A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Breaking Up

I am reaching out to you reader’s on this email I received. I have replied personally, but also thought it would be good to have you, give your own personal experience(s) on how you broke up with a Sociopath. This is not for those of you who were discarded, rather, YOU ended the relationship. I will point out one very important fact in this…..these 2 people live on different continents! If your like me, my first thought is: you live on 2 separate continents, it’s real easy, BLOCK all access to you! Delete him from Facebook/Whatsapp/Snapchat etc. And this person ask’s ‘how to break up peacefully”…..there is no such word(s) as Peace or Peacefully when dealing with a Sociopath.

I’m in a 1 yr relationship with a full blown narcissistic sociopath. I found out he has this personality disorder recently. I am ready to get him off my life now. Because he’s continuously draining me financially and emotionally. He’s very selfish and insensitive and I can’t stand his rudeness and aggression towards other people. I’ve been reading articles about his condition for a few months already and he exactly fits everything and more. Now I’m done tolerating his shit but I’m still pretending I have no idea what kind of person he is. Should I let him know that I know he’s a sociopath that’s why I wanna break up with him? Or just give him other reasons for breaking up? I’m scared of his revenge after I dump him because he seems like the violent type. Please tell me how to break up peacefully with an extremely violent narcissistic sociopath. Without him wanting to hurt me back. I don’t want scandal or physical injury from him. I’ve suffered emotional and financial trauma already with him in the course of our relationship.

I know you think I’m not probably in danger because we don’t live together. If I don’t feel I’m in danger I wouldn’t even bother asking other people’s help. This man is violent and doesn’t give a fck about anyone. He doesn’t even care what happens to him to his life or if he goes to jail. He has said that many times when he got pissed off with an old lady at the casino. He wanted to beat her up literally. Lucky the authorities were able to take her away. I’m afraid of him because he is physically violent. Not only verbally. That’s why I don’t want to piss him off.
When he’s angry he trips and becomes impulsive unmindful of the repercussions of his actions.

Thank you and I hope to hear from you soon.

©SociopathLife.Com

26 Responses to “Breaking Up”

  1. Dee

    I have been living with a guy for 18 months and for the past few months have been wondering who he actually is. He lies all the time and I know there is other women, I just cant prove it until now. Recently I left my ipad in the house and left the voice recorder on. He was planning to meet up with a woman for two days in London. All the web sites I have visited, have proved to me that he is a sociopath. I have spent all my money on him, pay for everything and he doesn’t pay for a thing. He has isolated me from my friends and my self-esteem doesn’t even exist anymore. I am in the process of leaving him but I get to a point where I am all ready to do it and then its almost like he senses it and does something really lovely and I get sucked back in again. How do I maintain this momentum and make the break

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    • Tela

      Thank you Dee for your comment. To maintain the ‘momentum of making the break’, you have GOT TO UNDERSTAND that every time he does something ‘lovely’ is in all REALITY feeding you more of his Sociopath Poison. You can read that HERE No matter the ‘lovely’ things he says or does, ask yourself this question: “How many days can you two string together that there is no conflict, no question of cheating, no Sociopath behaviour, no feeling of being isolated from your previous life and on and and on?? It is apparent that you have become aware of his ASPD, now you have to realize he will never, ever, EVER change! PERIOD! No matter what you say! No matter how much of your soul you have given him. He will eventually break you into a shell of a person. Please!!! Get out! Stop listening to his bullshit lies and sucking you back in! I know, trust me, I know how difficult it is, as your head & heart are on 2 different pages. But I am telling you, the ONLY way to get off crazy train and get your life back is to leave the relationship. And no Dee, you cannot remain friends.

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      • Dee

        Thanks Tela. For so many years I used to think how could women stay in relationships where their partner physically abused them. Whats wrong with these ladies? Now I completely understand. I am that woman, only the abuse is mental, not physical. I have been trying for a few months now to work out why I am putting up with it. I am well known among my friends and family as being a strong and independent woman, yet with him I just allow myself to feel like I cant live without him. I am meeting with a good friend of mine in a few days to ask them to help me as I know when i leave, he wont ask me to come back, he will ignore me and then send me text messages that he knows will make me run back to him so I am preparing myself for the no contact rule, and need someone to help support me through this.

