A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Decision Time

In our everyday lives, we have to make decisions. What to wear to work, what to eat, decisions about the child/children, taking Vitamins and so on. All of these decisions are in the best interest of ourselves. So why is it you cannot make the decision to end the relationship with the Sociopath?

The first thing I want you to do is read THIS article. It talks about the RED FLAGS flying right in front of your eyes. So read that article, then come back to this one and finish reading. 

So after you read the Red Flags and could put a √ check mark to most all of them, things start to make a little more sense of the type of person you are involved with. Now, read THISYou will then for certain understand why you cannot make the decision about ending the relationship. Be it separation/divorce/break-up/parent-child etc.

You have read, and read, and read some more and your head is filled with chaos and confusion. You want to deny what you read and think “well, maybe the Sociopath has some of the traits but not all”. If you are searching the internet for answers to your dysfunctional/ mentally abusive, fucked up relationship, chances are, the person you are with is in fact a Sociopath. You can pray all you want for them to change, you can begged them to ‘listen’ to you, you can walk around the ever moving mine-field of their mental & emotional bombs, still hoping for them to change. You can endure their silent treatments. I will say this for the millionth time: A Sociopath will never, ever, EVER change. Period!

Okay, so now it’s decision time, in the best interest of yourself, your sanity, your peace! You have made the decision to leave. Here are a few things of what and what not to expect.

  • Do NOT think the Sociopath is going to be willing to rationalize why you are ending the relationship. 
  • Do expect the Sociopath to place all the blame on you!
  • Do NOT try and explain to the Sociopath how they have hurt you, how you know they have lied/cheated etc. That will have ZERO affect on them.
  • Do expect {in some, not all cases} for the Sociopath to try and reach you after the break-up. And profusely lie tell you they have ‘changed’. That in itself is just a huge lie
  • Do NOT allow the Sociopath to contact you via any avenue, this means telephone/text/email/flying monkey’s/ social media. PERIOD.
  • Do expect to see the Sociopath sail on to a new person victim in a short amount of time. That is how they work. Always moving forward, looking for that next person to feed their sick minds.
  • Do NOT take the blame for the failure of the relationship. You gave EVERYTHING, and the Sociopath took it, without giving back anything except mental & emotional HELL.  And maybe some ‘guilt gifts’, meaning any gifts given to you were out of guilt, not sincerity. 
  • Do expect a SMEAR CAMPAIGN! The Sociopath, of course, has to blame shift and discredit you, they do this by the smear campaign. Do not even try to defend yourself, it will only make it worse!
  • Do NOT carry shame, guilt, remorse! You did NOTHING wrong
  • Do expect to have feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, wishing them harm/karma to take place. 

At a certain point in your life, it does not matter if you are 30 or 70, or somewhere in between, you have got to take back your mental well being! It’s not about ‘starting over’, it is about saving yourself from a life spent in HELL. Yes, the ‘connection’, the ‘love’ the ‘whatever’ you have with the Sociopath is unlike any you have ever had in your life. Reason being?Because you have never encountered someone who could silently and methodically mentally and emotionally destroy you~ simply to sustain their own self. I know this is so difficult for all of you to comprehend. I truly know where you are! I also know, that it takes minute by minute working up to hour by hour, then day by day to eventually heal from these vile people. Once you stop trying to make excuses for them, once you absolutely accept with 100% certainty that NOTHING you can say or do will change them, then you can easily do the DECISION TIME!

“If you care about what people think about you, you will end up being their slave. Reject and pull your own rope.”                                        auliq ice

©SociopathLife.Com

40 Responses to “Decision Time”

  1. RCS

    I just found this site yesterday and man I wish I would have found it sooner. I filed for dvorce from my wife who I believe has traits of NPD/BPD and Sociopath. I have been no contact for 90 days and it could be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have had every emotion and have waited for her to contact me which thankfully she hasn’t as I know I have been vulnerable at times. Actually she emailed me 3 days after what would have been our one year anniversary a week ago and it just said happy belated anniversary and had the song you had me at hello attached. We are at the tale end of the divorce proceedings (I Hope) as she continues to file frivoulous motion after motion and jacking up the attorney bills when we have almost nothing together. I thought I would write a book about what has happened to me since I started dating her 2 1/2 years ago but as I read all the posts the book is the same just the names are changed.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you RCS for your comment. First off, congratulations on the No Contact. I do know how terribly difficult that is. However……..as you know, to be able to think clearly, to start cleansing yourself of all the Sociopath Poison, to make rational decisions {not based on coercion or emotions} you have to maintain No Contact.
      The reason for the continued frivolous motions being filed on her behalf is 1. to maintain control 2. as you said jack up the attorney bills 3. not letting you get whatever it is you may be asking for. As long as your still ‘legally married’, in her delusional mind, she thinks she can still manipulate you, suck you back in etc.
      Please do not wait for her to contact you…………I know, easier said than done. But all that will do is start the war all over again!!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • RCS

