT…but the ‘just move on’ is not so simple. To often people are told those 3 words. It is next to impossible to ‘move’ anywhere in your thoughts/emotions when your entire world has been obliterated! When your entire moral character is being ripped to shreds. IF, if only so easy to ‘just move on’, there would not be people seeking professional help, websites etc.

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      • Santaland

        I agree with Tela, the amount of times I have heard….time to move on, good riddance, wow she sounds like the devil forget her find someone new….screw that, yes friends, and they get bored listening to you belabouring the point. Then they judge us as being obsessive, fucked up or perhaps you need help.

        Yes we do need help! Help comes from this site and others. Help in understanding what transpired, how we were poisoned and how the fuck to regain ourselves is paramount. We lost, yes we lost time, love, nurturing, ourselves, and the list goes on.

        Nobody will understand until you have had this vile monster in close proximity. We blame ourselves, we anguish about what if, perhaps, maybe….is there some truth…perhaps. But what makes us move forward is hope…yes hope. Little word, big meaning. We encountered a machine, not a person. We fell for the looks, the sex, the charm, the admiration….all bullshit, because they do it with every person who become a victim like you and me.

        And trust me, I have moments, while they move on as if…whhhhaaaat, moi, I did nothing but love you, now I love (xxxx) what is your problem. Well the problem starts when xxxx is no longer and you are actual conveniant….nothing more because (yyyyy) will come along and you are nada, obsessive, a loser etc..

        Yes we victims understand each other and need each other….at least I do.

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      • Kate

        I agree entirely with you Tela. It is not so simple as ‘just move on.’ If only it were. Even if you’re away from them, the evil beings stay in your head. There are many questions – why did I fall for the flattery, lies. Why did he change to become so abusive from the charming person I had so much in common with? How could he sleep with so many women at once and keep them separated from each other? Why does he say such awful things about a good woman? Why can’t I ‘just move on’ and keep him out of my head?

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      • lorelei

        Tela, I mean no disrespect to anyone by saying the two little words “move on”. Did you read the entire post? I sought out legal, spiritual and mental support as a result of my personal devastation at the hands of a sociopath, having lost my job, my husband and my children.
        It took a tremendous amount of time to work through my pain and to realize it wasn’t my fault-but once i did, I was able to come to terms with what had happened to me and eventually developed the realization that he didn’t control my destiny unless I allowed him to.
        I am in complete control of my own destiny. I could choose to hold on to our relationship, I could stalk him on the internet, I could return his calls and believe his pleas that he has changed, I can ruminate over the “what ifs”, I could maintain contact with our mutual friends and hopefully see him (so he can see how wonderful i am without him!)-or I can choose to let it all go and get on with my life.
        I chose the latter, and have developed an inner strength I never knew existed as a result. I am genuinely at peace with who I am, where I am and I am happier than i have been for a long time. Life is far too short to waste any more time than I already have on a relationship that was based on a fairytale.

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      • Tela

        Lorelie~If if you read my reply dated August 6th, I responded about the 2 little words “move on”….it’s NOT THAT EASY. And yes, I read the entire post as it was sent to me, and then I posted it.
        I’m glad you have developed an inner strength {and peace} and have been able to move on. Every single person will eventually get to that point. It takes some longer than other’s, it takes some people multiple times at trying to work the relationship out, just to be discarded again. We, as professionals, cannot just ‘generalize’ a Sociopath relationship. Every single one is different with different dynamics. However, the one common denominator is one person is a Sociopath.
        Thank you for your comment.

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      • lorelei

        Tela, I have no idea why you contacted me regarding a text about “moving on”. What are you talking about? I have some friendly advice for you and whateve this site is: double check to make sure you double check to make sure your responseis going to the correct individual, and also, take an extra second or two to spell their name correctly.
        I’m not sure what your professional background is, but this site doesn’t ring true as a site led by someone with actual clinical experience and medical training in psychology/behavior or personality disorders. i would highly recommend taking a step back and reevaluating the actual purpose of your site.
        Is your true intention to help people? In my “humble” opinion, I think this is a forum designed so you can talk about how angry you still are at a sociopath who wronged you.
        Commiseration with others is fine to an extent, but please, don’t continue to mislead the public by offering anything more than your everyday bitch session about the evil characteristics of the dreaded monster of society otherwise known as the SOCIOPATH…
        Good luck to you.

