A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Precious Pain

‘Everybody’s got a hunger, no matter where they are. Everybody clings to their own fear. Everybody hides some scars.’ The scars done by a Narcissistic Sociopath always involved mental and emotional abuse, some even physical abuse. These leaves scars! This is Precious Pain!

‘Everybody’s got a reason to abandon their plan’. A Sociopath does not work necessarily by ‘plans’, but by supply. Who they can fuck over, suck whatever they need out of, and play off their horrific behaviour as if YOU are the fucked up one…….Precious Pain. How can you think of tomorrow with so much sorrow in hand? Precious Pain! ‘Each road you walk down reminds you of them, your whole town is haunted there’ll never been anything new’……Precious Pain!

You gave the Sociopath your soul so you could survive, they wrapped it in their chains, keeping you safe……But, you were not safe. You were abused, day in and day out. Lies, manipulations, cover-ups, false accusations, constant moving mine-field so that to keep you off track {meaning to keep you under mental & emotional control}. The constant changing of their minds, or the perpetual ‘forgetfulness’, the un-willingness to work with you regarding court order’s, their ability to look you square in the eye’s and lie straight faced and the Sociopath thinking they have you fooled believing their bullshit. This is the chains they placed around your soul…….Precious Pain!

So why do I call this, Precious Pain? As I have said thousands of times, unless a person has been involved with a Narcissistic Sociopath, on any level, nobody can understand the depths of your Precious Pain. The mental and emotional abuse is so deep, so long lasting, so thought consuming, that again, nobody can truly understand. Family and friends may ‘listen to your story’, and offer ‘I’m sorry” or “just move on”, or “why do you still let them affect you?”. Because you cannot described the Precious Pain as it was caused by a person who truly never existed. Yes, the Sociopath was/is a walking/talking/breathing human, but they are soulless. The thin veneer of their mask always falls off. But to the ‘outside’ world {outside of your relationship}, your family & friends have difficulty grasping what you endured. Therefore, this Precious Pain is your’s to carry for the remainder of your life. Sadly.

To spend your waking hours of consuming thoughts about the Sociopath keeps your Precious Pain from being put where it needs to be. In the deepest, darkest part of your mind and heart. A place that you will consciously tell yourself you are not going to visit. I truly do understand your Precious Pain! I also understand, that to be able to put it away, stop wishing harm to the ex. Stop hoping for ‘Karma’ to come around, stop checking any and all social media accounts they have. Stop having indirect contact {mutual friends, their family member’s}, because all you are doing is, keeping the Precious Pain alive and well! If they have sailed onto a new victim, partner, so be it!!!!!!! Yes! It hurts, and it hurts like hell as you wonder “what do they have that I don’t? What are they giving the Sociopath that I didn’t”. The answer is? NOTHING! The new victim partner has everything you did. They just happen to be a new source of supply. Look at the pattern of the ex, how many relationships {that you know about} have ended? The new relationship will eventually end as well, they always do.

Your Precious Pain is your’s and your’s alone. By visiting it every single day is not doing you any good. As I said, you can wish and want all you want about the ex, but those wishes and wants now need to be about you and healing.

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?    mary manin morrissey



11 Responses to “Precious Pain”

  1. Rivka

    Sweet Tela, I am nominating you for the You Comfort Me Award.
    1. List your top 4 favorite comforts.
    2. Nominate 4 blogs.
    (Badge is on my site.)


  2. Rivka

    Beautiful post, Tela. For me, one of the extra special hurts of getting out alive was that nobody on the outside understood me or what I needed. I felt so alone – because I was alone. The best sympathy I ever got was “Move on already.” That doesn’t even begin to understand what happened to me or what the narcissist did to me. There truly was no-one to comfort me or to help me nurse my wounds – until I found you guys online. The survivors who speak out are the ones who save other people’s lives. Thank you for all you do. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. AlohaLover

    I feel pain daily. It’s not as bad as it was in the beginning …..can anything be that bad. It’s made me stronger. It’s made me weaker. I have found new friends and lost some old ones. Each day, I wonder will the pain end or will it be a sharp stab because something I read, saw or watched, pushed a trigger. Unless you have been with a sociopath NO ONE GETS IT. One of my BFF’s husband was with one and I just want to fall into his arms (not in a sexual way)and sob because HE UNDERSTANDS. I don’t think shrinks understand. ….I know they don’t.
    I’ve become more outspoken. I take less shit from people…especially men. I refuse at this point to put myself on Match….and I am certain there are great decent men on Match. But the next man I date, I want to make absolute certain a friend knows him and well. And he must have friends that he goes out with. Red fucking flag to anyone who doesn’t have friends.

    I am the type of person who needs to plan everything. If I am going on a vaca in October, I have my list started. I spend a lot of time on this site when I feel weak or scared or uncertain. So, I thought to myself , I need to write down in a journal that I can add too, all the things he has done TO me. Everything is included. And then I thought I need to write all the wonderful things he has done and what attracted me to him. I started that list in the back of the journal going forward.
    Most of what I wrote so far is superficial bullshit…..and that of a sociopath. He was handsome, charming, thought I was the bomb, bought me gifts, flowers, trips, clothing, jewels, and the list goes on…..but it is a list that shows a pattern. There was no depth to any of it. I love that I caught him. I love that it was me that backed him into a corner. I stood up to the Devil and while I have pain and scars … I won.