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      • Dee

        Hi Tela

        OMG I did it. I left him. I feel so proud of myself and played him at his own game. Basically when he was due home one night from a trip I packed up all his stuff and left a note telling him to move out or otherwise I will expose him. Because of all the advice I have received from you and others and the countless web sites I have read, I was well and truly prepared. Besides me there is a wife and another girlfriend. His desire to be needed and adored is amazing. The problem for him is, I have all the evidence to expose him and he knows it. But yes your right, he never contacted me or apologized, just left, but at least that piece of crap is out of my life.

        Thank you again Tela. Please let me know how I can donate some money to your website so you can continue to help others.

        Sociopath Survivor

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      • Tela

        I am soooooooooooo proud of you Dee!!!! I KNOW how long you have struggled with this! You are FREE! Free to think what you want, Free to do what you want/ when you want and with who. You no longer have to walk on eggshells just to keep him from going off his rails! Oh I wish I could hug you right now!!!! And as you knew, of course he didn’t and will not contact you as you will expose him and fears that. Trust me, he has that in the back of his mind how you can implode his entire life! Doesn’t that feel wonderful??!!!! Your email was the first one I read this morning and you have made my day!!!! Hang on to your freedom! ❤ ❤
        If you would like to donate you can go to this <strong>PAGE and information is there! Please keep me posted on how you are doing now that you are FREE!

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      • Dee

        Thanks Tela – you have no idea how much you helped me with my situation. Just to see that I was not the only woman who was going through this and to see that I wasn’t going crazy, My gut feeling was right. Its been two weeks today since I kicked that piece of shit right out of my life and I feel so fantastic and like my old self again – strong, determined, independent and the best thing I actually feel pretty again. I will keep you posted of my progress and will make a donation today. I have also started writing a book and up to 40,000 words already and I have also found a publisher. Its been such a healing process for me. I will definitely send you a copy once its finished.
        Dee

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      • Tela

        Dee~ I am so very proud of you! I know the struggles you have endured in breaking free of that monster. I know it has taken an emotional & mental toll on you! Yet, YOU DID IT! Freedom from a Sociopath is like a re-birth of ourselves. Stronger, yet scared, Independent, yet feelings of non-trusting, Peaceful, yet loneliness at times. Writing is very therapeutic and I look forward to reading your book!!! Much love to you!!!

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  2. notme2014

    When I “finally” blocked him totally, he started his smear campaign. He called the police and told them I was harassing HIM! He spread lies to everyone who would listen. He charmed my family and friends…I finally told everyone…if he contacts you…I do not want to hear about it! It’s hard not knowing what was said when you know you are being talked about…but it is worse knowing. I walked on eggshells ..tried not to “poke the bear”.. And tried to bow out gracefully. Let him rant…let him rave…it no longer concerns me.

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  3. LaNeese Pantuso

    Get an app that records all phone calls. Set up a file on your cell phone and on all of your computers that you can copy and paste every text, and every email that you receive from Him.
    I have app, the one that records every conversation, right now, and It was free..
    You just need to remember to clear it out by deleting unimportant messages once in awhile, so your phone’s memory doesn’t get too full.
    Zero contact. Short explanation. That will make him so crazy, he will give himself enough rope to hang himself. It’s that simple.
    I was smart enough to leave my first sociopath, and somehow got discarded by my second. but I’m telling you, they’re cowards especially if you expose them. He IS, most definitely, afraid of going to jail. He only says those words to keep you in a position of fear. That’s exactly where he wants you.
    Keep that in mind almost every word they speak is the opposite of what is true
    I wish you well, my sister. Know that my thoughts are with you.
    LaNeese

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    • Tela

      Thank you LaNesse for your comment and encouraging words. I do know the App you are talking about. You are correct that he truly is afraid of going to jail and/or being exposed, Sociopaths simply say they do not fear that, when in all reality that is exactly what they fear: EXPOSURE, supply source cut off etc.!!

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      • xpressdrugtest

        Yesss they are coward pussies. [sorry]
        After reading a few other posts, I did want to clarify one little thing…
        Path # 1 was more of a small-man syndrome, abuser that played the victim kind of douchebag. I was young and smart and ended it after a year.
        Path # 2 is somewhat more akin to the king of the demons. seems you may already know him, because I see him everywhere on your site.
        Have a great day.

