A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Sociopath Anniversary

Anniversary’s are always, usually cause for huge celebrations. However, when we celebrate an anniversary from/with a Sociopath…..it is a totally different sort of celebration!!

We celebrate 1 day, 1 week or 1 year of no contact! As ‘normal’ humans, we look forward to milestones. Be it with ourselves, children, career’s etc. And we celebrate those! We have a baby~ celebration! The baby roll’s over for the first time, or a first tooth~ milestone. We get a promotion in our career~ celebration.

In a relationship with a Sociopath we celebrate stringing two days together of no Crazy TrainAfter the relationship, now we celebrate NO CONTACT.  How many times in your life did you have to consciously think “wow, I’ve made it (x) number of days not talking to someone? Then after the day’s start to go by, and you are now aware of the pathological liar, deceiver, Head Fucking  person you were with is a Sociopath, you have no desire to ‘celebrate anything! Your entire world has collapsed. You are no longer the person you once were. There is nothing to ‘celebrate‘ from the Sociopath Hell  you were in. But wait…..there is! I know, right now today you may not think you can get through this. You are missing the Sociopath like crazy, there is no light or happiness in your life. Nothing to look forward to. Some of you have to MAKE yourself get out of bed & face the day. That’s all OKAY!!! I promise you……..you will eventually celebrate again!!  It takes time! A LOT of time. Be easy on yourself. And know that you are NOT on this journey out of Sociopath Hell alone!! The following was a comment left his morning under my article Sociopath HellI am so proud of her & the thousands of other’s that have Celebrated a Sociopath Anniversary!! 

Happy Anniversary to ME!!!! I did it…..I made it to the other side of HELL! My heart aches a bit and I have tears because I miss the illusion of him but like I’ve always said he can never be cured..no pills…no therapy….nothing.
It’s a long and winding road back to a new you.

Wherever you are in your journey from Hell, just remember you will make it. Rely on family, friends, animals, this site whatever it takes to reach the other side, do it.

Stay Strong….
xox    alohalover

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10 Responses to “Sociopath Anniversary”

  1. dlim

    I attend Remnant presbyterian church in new york. Our senior pastor victor kim ran out on us after he was discovered having a 10 year affair. Now that facts are coming out, he lived a double life, with many women and exploiting church finances. Sold church property to family members without the congregation knowing. You are probably thinking… why didn’t anyone say anything or do anything and how can he be in ministry for 25 years and no one knows about it…. well it’s because we asians don’t like confrontation. You have predators like him who take advantage of soft, and non-confrontational asians. He takes advantage of women sexually, and profits financially from faithful people who give. This man is a classic case of a sociopath. He has no shame, just came back from korea and called one of my friend to join him in a new start up church. wow.

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  2. Candy crush

    I attend Remnant presbyterian church in new york. Our senior pastor victor kim ran out on us after he was discovered having a 10 year affair. Now that facts are coming out, he lived a double life, with many women and exploiting church finances. Sold church property to family members without the congregation knowing. You are probably thinking… why didn’t anyone say anything or do anything and how can he be in ministry for 25 years and no one knows about it…. well it’s because we asians don’t like confrontation. You have predators like him who take advantage of soft, and non-confrontational asians. He takes advantage of women sexually, and profits financially from faithful people who give. It was by the grace of God that he was discovered, or he would’ve had a nice get away

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    • Tela

      Wonderful!!! Keep going forward!! Don’t look back as there is only HELL back there! I’m so very proud of you!!! 😀 😀

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  3. AlohaLover

    Today would have been our 3 year anniversary. And while I made it to the one year mark with flying colors, today is another story. I kept remembering the past….even though I am quite certain he had been cheating and lying the 2 years we were together. My heart today / tonight is still broken and my head and heart are at odds at this moment. I hate feeling this way because it’s such BS and I have come such a long way to slide back to feeling heartbroken and sad. I was supposed to have the fairy tale….but I know that was just a lie and I know if I didn’t confront him, I would be in worse shape that I am now.
    I hate Sociopaths….they have no idea what they do to the other person and once again, the only peace I have is ….there is no cure and he will always be a spineless, heartless, motherfucking asshole that I hope rots in hell.
    I ask myself….will I ever find someone normal. My friends have great guys that adore them….when will I find mine or will I be alone forever?