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      • Tela

        Thank you Lorelei for your ‘humble’ comment, and inaccurate information. If you had actually taken the time to read A Face To This Website, then you would have known what my ‘professional background ‘ and Career is. As far as this site being ‘a bitch session….’ My readers are entitled to ‘bitch’ about whatever they want.
        As far as accusing me of being ‘angry at a Sociopath who wronged me’, quite the contrary! I am a very kind, peaceful person, who has deep compassion for others who have been abused. If you find my site does not help you, or you find it offensive I ask you kindly not to visit it, or leave comments. Thank You.

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      • Tela

        Thank you Lorelei for your ‘humble’ comment, and inaccurate information. If you had actually taken the time to read A Face To This Website, then you would have known what my ‘professional background ‘ and Career is. As far as this site being ‘a bitch session….’ My readers are entitled to ‘bitch’ about whatever they want.
        As far as accusing me of being ‘angry at a Sociopath who wronged me’, quite the contrary! I am a very kind, peaceful person, who has deep compassion for others who have been abused. If you find my site does not help you, or you find it offensive I ask you kindly not to visit it, or leave comments. Thank You.

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  7. Constance

    Since he seems to be passing around a video that he made without her consent, she should look into prosecuting him. States that don’t have revenge porn laws usually have laws against pictures and videos without consent.

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    • Only Me

      That thought occurred to me as well. I would think she’d have legal recourse available to her for all damages including emotional and financial etc.. If I were her, I’d be checking with a good attorney. She could nail him good with that video, I’d say she’s got a great case against him. He has cost her in so many ways. Time for some payback Karma maybe?

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      • Constance

        If she Google searches “revenge porn” there’s other organizations that could help her as well. I think the organization I reached out to was the DTMA. I can check when I get home.

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      • Constance

        The organization I went to is called DMCA Defender. While I heard nothing back from them after the initial email, they might be able to help.

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  8. Santaland

    Only Me…yes we were fine before, then this happens (the sociopath encounter) resulting in PTSD, anger, disappointment (in them and ourselves). I will not tell you the cycle etc (and fyi, am a male victim, see SocioInka in sharing page). Anyway, the smear campaign is bad, and it is sad that in your town people used this as a joke against you.

    Revenge will never work…never, they have no soul, empathy or compassion…thus you will not find closure through revenge. Walk away, no contact and ignore. That is all I can advise you to do. There is nothing you can do, learn, grow and forgive yourself. It took me over a year of no contact, but I still have moments. And sure she bad mouthed me with her so called friends, and flying monkeys (people who do their dirty work). Remember sociopaths are cowards, and also their logic is: you exposed me thus it is your fault I posted those intimate moments we had….making you look like a cheap whatever. It is never their fault.

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    • Only Me

      Thank you Santaland. Yes, males can be victims as much as females. All good advice you offered, and I wouldn’t add anything to it. Thanks for sharing.

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    • dodi2014

      Santaland, you are so right! They have no soul! They only care about the power of influence that they have in your life and winning, at all cost.

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    • Tela

      SantaLand, as is the case with Bella and yourself, you are in a small town {you,sadly live above the Ex-Sociopath}. The smear campaign is so detrimental, because after the relationship you are already raw, wide opened hemorrhaging of heartbreak, disbelief, anger etc. And THEN to top it off {icing on the Sociopath cake} the SMEAR CAMPAIGN beings. And you are absolutely 100% correct, Revenge never, ever, EVER works!

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  9. Only Me

    Wow Bella. You’ve really been put thru an emotional meat grinder by a spath! I find your experience appalling. It’s a wonder you still have your sanity! But the fact that you are still here, and functioning speaks well of your strength as a human being.

    I outed my spath on cheater sites, forums and blogs. What happened is that his Flying Monkey minions came out in droves to chase, bully and harass me all over the Internet. The spath however, became scared to death of me, because I had no hesitations about exposing him, and all his of his pathology.

    I think sharing your experience (as it did for me), will prove very healing for you. Beware of Internet trolls however, who will get off on trying to hurt and humiliate you further! Guard your privacy jealously Sweetheart! Use aliases and false profiles to protect yourself! Don’t feed the trolls!