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      • Tela

        Thank you ExpressDrugTest for your comment. Sociopath is not gender specific as you know, so I do not write solely regarding male Sociopaths. I write about both! They are all demons! Yes.

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    • Gee

      Hey LaNeese. Well done for getting away from him. I’m in the same situation. Please can you tell me the name of that app for recording calls? I ended it 8 months ago and he is still calling. For the most part I don’t answer. Unfortunately sometimes he manages to reel me in. The conversations are crazy making, his constant lies make my head spin and he makes threats. I’d like to record one of these conversations for the police but the only apps I found record in hands free (loud speaker) mode and he is wise to this when I’ve tried an app that uses this method. Please can you let me know? Thanks xx

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      • Tela

        Gee, please send me an email and I will give you the name of the APP that you can download that will record all calls {without having to do hand’s free or loud speaker}.

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  4. Santaland

    Hi, reaching out from the northern hemisphere…and I am a man who was involved with a full blown socio/narc/cluster B. How to leave them, especially if they are volatile. That is a tough one without more specific profile details. In your case, my opinion is just become boring…very boring, even when you have sex. He will get mad, but he will also be looking for new sources (or has one or two, or an ex somewhere). Again, there is no right way on how to leave them, especially if you are fearful. I can tell you this, they are amazing at worming themselves back though, after a fight, break up etc due to lies and their overall lack of empathy, consciousness, respect, boundaries etc…and sometimes we fall for that bullshit…I did, took 6 break ups before it ended…by me!

    Hoe did I survive? It was hell, Tela and Tela’s site helped me tremendously. Ultimately it was I who decided I will not tolerate being treated like a door mat, or be used, insulted and abused again. I stopped! I stopped everything! I blocked her telephone number, her friends, her email etc…note I see her almost daily, and as each day goes by the more she disgusts me. Ok now this is not about me, it is about HOW…there is no perfect way since they are very alert to any changes in your behavior. And they adapt or fight accordingly.

    I will add, perhaps you should not confront him that you know who and what he is…am not sure if this is the right advice, but if he is violent, well it could escalate. That said, if he is violent towards others or abusive, rest assured that is an indication of what you are about to endure or have had some of it alredy. Thus become boring, unintersting etc…

    Tela can give my email address to you and we can both help you along if needed, plus you have the benefit of two continents (time zones) helping you along.

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    • Tela

      Thank you SantaLand for your comment and excellent advice. As noted in my post, these people live on different continents so I am not sure why the ‘fear for safety’. As IdoDoYouRide stated in their comment, do either of them have a passport? And as the writer of the email stated the other person has drained them financially so I’m not thinking the abuser can just hop on a flight to go thousands of miles away and cause physical harm???!!!
      You are so spot on when you say they will pull you back in with tears/fake apologies/just simple Sociopath bullshit! And it is up to US to be the stronger mentally and emotionally, even though we have been completely washed out.

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  5. karenthom2014

    The aftermath smear campaign, he told everyone I was in prison for murder, yes murder for killing my husband, who died in 2002 of cancer lymph node cancer, I was was in tears for weeks, then thought that those that know me would think it’s just because I left him and he did not leave me. I did not even grieve properly because he love bombed me for three years after then got into me for ten years. Dreadful things took place and I did not even know until I had counselling during the relationship. 😌