    xox

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    • Tela

      AlohaLover~ I’m soooo sorry you are having this sadness and heartbreak again. It’s an emotional roller coaster as you know. There are triggers that cause these thoughts as well. I know you still feel like he has or can change. But like I keep telling you, NO! he has not, and NO! he will not. Getting your head & heart on the same page is extremely difficult. Especially when you have other life issues going on. I will tell you however, when you start to consume yourself with thoughts of the ‘fairy-tale’, ‘him’ etc. you are not doing yourself any justice. Will you find anyone ‘normal’? Yes! When your ready. But you are not close to ready as just like from this comment, your back to consuming thoughts of him. You are still carrying a suitcase around of Sociopath shit when you walk out your door. I will send you an email!! ❤

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    • alohalover

      Hummm….I was looking for a place to put my post, saw Sociopath Anniversary and said…that’s it. Little did I remember that I wrote a post here 2 years ago. Sometimes angels have a way of guiding you to the place you should be.

      The text may come out funky because it’s taken me a few days to write it so I put it on word and for whatever reason, it comes out normal BEFORE you it post and crazy when you actually post it. Sorry for any missing words, as much as I proofread, I always miss something.
      HAPPY Anniversary to me! Happy Freedom Birthday to me!

      April 22,2014 the day my life changed forever. I want to take a few minutes to let all of you know, fighting this fight is worth it. It was a struggle 99% of the time and I got knocked down many times but I had an amazing Angel Friend that kept helping me back on my feet so I could continue to fight my way out of hell.

      It took me 2 ½ years to feel actually good, really good in fact. It took another 2 months for me to listen to the radio when I drove, for fear of hearing a song that would take me back to life with X. When I do hear a trigger song, I’ll either change the station or listen to it and remind myself I liked that song. I have my own car karaoke and can sing as loud as I want to whatever song I want without the fear of him pulling off the road and telling me to get out. Yep, X did that on the way home from Temecula. If he didn’t have the keys to the house, I would have gotten out and taken an Uber / taxi back home. And then of course he was so sorry and it will never happen again….blah…blah. He meticulously turned it around to make it like I was wrong. No asshole, I was trying to keep you awake for the 2 hour drive home.

      I’m not 100% and I don’t know if I ever will be 100% but I’m a better stronger person because of this experience. Just know, you will heal. You’ll recover. You’ll lose friends and gain new ones. Who or what they are or do, is not who you are or what you do. Your mental state of confusion and anxiety will go away. You will be able to see it was all a lie, an illusion. It was a magic trick orchestrated by an evil master magician. They are sad and lonely people who want to be someone they never will be.

      I have survived several smear campaigns and continue to dodge the bullet. That’s all you can do even though your first thought is to strike back and try to right his lies. It will make you look insane and what’s the point? I went to my attorney and he basically said these things happen all the time. Your core friends know you and will not believe him or we can put a lot of great things about you online and the bad will get buried. I opted against that …my thought is, you know where he is why poke a snake. He agreed.

      I will admit to breaking a firm rule of T’s and that is looking at his photo on line. He took down all FB photos and now has an Instagram. I looked and felt nothing. Nothing at all. No pity. It was like looking at a stranger. And the only reason I like to look at his picture is to see how much he has aged. He has aged so much, it’s crazy. He went from Blake Shelton to Keith Richards. For me and only me….it’s a bit of a high because thanks to the Italian in me, I have olive skin that is a tad oily, I don’t smoke, which causes skin damage and I take care of myself. A co-worker thought I was 48…love her! Please don’t do what I am doing…..I don’t advise it. T is totally against it. I do advise getting plenty of sleep, drinking a lot of water,no smoking and use good eye cream and skin regime.

      Friends were the hardest part to deal with for me. Some of them will not believe you at all and that was like a knife in the heart for me. I was mentally abused. PERIOD. The only difference in someone that is physically abused vs someone who is mentally abused are the scars and bruises. No one can see ours, which makes our stories harder to believe. You can either show them evidence, keep telling them or say FU and move on. I’ve done all 3.
      I know I still have healing to do when a man, that I barely know, says to me, in a tone I didn’t appreciate, “You’re not listening to me”. My finger went up in a swirly motion and I said “ Don’t you ever say that to me again, I was listening to you, however your facts were incorrect”. Hummm, that could hinder ever getting a date again.

