A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Silence is Better Than Bullshit

I wrote an article Titled ‘Escaping The Noise’, you can read that HERE.

Often times, after you have been discarded or ended the relationship with the Sociopath, some of them slither back into your life like a poisonous snake! And they do this because you allow it to happen. Your so emotionally broken, mentally a disaster, and the only way you ‘feel better‘ is when you have contact with the Sociopath. WRONG THOUGHT PROCESS! All that contact does is feed you more of their bullshit!

If you have to co-parent with a Narcissistic Sociopath, and you hear “you didn’t pack the right snack for school, you didn’t have the homework complete, your emotional instability is damaging the child, you (_________) fill in the blank, is all Bullshit. By listening to their rants about everything YOU are doing wrong as a parent, can and often times leads to parental alienation. So shhhhhhh, Silence! Do not respond to the bullshit. Do not feel like you have to defend your own parental abilities!!! Follow court orders as instructed and do NOT deviate from them! As I have stated numerous times on this website, orders/laws/obligations etc are not in place for a Sociopath. They are above everything and everyone in their delusional minds. However, you, as a personal with an ASPD can and must follow the order’s.

You check the ex’s social media accounts and see pictures of  them and their new victim partner and you think ‘how is that person better than me? Why do they look so happy’? Shhhhhh Silence! Please remember back to when you met the Sociopath, and how happy the two of you were! It was FAKE HAPPINESS for the Sociopath. Just like it is with the new victim partner. You tell yourself ‘they are living Happily-Ever-After’……..so you are feeding your own self bullshit. There is not one Sociopath on this planet that is living Happily-Ever-After!!! Read that again! Their minds are in a constant state of chaos, they have to keep moving their mind-fields around, lying on top of lies, coming up with new potions of SOCIOPATH POISONAnd once they run out of all those ‘options’…boom the new victim partner is discarded the same way you were. It make take months or even years, but it will eventually happen. So silence your mind about who they are with. It truly does not matter, as you know all to well, what the new person is eventually going to experience. PURE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HELL.

Our minds are the greatest healer, or our own worst enemy. Use the healing part of your mind, and silence the enemy part. A relationship with a Sociopath is not like a ‘normal’ one. I’m sure you have heard ‘just get over it’, ‘move on’, ‘let it go’ etc. IF only so easy. But we know that it is not. There has been deep, deep abuse done to you. So many lies, so much manipulation, so many false accusation and the list goes on. You have to silence each and every one of those abusive things done to you. It is difficult~ at best! But if you tell yourself: Silence is better than bullshit, then and only then, will you begin to slow your brain down, stop the spinning thoughts of Sociopath bullshit, and have moments of peace.

Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence        leonardo da vinci

©SociopathLife.Com

 

36 Responses to “Silence is Better Than Bullshit”

  1. iAMfree

    My friends are getting tired of hearing my obsessive thoughts and memories about the ex. They told me I over analyze things, and I have to stop and let go. It’s almost been a month since the break up, but there has been a form of contact at least once a week. Either he had to return stuff, or just, it’s just hard to completely cut loose.

    It’s true that each contact, more bullshit comes out of his stories. Thank you so much for this website. Somehow, I have been able to filter all the lies that he’s been telling me for the past year and a half. Need to be strong every day….

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  2. brianbalke

    It is hard for me to share about this because the person that I went through this process with was one of the walking wounded, and I don’t wish them any more pain. For myself, the most painful part was knowing that my inability to disengage mentally and emotionally was damaging my relationship with my children. When they are growing, children need and appreciate structure and stability, and I was allowing myself to get emotionally wound up and out of control in their presence.

    Children grow to the light. They are wonderfully honest and extremely sensitive barometers of our behavior. Once I got them into my environment, the first thing we would do is get the Legos out. It was our stabilizing ritual. They would tell me what they wanted to build and I would pull the parts out of the boxes (we had a bunch of drawer organizers that I had sorted them into). They loved it because when they did Legos at daycare or their mom’s house, they spent all their time pawing through the pieces. Eventually they learned to maintain the boxes themselves.