    I am a flawed. I have scars that can’t be seen but those scars have made me aware of these people and what they and their band of flying fucking monkeys can do. BUT, like I always say, the peace I get is knowing that they will NEVER find peace, love or true happiness. Never ever. No pill can help them, no shrinkette, no book,….. they are doomed to a life of evil.

    There is a God and he has a plan…..I have to believe that.

    Get a journal and start your list.



    • Tela

      Thank you AlohaLover for your great comment. I love the idea of writing a list down, on paper, in black and white so that you can actually “SEE” the Sociopath for what he is. Not just ‘seeing’ him in your mind, but in black & white on paper. To often our minds want to drift back to the ‘good times’, or ‘why did the Sociopath become like he did’ {reality check, he was already one prior to you meeting him}.
      You are not flawed!!! Yes, you have deep, deep scars, deep, deep hurt, some anger, some confusion, but you are by no means flawed. Not one of us is perfect! Not one of us has entered into a relationship with a Sociopath not realizing what the horrific mental and emotional outcome would be. As you said, they are ALL doomed to a life of evil. Sociopaths do not know what inner mental and emotional peace FEELS LIKE. They have ZERO clue what that is.
      You, on the other hand, know what those emotions FEEL like. You also know what it feels like to be completely broken. A Sociopath, again, does not know what that even feels like as you cannot break them!
      Daily reminder to yourself~ “There’s just something obvious about emptiness, even when you try to convince yourself otherwise. ” ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Santaland

    Precious Pain is so true. Indeed, no matter how far you go just to get away, move on and live free of them e.g. holidays etc, that Precious Pain we carry with us, or at least I do…but prefer to say did. I enter into new relationships and sabotage them since my scars keep me on high alert and anything minor that in the past I usually brushed off is now looked upon very carefully and sometimes overtly, thus creating a mess with a new partner. Yes, I am curious what her new partner has that I did not etc. Letting go of the brakes is hard to do no matter what. It is now 17 months since I ended it and 15 months since I last uttered a word to her. One change is that I look upon her (see her almost daily) with disdain and disgust…perhaps am also truly disappointed in myself too for letting it continue when the mental physical abuse coupled with lies and gaslighting started. Great article Tela.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Thank you Santaland for your comment. What you said about entering into new relationships and then sabotaging them, because of the abuse done to you by a Female Sociopath is, truly sad. At least you are aware of what you do and why. And this is what most people just cannot understand, especially when they tell you “just move on”. IF, if only so easy. Learn to let the disappointment in yourself, as a life lesson. The lesson being, there are so many Narcissistic Sociopaths walking among us, and to easily we fall into their traps {blindly}. There should be no disappointment, as you entered into that relationship with your heart/head and soul, completely open to her. She, on the other hand, had an agenda! and that was to simply destroy the man you were prior to her. Yes, look upon her with disdain and disgust, because any thoughts other than those, she is not worthy of.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. karenthom2014

    Hi everyone. That precious pain, it’s so true. I’ve recently been watching the three survivors from the cleavland hostages in the USA, those three young girls held by aerial Castro. I cried so much when they described the chains they were in, the hostile environment filled with fear that they endured. The sexual assaults day in day out (rape). The relief on their faces in interviews. I cried because it’s what I went through for ten years, those chains they had I had but in the imaginary sense of not doing anything unless I checked with the sociopath, always going through the do’s and don’t’s of his rules. Trying my best not to break any of them as I would then feel his wrath of abandonment and torture. Lying still while he carries out his sexual acts on me after being woken up in the middle of the night ,(rape). The day to day verbal abuse and listening to him down grading good people and not saying a word. Lies and the rest. It moved me so much to see those poor survivors I really want to see if I could see myself in them, for what I went through, And I did.

    The pain for me now comes and goes, it’s two years out of sociopath hostage, and I still feel fear at times, I still stay in most times because I’m safe at home. It’s hard sometimes because I need to be in a good safe place mentally to feel good about myself and try to trust others around me again. It’s hard. I’m still learning to cope with it, but it’s still there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Thank you Karen for your comment. When you say you ‘wanted to see if I could find myself in them, for what they went through…..” YES! You did! When we are involved with a Sociopath, the relationship ALWAYS becomes a ‘hostage’ one. You are mentally & emotionally controlled {manipulated}, you are systematically and methodically beat down so there is no longer any self-worth/self-esteem left. This happens because as we know, you/’we’ are the supply {the life} of the Sociopath. Drinking their POISON.
      The pain you still have, will sadly, always come and go. As more time goes on, the ‘episodes’ of that pain will not be as frequent. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Léa

    As bad as the pain was, it shaped who we became. Some of us decided it gave us license to inflict pain on others while some of us decided the pain should stop with us and that we would not pass it on.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Thank you Lea for your comment. You are so right with your statement ‘some of us decided it gave us license to inflict pain on others…..’. And with that, some feel Revenge is that pain. I wrote about that HERE. As this article states, no matter what level you were/are involved with a Sociopath {in your case, parent}, we all leave the relationship with deep, deep scars and hopefully become a better, stronger person in spite of the abuse. As you said, “the pain should stop with us”!

      Liked by 2 people


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