        Thank you Tela,,,even after all I read I have a hard time understanding why when they have someone new in their life they don’t just settle things and move on. Also, just the lack of any acknowledgement that they have done anything wrong. I wonder quite a bit,,probably to much since I was addicted to the “drug” if any of it was real after pouring my heart and soul into the relationship.

        Like

      • RCS

        Tela,,,Santaland asked me to contact you to put us in touch with each other. I appreciate your help and this site!!

        Like

    • Santaland

      RCS, I read your input and Tela’s response etc. Take her advice and the advice of many others. I too was a victim of a Cluster B sociopath and let me add that those lingering questions regarding why will never be explained or sorted out…NEVER. According to her it is all your fault. As for moving on…well that is control. She may have someone new (most probably) but she wants you on a shelf, yes a shelf amongst other past ‘victims’. It is control to tap into her shelf and get whatever she needs from those she can manipulate.

      If you try to explain your story, which you very quickly realized is just the same old story with differnt characters. Nothing more and nothing less. Think of her like a child who gets a new shiny object….oh you are the best, I love you…and they tell all their friends how awesome you are…you are happy yet humble…something inside you makes you think…hmmm this is a bit over the top, but feels great and as long as she is happy…fantastic. A few days later that shiny object is left out in the yard, discarded, disposed and maybe a new shiny object has arrived (could be person or thing)…that is how they operate, like 4 year old kids.

      The blame…oh the blame…they will NEVER accept any responsibility…and if they do, trust me, they are setting you up…Walk away, never look back. Sex was great, the highs were awesome….but the rest, just a waste of time.

      Tela helped me along my journey…and sure there were lots of why’s. what if, perhaps, could be moments….but your gut was always correct, not your head and not your heart….and the Cluster B sociopath has no heart….and if they do it is fake, temporary and a fleeting moment. To be brutal with you on how they can be….they just had sex with you, and within minutes could be texting a new source or ex bf how they miss them etc….Yes read this site, it is filled with information, experiences and advice. Remember there is no difference if it is a she or a he….oddly and no matter where you are (which ever time zone/continent) they are all the same…almost to a T. The only people who can understand are those who have fallen victim to them. Poison.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • RCS

        Santaland
        Thanks for the reply. It is good to hear from others who have gone through this. Every time I see my wife in court I backslide a little and get a little down. Even after 90 days essentially of no contact I obsess over her since I know she has moved on. I may be a little different in that I found out about the smear campaign going on behind my back and up and left and went no contact and told her I never wanted to hear of her or see her again. As someone who is admittedly probably a bit co dependent this was Huge for me to do.I received the email that said everything was my fault and the call that said I needed to come home and talk about it and how it was like me to runaway. Even got one that said despite how badly I treated her that she just wanted all this divorce stuff to go away. She was smearing me to my family, my adult children and my employer. The things that were said blew my mind. The cheating allegations, even though I told her all the time she was the only one I wanted, allegations of stealing from my company along with affairs with co workers and clients,,,, just crazy. I am lucky to have my job and my family.She even told them she was going to ruin me and they all say she did it without a bit of remorse or feelings in her eyes. I struggle every day with the theft of my hopes and dreams and settling down with the person I thought i would spend the rest of my life with.

        Like

      • Santaland

        RCS, we are all somewhat co-dependent, we all slide a bit, especially during an encounter. What is difficult to absorb and accept are the lies, their twisted logic (on none for that matter). Their smear campaign is to justify why the two of you are no longer and to seek sympathy (victim syndrom) from thier new source.