    Ultimately, I think you will find that your spath doesn’t matter. You do! I know that until you’ve been the victim of a spath, it’s hard to imagine what the experience was like, and emphasize with the victim. It is so easy to judge, and there are plenty of people out there who love to judge others! You were taken in by a PRO, and truth is, you never really had a chance because you had an open heart and just didn’t know!

    The good news I think, is that in future, you will be much better prepared to protect yourself, and sort out there types. You’ll spot those red flag behaviors a mile off… like the the “WHIRLWIND ROMANCE!”. Decent, healthy men don’t behave like that! They’ll put their interest out there, but let you decide at your pace! Toxic men will not!

    Take care of yourself kid! I wish you all the best! Hugs and best wishes!

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    • Tela

      Thank you Only Me for your comment {and so nice to see one from you again}! Your feedback is so imperative not only for Bella, but for other’s who have and are going through what you, Bella and thousands of other’s are. You were/are aware of his flying monkey’s, and that is also a key point in getting away from the abuse/ridicule/smear campaign. It never ceases to amaze me, whether by a comment on my site, email to me, in person, or phone call the absolute lengths & depths a Sociopath goes to in destroying another. {{HUGS}} to you! Thank you again for sharing your insight.

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  10. Kate

    Hi Bella, I am truly sorry for your experience with a disordered being. I know how it feels. I’ve been there and still am in contact. I warned 2 of his victims who came after me. One was furious but the other continues to spoil him with lots of cash and luxurious goods. He even told me he has to turn his face away to be intimate with her and she is ‘too short and fat’ etc. He said if she hadn’t been generous before they even met he would never have bothered meeting her.

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      • Kate

        It’s complicated. Mainly because of the smear campaign if I don’t. He will text me e.g. ‘haven’t heard from you for a few days. Is anything wrong?’ If I don’t reply he tells his daughter how bad I am (and he is good etc.). I can’t cope with any more lies about me. I’ve known him 10 years, married him, divorced him and lost my life savings and my heart to him. He just wants to stay in control of me and know what’s going on in my life. He also wants intimacy at the same time as other multiple relationships. He now has a victim who has been warned by 2 ex’s but she continues to throw her money at him. She behaves like his mother making out shopping lists and having online orders delivered to him, takes him on holiday and buys all his clothes and luxurious gifts. She left her own husband for mine. He tries to triangulate us by making us both jealous. She is. I’m not! I’ve also had the trouble with the sex video thing. But thankfully he left it at my house. He asked me to email it to him but I made an excuse. Otherwise I’m sure he would do what was done to you. I’m so sorry for you about that. We have to try our best to be positive and wary of people we meet in the future. Good luck. You will get through this with support.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Kate for your comment. I’m not sure why you are still in contact with the Sociopath, but I’m sure you have figured out, there is no way he will change. You are feeding him! You are his supply source, and he is sucking from you! Who care’s what the other victims, women can or do provide for him. According to your comment it is all materialistic, which in itself screams Sociopath. I strongly suggest that YOU stop all contact so that you are not having to say ‘you know how it feels’, instead you can say ” I KNEWhow it felt.

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      Reply
      • Kate

        Thank you Tela. I know what I should do – stop contact. My only reservation (excuse?) is the slander I’ve been subjected to affected me badly. We’ve had no contact twice. Of course I was blamed as nothing is their fault. I have this fear of more blame again and again. The slander is too much. I try to console myself by knowing what he is, but I still fall for trying to be reasonable with an unreasonable person!

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      • Tela

        Kate~ re-read your last sentence “trying to be reasonable with an unreasonable person”. You are 100% correct. It does not matter what you say, NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING you say will stop the slander, stop the blame game, stop the bullshit. The ONLY way is No Contact, ignore him, block him and his flying monkey’s etc. Stop setting yourself up, just to fall HARD back down. Your trying to defend yourself against a monster who is so much more skilled than you can even begin to comprehend, let him spew the nasty lies out of his mouth, you know you. So unless you want to continue in this present state of mind, and having any contact with the ex, you will be on the CRAZY TRAIN to nowhere.

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