    When they were present with both parents, I learned to just look into their faces and try to give them what they needed. I pretty much ignored everybody else except the friends they brought into my orbit. After a while, the other party noticed that they sat next to me and looked to me for guidance and support – even when it was an event they had populated with supportive girlfriends. That’s when the real behavioral shift began. It was like they realized “Oh, this is how parents are supposed to act.” Today I’d hazard that part of what made her so angry at me was that I gave that to our children when she wanted it so desperately herself.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Brian for your comment and sharing. Yes! Children need stability, routine, structure etc. Even as adults, we need that as well. When involved with a Sociopath they silently strip our routine, they methodically strip our structure, and they systematically obliterate our mental & emotional stability~ all to feed their sick selves. Everything they lack, they suck out of us, children, anyone who falls prey to them!
      Congratulations for being able to see what was happening not only to you, but your innocent children!! Great job! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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      • Tela

        Awesome notme2014! Keep it up. I know there are times when it is extremely difficult, but look how far you have come. Please share with me, my reader’s how you have been able to go 2 months with no contact, whereas before you could not go 2 hours. I am so, so, so very proud of you!!!! {{HUGS}}

        Liked by 1 person

      • brianbalke

        Tela:
        I was stuck in a painful emotional state when I read your response, and had difficulty processing it intellectually. I just want to validate what you have said. It is really deep wisdom.

        The way I dealt with this with my children was using the concept of our “bubble”, which was a metaphor for our spirit expanding into the world. I explained it as including all those “things that we control.”

        Once the concept had been established, I taught them about lying and hiding – how they make it impossible for somebody to love us because they can’t know us, and even worse how the energy of their love is wasted, just floating off into the world instead of growing through reciprocation.

        Finally, I explained that some people’s bubbles get frozen – they have a bad experience that causes it to stop growing. The only way they can have power over the world is to take control over other people’s bubbles. I shared that it was really important to be conscious of that, and prevent such people from taking control of us. We have to be really conscious of how much of themselves we allow to inject into our bubbles, and prevent them from making ours smaller.

        As they were five and seven at the time, this was all done through pictures on large sketch pads that I tore off and hung on their walls.

        I didn’t mention the other party by name, but received a phone call a few months later in which I was told that she was having trouble with them, and that “somebody was opening Pandora’s box.”

        Thanks for creating this space for us!

        Brian

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  3. AlohaLover

    Of course, it’s a holiday and I have been in my head but when I do, I come here and read the topics like I took a speed reading class to absorb as much as I can to get me OUT of that place and it does and WHEN I am out, it’s like drinking the best champagne with your best friend in Fiji. I know, he will NEVER change. I know he is bat shit crazy. I know he will, if he hasn’t already, dump her, I know these things but I need to read it again.
    I told my Uncle, who is a great man, but tends to push things away that he can’t ‘see’ . And I told him….on Father’s Day, I would rather have been physically abused rather than mentally. More people believe you as I would have scars you could see. I said, I have open wounds that you cannot see, I am in pain from them.
    I have scars you just can’t see them….but look and you will. He didn’t say anything but I said you think about that and get back to me.

    Anyway….thank you!

    xox

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. I am Titanium

    No contact whatsoever is ideal, however having to parent with a sociopath is a such a nightmare. The only contact we have is through the legal system and texts about arrangements, which would work if you were dealing with a normal person. There is never silence because he will not comply with financial obligations or childcare arrangements. In effect, I permit the noise by trying to make him accountable. He has made our son into an incendiary device that sits at the heart (literally) of my life. It is all his way or no way. It is heartbreaking and is damaging our new life. In recent texts I have tried to get him to commit to plans for the coming summer school holidays. He would not. In the end I told him what the plans would be. (I have done this before but he will not do as asked.) I received a text back, immediately…’See the letter to your solicitor. Do not text me again.’ The letter accuses me of harassing him and I am not to contact him again.’ He is enforcing silence against me. The letter is full of lies, all designed to make him look like the victim and ensuring I have to continue using legal and expensive routes to deal with him. The poison continues. Will I ever be free of this evil?

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    • Tela

      Debbie, do you have a court order in place outlining in detail the visitation and financial obligations?

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      • I am Titanium

        Hi Tela, child support – yes (though he cheats on this), visitation -no. We have an ‘agreement’ which he sticks to rigidly unless it suits him. He will not allow me to change dates/times when it is best for my son and he will not ever have him extra so that I cannot be free to live my life – he can work and go on holiday where and how he wants because he knows I will have my son, I cannot. My work and free time revolves around my son. I do not have family to rely on and he has caused chaos with friends who have helped by ‘kidnapping’ our son when I have arranged care with them. He turns up and takes him without my knowledge. He is shutting down the only communication channel I have because he makes changes (dictates) through my son. This is 4 years after he left. It never ends.