        Their biggest fear (which they deny) is abandonment and losing control. No contact…completely ignore her. You cannot explain empathy to a 4 year old. And watch out for their ‘flying monkeys’…they are the recruits who do the sociopath’s dirty work. Here the only defence is to listen and then ask…were you there?

        It took me over a year to ‘get over’ my ex who ‘officially’ was with someone new within a month and engaged to him within 3 months. Well all I can think is…good luck, he too will come crashing down when the honeymoon phase is over, and that could be over within 2 weeks. Sociopaths are constantly on the move and it is very difficult for them to maintain the mask, and that is when shit hits the fan…confusing.

        Now fix yourself, your self esteem and re-establish boundaries. These people leave deep scars and it takes time to heal…if really ever. Think of them as a hit and run driver, except they have a nasty streak which is after you are down, they will back up and drive over you once again, no empathy, no remorse (fake if caught), and ‘pretend’ to have found happiness since they move on so quickly. Think back to the stories you heard when you first met….lies.

        Read, read and read, exchange the he to a she and you will see the pattern.

        Like

      • RCS

        Thank you Santaland. I am sure since you have been through this you know how much it helps as friends and family just say “you should be happy they are out of your life” or “just get over it”. I have struggled with this for 3 months now and much of it is I knew it was all wrong from the beginning. I used to tell her that I thought she was a plant,,,not the vegetation type but that someone planted her in my life as she was just so amazing and everything was clicking and clicking very very quickly. She would ask me all the time if I still felt like she was a plant. My 2.5 years feels like 40 and this is much harder than any other breakup I have had in the past with relationships that were longer. I think I also struggle with the fact that I am in my late 40’s and can’t believe people are out there at this age doing these things I am trying to condense my story so to share as I believe more men have to see them. It has helped me tremendously to see stories from other men going through this.

        Like

      • Santaland

        RCS, get in touch with Tela, she will connect us…Tela is a very close and dear friend of mine whom I respect. I will give you the tools to move foreward. The site is number one….and Tela is the person that has helped me….anyway, I will give you the man to man guidance….and trust me…I travelled far thinking maybe I would feel better…did not help, I felt like crap…from Rome to Bangkok to London and Amsterdam…it just followed…the shit feeling….I will help you get past that…and I will be brutally honest….Tela and I have spoken on the phone often….get her to connect us and I will guide you….but you have to promise to help others on this site once you are ready….a must. Read SocioInka on the Sharing Page….that is just a mild version.

        Like

      • Tela

        Thank you SantaLand for your very personal, first person experience & knowledge comment. I remember the first time you reached out to me, you were just as ‘broken’ as RCS. And you have traveled the bumpy road, the mental destruction, the emotional paralysis etc. Yes, you have traveled extensively, and as you said ‘the shit feeling’, well, it still followed you. I appreciate you opening up and sharing your own personal journey, the depth of scars left from a Female Sociopath.
        RCS, please read THIS

        Like

      • Santaland

        RCS…btw, do not tell ‘outsiders’ or friends and family…because they do not understand…Trust me, they simply say…oh thank God she is out of your life…move on, that is great you found out…after a while they will look upon you as the fuck up. Yes the fucked up one…and that is frustrating. Why do you bother, lots of fish in the sea blah blah blah….they do not get it…they have never experienced what you and I and many others, male or female, have experienced. Eventually we clam up and then start the silly thinking….perhaps they are right (sociopath), maybe I am…? Why do I linger and wonder whilst others simply are logicial…etc.

        Stop! This is called poison. You (we) have dealt with a snake. You are with a snake, a very poisonous snake, you care for it, feed it, nurture it, ensure all is fine…you go to bed and it bites you….why? You did everything more or less right…because it was a snake. No remorse, no empathy, no regard, no nothing….

        Liked by 1 person

      • AlohaLover

        RCS, Santaland is right….don’t tell outsiders. I made that error and I found myself DEFENDING myself all over again and these people are my friends / family. Even when they say they believe you, they don’t because in their minds, you’re at fault. In all fairness, not ALL of my friends thought that but I lost friends and gained friends. Be selective. Just be happy that you are on the right road out of hell. It will be a rough road but once you get past it each check point, you’re that much closer to peace.
        Tela is awesome and I thank God for her daily. Good luck to you!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tela

        Thank you AlohaLover for your comment. I like how you talk about the road and check points. That is an excellent way to describe the ‘journey’ of getting out of HELL! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • RCS