      X put me in financial disaster. I still have my house but needed to file BK and pay back a specific amount which will be completed next month. I don’t hide that from friends and family. I’m not proud of it by any means but it’s part of what I went through and it’s part of my life lessons. I found I don’t need new clothing every week. I can make a sweater from Walmart look just as good as one from Nordstrom. Accessories are everything. I found that I can say “I can’t go to dinner, because I can’t afford it”. I do my own mani / pedi’s and treat myself to a massage only when I can. I don’t spend like I used too and I live paycheck to paycheck. It’s hard to do when you’ve always had expendable income. This experience may humble you…it did me.

      It’s so much better to be on my own, living in my own house with my dogs, than being with some whore chasing, abusive asshole for the rest of my life. He gave me the biggest gift of all when he discarded me…he gave me my life back. He gave me, the real ME back, not some cookie cutter fake me.
      I want to look at this as time NOT wasted. I’ve been through hell, I survived being with a sociopath…there is little I can’t survive and very little I am afraid of and there is so much I will not tolerate.

      Never forget you are kind, loving and beautiful. If you weren’t the sociopath would not have spun his web around you.
      You’re going to be Ok…more than Ok. I can make and keep this one promise, that a special Angel told me…she said “I promise you’ll be ok, you’ll get through this “ I did and I am celebrating a HUGE milestone today. Happy New Life to me!
      Hang in there and when you feel like crumbling, reach out to anyone on this site. Set backs will get less, thoughts of the sociopath will get less and less and memories will get tucked away and soon blur like rain on a window.
      You’ll be fine. Nothing can harm you.

      Remember…. You’re a diamond, they can’t break you.
      I don’t know who to credit that quote but I love it!

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      • alohalover

        Update….yesterday was like any other Saturday. Got up, did yard work, played with the dogs, took a nap, and then went to dinner with my friend to celebrate. No tears, nothing but feeling grateful.
        You’ll all get there…..promise.

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  4. Santaland

    Perfect timing Tela, as you are aware tomorrow (April 23, 2014) is the last time I had an exchange with the ex. That was the time she messed up blamed me for the break up and when I highlighted her going over to her ex and destroying his night with date whilst living with me and then denying it calling me delusional, fucked up, control freak coupled with a few hits, a spit in the face and scratches. Yep, her response on the incident on April 23 was….oh that, that is old news! Boom, confirmed by her. I threw her out and ended it all February 15 a few days after this ex visitation story.

    Since then have not said a word, nothing, and once she tried a feable Happy New Year which I looked right through her and kept on moving. No celebrations, no yippeeees, it will be a year, and continue like this. I am fully aware that one day she will approach again….and she will get the same treatment…enough is enough! The lies, the bullying, the manipulations, the physical attacks, the entitlement and smear campaign. Enough! But those two dates Feb 15 and April 23 will remain branded on me…Never again! Yes sometimes I have good memories but then remember the abuse and lies.

    Am glad I have gotten this far so far. Was tough the first 8 months…I travelled around the world thinking this would help, nope all their bullshit was still in me, I met other women, but was not into anything…only now am I slowly regaining who I once was….it takes time, lots of time. Thanks Tela to you. (formerly a Victim in Santaland, now Santaland)…

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    • Tela

      Thank you SantaLand for your comment & also for providing so much to my site via your own personal experienceHELL. Sadly, because of geographic reasons, you have to see this vile/soulless/ heartless woman almost daily. That make’s it even more difficult to heal. However!!!! You now have clarity! You have validation! You KNOW all the dysfunction/physical abuse from her, manipulation, mind fucking was done systematically & methodically by her to break you.
      Travelling around the world is wonderful for you…….but wherever you go, there YOU are. You cannot put enough distance between mental/emotional & physical damage done by a Sociopath. You could live on opposite corners of this earth, and yet, still have to go down the path of healing that you are.
      And no longer {nor ever again} will you be someone’s victim. Your eyes/heart are wide open now!! ❤ ❤

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