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  6. karenthom2014

    Hi everyone, I broke up with my ex sociopath after ten years of hell. I knew he was wrong right from the beginning, he was aggressive and hostile to others then turned it all on to me. I can remember him saying to me that I was dragged up all out of the blue, I was shocked, as he went into care at the tender age of ten, and I grew up in my home happily, I knew something was wrong. Then when ever I was at his house and his family member would visit, he would ask them if they wanted a drink and leave me out, I thought weird and rude at the same time, the family member would look at me as if I was nothing. So I had many red flags not to mention. On the tenth year I had no free money, lost loads of weight, lost my hair and kept asking myself loads of questions until I was going crazy, it was a very dark place, then my washing machine packed up, I was so upset because even though I was washing his clothes I just knew he was not going to help me purchase a new one. On that very day he re sprayed his car costing £400. I was devastated to know he even had the money for a new washing machine wow. I immediately called my mum and begged her to send me on a two weeks vacation to get away from him, as he was very verbal and physically abusive. The two weeks I was away I stumbled on this very site, and convinced myself of the no contact when I return home. When I got home I packed all his things and had them at the door ready for him. He was being his usual charming self, he had to wash his car before he arrived he said in his text. I was nervous but not confused, I was anxious to get it over and done with. The knock on the door came he smiled I was stoned face and I said” here are your things, we’re finished” he grabbed the bag out my hands and said ” alright”. Wow what a relief for me. It was not hard at all. , no cursing, hitting or nothing. Thats the moment I put the no contact in place with the text. He came back the next day begging asking why. I then told him “your a sociopath” he stared at me blankly, that was scary. He left, he texted for 6 months after begging and asking me for time. I have not replied and now it’s two years in August of no contact. I’ve been through his pathetic. Smear campaign. I have ignored anything and everyone who knows him. Over the years I made friends which became mutual. i abandon them all. It’s ok now, I feel free from it all. Yes I do have sad days but I rather those than to have him abusing me night and day. It’s been hard at first and now it’s getting better slowly. Only down side for me is learning to trust again or even having a relationship again that’s hard for me right now, but I’m sure in time it will sort it’s self out. But I done it!! That’s my Moto today. Thanks to Tela and her wonderful site.😀😀 oh he lives 25 miles away from me, great. I don’t have to see him.

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. idodoyouride

    IS THIS MY EX???? just kidding but it sure sounds like him. i too had a relationship with a sociopath who lives in another country. from my own experience we are luckier than others because it is pretty hard to get to someone who lives thousands of miles away. does he even have a passport? does he ever come to this country? there is no easy way to break up a relationship with a sociopath if he is not ready for it to end. do yourself a huge favor, block him from everything and every way to reach you. your email, your phone, dont answer his attempts to reach you for all he knows you fell off the planet. block, block, block!! it works and he will get bored and move on to someone else. sociopaths feed off the chaos they create around them remove yourself from the situation and quit living in fear. be glad he cant just show up on your doorstep if you have to, move so he doesnt know where you live. good luck to you.

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    • Tela

      Thank you IdoDoYouRide for your comment and advice to this person. And even thought my own personal relationship was not thousands of miles apart, we did live 500 miles apart so that was a tiny saving grace. However, as you said, there is no easy way to break up with a Sociopath period. The ONLY WAY is NO CONTACT. and if 2 people are thousands of miles apart, there is still that addiction, that is still that mental & emotional manipulation. It’s having the strength to break that, go through the horrific withdraws and get support!!!

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      • idodoyouride

        Oh I totally agree. I still have withdrawal’s and its been three years for me. I run a support group for survivors of sociopaths and support is defiantly needed to heal.

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  8. lilaosborne

    After 35 years married to a narcissist I gave up trying to help him and started taking care of ME…I think he became jealous. I realize I gave up my soul to hide behind him. I know a lot of Senstive souls are in narcisstic relationships because we feel vulnerable in this world. We think we can save them from themselves and don’t know how to put on our own lifesavers…We need to start believing in ourselves it’s not our responsibility to tell them why we are walking away. Maybe I’m wrong but this is the only way I can handle toxic people in my life.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Lilaosborne for your comment. And YES! He did become jealous because in his convoluted screwed up head he thought ‘how could she walk away from perfection’???!! Keep in mind, all Sociopaths are perfect {in their delusional head}, we are the screwed up one’s, we are the one’s who have issues {and of coursed caused all of their’s}. No matter how what you say or do, you cannot love them enough to save themselves….from themselves.

      Liked by 1 person

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    • Tela

      LOL Persia the common denominator is: all Sociopaths act/lie/manipulate/abuse just like the next one. The only difference? Name and face. With this post, I’am wanting this person to read other’s similar experiences when breaking up {leaving HELL} with a Sociopath. I gave my opinion/recommendation, but I think it would also be good for this person to read firstly, there are thousands of individuals who have ‘broke up’ with a Sociopath, and to read their individual experience hopefully will help. ~hugs~

      Liked by 2 people

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      • Persia Karema

        You’re absolutely right.
        The smear campaign my ex unleashed upon me when I left him was shocking. There really is no such thing as ‘peaceful’ anything with these beings.
        I wish this person all the best.
        Much love. ❤

        Liked by 2 people

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