        I would love to help anyone I can. I actually think it is why it is important I share my story. I know how much it has helped me to see others struggles and know that I am not alone. I look forward to connecting. I am really struggling with the fact that it has been 90 days and I can;t get her out of my head.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Jo

    Tela I was just about to email you. My co-worker begged me to reach out. I think my story is as horrific as they can come. 3 years of mental and emotional pain, betrayal and heartbreak. My friends and some family have deserted me because they can not sit and watch anymore. My own daughter looks at me like I’m crazy. His (my ex) family and ex-friends have told me to run yet I’m still entertaining conversation with him, still listening to what I know are lies and I truly don’t get me. After all the lies, cheating, deceit and disrespect I still have not fully implemented the no contact. I try briefly then curiosity pulls me back in. I am a career woman with a lot going for me but I am killing my own self esteem/self worth because I keep entertaining what is not for me, yet I can not pull away completely. I look at myself and ask is this really how I want to spend my time and life. With a loser not worthy of me or my time. It is effecting my work and personal life. I spend hours obsessing over and still trying to find the answers (to what I don’t actually know) when everything I KNOW about that he has done should be enough. I feel like I’m either crazy or I truly need to see a psychologist. My head and my heart are not aligned. I’ve poured over your blog reading all the info. It makes complete sense yet I still feel STUCK. What is wrong with me??? I want my life back….I’ve never been a weak woman or powerless, yet I can not do the simplest task and that’s get rid of the man who has hurt me to the core for years lying about his identity and our relationship. Please point me somewhere toward the road to true recovery….It scares me, I feel obsessed/addicted.

    Like

    Reply
    • Jo

      *** additional comment
      Tela,
      I did read Red Flags and Sociopath Privacy. All too familiar. I catch and find all his lies and indiscretions on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and I’ve caught him on a dating site. But he says that was just for entertainment and to get clients for his business. (yeah right). I do still look…I dont know why even though we are not together. I don’t understand how he cries on cue when he gets busted, threatens to kill himself. Admits he’s a liar and not worthy of my love then turns around and does it all over again. Its the same script different cast yet I always allow myself to get sucked back in to communicating. Listening to his money woes (he owes me and others plenty), can’t keep reliable transportation, never has food to eat, always about to get his utilities disconnected or about to be evicted. Same story since the day we met, but it was always someone elses fault. I felt sorry for him all these years. He always ends up the victim. His current focus was supposed to be gaining my trust and proving himself to me, yet the focus always goes to him (no surprise right?). I am smart enough not to spend time with him because it will start the whole cycle over again. He can not prove himself (which we know he wont) so he cannot get my time. My only issue is as long as there is some communication I am ok. I know it sounds CRAZY.. I don’t want a relationship because I don’t trust him one bit, but the issue is just wanting to hear from him here and there. There is some need I have clearly but I don’t know what it is. Will therapy help me sort it out? I need my life back, not just for me but for my daughter. She is watching everything I do. Don’t want her to end up like this.

      Like

      Reply
    • AlohaLover

      Hi Jo,
      Your story is like mine and most likely every person on this site. The names change, the gender changes but the stories are almost alike.
      The NO CONTACT is very important and you have to be strong…..it’s super hard as I know but it’s so much better once you get to the other side.
      The Sociopath will always try to pull you back so he can discard you again….the question is when will you stop going back….and that is a point where only you can get too. How much disrespect can you take?
      I NEVER thought I would come through this alive but I did….scars and all. It takes determination, tears and this site to see that you can make it. Recovery, it’s not like any other break up you have ever experienced. And those who say ‘move on’, ‘get over it’……have never been with a sociopath. You will recover, in your own time.

      Your name will get slammed through the mud. You will lose friends and gain new ones. Stay strong…..write a list of every awful thing he has done and read it when you are feeling like calling him. That should make you not want to have anything to do with him.

      The good news….YOU WILL GET YOUR LIFE BACK. But you have to fight for it and listen to Tela and everyone on this site. Read and re-read every topic and when you feel weak….read it again.
      He will NEVER change….ever. But, you can…..you’re here….it’s a HUGE step.

      Good luck to you….write when you feel weak and need support, someone will reach back….they will. You are not alone.

      Healing Angels to you!