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  5. afterthepsychopath

    Yes. ❤

    We listen to their "feedback" (gaslighting) because we want to be receptive to our lover. We slowly, without noticing it lose our sense of selves (identity) as his (or her) words dissolve our old sense of self, until we no longer know how great we are. We may start accepting bad treatment because we question if we deserve better. We end up abused until the identity is smashed to the point of dissociations (ptsd). We end up not knowing up and down of ourselves and are suddenly defenseless as every piece seems to fit one of the identity fragments we pick up. Defenseless, except for silence. That is our weapon. I wrote about putting back together the broken identity here: https://afterthepsychopath.wordpress.com/2015/06/27/dissociations/

    You are awesome!

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  6. K Jean

    Silence
    is a real solution that makes
    No Contact
    seem so reasonable
    A great article

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  7. notme2014

    I obsessed and shared all the pain and bullshit with my sister for months…she told me …get over it…move forward and finally that she was tired of hearing about it…I don’t share with her anymore…or anyone for that matter. I am in professional counseling…and there is where I vent. You are so right when you say people do not understand who have not been there…that’s why your site is so very comforting and necessary!!!! Thanks again Tela…you’re an angel.

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  8. breakingfree2015

    It is also a very lonely feeling, knowing that no one else can truly understand. Posts like this give me hope that there are others who understand!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Tela

      BreakingFree, please understand “ME/WE {my reader’s}” truly do understand what you are going through. You are not alone!!! Reach out. Read! Educate yourself and take care of YOU!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • I am Titanium

      BreakingFree, it is horribly saddening to know others have suffered the same destruction and torment but you are definitely not alone. It will take time and will not be easy but you are safe with others who ‘get it’ on here. Be kind to yourself. Kate reached out to me on here with these words, when you know better, do better. It’s your time to break free. Best wishes. X

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  9. Santaland

    Tela, I read your post a couple of times and would like to add a bit. No matter how or whom ended the abuse, we seek refuge amongst family and friends. That is a good thing, and they give us the ‘support’ we need. However, as in previouos posts….poison is under out skin. Eventually family and friends get tired of listening to our constant and almost obsessive (according to them) moments that we have. The truth is that they do not get it, sure they are supportive, but they have not endured what we have. Kudos to them for being there for us, but we have to keep in mind that after all their support e.g. what an asshole, how terrible, good riddance, etc….you will note it changes to ‘get over it’ ‘move on’ ‘forget them and the past’ or ”get professional help’. This is all understandable and had we not been through and have our moments, well we too would us the same verbage. My point being, the only people who really can empathize and understand are those who have been through this. What hits me are the moments I too have, when I see her flirting with new victims, and her latest victim is now where we were. Also what I find amazing is the amount of victims who stand in line waiting for their abuse….never judge a book by its cover. Am very very disappointed in myself for being abused mentally and physically, hard for a man to admit, but these types will capture anyone they want and fell them too. You want understanding, reach out to former victims.

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    • Tela

      Thank you SantaLand for your very insightful comment. Most important part being is “unless a person(s) have been involved with a Narcissistic Sociopath, they CANNOT whatsoever understand the depths of abuse one has endured”. For those of us without Cluster B personalities, ASPD etc. everything has to make sense, from why an item cost (x) amount, to making sure the children are cared for, to planning a holiday etc. When is comes to trying to make sense of a Sociopath, that is impossible!!!! You cannot make sense of the senseless. Therefore when you try and reach out to family & friends for support, you may find you go from incident to incident, topic to topic and so on. Which then you find your mind is working like the Sociopaths~ in a constant spin cycle. As this article so strongly states SILENCE IS BETTER THAN BULLSHIT

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      • I am Titanium

        Tela, love this, ‘You cannot make sense of the senseless’. No, and there is nothing more senseless (in every meaning of the word sense/senses) than a sociopath. No, you cannot reason with the unreasonable. What an education this journey is. Never again. X

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    • Tela

      Thank you beautiful Persia for the re-blog. *A note to my reader’s, if you are not already following Persia, please click on the link I have inserted. This lady has been through one of the more horrific abuses of a Narcissistic Sociopath, and had to flee the country with nothing to her name. She also is single mother to a gorgeous son Max, whom the Sociopath has not had any interaction with, nor provides any support whatsoeve. She is an inspiration to all who have been involved with a Sociopath.*

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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