      Like

      Reply
      • neednpeace

        Thank you AlohaLover,
        Your posts brought me to tears. I have vowed to spend more time on this site than watching his social media. The pain is still very new so one would think that would be enough to do the No Contact easily. I’m already back in the discard phase again. I didn’t supply or fulfill a need he had 4th of July weekend..so all the loving texts, promises to prove he is the man I deserve and calls have all but ceased. Im the problem again…I need to cut him off completely before he does it to me yet again. Time to decide to be strong for me…..I’m scared of the unknown and the unfamiliar but it’s got to feel better then these emotional highs and lows. I’m numb but I must fight through this. I want my life back.

        Like

    • Tela

      Jo, thank you for sharing. First off, NOTHING is ‘wrong with you’. You have an addiction to the Ex. You are letting the curiosity completely and totally run your life. THE FIRST AND ONLY WAY TO START GETTING YOUR LIFE BACK IS NO CONTACT!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough. Yes! Curiosity will get the best of you, but stop it! Those times you engage in conversation with him are just a ‘fix’ a band aid covering your hemorrhaging heart break. The ‘fix’ is short lived, and puts your right back at square one. You are wanting answers from him, you are wanting validation, there is something you are wanting from him to ‘get your life back’. But Jo~ that will not come from him, that will only come from yourself. It’s a long, hard road to getting your life back. You are at step one and it sucks! BIG TIME. Until you stop the communication, then you can start with your obsessive thoughts, one at a time and try and get understanding/clarity. Yes, you are obsessed, you are addicted, and by reading/ reaching out, you will eventually stop the addiction and obsession.

      Like

      Reply
      • Jo

        Thank you Tela,

        Enough is enough. I am out of control and I see now its got to stop. He blocked all his social media sites (not because of me, he’s up to something I’m sure of it. I know him) So I created bogus accounts to still gain access. I’m sitting with baited breath waiting to see what he’s really up to…smh..this is sad. I don’t even really use social media. Who is this mad woman? A week has almost gone by, none of my work at the office is done, I’m forgetting to handle my responsibilities, take care of my dog. I just sit in the house weekends and I cant tell you where the time goes. I have never experienced anything like this in my life and it scares the hell out of me. His own mother and sister call me once a month telling me that they love me and pray I will not communicate with him or let him hurt me, they aren’t even talking to him. The entire family is fed up with him, yet I still feel sorry for a man who left me broken only to come back again and again just to hurt me worse then before. He called this morning depressed. Playing his usual violin music wanting my support because he has no one, I of course listened, knowing he wouldn’t do the same for me. Sad huh? He’s hit rock bottom (as usual) and I’m the only one that believes in him. He feels terrible for how he treated me he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. Tela, I already know as soon as he’s back on my feet he will eventually go back to repeating the same behavior. One part of me wants him to suffer yet the other part feels for him because he is sick (obviously). He cant keep friends or clients. He swears he is famous on IG and FB…Please, those people don’t even KNOW him. Anyway I gave my co-worker my phone and tablet as I’m typing this message. She’s deleting all social media apps and his contact information, emails, etc. At lunch time we are going to AT&T to change my number. Clearly drastic measures have to be taken since I am UNABLE to control myself. I’m even now saying to myself maybe he isn’t a Sociopath, maybe its something else. The weird thing is if I’m the one that cuts things off I can cease communication and I feel in control, but if he is the one that cuts me off for I am lost until he finally reaches out again. Its like its a game. I don’t know. Thank you Tela for replying. You are trying to help me, but now I have to help myself. Wish me luck. 🙂

        Like

      • Tela

        Jo~ he probably is ‘up to something’, they always are. Period! So instead of obsessing, worrying or even think about ‘what he’s up to’, ask yourself: “by obsessing over him, what gain am I getting?’ Trust me, he does not give a shit about what you are doing, where you are at, or whom you are with. He knows, he can {could} pick up the phone, call you with the woe is me bullshit because you enabled and allowed him to.. As you said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Stop being the supply source to his pathetic life that HE created. There is absolutely NOTHING you can say or do to change him, his behaviour, his self-destruction, NOTHING!
        Change your number, have NO WAY of him contacting you! You are now taking back control, you have cut the puppet strings of abuse! Today is day 1, the hardest day. It is no longer a game, now it is about Jo getting her life back! Finding YOU, your peace, your stability! Reach out to your friends/family, me…..I do however suggest you stop contact with his family, as that is Indirect contact with the Sociopath, and that will not help you on this road!

        Liked by 2 people

      • neednpeace

        Tela

        I am thankful for his Mother and siblings for caring enough to pull me to the side and clue me to alot I was in the dark on for years. The lies of illnesses, the lies about being a father to his kids, the indiscretions with other women, saying he had careers in fields he never worked in..all lies sadly. I agree with you, although they helped me out tremendously I must cut the ties. They all do occasionally mention little tidbits of info about him. Which only peaks my unhealthy curiousity. His mom even orchestrated me meeting a young lady he was involved with while we were on a so called break while he reconnected with God so he could be a better man to me in the future. I was in denial so I got to meet her…it really hurt but I finally realized who I was dealing with and what he was truly capable of. To this day he still denies pursuing the young lady. I feel bad that because they stood up to him and took a stand to help me. I felt obligated to stay in contact. My family and friends have all said to cut ties. Now you’re saying it so I will immediately delete all their contact information as well. Tela, this is like a death almost….but it must done. It will be done…starting NOW!

        Like

  3. betternotbroken

    Of all the great things written here, and they are all spot on, I think one of the hardest things to do is STOP from trying to explain to the sociopath how they have hurt you and coming to the acceptance that they do not care. However, I highly recommend it! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you BetterNotBroken for you comment. Yes, the hardest thing to do is try and reason with a Sociopath. Trying to explain any and all your feelings of the mental and emotional pain they cause. Trying to explain that their behaviour is unacceptable, trying to take the chains off! It’s impossible and it is wasted words out of your mouth! I wrote a post about having the Last Word, you all can read it HERE

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  4. Paul E. Kelner

    Thank God that I am finally on the other side. Divorced her, new city and no kids between us. Like you noted so many times, she has and is still running a smear campaign on me What gets me are all the images of her on fb appearing to be helping others (there’s always an ulterior motive) and the public lauding her for being so sweet and caring

    Like

    Reply
    • AlohaLover

      Yes, they all seem to have the same MO…..smear you and then they go about being the model citizen and philanthropist, making certain their 2 lives never ever meet …..my ex, same thing. But I look at the people he calls friends and wonder if they truly believe his BS. I pity him.

      Like

      Reply
      • Tela

        AlohaLover, when you say the people he calls ‘friends’, you know they are truly not his friends. They are acquaintances, co-workers, someone he met at a party or function. And those moments and times he is around them, do they believe his BS? Probably, as they are completely unaware of what a sick, fucked up person he is. But then again, maybe they are aware of his ASPD and that is why he {all Sociopaths, have no real ‘FRIENDS’. They cannot connect with people, it’s ‘

          what can this person do for ME? What can I suck out of them? How can they elevate me?”

        Have no pity for him. That is a wasted thought on your part. Instead, be thankful that you are no longer under the evil pain of the relationship. Yes, I know it has been a very long and difficult road for you. Just stay on that road, if you veer off and wander back to the ‘man I fell in love with’, you are just turning around to nothing.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Tela

      Thank you Paul for your comment. I’m sure she has loads of images of her fake self helping other’s. I strongly suggest you block her from Facebook, Whatsapp or any other social media accounts. You are moving forward with life. Healing the deep wounds from the marriage. There is no need to ‘see’ what she is & will always be doing, screwing someone else over. Yes, there is always an ulterior motive, they work by agenda.

      Like

      Reply
  5. Santland

    Yes, yes and yes. As AlohaLover said….’may you rot in hell’. A wall gives more compassion than they do. Karma will take care of them…but they would probably unaffected and blame shift that too. No sense of responsibility or reflection of their actions, a house of cards. Thank you Tela.

    Like

    Reply
    • Tela

      Karma will eventually, sometimes catch up to them. However, it’s not really even about Karma. It is about making the Decision about yourself to no longer accept, tolerate any abuse whatsoever. Even via flying monkey’s. A Sociopath of course has no sense of responsibilities, accountability, and as you said ‘reflection of their actions’ and also their hateful/hurtful words. Those are done methodically and systematically to make sure to destroy you to your very core. That is what feeds a Sociopath, knowing when they have you/anyone under their total mental and emotional control.
      The push and pull they do. i.e. push you away because of whatever bullshit lie they accuse you of, pull you back in when they are needing to have that control again, needing to manipulate you some more. And because your heart was/is 100% truly in love with the Sociopath, you allow/allowed the push and pull. I call it the CRAZY TRAIN

      Like

      Reply
      • Tela

        Here is an email I received from someone who finally made the Decision enough was enough! This person went through PURE HELL, as we all do when involved with a Sociopath.
        From: bXXXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
        To: taelahill@mail.com
        Subject: RE: Hi Teala
        Date: Wed, 15 Jul 2015 14:24:09 +1000

        Thank you so much! For your posts / emails .. you have saved my life! I felt like I was in HELL I couldn’t breath .. making the decision to say enough is enough and get off the poisonous merry go round has been the best thing I have ever done – I have really strong networks and I owe it to you a stranger on the other side of the world

        I had tried so many times!! but I was always waiting for him to come back and apologize …and give me the nice person I fell in love with .. I think I was addicted as he was L

        I feel so safe knowing he cant get to me he cant email me telling me how much he loves / hates me wants me back / wants me to die.. what ever mood he’s in ? he cant get to me.. I have blocked his emails social media moved house and changed numbers

        I hear through mutual contacts that he is trying frantically to find out where I am and he really wants to talk to me and I find myself not caring.. I made the decision and it was uncomfortable and hard and I felt broken and unslept and worried and now after a bit of peace and quiet I feel like me again – The urge to call him and make sure he was ok went from every thought of every minute of everyday to random passing thoughts of maybe ill just look at him on FB and I have talked myself out of it as quickly as its happened

        I am free

        Liked by 1 person

  6. AlohaLover

    Bravo!
    A Sociopath will never, ever, EVER change. Period!…..THAT SENTENCE GETS ME THROUGH EVERY DAY.

    For me, I saw the red flags BUT I was being fed the Kool Aid and I loved it. So the red flags kept getting pushed to the back until it was too late and I was so over the moon in love with an illusion, I lost ME. And then WHAM, he said that’s it, I’m leaving you. And I’m like everyone else couldn’t believe it. These sick assholes are really sad and vile and once you get your head back on straight, you will see the red flags and you want to just kick yourself…..because they were there and you saw them.
    This experience taught me to speak the truth. I am so tired of lies, that I want to just tell the truth and it’s kinda cool……not that I was a big liar, I wanted to candy coat it a little. While it has be HELL, it’s also very freeing.
    I still wish karma on him….his 2 lives will come together and collide. But, I know, I KNOW he has always been like this. So when Tela says, they don’t change…they don’t. He has always been a liar and a cheat.
    May you rot in hell.

    Like

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you AlohaLover for you comment. No matter how much we ‘wish/want/pray’ for the Sociopath to change, they won’t. So many emails I get asking “what does the other person have that I didn’t? Why does the Sociopath seem so happy now, and treated me like shit?” And my answer is the same for all.

        A Sociopath was a Sociopath before you met them. You met a person who had a very thin veneer mask in place. And until they completely had you under their evil spell of emotional/mental control did you finally realize something was/is wrong with them.

      So no matter, how much you wanted to deny the red flags or ‘candy coat’ as you said, the truth is still the truth, A Narcissistic Sociopath wrecking havoc on any and everyone’s life they come into. And even if they have sailed on to someone new, have patience, because the same history will repeat itself over and over.
      Yes, it is a great feeling to finally be
      FREE of the daily mental HELL with them. And looking back you see all the Red Flags that were smacking you {everyone} in the face but you turned your head. I know you still wish for Karma to come around and knock his ass down and have his 2 worlds collide. If only we all had a crystal ball and knew when that day will come. Just have faith in knowing, the Sociopath truly has no peace! They lay their heads down at night with a convoluted swirling mess of bullshit going on. Trying to keep up with what lie they told who, what person did they fuck over, who are they trying to get under their evil spell and so on.
      And yes, ALohaLover, May they
      ALL ROT IN HELL

      Like

      Reply
  7. Army of Angels

    Great information, Tela! All of the things you warn about-what to expect-are REAL! It is hard to believe that a living person could do so much harm…I didn’t believe until it happened in my life!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you AoA for your comment. There are so many more feelings/emotions/actions/reactions etc. I could add to this list but it would take to many pages of web space 😉 !

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

Your Thoughts:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: